Author Archive

GirlieView (11/12/2015)

Thursday, November 12th, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Off-Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • for once, it wasn’t about goofy curses or jinxes. It was just good old fashioned bad baseball. No goat, no black cat, no Bartman. Just crappy baseball. That was paradoxically refreshing.
  • To quote him roughly: “On behalf of all of America, thank you for beating the Cardinals. Nobody likes the Cardinals. Nobody.”
  • In defense of those who are having a difficult time accepting the 2015 demise of the Cubs (myself included), it’s a grieving process.
  • Remember what does not kill you makes you stronger.
  • This is the first time the Cubs have been this close with both obvious flaws and the resources to fix them.
  • I hope the FO thinks carefully about David Price. I’m not so sure.
  • Can he throw to first base? Does he have a personal catcher that can’t hit?
  • Even worse. He likes 80s hair bands.
  • Shit week all around. In Iowa for work and the whole Mets thing.. not sure what is worse yet. Sick kids, so literal shit in the mix. On the bright side, my wife is one step closer to sainthood, I’m back in MT, and the Cubs are still really very good.
  • Pierce whom? I’ve missed you guys.
  • Got to have a Johnson somewhere.
  • So… did I miss anything?
  • Swanson gets the crack, congrats.
  • Lizzie’s revolving around the terms “Hard” or “Wood”.
  • Lizzie’s involving CAPS that he does not “get”.
  • Lizzie’s sucking up to Lizzie for the sole purpose of getting a Lizzie.
  • Jake looks good without the beard, I am not a fan of excessive facial hair on either gender.
  • Here’s what I do want – keep that young, strong, athletic lineup intact, and add some quality pitching to it. Then you become the Royals.
  • KEEP THE CORE.
  • FA…don’t trade. I’d go with Zimmerman maybe.
  • Zimmerman, then maybe Price…then anyone else…then Samardzija.
  • I don’t know what we had in Wada, exactly, but I’m surprised he didn’t get more of a chance.
  • When will MLB realize that recycling these “old-school” guys doesn’t translate into winning today’s game?
  • I will take a shot of juice for $1M.
  • That wouldn’t be fair to the other middle-aged optometrists in the Cubs’ org.
  • I didn’t go to camp to have fun, I went to get signed. Warning track power got me a few inside the parkers since the 65 year old accounts where playing at 250 feet in the outfield giving them a 170 foot run to get my ball which took them 3 minutes and 28 seconds just for them to pick the ball up. Add three missed relays and all I had to do was cross home plate while watching the face of a disappointed catcher because the ball never made it to him at all, or even back into the infield for that matter. I thought Hendry should of given me a contract but he said the speed of the game is a little bit different at the professional level.
  • This news doesn’t come as a suprise, but Aramis Ramirez officially retired yesterday after 18 seasons. He was with the Cubs from a mid season trade in 2003 to the end of 2011. He was a favorite of mine
  • 1. Frontline starting pitcher to add to the rotation
  • 2. Psychologist for Jon Lester who can help him learn to throw to first and regulate his separation anxiety issues with David Ross, which leads to:
  • 3. Get some better catching.
  • 4. CF lead off guy.
  • 5. Resolve the pen.
  • Wait a minute….North of 200 mill for Price? No!!!!!
  • I’m with Doug on this one.
  • Me too. That’s too Pricey. (GET IT?)
  • If he could hit like he played defense, I’d bring back Reed Johnson.
  • He purportedly plays hard.
  • Bring back Reed and Scrappy McGrit Mike Fontenot and we’re talking.

Lizard

  • Now why would someone suck up to Lizzie just to get a Lizzie? Obviously someone as hard-working, smart, funny and beautiful as Lizzie would see right through that ;-)

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Bartz, Bryan, Doc Raker, Doug S, Eddie von White, Jared, Jedi, Jerry in Wisconsin, Joe Aiello, jswanson, Seymour Butts, and Sherm for their first 2015 Off-Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doug S, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doug!

