Author Archive

GirlieView (03/21/2013)

Thursday, March 21st, 2013

We’re on the home stretch now. Yesterday was the first day of spring and even though in my neighborhood it’s still feeling mighty wintery, I know meaningful baseball is right around the corner and that makes me happy. I have a feeling it makes you happy too!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Midway through spring training and we have 5 people vying for the last three spots in Lizzie’s Top Ten. It should be quite the race.
  • For a guy who has no use for science, you certainly have a lot use for science.
  • I, like my Montana based friend, try to say something funny every time, thus fewer comments to cull from. Damn my high moral fiber.
  • we need all the third basing we can get.
  • TGIF, no news and we all know no news is good news, particularly for us Cub fans who are afraid to find out who comes up lame next.
  • If I was a gambler, I’d put my money on Norm being busy being a dad who is tired of our bullshit. I’d also wager that Tommy got nabbed by Chris Hanson.
  • Talked to Norm today. He’s been busy searching for Chris from Illinois.
  • And I highly doubt that Lizzie is Carrie Muskat. Lizzie is much more thoughtful than she is
  • One game this year, one of the coaches fed the machine due to a lack of healthy bodies. Bastard actually fielded the position.
  • It’s a weekly.
  • I’d like to say Happy Birthday to my mom. If it weren’t for her, this post would be impossible.
  • Does your Mom read this Blog? Is She Lizzie?
  • I believe Joe learned how to blog from his mom, the beat writer at cubs.com. Whether or not she and Lizzie are one and the same has yet to be determined.
  • Lizzie’s frisky, but not THAT frisky
  • Indiana is not that far from Kentucky…
  • Brett Jackson making the opening day roster would be a huge mistake. You refine skills by playing every day in the minors, not riding pine in the majors.
  • Was this Norm’s scheduled day to write? Perhaps we should get a kickstarter going to hire a P.I..
  • Seymour may be a culinary bore but at least he doesn’t start fights with pitching machines and 70 year old stock brokers which is a plus in my book.
  • 3B is a soul-sucking vacuum this year.
  • The state of 3B throughout baseball is a sad state of affairs.
  • [Ramirez's] overall body of work easily places him among my favorite Cubs since I’ve been conscious enough to follow them.
  • It’ll probably be something more prospecty than MLB rostery. And yes, I did just invent two words.
  • Welcome Joe to the Ian Stewart bandwagon. There is now a grand total of 2 of us.
  • Yesterday we talked about the return of Ian Stewart, who was scheduled to make his spring debut. How did it go? It didn’t. Dude didn’t play.
  • I have essentially no optimism that any of the Cubs’ 3B options this season will work. I think that Stewart will fail over the first 2 months, then Valbuena will fail over the next month and a half, then Vitters will fail over the next month and a half, then Lake will fail over the final month and a half. But, considering I flat out don’t think Vitters or Lake are ready yet, I think the Stewart option presents a higher potential upside, no matter how minimal the odds of him are to reach that upside, than the Valbuena option does.
  • Well said. You should get a job in the organization.
  • We should pool our talents and take a run at this thing.
  • I’ll whip up a resume for a Mr Senoah Whiteswan. Sounds native american, may have a leg up.
  • Can I get in on this action? Every party needs a pooper and that’s why you invite me.
  • Yes you can. You will be Noah-Swan’s adviser. Kind of like Jed is to Theo.
  • You don’t need a resume, everybody on VFTB is already an expert.
  • My Baby got back
  • I’m sexy and I know it
  • Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
  • The ladies haven’t been digging the chauvinism so Dave Sappelt provided a long ball but the Cubs lost. And the ladies still don’t dig him…
  • Stand back…I know science.
  • I love hitting in the desert, the ball goes farther, post game steaks are juicier and Seymour look so funny with SFP50 spread all over his face.
  • That’s probably mayo.
  • I’m confused, are Spring training stats meaningless or do they mean something?
  • You use stats from spring training when it helps you make your point and disregard them when it disagrees with your view.
  • I’m putting my money on HeRo to make the team.
  • Pretty much spot-on regarding the bullpen, as much as the idea of Carlos Coleman continuing to work as a starter makes me sort of nauseous.
  • Last season, we had Volstad (very tall) and Campana (very short) who weren’t very good at playing baseball.
  • So we should just line everybody up according to size, like when we took our school pictures, and choose our lineups. Small guys bat first large guys last
  • That’s what she said.
  • Thanks for the summary. I enjoy reading the articles you guys post, and the peanut gallery of commenters to the articles are both funny and intelligent.

