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Sunday, December 18th, 2011

 

Oh there’s no place like home for the holidays!

What a lovely drive home it was admiring the decorations setting the neighborhoods ablaze along the way. As I sit here drowning in Christmas movies, I must take a moment to thank my lucky stars. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish with the support from loving family and friends. And thanks to all of you for your consistancy in humor and  up-to-date news in my rough semester!

Now, I breathe a sigh of relief and must return to Home Alone…

The Wizzies

  • Until then, I suggest MLB get a big giant bag of frozen peas to put on yet another black eye.
  • Well looks the Brewers just signed Ramirez to play 3B. Another Cubs castoff to play 3rd. They should just call themselves the Milwaukee ex-Cubs.
  • A tree stump from my backyard to play Alfonso Soriano—OK, this suggestion hasn’t been approved yet, but they cover the same amount of ground in LF.
  • Mrs. Pujols, shut up and go shopping.
  • I think the reason Braun talks high-school-locker-room-ese is because he never learned any other words. He’s my least favorite ballplayer in either league and I hope his testosterone-enhanced dangly bits fall off.
  • Also for the record, the name of the rock band “Queen” was a double-entendre’.
  • Finally Koyie Hill is gone. He was reaching the Neifi/Macias territory.
  • I’m thinking about buying myself a hoodie-footie. I would look great in that leopard version.
  • Livan…Livan likes his money. Makes a lot they say. He spends his days counting…in a garage by the motorway.
  • Korey is no dummy Buddy, making millions to strike out is a better deal than digging ditches.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-50

Doc Raker-49

Jswanson-41

BLPCB-28

Seymour Butts-26

Doug S.-23

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Eddie Von White-13

Chet-12

Dusty Baylor-12

Question of the Week

I’ll keep it simple. What is the best part about the holiday season?

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Sunday, December 11th, 2011

Happy Sunday! I must begin by giving a shoutout to Hoosier Nation and the IU men’s basketball team who defeated Kentucky in an uproar yesterday, the final basket even earning top play on SportsCenter. The timing couldn’t be less impeccable as finals creep around the corner this week…

My life has become a wonderful oxymoron. As the semester concludes, I can’t help but think about, and actually look forward to, the start of the baseball season. Sure, sure that may be obvious, but lately my life has taken a turn where baseball is the last thing on my mind. *Gasp* I know. I can’t believe it either. It’s funny how within a few short months your life can become something you had never seen coming.

Enjoy the little things while they’re still around. You just never know.

However, one thing we can all be certain about today is the continuation of Wizzie awards. Have at it.

The Wizzies

  • Mark Riggins’ mustache was the finest display of facial hair we’ve had on the team since Matt Clement’s goatee. We should probably start looking for someone to fill the fumanchu sized hole on the team…
  • Pitching coach…yawn. Soriano…yawn. Jap Pitcher…as long as he has good taste in sushi and can pitch to his contract, who cares.
  • First of all – hideous logo. Who designed that, the owner’s 12 year old daughter? Secondly – How long have they been keeping Rich Uncle Pennybags locked up? They spend $100 million on Reyes and now $27 million on Heath Bell, plus they are rumored to be flirting with King Albert. Goodness gracious. Looks like they can pay people to wear those awful uniforms…
  • I like Doc’s idea a lot. They should also take Bozo the Clown
  • Why stop there? The Marlins should also pay the Cubs utility bills, pick up their mail, mow the field, and clean the bathrooms.
  • Logic puzzles are a math major’s wet dream.
  • Darwin Barney mans all the positions because he is a gamer-grinder who hustles and plays the game “the right way.”
  • Joe: Are you angling for a lump of coal for Christmas? Maybe reindeer poop?
  •  I’m holding my breath for a move than cleans out our stock of mediocre infielders… we still have our ace in the hole: Jeff “Untouchable” Baker.
  • I had to moderate my own comment. I wonder what word it didn’t like. Probably “healthy”.
  • Bacon is meat candy.
  • Looks like Santa will be skipping Ryan Braun’s house, he’s been a very, very bad boy.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Doc Raker-48

Buddy-48

Jswanson-40

BLPCB-26

Seymour Butts-25

Doug S.-22

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Eddie Von White-13

Chet-12

Dusty Baylor-12

Chuck-11

Question of the Week

Some of these moments may have previously been shared, but following Indiana’s win today, I must ask. What are the top three moments in sports you will always remember?

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Sunday, December 4th, 2011

Just keep chugging, just keep chugging, just keep chugging along! Sorry, just thought I would instill some motivation on this fine Sunday morning. And I’ll let the Wizzies do the talking today. Carry on.