Top 10 of the 2015 Off-Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Doug S
2. jswanson
2. Sherm
4. Jared
5. Doc Raker
5. Seymour Butts
7. Bryan
8. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Bartz
9. Eddie von White
9. Jedi
9. Joe Aiello

Chit Chat

  • You might remember last time I asked for some feedback on whether to change the timing or formatting of the GirlieView. Many thanks to everyone who gave suggestions! Everything’s staying the same (every two weeks, no Lizzie limit, one Lizard each time.) We’re always happy to re-visit if you have any other suggestions! Meanwhile, the next installment will be on Thanksgiving. What will you be doing this Thanksgiving?
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GirlieView (10/29/2015)

Thursday, October 29th, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • With 4 games left in the season, Kris Bryant is 10th in all of major league baseball in WAR
  • The Cardinals clinched the NL Central yesterday. This is probably a good thing because I think they are much more beatable in the NLDS than Pittsburgh would be.
  • In their wildest dreams, who would have thought the Cubs could win 95 games this year?
  • Nice outing by Lester yesterday. No matter how you slice and dice it, we need this guy to come up big in October.
  • Even if Arrieta doesn’t win the Cy Young, he still produced one of the best pitching seasons in Cubs history, and it was a pleasure to witness it.
  • We will finish the regular season at least 30 games above .500 Wow.
  • It’s the last day of the regular season, and I care.
  • Anyone who doubted the Epstein plan should be looking for crow recipes.
  • I will be bummed if Wednesday does not go as planned, but that does not change how much fun the ride has been this year.
  • Regular season has been over for about 17 hours, and apparently there are not five things we need to know today.
  • Apparently the 97 we already know are enough.
  • I guess we will be getting 15 things to know about the playoff game tomorrow.
  • I’d settle for a W and 20 things to know on Thursday.
  • Now you’re mixing Math and Algebra.
  • My nerves have been crazy for this one, but it is calming to realize that whatever happens tomorrow, they have already exceeded expectations. I think it also gets lost, with all the success of this year, that if this team matures as most young teams do, this offense will be downright scary for years to come.
  • I thought a season like this was essentially impossible in 2015.
  • It’s October 7th and the first thing on our minds is the Cubs.
  • At least Rodriguez finally got to hit something…the water cooler.
  • Same number of wins – only we keep going
  • Equally 98 wins, and equally 1 fewer pitchers HPB out of spite.. go Cubs!
  • Let’s go kick the shit out of the Cardinals
  • we have what it takes to take those dirty birds out. The Cardinals are nervous.
  • Even as the Cubs tacked on a fourth run on Fowler’s solo shot in the fifth inning, I still felt like I couldn’t exhale until the final out of the ninth inning.
  • I’m opposed to the whole idea of throwing at a player in general, but especially not at the pitcher. It felt like a move by a team that knew they were done, and they were just reaching for anything to make themselves feel better.
  • After a quick run-down of the implications of the WC game, Mrs. Swanson designated ‘elsewhere’ and ‘garage’ as possible viewing venues. Gesture of kindness.. no kids. I chose the later. Four-run lead so the littlest and I watched a few innings in the La-Z-Boy before her bedtime. It was the right choice for sure.
  • It doesn’t help Rizzo when LaStella bats behind him.
  • David Ross must have black mail pictures on Maddon
  • Last night the Cubs hitters from 3-6 were Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Starlin Castro, and Chris Coghlan. They combined for an 0-for-13 night with 5 K’s and 2 double plays. Not a single one reached base.
  • We’ve been Cub fans long enough to know that no amount of optimism can erase the worry in the back of our minds. A win today will change that.
  • I will admit my obvious bias here and say that if this were any other team in baseball, I’d be more inclined to believe it, but after Cardinals starter Jaime Garcia left the game yesterday, news slowly came out that he had apparently been suffering from a “stomach ailment.”
  • mega props to Sherm for getting Soler in there.
  • Watching them throw the ball all over the field and Molina not back up the play was most enjoyable and rewarding.
  • Maybe if Ross played first base when Lester pitched, he could throw there.
  • I prefer Wood, Travis not Seymours blue pill kind.
  • Not my pill…I just write your Rx.
  • CUBS WIN! even sweeter because I didn’t have to stay up late to see it happen!
  • So happy. Wish we could all hug it out..
  • Cubs- it means a baby Bear, a young Bear. Maybe the formula all along was to have a group of young talented players to naive to know they aren’t suppose to win.
  • I would really like to see Ross get a big hit at some point.
  • We all would.
  • Whatever does happen in the NLCS and going forward from there, I think something very important for the future of the Cubs happened in the NLDS: They beat St. Louis.
  • I didn’t feel like Lester pitched bad, but when you’re being called on to get a win, you have to pitch better.
  • The offense appeared to have NO game plan whatsoever. Swung at too many first pitches early and which kept Harvey’s pitch count low, and then later in the game when he was throwing EVERYONE a first pitch fastball…they’re taking.
  • This team has had streaks of good and bad all year long…unfortunately, we’ve hit a bad streak at the wrong time.
  • Let’s all mentally hold hands and say a prayer…
  • I don’t know if the Cubs will lose this series. More than likely they will, but I do know this. I know I’ll be in front of my television tonight watching game 4 and cheering my heart out and you should to.