Lizard

  • Bazinga

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie. We’re so happy to have you here!

  • Darlin_Starlin
  • Still Curious

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

(In honor of the coming of spring, I’ll post the full 2013 standings this time.)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Eddie von White
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Gymjok
8. Noah Eisner
10. Buddy
11. cap’n obvious
11. Katie
13. Jerry in Wisconsin
14. Verncrowe5
15. Doug S.
16. Dusty Baylor
16. Jeremiah Johnson
16. Tom C
19. CAPS
19. LVCubFan
21. Bones
21. Bryan
21. Mark_from_Toronto
22. Aaron
22. Allan
22. Darlin_Starlin
22. Dous Entendre
22. Hugh Hefner
22. Josephine
22. Josh H
22. Just Curious
22. mrbaseball2usa
22. Norm
22. Still Curious
22. wisconsinjpc

Chit Chat

I’ve been soliciting suggestions all off-season long for our Saturday morning filler Go column, and I’ve received more than I can use. That column will be coming to a close once the season starts, so I thought I’d use one of my favorite overflow submissions for my GirlieView chit chat today. This is from our pal gymjok! Have fun with it!

  • Which Cub (present or former) do you most resemble?

Enjoy your weekend!

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Go: Lines

Saturday, March 16th, 2013

Tell us your favorite line from any song. (Feel free to offer more than one if you have a few favorites!)

This Go question was submitted by Gymjok (thanks Gymjok!) Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: Big Fish Little Fish

Saturday, March 9th, 2013

Imagine you’re a fringe free agent player. You have two contract offers (exact same dollar value.) One is from a probable contending playoff team who says you’ll be a part-time role player. The other is from a team that has virtually no chance for the playoffs but says you have a full-time starting position.

Which do you choose?

This Go question was submitted by Gymjok (thanks Gymjok!) Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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GirlieView (03/07/2013)

