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Sunday, October 16th, 2011

If you aren’t aware, I am a student, as well as a Resident Assistant that juggles two other jobs. Needless to say I have had my energy sucked out of me almost every single day since September rolled around. In the midst of all this, it feels good to see the Cubs organization actually going about their business the way I used to see it done. The change that the hire of Theo Epstein brings feels like a step in the right direction. Hopefully my life can follow suit. I am swamped as of late, and would love to catch a break.

Regardless, reading your thoughts on the week was a nice change of pace. Let’s get to it.

The Wizzies

  • Every time Fielder puts a charge into one, you don’t hear the sound of the bat making solid contact with the ball. You hear a cash register opening, cha-Ching! as Fielder just keeps adding to his contract this winter.
  • Chunky psycho vegan? or old guy that has problems with shadows? They both sound like losers to me.
  • Samardzija’s a one-trick pony. His trick is getting off the mound quickly before people realize how hittable he is.
  • But Buddy..he’s scrappy….he’s got grit, and moxie, and he hit over .300 in April!!??? Oh he’s got no power, and doesn’t get on base? This isn’t 1976? Oh. Well then of course, they should look to upgrade there.
  • Years ago, one of my college roommates had a girlfriend that moved in “temporarily.” Well, you know how that works out…she was there for a year. She had three yappy small dogs. The best thing about living with Maltese: when they get all spooled up and out of control, you can reset their simple little brains with a few shots of water from a spray bottle. I wish there was a blog equivalent of that spray bottle to quiet this goddamned nonsensical yapping.
  • Now I’m wondering if not having access to VFTB for three months wasn’t so bad.
  • When I was a kid, we had a cat. Nobody really liked the cat, but he was good at chasing mice. One day, the cat ran away. My brother thought he saw him in our neighbor’s yard, but it was actually a racoon. My dad wouldn’t let us have a racoon, and my brother was really upset. The next night at dinner….I forgot what my point was.
  • Did I mention that I saw Carlos Pena eating lunch prior to the last game of the year, a big bowl of pasta. The server for his table was left handed and it looked like Pena was only able to eat about 14.3% of his pasta.
  • Jihad and baseball don’t mix. Soccer with a goats head in Alibabastan maybe.
  • Well in defense of Dusty Baker,er… *crickets* I got nothin’…
  • This is also why I despise the Braves. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their jock.
  • 7) Don’t quit “The Zack Attack.” You can make time for your day job and your band.
  • Maybe the Cubs will change their name to the Chicago Clutch Grinders. Then right after that, a giant meteor can destroy the Earth.
  • Chicago Oprahs, Oprah Cubs, Oprah’s Baseball Club, Oprah’s Book Cubs. Something like that…I’m sort of tired.
  • The Oprah Feel Good Secular Tofu Eating Grinding Chicago Cubs!

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-35

Doc Raker-35

Jswanson-30

BLPCB-23

Seymour Butts-21

Doug S.-20

Aaron-17

Chet-11

Jedi-11

Eddie Von White-8

Larry Sproul-8

Question of the Week

 Now that it is (almost) officially upon us, what is the best part about fall?

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Sunday, October 9th, 2011

Another week is upon us, and it appears the lowly Central division will be representing the National League in the Championship Series. I think it’s safe to say at this point we will be rooting for the American League. ANY one but the Cardinals or Brewers, please. Regardless, it should be an interesting series considering how familiar these teams are with one another. At least we don’t have to worry about the Yankees winning…

On that note, let’s get into the hearts and minds of Cubs Nation this week.

