Author Archive

Go: Lines

Saturday, March 16th, 2013

Tell us your favorite line from any song. (Feel free to offer more than one if you have a few favorites!)

This Go question was submitted by Gymjok (thanks Gymjok!) Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: Big Fish Little Fish

Saturday, March 9th, 2013

Imagine you’re a fringe free agent player. You have two contract offers (exact same dollar value.) One is from a probable contending playoff team who says you’ll be a part-time role player. The other is from a team that has virtually no chance for the playoffs but says you have a full-time starting position.

Which do you choose?

This Go question was submitted by Gymjok (thanks Gymjok!) Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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GirlieView (03/07/2013)

Thursday, March 7th, 2013

Happy Almost Weekend! The White Sox vs. Cubs game today at 2:05p.m. (CST) is being offered as a free webcast if you’d like to tune in and don’t subscribe to any of the services. Check out cubs.com for details. Carlos Villanueva is starting. He may quite possibly be my new favorite Cub. Enjoy!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • The old coxswain isn’t what it used to be.
  • Happy birthday to Jill, whose name I know not because I’m a serial killer stalker, but because I’m friends with Noah on Facebook.
  • Perhaps you can pass on your Ramen noodle cooking tip to Vogelbach. Let’s get the kid a Gold Glove.
  • I’d like to see the whole process scrapped and just see a recording of Harry played every game.
  • I am glad Barney is pushing Castro to pay more attention to defense. That is what good teammates do, make each other better.
  • In March the Cubs haven’t lost any games, they are still contenders, hope is still with the team.
  • Maybe you, Seymour, Randy’s pitching machine, and I can get a tee time.
  • I would like to discuss my lack of Lizzies this time around? It’s not you, it’s me, isn’t it?
  • I’m with you bud. Either we or Homza phoned this one in.
  • We don’t have a lot to work with here. I blame the WBC for sequestering Randy’s camp. Typically we would be teasing Raker for subtle bragging his stat line against a pitching machine. .. he would in turn make a joke about Seymour taking Trey McNutt out for a sandwich. This is difficult for all of us jackasses.
  • I got 68% of votes for fantasy camp hall of fame this past January. I should be in by 2015, maybe 2014 if the voters do their homework. Fantasy Camp Hall Of Fame (FCHOF) is in Reno Nevada kiddie corner to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum for those of you who want to check it out.
  • This is ‘smart post’ and you will note some of your posts will automatically disappear if they don’t reach the VFTB threshold of amusement. Buddy is running at a .018 post acceptance rate (PAR).
  • Hoarders at a ladies nylon factory are the best defensive baseball players. They save the most runs.
  • Even the Cardinals fans were cool (They paid me to say that*). *They didn’t really pay me to say that.
  • As soon as the girls saw the puppy, they flocked to him. What a sly dog, that Eric Byrnes.
  • I’m guessing you have a bunch of nerdy baseball guys with crushes on you (aside from Seymour.)
  • Truth be told it isn’t Raking at an incredible .724/ .812 / 1.289 clip that keeps bringing me back to AZ every off season, it is the camaraderie, the green grass, the sunshine and the fine dining with teammates that keeps me wanting to come back.
  • 49ers uncover Nuggets
  • Wizzards ahead of Lions and Tigers and Bears
  • Saints lead Cardinals
  • To be fair, Hollywood is basically propping up thriving gown-commenting and nip-slip-reporting industries.
  • I’ve seen Matt Murton naked
  • Murton may not be a major leaguer but he has been blessed by becoming a star in the Japanese league and starring in the Japanese TV sitcom with Bryan LaHair.
  • I loved the episode where they dressed up like gals for ladies night at the karaoke bar…coach sure was upset for romancing them with sake bombs before noticing Murton’s cleats sticking out from under his dress.
  • Matt and Brian could use a whacky neighbor
  • Maybe Mike Quade could go to Japan and be a Mr. Furley for Matt and Brian.
  • Until Scott Baker can pitch he will DH for Jeff Baker in what is considered an offensive Baker upgrade.
  • But will he bat clean-up?
  • If Hector Rondon makes it in the Bigs, his nickname will be HeRo. Everyone needs a hero.
  • Chauvinists dig the long ball. My boy Sappelt is gonna make the entire outfield expendable.
  • As he gleefully explains his victory (I think) on the latest race, I ask him what he disliked the most about his time in Chicago. “They gelded me.” (I look it up later, it seems unlikely he means that literally.)
  • You missed a perfect chance to write about the vagaries of line drives in the third to last paragraph.
  • Curiously, ‘Vagaries Of Line Drives’ was one of the greyhounds that ran in an earlier race.
  • Get to the point…did you or did you not see Mike Quade naked?
  • And if so, does alopecia really, uh, make, uh, “things”, uh look bigger?
  • Did today’s morning post get cut in the sequester?
  • Jedi is still writing up the details of his interview with Jim Riggleman at Denny’s.
  • It was more of a confrontation than an interview…I said sunny-side up, he brought me scrambled. Chaos ensued.
  • Mike and Molly gets credit for the character Vince, who is the most authentic Chicago character I’ve ever seen.
  • If you told any Cubs fan 12 months ago that Jeff Samardzija would be your 2013 Opening Day starter, no one other than Jeff’s mother would expect that to be a good sign.
  • I’m shocked that your house in Boston doesn’t have Deportes. I had to stay at this hotel in Tulsa one time and they didn’t get Radio Egypt OR Al-Jazeera and I was like, what kind of establishment is this?
  • Honestly, is anyone at all surprised that Garza is not ready to pitch?
  • If you get a double-play (don’t care how) coach buys the team ice cream.
  • I did have a six year old complete an unassisted triple play once. It was unassisted if you do not count the coach telling him to step on third and then telling him to tag the runner who did not stop running to third base after the fly ball was caught.
  • Chuck – I look out my window and it’s a blizzard outside. I look at your post on View From and you put me on a baseball diamond with an enthusiastic team of brightly-colored uniformed kids shouting Arrrgh! Way to go.
  • Good job Joe but you have to drop some VFTB references in order to drive people to the blog. You mentioned Trey McNutt instead of calling him his VFTB name of Three Nut or at least saying, “Trey McNutt commonly referred to as Three Nut at the View.”
  • I always figured I would be the first to invoke fellatio here, not the Raker.
  • I think a number of us had our money on you.
  • It ain’t Jackson’s swing that is the problem, he has to have an idea where the ball is before the swing matters.
  • Step 1: locate balls?
  • Korey Patterson actually had a great swing. It was his approach and pitch selection that turned him into an Oriole/Red/National/Brewer/Mariner/Oriole/BlueJay/Cardinal/Brewer/Met.
  • Apparently you didn’t have much use for math either.
  • I typically tune in to the 6th quarter of Dateline NBC, and Bing the first five quarters if there is anything I missed.
  • My health hopes that Marmol is more tradeable than Soriano.
  • We just need to find a GM that disregards both sabermetrics and traditional baseball stats, without knowledge of the internet, who hasn’t seen Marmol throw eleven consecutive balls to start off a 9th. He’ll fetch plenty.
  • So what you’re saying is we need Jim Hendry hired as a GM again.