Thursday, March 7th, 2013

Happy Almost Weekend! The White Sox vs. Cubs game today at 2:05p.m. (CST) is being offered as a free webcast if you’d like to tune in and don’t subscribe to any of the services. Check out cubs.com for details. Carlos Villanueva is starting. He may quite possibly be my new favorite Cub. Enjoy!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • The old coxswain isn’t what it used to be.
  • Happy birthday to Jill, whose name I know not because I’m a serial killer stalker, but because I’m friends with Noah on Facebook.
  • Perhaps you can pass on your Ramen noodle cooking tip to Vogelbach. Let’s get the kid a Gold Glove.
  • I’d like to see the whole process scrapped and just see a recording of Harry played every game.
  • I am glad Barney is pushing Castro to pay more attention to defense. That is what good teammates do, make each other better.
  • In March the Cubs haven’t lost any games, they are still contenders, hope is still with the team.
  • Maybe you, Seymour, Randy’s pitching machine, and I can get a tee time.
  • I would like to discuss my lack of Lizzies this time around? It’s not you, it’s me, isn’t it?
  • I’m with you bud. Either we or Homza phoned this one in.
  • We don’t have a lot to work with here. I blame the WBC for sequestering Randy’s camp. Typically we would be teasing Raker for subtle bragging his stat line against a pitching machine. .. he would in turn make a joke about Seymour taking Trey McNutt out for a sandwich. This is difficult for all of us jackasses.
  • I got 68% of votes for fantasy camp hall of fame this past January. I should be in by 2015, maybe 2014 if the voters do their homework. Fantasy Camp Hall Of Fame (FCHOF) is in Reno Nevada kiddie corner to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum for those of you who want to check it out.
  • This is ‘smart post’ and you will note some of your posts will automatically disappear if they don’t reach the VFTB threshold of amusement. Buddy is running at a .018 post acceptance rate (PAR).
  • Hoarders at a ladies nylon factory are the best defensive baseball players. They save the most runs.
  • Even the Cardinals fans were cool (They paid me to say that*). *They didn’t really pay me to say that.
  • As soon as the girls saw the puppy, they flocked to him. What a sly dog, that Eric Byrnes.
  • I’m guessing you have a bunch of nerdy baseball guys with crushes on you (aside from Seymour.)
  • Truth be told it isn’t Raking at an incredible .724/ .812 / 1.289 clip that keeps bringing me back to AZ every off season, it is the camaraderie, the green grass, the sunshine and the fine dining with teammates that keeps me wanting to come back.
  • 49ers uncover Nuggets
  • Wizzards ahead of Lions and Tigers and Bears
  • Saints lead Cardinals
  • To be fair, Hollywood is basically propping up thriving gown-commenting and nip-slip-reporting industries.
  • I’ve seen Matt Murton naked
  • Murton may not be a major leaguer but he has been blessed by becoming a star in the Japanese league and starring in the Japanese TV sitcom with Bryan LaHair.
  • I loved the episode where they dressed up like gals for ladies night at the karaoke bar…coach sure was upset for romancing them with sake bombs before noticing Murton’s cleats sticking out from under his dress.
  • Matt and Brian could use a whacky neighbor
  • Maybe Mike Quade could go to Japan and be a Mr. Furley for Matt and Brian.
  • Until Scott Baker can pitch he will DH for Jeff Baker in what is considered an offensive Baker upgrade.
  • But will he bat clean-up?
  • If Hector Rondon makes it in the Bigs, his nickname will be HeRo. Everyone needs a hero.
  • Chauvinists dig the long ball. My boy Sappelt is gonna make the entire outfield expendable.
  • As he gleefully explains his victory (I think) on the latest race, I ask him what he disliked the most about his time in Chicago. “They gelded me.” (I look it up later, it seems unlikely he means that literally.)
  • You missed a perfect chance to write about the vagaries of line drives in the third to last paragraph.
  • Curiously, ‘Vagaries Of Line Drives’ was one of the greyhounds that ran in an earlier race.
  • Get to the point…did you or did you not see Mike Quade naked?
  • And if so, does alopecia really, uh, make, uh, “things”, uh look bigger?
  • Did today’s morning post get cut in the sequester?
  • Jedi is still writing up the details of his interview with Jim Riggleman at Denny’s.
  • It was more of a confrontation than an interview…I said sunny-side up, he brought me scrambled. Chaos ensued.
  • Mike and Molly gets credit for the character Vince, who is the most authentic Chicago character I’ve ever seen.
  • If you told any Cubs fan 12 months ago that Jeff Samardzija would be your 2013 Opening Day starter, no one other than Jeff’s mother would expect that to be a good sign.
  • I’m shocked that your house in Boston doesn’t have Deportes. I had to stay at this hotel in Tulsa one time and they didn’t get Radio Egypt OR Al-Jazeera and I was like, what kind of establishment is this?
  • Honestly, is anyone at all surprised that Garza is not ready to pitch?
  • If you get a double-play (don’t care how) coach buys the team ice cream.
  • I did have a six year old complete an unassisted triple play once. It was unassisted if you do not count the coach telling him to step on third and then telling him to tag the runner who did not stop running to third base after the fly ball was caught.
  • Chuck – I look out my window and it’s a blizzard outside. I look at your post on View From and you put me on a baseball diamond with an enthusiastic team of brightly-colored uniformed kids shouting Arrrgh! Way to go.
  • Good job Joe but you have to drop some VFTB references in order to drive people to the blog. You mentioned Trey McNutt instead of calling him his VFTB name of Three Nut or at least saying, “Trey McNutt commonly referred to as Three Nut at the View.”
  • I always figured I would be the first to invoke fellatio here, not the Raker.
  • I think a number of us had our money on you.
  • It ain’t Jackson’s swing that is the problem, he has to have an idea where the ball is before the swing matters.
  • Step 1: locate balls?
  • Korey Patterson actually had a great swing. It was his approach and pitch selection that turned him into an Oriole/Red/National/Brewer/Mariner/Oriole/BlueJay/Cardinal/Brewer/Met.
  • Apparently you didn’t have much use for math either.
  • I typically tune in to the 6th quarter of Dateline NBC, and Bing the first five quarters if there is anything I missed.
  • My health hopes that Marmol is more tradeable than Soriano.
  • We just need to find a GM that disregards both sabermetrics and traditional baseball stats, without knowledge of the internet, who hasn’t seen Marmol throw eleven consecutive balls to start off a 9th. He’ll fetch plenty.
  • So what you’re saying is we need Jim Hendry hired as a GM again.