The Wizzies

  • Note to self: don’t cross BLPCB – bunts to break up LL perfect games, breaks pitcher’s arm in a locker, resorts to blackmail when being tampered with, assorted mayhem and mischief, stole tennis balls from the bottom of a little old ladies’ walker…
  • Regarding cleaning up Wrigley, as long as they keep the trough, I’m good. I don’t like waiting 20 minutes in line to use the bathroom like the females do. I don’t need or want a stall for everything. Man up. Use the trough.
  • Cue baby crying. Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Wa! Wa! Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! The Yankees are about to be eliminated! Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Alert the National Guard! Wa! Wa! Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
  • The Yanks are a draw across most of the country when they are LOSING. I turn it off if it appears they are going to win. Toss da bums and make for a happy USA.
  • Noooooooo don’t do it. The Lifetime Network is full of whiny women and no sports! It’s dreadful.
  • I believe the term is labrum. If Garza has a labia we’ve got bigger issues than whether or not to sign him to a long term deal.
  • That kid from Napoleon Dynomite sure didn’t age well.
  • Under no circumstances should Koyie Hill return to Chicago. I’d rather see the Cubs place a wooden backstop behind home plate than catch Koyie Hil even one inning of one game.
  • Note to Seymour: The world doesn’t hate the US anymore since Obama’s apology tour don’t you know(insert laugh track).
  • No caffiene. I’m like the energizer bunny. Madmen don’t stop. They just die. We keep going until we are on the brink of death, rest, and then charge full steam ahead again
  • Whether he’s calling a baseball or football game, Buck brings all the energy and excitement of a chemically castrated dog.
  • White Sox -Cardinals World Series you root for a midwest snow storm in October.
  • I can’t root for the Cards in any circumstance. Even if they played the Red Sox or Yankees. If it was a Cards vs Red Sox/Yankees WS, I would root for Al Qaeda.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-32

Doc Raker-32

jswanson-28

BLPCB-22

Seymour Butts-21

Doug S.-20

Aaron-17

Chet-11

Jedi-10

Eddie Von White-8

Larry Sproul-8

Rich Beckman-7

Jeremiah Johnson-7

Question of the Week

If MLB were to even out the leagues, having 15 teams in each, which NL team would you like to see get the boot?

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Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

Good morning, all! The air is cool and crisp, the leaves are changing colors, and I’m back with another look at your best work for the week. Let’s do this…

The Wizzies

  • Today, however, Chicago didn’t record an error. Let’s hear it for lowered expectations!
  • Maybe we should go undercover on a few Sox sites. “Cmon you wankahs, Pujols would be wicked hitting after Youk.”
  • I predict Fielder will end up in the AL, either Texas or Anaheim, probably Anaheim so he can be close to all the other tofu freaks. If he goes to Texas I predict he will fall off the veggie wagon and get impaled by a live steer at the Ponderosa on a steak bender.
  • You know how East-coasters all lump the Midwest into the same category? I guess I made the same assumption in regards to Long Beach and Anaheim. They have Disney, you have Snoop Dogg. Pretty much the same thing in my book…sorry Doc.
  • Wait…I thought I was going to be the new manager? Damn…I’ll have to cancel that nameplate and desk I ordered….
  • Carlos looks like he’s lost on an unfamiliar planet. His contract makes a trade unlikely, so he needs a self esteem coach. Kind of like those guys who tell most boxers ..”you da man”… get his head straight and he’s an asset. As he sits he’s a loaded diaper.
  • Thank you for having me relive that game in such excruciating detail. Thank you very much. How would you like to come over and make my kids cry? Slash my car tires? Take a big dump on my front porch? Throw some eggs at my second story windows? Write “Bartman” in my backyard with gasoline?
  • If Alou would have told everyone he pees on his hands, the whole incident could have been avoided.
  • Here’s hoping the Cubs overthrow the Quade regime like a corrupt dictator: quickly, and with little concern for human life.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-31
Doc Raker-30
jswanson-27
BLPCB-21
Doug S.-20
Seymour Butts-20
Aaron-17
Chet-11
Jedi-9
Eddie Von White-8
Larry Sproul-8
Rich Beckman-7
Jeremiah Johnson-6
MJ-6

Question of the Week

If you could choose one player, dead or alive, that would be on the Opening Day 2012 Cubs roster, who would it be and why?

 

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Sunday, September 25th, 2011

Another week gone, and with it, let us send the many trials and tribulations we have suffered throughout the 2011 season. As this last weekend comes to a close, let us say farewell to the boys of summer the best way we know how.