The Wizzies

  • If I was king for a day, I’d change the HOF to the “Major League Baseball Museum,” so I could put in whoever and whatever I wanted.
  • The people in the Hall didn’t make mankind better, they aren’t on par with Thomas Edison, Jonas Salk, Louis Pasteur or Steven Jobs. The people in the Hall are on par with Homer Simpson, Gone with the Wind, KISS and other entertainers.
  • Vin Scully turned 369 years old (84) yesterday. Happy Birthday Vin. If only your one man booth didn’t bore me to sleep when the Cubs go west to LA.
  • I swear when I read Nickel that it was going to be Nickelback, then I was going to throw up.
  • But then again, is it not the job of the parents to embarrass their children in public?
  • I guess this effectively rules out Satan for a base coach position.
  • Three hoppers, two hoppers, lazy warning track shots, cans of corn… I can do it all. Good thing I’m penciled in the rotation.
  • I find it hilarious that people still find OBP overrated. I wonder how long it took people to believe the Earth was round instead of flat.
  • Still room available Lizzie, hop aboard the Glendale Cubs sponsored by Advil.
  • Buddy’s heater is flat and Raker is due for a TJ surgery. A few towel workouts and I’ll have that #2 spot locked down in no time.
  • Fielder will have a gall bladder attack when he falls of the veggie bandwagon at Ditka’s Steak house before Memorial Day if he signs with the Cubs.
  • I would take them in a can. I would take them in a van. I would take them in a car. I would take them in a bar.
  • That picture of Kim DeJesus, it’s really Lizzie, Wizzie, Katie or Norm isn’t it?
  • I think Spellcheck did well…in low leverage situations.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Doc Raker-48

Buddy-46

Jswanson-39

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-24

Doug S.-22

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Chet-12

Eddie Von White-12

Dusty Baylor-12

Question of the Week

With the hopeful influx of new players for 2012, will the Cubs ever become a homerun hitting team again?

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Sunday, November 27th, 2011

Happy Sunday, all. Hopefully everyone has recovered from their food coma after a fruitful Thanksgiving feast. Despite eating way too much, I have thoroughly enjoyed a couple days off from my hectic life relaxing with my family for more than 24 hours. But all things must come to an end, and that is why I bring you another compilation of witty comments, in an attempt to ease the pain of what is looming ahead.

The Wizzies

  • Positive: He’s not Mike Quade. Negative: I still can’t pronounce his last name.
  • Anyone else catch the story about Z getting nailed in the grill by a ball in winter league? Stitches in his lip. One can only hope that Michael Barrett was the batter…revenge is best served cold.
  • MLS? Is that a disease?
  • Uh…comparing missing DLee….to missing Hee Seop I Can’t Hit an Inside Fastball? Really?
  • That’s the genius of the humor Dusty Baylor, tongue and cheek, foot in mouth, finger up nose. VFTB commandment 11- don’t take everything seriously.
  • Little known fact: Reagan’s home run call was “TEAR…DOWN…THIS…WALL! Its a rouuuuuuund tripper!”
  • I’m thankful that one of the first things Theo did was toast Quade.
  • I over ate these past couple of days Buddy, don’t make my food come back up with that Pena talk of yours.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-44

Doc Raker-44

Jswanson-37

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-23

Doug S.-22

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Chet-11

Eddie Von White-11

Dusty Baylor-11

Poll of the Week

What is the best offseason distraction?

a) Other sports (football, basketball, hockey, etc.)

b) Work

c) The holidays

d) Keeping up with baseball news

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Sunday, November 20th, 2011

It’s that time again! The Magnificent Lights Festival in Chicago kicked off the holiday spirit this weekend. A chill in the air is FINALLY making it feel like mid-November. Christmas music is playing WAY too early on the radio. And you all get another edition of the best of the best this week!