Lizard

  • Ah, spring training. The time when hope abounds around Major League Baseball, and every team but the Astros and Marlins can claim contender status.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie. We’re so happy to have you here!

  • Hugh Hefner
  • Just Curious

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Jedi Johnson
5. Eddie von White
6. Gymjok
6. Joe Aiello
8. Buddy
8. cap’n obvious
8. Chuck
8. Katie
8. Noah

Chit Chat

I mentioned above one of my favorite Cubs this year is Carlos Villanueva. Do you have any new favorites? And by “new” I mean among those players who were not Cubs last year.

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Go: Make Me Laugh

Saturday, March 2nd, 2013

Name your top three favorite sitcoms, past or present.

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: One Free Steal

Saturday, February 23rd, 2013

If the Cubs could steal any one current player from any team giving nothing in return, who would you choose and why?

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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GirlieView (02/21/2013)

Thursday, February 21st, 2013

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s go!

Lizzies

  • It’s a tall order to catch a Swanson, but As long as the Johnsons are behind me……wait, even I don’t like the way this sounds.
  • My mancave includes a kegerator, TV, PS3, and numerous Cubs and music paraphernalia.  Think Jason Segal’s room in “I Love You, Man”, minus the tissue station.
  • Time away from the grind is time with family – the best time of all.
  • No comments this late after the story posted says just one thing.  Chicks dig the long ball.
  • The Giants had won and the Cardinals were eliminated from a postseason that they arguably should not have even been a part of anyway. The dark forces had been defeated.
  • CED, Cardinal Elimination Day is always a day of celebration for me.
  • “I made it.”
  • the fanny slap, encouragement, or creepy
  • There it was, my brother was right, I was standing in Wrigley Field just to the third base side of home plate. I got my first view of the bleachers, then I saw the green vines, the big players in their bright white uniforms, I was in awe, time stood still for the moment.
  • As long as Tony goes somewhere that will consistently utilize his skill(s), I’ll be OK.
  • Hey how ’bout those Cubs?  Pitchers and catchers….baseball….
  • Say hello the the MLB FanCave Top 30.
  • Dibble also hosts a bad radio show with the unfortunately named Amy van Dyken
  • Cub pitchers seem to have a way of not staying healthy.
  • I’m still debating if the two 17 year olds we got are older than Campana looks.

Lizard

  • My Dad always says I was “made” at Wrigley, does that count?!?

MVL

  • Congratulations to Katie the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around! (And for making it to the top 30 in the MLB Fan Cave contest. Can’t wait to hear about Arizona!)

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)
1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Buddy
4. Eddie von White
6. Chuck
6. Jedi Johnson
8. cap’n obvious
8. Gymjok
8. Joe Aiello
8. Katie

Chit Chat
I’ve got nothing. Does anyone have anything they’d like to discuss?

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Go: Two Truths and a Lie

Saturday, February 16th, 2013

So remember awhile back Joe posted “Two Truths and a Lie” and then never told us which was the lie? Here are mine. Two Truths and a Lie. I will give the answer tomorrow or Monday. And I’ll really give it (hint hint, Joe!)

Lizzie’s Two Truths and a Lie

1. For the first 16 years of my life I was stalked by a woman who claimed she gave birth to me and left me in a basket on someone’s porch.

2. If it weren’t for an ill-timed injury, I may have qualified for the 1984 Olympics.

3. My mother nearly lost an eye to a cornea-eating amoeba.

Which is the lie?

And, if you’d like, post your own Two Truths and a Lie so we can guess! (Don’t forget to come back and tell us the lie!)

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: First

Saturday, February 9th, 2013

Tell us about your first visit to a Major League baseball park. How old were you? What do you remember best?

This Go question was submitted by Allan (thanks Allan!)

Don’t forget to vote for our own Katie in the MLB Fan Cave contest!!!

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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