The Wizzies

  • Darwin Barney and Alfonso Soriano walked in the same game! Isn’t that one of the seven signs of the apocalypse?
  • To say Ramirez was running to first base is an abuse of the word run.
  • Manager Mike Quade, on the other hand, announced that he’s planning to be back managing the Cubs next season. Unlike Ramirez’s announcement, this proclamation probably isn’t founded on reality. As it turns out, I also plan to manage the Cubs in 2012.
  • I think if you put a bowl of cottage cheese up against Quade, I’d still vote for the moldy dairy.
  • Do you think if the Brewers have a deep playoff run and Tubby Veggy carries them he’ll add $$$ to his contract? His agent is Bora$
  • I always like Tubo Tofu for Fielder.
  • I go more for the Marla the ball girl back in Harry’s day. Soto needs to lay off the chorizo.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-31

Doc Raker-29

jswanson-25

Doug S.-20

BLPCB-21

Seymour Butts-19

Aaron-17

Chet-11

Jedi-9

Eddie Von White-8

Larry Sproul-8

Poll of the Week

Which interleague series in 2012 are you most looking forward to and why?

a) @ Twins

b) vs. Tigers

c) vs. Red Sox

d) White Sox

 

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Sunday, September 18th, 2011

Much like smoke signals a fire, the cooler weather means fall is upon us. To baseball fanatics, this grounds them to the reality that their team will either be one of the eight “elite” heading to the playoffs, or among the others that are going home for a long, cold winter. We all know where this Cubs team falls, so there’s no need to touch on that. Instead, let’s take a look back at this week in review at VFTB.

The Wizzies

  • Colvin brought his average up with 2 hits and Campana got the start in center (even though he has Aunt Mable’s arm).
  • By the way, does anyone else see LaHair’s career arc and think about Micah Hoffpauir? I sure do…
  • When they score 12 or more, they’re pretty good. That should be on a t-shirt for next year.
  • Starlin Castro actually walked! However, it was against Dontrelle Willis, so it probably shouldn’t count.
  • Len Kasper spent what felt like forever giving us the heights and weights of Reds’ players. Maybe tomorrow he’ll tell us the color of their eyes.
  • No $100M contracts to anyone this offseason. Rebuild, rebuild, youth, youth, get money off the books, get money off the books then fill your hole. Not your pie hole either.
  • Watched the Sunday night game on ESPN Deportes…in Spanish. I thought it was last year and Joe Morgan was having a stroke on air.
  • The Reds broadcasters were commenting on how they were surprised Tyler Colvin wasn’t in the line up with his 4 HR’s off of Leake. That’s bad when the opposing broadcasters understand your foolishness.
  • The Reds broadcasters also commented on allowing Dempster to hit late in the game. Maybe Quade is mentally fatigued from this season of hell. I know I am.
  • Yeah let’s blow out Dempster’s shoulder/elbow. Both to try to get him 200 IP…a meaningless stat in a meaningless season. Bye Quade, don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.
  • Reds reliever Sam Lecure’s mustache was fantastic…a real thing of beauty.
  • The secrets of hitting with runners on base is as mysterious to this Cubs team as the mechanics of time travel, the meaning of the Sphinx, and the Colonel’s eleven secret herbs and spices.
  • Vogelbach is going to weigh nine hundred and seventy three pounds by the time he is ready for the league…and that is before Unos and Old Style.
  • Vogelbach has John Kruk’s body before he has any of John Kruk’s accomplishments…I’m not holding my breath.
  • From what I remember, Quade was a fine third base coach – he’s a horri-awful manager.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-30

Doc Raker-27

jswanson-25

Doug S.-20

PackerCubBull-20

Seymour Butts-19

Aaron-17

Chet-11

Jedi-8

Larry Sproul-8

Rich Beckman-7

Eddie Von White-7

Poll of the Week

How do you feel about the end of the 2011 season?

a) Good riddance. Bring on the football.

b) Glad to see it go, but going to miss baseball.

c) Look forward to watching the other teams in the playoffs.

d) Wish this season could last forever (haha…)

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Sunday, September 11th, 2011

As we remember the tragedy of this day 10 years ago, let us be truly grateful to those that gave their lives in defense of our nation. I hope everyone is enjoying the day with loved ones, counting their blessings for all they still have.