Lizard

  • Ah, spring training. The time when hope abounds around Major League Baseball, and every team but the Astros and Marlins can claim contender status.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie. We’re so happy to have you here!

  • Hugh Hefner
  • Just Curious

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Jedi Johnson
5. Eddie von White
6. Gymjok
6. Joe Aiello
8. Buddy
8. cap’n obvious
8. Chuck
8. Katie
8. Noah

Chit Chat

I mentioned above one of my favorite Cubs this year is Carlos Villanueva. Do you have any new favorites? And by “new” I mean among those players who were not Cubs last year.

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Go: Make Me Laugh

Saturday, March 2nd, 2013

Name your top three favorite sitcoms, past or present.

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: One Free Steal

Saturday, February 23rd, 2013

If the Cubs could steal any one current player from any team giving nothing in return, who would you choose and why?

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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GirlieView (02/21/2013)

Thursday, February 21st, 2013

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s go!

Lizzies

  • It’s a tall order to catch a Swanson, but As long as the Johnsons are behind me……wait, even I don’t like the way this sounds.
  • My mancave includes a kegerator, TV, PS3, and numerous Cubs and music paraphernalia.  Think Jason Segal’s room in “I Love You, Man”, minus the tissue station.
  • Time away from the grind is time with family – the best time of all.
  • No comments this late after the story posted says just one thing.  Chicks dig the long ball.
  • The Giants had won and the Cardinals were eliminated from a postseason that they arguably should not have even been a part of anyway. The dark forces had been defeated.
  • CED, Cardinal Elimination Day is always a day of celebration for me.
  • “I made it.”
  • the fanny slap, encouragement, or creepy
  • There it was, my brother was right, I was standing in Wrigley Field just to the third base side of home plate. I got my first view of the bleachers, then I saw the green vines, the big players in their bright white uniforms, I was in awe, time stood still for the moment.
  • As long as Tony goes somewhere that will consistently utilize his skill(s), I’ll be OK.
  • Hey how ’bout those Cubs?  Pitchers and catchers….baseball….
  • Say hello the the MLB FanCave Top 30.
  • Dibble also hosts a bad radio show with the unfortunately named Amy van Dyken
  • Cub pitchers seem to have a way of not staying healthy.
  • I’m still debating if the two 17 year olds we got are older than Campana looks.

Lizard

  • My Dad always says I was “made” at Wrigley, does that count?!?

MVL

  • Congratulations to Katie the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around! (And for making it to the top 30 in the MLB Fan Cave contest. Can’t wait to hear about Arizona!)

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)
1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Buddy
4. Eddie von White
6. Chuck
6. Jedi Johnson
8. cap’n obvious
8. Gymjok
8. Joe Aiello
8. Katie

Chit Chat
I’ve got nothing. Does anyone have anything they’d like to discuss?

