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Sunday, December 18th, 2011

 

Oh there’s no place like home for the holidays!

What a lovely drive home it was admiring the decorations setting the neighborhoods ablaze along the way. As I sit here drowning in Christmas movies, I must take a moment to thank my lucky stars. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish with the support from loving family and friends. And thanks to all of you for your consistancy in humor and  up-to-date news in my rough semester!

Now, I breathe a sigh of relief and must return to Home Alone…

The Wizzies

  • Until then, I suggest MLB get a big giant bag of frozen peas to put on yet another black eye.
  • Well looks the Brewers just signed Ramirez to play 3B. Another Cubs castoff to play 3rd. They should just call themselves the Milwaukee ex-Cubs.
  • A tree stump from my backyard to play Alfonso Soriano—OK, this suggestion hasn’t been approved yet, but they cover the same amount of ground in LF.
  • Mrs. Pujols, shut up and go shopping.
  • I think the reason Braun talks high-school-locker-room-ese is because he never learned any other words. He’s my least favorite ballplayer in either league and I hope his testosterone-enhanced dangly bits fall off.
  • Also for the record, the name of the rock band “Queen” was a double-entendre’.
  • Finally Koyie Hill is gone. He was reaching the Neifi/Macias territory.
  • I’m thinking about buying myself a hoodie-footie. I would look great in that leopard version.
  • Livan…Livan likes his money. Makes a lot they say. He spends his days counting…in a garage by the motorway.
  • Korey is no dummy Buddy, making millions to strike out is a better deal than digging ditches.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-50

Doc Raker-49

Jswanson-41

BLPCB-28

Seymour Butts-26

Doug S.-23

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Eddie Von White-13

Chet-12

Dusty Baylor-12

Question of the Week

I’ll keep it simple. What is the best part about the holiday season?

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Sunday, December 11th, 2011

Happy Sunday! I must begin by giving a shoutout to Hoosier Nation and the IU men’s basketball team who defeated Kentucky in an uproar yesterday, the final basket even earning top play on SportsCenter. The timing couldn’t be less impeccable as finals creep around the corner this week…

My life has become a wonderful oxymoron. As the semester concludes, I can’t help but think about, and actually look forward to, the start of the baseball season. Sure, sure that may be obvious, but lately my life has taken a turn where baseball is the last thing on my mind. *Gasp* I know. I can’t believe it either. It’s funny how within a few short months your life can become something you had never seen coming.

Enjoy the little things while they’re still around. You just never know.

However, one thing we can all be certain about today is the continuation of Wizzie awards. Have at it.

The Wizzies

  • Mark Riggins’ mustache was the finest display of facial hair we’ve had on the team since Matt Clement’s goatee. We should probably start looking for someone to fill the fumanchu sized hole on the team…
  • Pitching coach…yawn. Soriano…yawn. Jap Pitcher…as long as he has good taste in sushi and can pitch to his contract, who cares.
  • First of all – hideous logo. Who designed that, the owner’s 12 year old daughter? Secondly – How long have they been keeping Rich Uncle Pennybags locked up? They spend $100 million on Reyes and now $27 million on Heath Bell, plus they are rumored to be flirting with King Albert. Goodness gracious. Looks like they can pay people to wear those awful uniforms…
  • I like Doc’s idea a lot. They should also take Bozo the Clown
  • Why stop there? The Marlins should also pay the Cubs utility bills, pick up their mail, mow the field, and clean the bathrooms.
  • Logic puzzles are a math major’s wet dream.
  • Darwin Barney mans all the positions because he is a gamer-grinder who hustles and plays the game “the right way.”
  • Joe: Are you angling for a lump of coal for Christmas? Maybe reindeer poop?
  •  I’m holding my breath for a move than cleans out our stock of mediocre infielders… we still have our ace in the hole: Jeff “Untouchable” Baker.
  • I had to moderate my own comment. I wonder what word it didn’t like. Probably “healthy”.
  • Bacon is meat candy.
  • Looks like Santa will be skipping Ryan Braun’s house, he’s been a very, very bad boy.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Doc Raker-48

Buddy-48

Jswanson-40

BLPCB-26

Seymour Butts-25

Doug S.-22

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Eddie Von White-13

Chet-12

Dusty Baylor-12

Chuck-11

Question of the Week

Some of these moments may have previously been shared, but following Indiana’s win today, I must ask. What are the top three moments in sports you will always remember?

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Sunday, December 4th, 2011

Just keep chugging, just keep chugging, just keep chugging along! Sorry, just thought I would instill some motivation on this fine Sunday morning. And I’ll let the Wizzies do the talking today. Carry on.