One thing that will always be there is this sport. Even with football season among us, the passion for baseball that runs through our veins is what brings us pure joy. Sure, we rant and rage over the Cubs, but honestly, baseball has been with us through the years; it has been an escape from the daily grind and overwhelming stress that so easily consumes us.

Alas, let us move onward for some comedic relief with this week’s edition of the best of VFTB.

The Wizzies

  • Both of those guys have been trying to vie for talent with less funds and a much less desirable team to attract players.  Then again, I am not sure if that personality would fly with Tom Ricketts.  He seems to care about what his fans want…..at least where food is concerned.
  • Nova and Colon are pitching out of their asses. Sort of reminiscent of when Demp and Wells were both unhittable. A.J., Soriano, and Mo all have Hendry-like contracts. Pretty sure Mo gets to fill in his own paycheck, but those other two are ugly.
  • All or nothing Pena got all of that one off a lefty no less. He isn’t hitting .000 off of lefties so the blind squirrel will find a nut now and then. Good for Pena, good for the Cubs.
  • Why is my anti-spam word “heroin”? Is it saying something about my relationship with the Cubs and this site? VFTB, you complete me.
  • Always a great idea to swing hard, in case of contact, Pena. Somewhere Mike Hargrove is fiddling with his cup, then his batting gloves, taking 3 dozen practiice swings, fiddling with his cup again, and digging his back foot into a batters box. It was niice to hear that Hargrove did something in the big leagues besides take FORFREAKINGEVER to hit.
  • Nice to see Colvin getting that playing time they talked about when Fukodome was exiled to Ohio.
  • Tony Plush ought to take one in the ribs with a side of honey BBQ sauce.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-27

Doc Raker-24

jswanson-24

Doug S.-20

PackerCubBull-20

Seymour Butts-18

Aaron-17

Chet-11

Larry Sproul-8

Rich Beckman-7

Eddie Von White-7

Question of the Week

Will the Brewers win the NL Central? Who will take the wild card spots in both leagues?

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Sunday, September 4th, 2011

Hello All! Sorry I took a few weeks’ hiatus from the post. The team that was once ranked at number one in my life has quickly fallen behind in the race to my heart. In other words, my life has been hectic and I had to put this disastrous season on the back burner as I focused on school and work.

Alas, I am back. Let us commence the weekly recap.

The Wizzies

  • I have nightmares over Big Z showing up elsewhere down 30+ lbs and 1+ attitude, and eating the NL for lunch whilst hitting .350 with 12 HRs…. smiling and hating Los Ositos the entire Cy Young season.
  • It’s hard to believe these Cubs are the same team that was getting pantsed by the Brewers just days ago.  In spurts, the casual fan might even be persuaded to think we were competitive.
  • I love that no matter how much logic tells me that it means nothing, that I still get excited when the Cubbies win two in a row.
  • Daily viewing of VFTB over the last 2 years has shown me the newspaper writers are superfluous. There is better quality stuff here than on the Trib or Sun-times web pages. The lesson is that newspaper writers are not the smart guys they have always made themselves out to be, just guys with access. Guys with access that over the years develop axes to grind, thus becoming useless tool. The blogs have exposed these diaper loaders. All hail Joe Aiello.
  • Chet, I think Quade was probably in the dugout devising a strategy to squeeze in a trip to Arlington Park during Labor Day weekend.
  • Hopefully next year the Cubs find a useful backup, instead of the Koyie Hill’s of the world who hit like my Aunt Mable. Then maybe Soto could get more days off, thereby keeping his bat fresh.
  • Lou Pinella looked like the blob in that solid blue pull-over when he trudged out to the mound. He could of starred on the program “What Not To Wear” (not that I’ve ever watched it).
  • Vertical stripes in September? Honey, no wonder you are 22 games out of first…
  • “Missed an intentional hits batsman” outstanding- that’s how bad Z was, couldn’t even hit Jones when he wanted to. I hope Z is done as a Cub for good. Trade him for a bag of tennis balls and a Binny’s Beverage gift card, just get him out of Wrigleyville.
  • The Cubs are so deeply flawed they can’t even lose with consistency.  One day it’s poor starting pitching; the next it’s our inability to hit.  Then you get a day like today, where they bullpen simply can’t get outs fast enough.  It all points to one simple fact: whoever he is, the next GM has a whole lot of work ahead of him.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-27