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Go: Two Truths and a Lie

Saturday, February 16th, 2013

So remember awhile back Joe posted “Two Truths and a Lie” and then never told us which was the lie? Here are mine. Two Truths and a Lie. I will give the answer tomorrow or Monday. And I’ll really give it (hint hint, Joe!)

Lizzie’s Two Truths and a Lie

1. For the first 16 years of my life I was stalked by a woman who claimed she gave birth to me and left me in a basket on someone’s porch.

2. If it weren’t for an ill-timed injury, I may have qualified for the 1984 Olympics.

3. My mother nearly lost an eye to a cornea-eating amoeba.

Which is the lie?

And, if you’d like, post your own Two Truths and a Lie so we can guess! (Don’t forget to come back and tell us the lie!)

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: First

Saturday, February 9th, 2013

Tell us about your first visit to a Major League baseball park. How old were you? What do you remember best?

This Go question was submitted by Allan (thanks Allan!)

Don’t forget to vote for our own Katie in the MLB Fan Cave contest!!!

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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GirlieView (02/07/2013)

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

Pitchers and catchers report to spring training on Monday. Yippee! I know it doesn’t really mean anything and we’ll be bored yet for a few more weeks (or months depending on whether you’re fond of spring training or not) but it’s still nice to know things are getting started. And speaking of getting started, let’s go!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • the thought that Delmon Young could play enough in the field to be worth a roster spot at this point is almost comical.
  • Raker D. asked if Sori was going to use his 14″ outfielders glove at 3B, or switch to a more conventional 11.5″ model.
  • Ms Muskrat replied That Soriano at 3B was no longer funny and Mr D should stop the emails, cards, candy-grams and flowers he has been showering her way to make that happen. She also pointed out that she has no actual sway over the roster as Theo banned her from the press room for  asking about Neil Diamond songs late last year.
  • I believe Hairston will platoon nicely with his new similarly-sort-of-average mates Nate Sherhairzt and David DeHairstus.
  • We’ve been in hairy situations before. I think it’s best to avoid them altogether.
  • self-promotion is the mating call of the mute button
  • It has to happen naturally. You can’t force a Lizzie.
  • Cumin Vegas
  • Aramis Banana
  • Sam Adams Golfing
  • Tulip Douglas
  • Dill Weed Panama
  • Freddy French Lick
  • You don’t trade a guy because he’s blocked at his position when he’s still 3-4 years before being ready. Develop him and see what happens.
  • I’ll wait until Vogelbach gets a couple of seasons in before deciding whether he’s going to fail or not.
  • Just 12 months ago, not too many people thought Jeff Samardzija could possibly turn into a top 60 pitcher
  • I have every confidence that you can more than compensate for my lack of snark in your comments below.
  • My local Outback Steakhouse has only a few precious years remaining to add a drive through so I can be buried at 48 with my beloved Bloomin Onion.
  • No famous folks here (except me) this year.
  • A few years ago I couldn’t even spell single A, now I know about some of the Cubs players there.
  • You guys are mean.
  • My guess is the Hairston signing really puts the future of Dave Sappelt in jeopardy with the Cubs.
  • I’ve dined with Joe. He’s quite fetching, but could never be confused with a Sarah.
  • And as everyone who has ever watched the Simpsons knows…it’s the growing done during the 5th and 6th months that make it ok to subject your infant to the freezing cold temperatures of a wintery Midwest.
  • anxiously anticipating that first, glorious moment of seeing 9 of your favorite men skip over the white chalk line and trot out to their respective places on the field.
  • Sharing a fifteen-dollar helmet bowl of nachos with a close friend, heckling the opposing left fielder with your younger brother, discussing the likelihood of a go-ahead home run from Reed Johnson with your father, and getting a wink from Anthony Rizzo as he ducks into the dugout cannot be replicated anywhere else.
  • Theo must of forgotten to include a chapter titled “Don’t Do Stupid S*** On Twitter” when he distributed the Cubs Way manuals to the squad last year.
  • What’s funny is that in most instances, these guys could communicate the same ideas and sentiments without coming off like insensitive jerks.
  • Artie Lange was able to get media credentials?  That should be a story itself.
  • Yours truly has been selected as one of the top 52 finalist for the MLB FanCave!
  • The visual didn’t bother me…it was the grotesque sound of the kissing, especially in surround sound.

Lizard

  • I could care less if anyone is gay.  There is precious little happiness int his world so if loving someone who looks a lot like you in the mirror makes you happy, go for it.  Choose love people.  Don’t choose hate.  You are the sum of your actions and feelings so make those actions and feelings positive.

MVL

  • Congratulations to Chuck the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Shout Outs

Many thanks and congratulations to the following folks who contributed their very first 2013 Lizzie!

  • Bryan
  • CAPS
  • Katie
  • Norm

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Buddy
5. Eddie von White
6. Chuck
6. Gymjok
6. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
10. cap’n obvious
10. Noah Eisner

Chit Chat

Don’t forget to vote for Katie in the MLB Fan Cave contest. Voting continues until February 13! And speaking of caves, tell us about your man cave, or wherever you like to go when you need some time away from the grind.

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