The Wizzies

  • Just say ‘no’ to long term, high priced, relief pitchers.
  • If I can’t have Tony LaRussa, give me Satan. Satan could easily make a deal with himself in order to produce wins. Satan would be unlikely to lose an argument with an umpire as they are his subordinates. Satan could make the wind change directions depending on which team is batting. Carlos Zambrano would act like a choir boy, and finish the season with an Era around zero. The only down side would be any hispanic players in the minors with the first name of Jesus would need to be traded. No sense freaking out the new manager.
  • All of the front office personnel should be with held from “marital favors” by their spouses until they ramp up the pitching depth of the whole system.
  • Seattle sounds like the perfect place for Buerhle to sign a five-year deal for more money than he’s worth.
  • I hope I am wrong, it does happen every now and then…………………1978 I last recall.
  • I’ll be nervous if he starts in with the Starlie, Jeffie, Marmie stuff.
  • If the Cubs are chasing Grady Sizemore, they should catch him easily. He can barely walk after all the knee injuries.
  • I wonder if we’ve ever hired bald managers in succession. 
  • I hear that Sveum has already had the fungo out and has Castro’s defense top-notch. He also caught a bullpen session where he worked out Marmol’s heater. He is currently tossing bp in the cage to Byrd, and his patience at the plate is rapidly improving.
  • I guess it’s easier to spell than Samardzija.
  •  Sub-par-mardzija.
  • So you’re saying Rodrigo Lopez won’t win 300 games?
  • Shark’s only 288 shy of 300.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-43

Doc Raker-41

Jswanson-35

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-23

Doug S.-21

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Chet-11

Eddie Von White-11

Question of the Week

One positive and one negative about Dave Sveum. Aaaand go.

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Sunday, November 13th, 2011

Happy Sunday! I hope everyone had as fulfilling a week as I did. Like the saying goes, a new dawn brings a new day. But this one also brings you a new installment of the latest and greatest in the world of humor. Enjoy :)

The Wizzies

  • Oh……..I got to go……..I have a phone call coming in………..caller ID “Theo”……………………maybe this is it.
  • He probably wants to know if he can use you as a way to get in contact with Eddie Vedder for lead singer of Zach Attack.
  • Famous people are pampered and loved when they are winning – just ask that Sheen guy.
  • Maybe there’s something to be learned about a manager’s personality, wits, etc. by putting him/her in a stressful and unpredictable situation. Since the law probably wouldn’t allow for Gladiator type combat in a pit with a Bear and a dulled wooden sword, he had to settle for the media show.
  • In fact I want the new guy to be cozy with the media, if he can master that relationship, he’ll have more time to focus upon more pressing issues like making sure James Russell never, ever starts a game again.
  • The big rock that flew by the earth yesterday was Bush’s fault also. Just saying.
  • I still blame Barry Bonds and Rex Grossman for all the problems in the world.
  • I blame Neifi.
  • George W spent a lot of money, but didn’t pay for it. He left it for the new regime. Kind of like what the Tribune did with Soriano…leave the albatross for the new guy.
  • I will heartily agree with you there. I’m not a hunter but I’d welcome that type of open season!
  • I hope it is not Mike Maddux simply because I don’t want to see his brother’s ugly mug around Wrigley in any way, shape or form. I intensely dislike Greg and that feeling extends to all things Maddux. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his jock. 
  • In Theo-usty we trusty?
  • Now if you’ll excuse me, I think my ears and nose are bleeding.
  • The Cardinals who? Never heard of them.
  • If you want a good laugh, check out the Marlins new uniforms.
  • Ozzie acts and talks like a clown, now he gets to look the part. BRILLIANT!

Top Wizzie Contributors

 

Doc Raker-40

Buddy-40

Jswanson-34

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-21

Doug S.-20

Aaron-17

Jedi-14

Chet-11

MJ-10

Question of the Week

I might be a week early, but I’m tired and have nothing else. As I recently changed my floor bulletin board to ask and in lieu of the upcoming holiday: What are you thankful for?

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Sunday, November 6th, 2011

 Hello there, from my lovely dorm room.

The last three weeks have been pretty rough, I’m not going to lie. Stress and chaos only begin to describe my life. However, I now see the light and look ahead to an upcoming break. I got some much needed time to myself, picked new classes for the spring semester and cannot wait to start fresh.

It’s amazing how we are always saying we want to start anew; yet many people will also say they hate change. The human race is a funny thing. Either way, we’ve seen some much needed changes with our favorite team and I’d say we are allowed to feel a little optimistic about where we are headed.

Here’s to more moves making our lives a little brighter.