Doc Raker-23

jswanson-23

Doug S.-20

PackerCubBull-19

Aaron-17

Seymour Butts-17

Chet-10

Larry Sproul-8

Rich Beckman-7

Eddie Von White-7

MJ-6

Question of the Week

With three and a half weeks left of the season, what do you want to see out of the Cubs, whether it is how they play on the field or a move in the organization?

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Monday, August 8th, 2011

What a week! Forget which guys are taking the field these days or even the issues in management. I would take this dream over the nightmare we witnessed the first four months of this season any day! Ok, ok, maybe I am a little too excited, but you have to admit, this is the type of baseball we have been waiting to see since the last pitch of the 2010 season was thrown. Maybe even before that. At this point I don’t care that the Cubs are going no where this season; it’s just nice to see some W’s. Who’s with me? …Bueller…Bueller…?

Anyway, I apologize for the recent mix-ups in number of Wizzies awarded. If it appears your number is incorrect, it is most likely because you post under more than one name that I am unaware of. Just leave a comment letting me know your other screen names and I will gladly change the numbers for you!

Without further ado, let’s get to this week’s awards.

The Wizzies

  • Say what you will about the season prior to August, but we are right on track to play the spoiler once again this year. Watch Wells run out and throw a gem, Campana go yard, and Grabow strike out the side.
  • Dear Abby,
    Though I am a devoted Cub fan, their play in the field this year makes vomit seem palatable, so I have been rooting for the Pirates lately. This made me conflicted watching last night’s game. I always want to see the Cubs win, but hate to see the Bucko’s lose ground. Am I a bad person? Conflicted in Chicago.
    Dear Conflicted,
    Yes you are a bad person, but that’s beside the point. Your first love is peering from the microwave as your chosen deity pushes the on button. They are toast. Wait until next year….right. Root for the pirates (favorite team of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) using the rationale that ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”. Abby
  • If Campana goes yard I’ll eat my keyboard.
  •  At the start of last night’s game, I looked at the hubby and said, “I hope the Cubs win, but I hope Derrek Lee lights Zambrano up.” Next, I will wish for a million dollars.
  • Cub hitters are pounding out four months of frustration tonight. Poor Kevin Correia. You know it’s not your night when Tyler Colvin takes you deep.
  • And my coffee hasn’t set in….look at the typos! I’m speaking Quade. It’s all in code, and makes no sense no matter what way you look at it.
  • If Ramirez and Soriano relax any more, they will be falling asleep on their way to first base.
  • I checked the score in the fifth and it was 10-2 and I definitely thought they would find a way to blow it. I hate being a Cubs fan.
  • Cubs? No brainer. The million dollar question to ask is ‘what to do if my daughter brings home a Cards fan?’ Good luck in that sea of estrogen…congratulations Chet.
  • So buy them Cub onesies, no amount of child abuse will make up for what they have in store for you.
  • 4 wins in row!!!!
    Somebody please tell me this is April, not August.
  • Next year in spring training we should immediately start the “The Cubs have No Chance Mantra” and they will be 10 games ahead in first by the end of May……Then of course we will get excited and talk World Series and they will fall to the basement along with Aramis and his $16 million bat……
  • That was a fun week to watch Cubs baseball!
    -
    I’ll take Unexpected Words for $500 please Alex.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-26

Doc Raker-22

jswanson-22

Doug S.-20

PackerCubBull-19

Aaron-17

Seymour Butts-16

Chet-10

Larry Sproul-8

Rich Beckman-7

Eddie Von White-6

MJ-6

Mark in Toronto-5

Doug Bagley-5

Norm-5

Lizzie-5

Question of the Week

Here’s a fun one. With Ron Santo day coming up this week, (8/10), what will you always remember about the man who put his whole heart into the Cubs and their fans? It can be a personal story, a favorite call of his, or just something you have heard about him. Have at it.