The Wizzies

  • If I was king for a day, I’d change the HOF to the “Major League Baseball Museum,” so I could put in whoever and whatever I wanted.
  • The people in the Hall didn’t make mankind better, they aren’t on par with Thomas Edison, Jonas Salk, Louis Pasteur or Steven Jobs. The people in the Hall are on par with Homer Simpson, Gone with the Wind, KISS and other entertainers.
  • Vin Scully turned 369 years old (84) yesterday. Happy Birthday Vin. If only your one man booth didn’t bore me to sleep when the Cubs go west to LA.
  • I swear when I read Nickel that it was going to be Nickelback, then I was going to throw up.
  • But then again, is it not the job of the parents to embarrass their children in public?
  • I guess this effectively rules out Satan for a base coach position.
  • Three hoppers, two hoppers, lazy warning track shots, cans of corn… I can do it all. Good thing I’m penciled in the rotation.
  • I find it hilarious that people still find OBP overrated. I wonder how long it took people to believe the Earth was round instead of flat.
  • Still room available Lizzie, hop aboard the Glendale Cubs sponsored by Advil.
  • Buddy’s heater is flat and Raker is due for a TJ surgery. A few towel workouts and I’ll have that #2 spot locked down in no time.
  • Fielder will have a gall bladder attack when he falls of the veggie bandwagon at Ditka’s Steak house before Memorial Day if he signs with the Cubs.
  • I would take them in a can. I would take them in a van. I would take them in a car. I would take them in a bar.
  • That picture of Kim DeJesus, it’s really Lizzie, Wizzie, Katie or Norm isn’t it?
  • I think Spellcheck did well…in low leverage situations.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Doc Raker-48

Buddy-46

Jswanson-39

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-24

Doug S.-22

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Chet-12

Eddie Von White-12

Dusty Baylor-12

Question of the Week

With the hopeful influx of new players for 2012, will the Cubs ever become a homerun hitting team again?

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Sunday, November 27th, 2011

Happy Sunday, all. Hopefully everyone has recovered from their food coma after a fruitful Thanksgiving feast. Despite eating way too much, I have thoroughly enjoyed a couple days off from my hectic life relaxing with my family for more than 24 hours. But all things must come to an end, and that is why I bring you another compilation of witty comments, in an attempt to ease the pain of what is looming ahead.

The Wizzies

  • Positive: He’s not Mike Quade. Negative: I still can’t pronounce his last name.
  • Anyone else catch the story about Z getting nailed in the grill by a ball in winter league? Stitches in his lip. One can only hope that Michael Barrett was the batter…revenge is best served cold.
  • MLS? Is that a disease?
  • Uh…comparing missing DLee….to missing Hee Seop I Can’t Hit an Inside Fastball? Really?
  • That’s the genius of the humor Dusty Baylor, tongue and cheek, foot in mouth, finger up nose. VFTB commandment 11- don’t take everything seriously.
  • Little known fact: Reagan’s home run call was “TEAR…DOWN…THIS…WALL! Its a rouuuuuuund tripper!”
  • I’m thankful that one of the first things Theo did was toast Quade.
  • I over ate these past couple of days Buddy, don’t make my food come back up with that Pena talk of yours.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-44

Doc Raker-44

Jswanson-37

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-23

Doug S.-22

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Chet-11

Eddie Von White-11

Dusty Baylor-11

Poll of the Week

What is the best offseason distraction?

a) Other sports (football, basketball, hockey, etc.)

b) Work

c) The holidays

d) Keeping up with baseball news

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Sunday, November 20th, 2011

It’s that time again! The Magnificent Lights Festival in Chicago kicked off the holiday spirit this weekend. A chill in the air is FINALLY making it feel like mid-November. Christmas music is playing WAY too early on the radio. And you all get another edition of the best of the best this week!

The Wizzies

  • Just say ‘no’ to long term, high priced, relief pitchers.
  • If I can’t have Tony LaRussa, give me Satan. Satan could easily make a deal with himself in order to produce wins. Satan would be unlikely to lose an argument with an umpire as they are his subordinates. Satan could make the wind change directions depending on which team is batting. Carlos Zambrano would act like a choir boy, and finish the season with an Era around zero. The only down side would be any hispanic players in the minors with the first name of Jesus would need to be traded. No sense freaking out the new manager.
  • All of the front office personnel should be with held from “marital favors” by their spouses until they ramp up the pitching depth of the whole system.
  • Seattle sounds like the perfect place for Buerhle to sign a five-year deal for more money than he’s worth.
  • I hope I am wrong, it does happen every now and then…………………1978 I last recall.
  • I’ll be nervous if he starts in with the Starlie, Jeffie, Marmie stuff.
  • If the Cubs are chasing Grady Sizemore, they should catch him easily. He can barely walk after all the knee injuries.
  • I wonder if we’ve ever hired bald managers in succession. 
  • I hear that Sveum has already had the fungo out and has Castro’s defense top-notch. He also caught a bullpen session where he worked out Marmol’s heater. He is currently tossing bp in the cage to Byrd, and his patience at the plate is rapidly improving.
  • I guess it’s easier to spell than Samardzija.
  •  Sub-par-mardzija.
  • So you’re saying Rodrigo Lopez won’t win 300 games?
  • Shark’s only 288 shy of 300.

Top Wizzie Contributors

Buddy-43

Doc Raker-41

Jswanson-35

BLPCB-25

Seymour Butts-23

Doug S.-21

Aaron-17

Jedi-15

Chet-11

Eddie Von White-11

Question of the Week

One positive and one negative about Dave Sveum. Aaaand go.

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