The Wizzies

  • No word yet if he’ll become the national spokesman for Transitions Lenses.
  • The Canjun duo can compare WS rings.
  • And beginner mullets.
  • Maybe if he throws well we can get more than a bag of balls from Ozzie Guillen for him? I would take the balls however…..
  • More specifically, rebuild around Blake DeWitt. That is obvious though.
  • Maybe Raker can set Ryno up with some transition lenses for his interview.
  • I’d take Bob Barker as Cubs manager over Bob Brenly.
  • Just in case anyone was living in a cave or taking an around the world sailing trip since this August, Carlos Zambrano had a very bad day on August 12. 
  • Good job Eisner, no need for some Mickey Mouse trade that has the Cubs eating some Goofy amount of Z contract. Get us to Tomorrow Land and fast.
  • Raker’s on a buzz light years ahead of the rest of us. Let us know when you’re down from space mountain.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Doc Raker-38

Buddy-37

Jswanson-34

BLPCB-24

Seymour Butts-21

Doug S.-20

Aaron-17

Jedi-14

Chet-11

Dusty Baylor-10

Question of the Week

What do you look forward to most in the week? Is there one time every Tuesday that you get to sit for 20 minutes and have lunch by yourself, alone with your thoughts? Or how about the ride to work? What do you use as an outlet from your every day routine?

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Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Hope the weekend has been going well for everyone!

Over the last few months I have grown to use this blog as a safe haven. I certainly don’t have time to read or comment every day, but when I do need a break from all the craziness in my life, I find it comforting to read and contribute here. Even all of you with your families, friends, and full-time jobs fit this new family into your busy schedules. And when the Cardinals won the Series this week, I didn’t have to worry about having the news crammed down my throat from my fellow Cubs fans; in fact, it wasn’t even mentioned. We all approached it with the same demeanor, and that’s what I love. We share a special bond here through our love of the baseball in general.

So I guess I just wanted to use this post as a little thank you to all you for making that possible for me. And on that note, let’s get a glimpse of this week at VFTB.

The Wizzies

  • BLPCB…I just threw up in my mouth a little..can we please not mention Les Walrond, or Jae Kuk Ryu this early in the morning?
  • Cheeseburger and Cheesecake Sabathia is due to break down very soon.
  • Get out the mustard, there will be a lot of innings in 2012 to be eaten I fear…(to be shared by the staff)
  • If we want an innings eater, is Bartolo Colon available? If there is eating to be done, I want him on my side…
  • Also, Sabathia apparently is just an eater, in general…
  • Quade moonlighting in St. Louis now?
  • Good god…..if death is not an option….then Duke, Kazmir, or Willis….oof. Slim pickin’s eh?
  • It is sad to think that Carlos Silva could out-pitch anyone on that list. With no mitt…holding a Hebrew National dog.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-36

Doc Raker-35

Jswanson-32

BLPCB-24

Seymour Butts-21

Doug S.-20

Aaron-17

Jedi-13

Chet-11

Dusty Baylor-10

Eddie Von White-9

Chuck-9

Question of the Week

Yes, I know the World Series just ended, but how do you feel about the offseason moves so far and how much more activity do you expect?

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Sunday, October 23rd, 2011

It’s been an exhausting week on my end, and seeing Cardinals’ fans coming out of hiding to support their team in the Series hasn’t made anything better. Here’s to a Rangers’ comeback.

Anyway, I hope Sunday brings sunshine and smiles to all! Let’s get on with the show.

The Wizzies

The “Occupy” protests saw a rash of arrests over the weekend in various cities. I feel like we should take a role call here on VFTB to make sure we didn’t lose anyone. Or maybe buddy-up like the mall scene from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

The World Series starts on Wednesday in St. Louis with the Cardinals taking on the Rangers. If you plan on rooting for the Cardinals I suggest you keep that to yourself.

 Katie, Katie, Katie… Article I, Section 1, Subpart A of the Sports Fan Constitution cleraly states “… being a fan of a team is not subject to win-loss records or quality of play on the field, court, rink or other facility where the team plays…

Campana shouldn’t start for even the worst team in baseball.

We could offer them fried chicken and beer in the locker room in exchange for Theo.

Theo can show up to the office in shorts and a T-shirt and gut fish a la Office Space, offer crazy trades via twitter, quadruple park in the owners parking spots, etc… until they are forced to fire him if he wanted to.

Really? no way! I thought fiberglass and and nicotine were good for you… huh. If you outlaw chew, you better outlaw the crotch-scratch, too.

I long for the day where I can look at a Sox fan and say, “That ring in 2005 was nice wasn’t it? Look at all of our rings now.”

“Your mom goes to college” – Kip Dynomite

If they really asked for Castro, that was an ill-advised proposition. That’s like asking a kid to trade his new Optimus Prime toy for an old Hotwheels car. Unjustifiable.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-36

Doc Raker-35

Jswanson-31

BLPCB-23

Seymour Butts-21

Doug S.-20

Aaron-17

Jedi-13

Chet-11

Eddie Von White-9

Question of the Week

Excuse the randomness, but what is one thing you are looking forward to accomplishing during the offseason?

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