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Monday, August 1st, 2011

Happy Monday, everyone! We all know this just means another week of criticizing the managerial moves and dismal play of this team is upon us. The roller coaster has made me more nauseous than I care to be, but as much as I’d like to disembark for the season, I’ll stick around to see what you all have in store. Presenting…

The Wizzies

  • I think the Cardinals will try to keep Jackson for a while if they like. I’m surprised they haven’t picked up Prior yet. Cardinals luck says they could pick him up and he’d become the superstar he was destined to be.
  • News flash, Mike: the Cubs are 42-61, 13 games out of first-place and 19 games under .500. Win 10 of 12 and the team is still 12 games under .500. Plus, just to get to 85 wins, the team has to go 43-16 over the rest of the season.
    I feel like SNL’s Seth Meyers doing one of those “Really???” sketches on Weekend Update. “Really, Mike Quade? Your team is going to go 43-16 after opening the season at 42-61? Really???
  • Just thought of this (and it seems pertinent given the recent resumption of NFL activities). I would absolutely love it if Quade went into one of those post-game conferences and, when someone asks him about the team’s chances, he does an impression of Jim Mora Sr: “What’s that? Ah — Playoffs? Don’t talk about — playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!”
  • It could be worse. We could be talking about Ryan Braun. His mullet is getting pretty.
  • Chet is out buying his Colby Rasmus Blue Jays jersey.
  • This really has nothing to do with anything but Joe A. you were in my dream last night. You were going to buy my car but as we were (???) walking the car over a narrow bridge you let it fall off into the water. You didn’t want the car anymore. I’m sure it has something do with Jim Hendry and the trade deadline. Except he’d probably still pay good money for the waterlogged mess and give it a 10 year promise.
  • The astute observer can notice player positioning, pitchers arm motion AND the large Juggs in the front row. Don’t sell a big leaguer short.
  • Fitting that you selected a Zack Morris photo, as the 2011 Cubs are a lot like “Saved by the Bell.” You know it’s terrible, but for some reason you keep watching.
  •  I think Quade should have brought Wells a piece of ice cream cake when he loaded the bases in the first. That would have settled him down.
  •  Yeah..basically…. when a big boy poops his pants, he cleans it up.
  • There is still time for all these guys to get traded…Why am I not holding my breath?
  • We do stinks. I’m about as big a fan of Zambrano as Joe is of Soto but he sure did get that right and I believe it should be nominated as the quote of the year. It sums up the season perfectly. Perhaps “stinks” needs to be added as a spam word Joe. Going to bed was a good idea.
  • The Tshirt is way more exciting then the Cubs are. Where do I get one?
  • Quade got tossed. It was nice to see Quade out there fighting vehemently after Holliday’s “slide.” It might’ve been “legal” – but it was definitely dirty. For a moment I found myself verbally praising Quade…then I washed my mouth out with soap.
  • If Dempster has EVEN ONE testicle, Holliday will take one in the back tomorrow. No playoff shot or not, the Cubs need to take a stand on that one.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-24

Doc Raker-22

jswanson-20

Doug S.-18

PackerCubBull-16

Aaron-16

Seymour Butts-14

Chet-9

Larry Sproul-8

Rich Beckman-7

Mark in Toronto-5

Doug Bagley-5

Eddie Von White-5

Norm-5

MJ-5

Lizzie-5

Mark-4

flyslinger2-4

Jedi-4

Question of the Week

Since this year is shot, let’s look at next season. If you were Jim Hendry, allowed to make the moves, what would your 2012 lineup look like realistically? This includes any moves you would have made at the deadline and any more that you see happening (or want to happen) in the near future.

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