Lizard

  • Well Fuck!

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to everyone for all your input, thoughtful commentary, humor, and friendship. VFTB couldn’t exist without you. (Well it could, but Joe would be lonely!) Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Sherm, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time around! Way to go!

Final 2015 Season Standings (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. jswanson
5. Sherm
6. Joe Aiello
7. Doug S.
8. Jared Wyllys
8. Jedi
10. Dork
11. Bryan
12. Buddy
13. Katie
14. Jerry in Wisconsin
15. cap’n realist
16. Sean Powell
17. Mark from Toronto
17. Nick Dorey
17. Noah
20. Alex Botts
20. Chet
22. Jeremiah
22. King in the Nawth
24. Nate Head
25. Adam Peters
25. Bartz
25. Common Sense
25. Douglas Bath
25. Gaz
25. Josh
25. Kac
25. Michaer
25. mike
25. nmmatt
25. painhertz
25. RC
25. Tom

Chit Chat

  • So, that’s a wrap. It didn’t end the way we dreamed, yet at the same time it was so much better than we dreamed! We’re thinking of re-tooling the GirlieView in the off season to keep things interesting. Maybe every month instead of every other week. Maybe a limited number of Lizzies available for claiming each month, maybe unlimited (as current.) Maybe more than one Lizard. Do you have any ideas? What would you like to see? We’d love to hear your suggestions!
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GirlieView (10/01/2015)

Thursday, October 1st, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Blame genetics or the deity of your choice.
  • The Castro hate is so tired and old.
  • History (and playoff format) says 50% of wild card teams go home after one game.
  • I don’t know any of them well enough to assess their lay ability, but I would give a nod toward Cindy Sandberg.
  • Question about Hendricks for those of you smarter than me – What the heck is wrong with him?
  • I think you meant to say: “What the Sam Heck?”
  • Mr. Heck told me never to use his first name…
  • Did I mention I know a kid named Sam Heck?
  • Actually, his name is Sam Hell, but they made him change it to Heck because of the “rules of the blog”
  • We have the talent out there, but there is an old expression about chains and weakest links…and there is not a better example of that in sports than a bullpen.
  • It has been a solid 7 years since September baseball was so important.
  • Before we get to the five things, I wanted to take a minute and thank everyone for reading this blog. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and we don’t do enough to say thank you. I could try to come up with something witty and try for a Lizzie, but instead I truly want to say thank you.
  • Lester picked a guy off and actually threw to first! If nothing else good happened in this game, that was epic.
  • So, what’s the strategy? Arietta, Lester and pray for rain?
  • I might not be opposed to the idea of a “bullpen game” in between starts from Lester and Arrieta in a playoff series.
  • Doc and Len Kasper are now forever linked in my mind.
  • Playing conventionally has not exactly reaped great rewards for the past century or so.
  • Where is our morning fix? That afternoon quickie has worn off already.
  • I have more trust in Travis Wood than Hammel, Hendricks or Haren at this point.
  • The sweet mystery of youth – swing for the fences when a base hit will do…
  • For any of you who want to see Castro get traded, Castro’s AB’s are much better than Soler’s and Baez, the rookies still have to learn patience and pitch recognition. Down and away slider and they are done.
  • People complain Lester doesn’t get much run support when he pitches – that’s because he can’t hit and neither can Ross. It’s hard to score runs when you have two automatic outs in the lineup.
  • “Ross has picked off 4 base runners this year, that can be very helpful in post season play.” Blah blah, so can getting hits be helpful.
  • I’d leave Soler off, too. He hasn’t learned situational hitting and in the playoffs brains matter.
  • The question thus becomes “would you rather play 1 game against the Pirates and a best-of-five against the Cardinals or 1 game against the Cardinals and a best-of-five against the Pirates?”
  • Just the thought of the Cubs eliminating the Cardinals in post season play whether it be the wild card game or divisional series gives me the goose bumps.
  • I like the idea of keeping both Baez and Castro, and running out all of the bats with Bryant in RF.
  • back in 08 while broadcasting the Cubs Dojers playoff series they kept hoping for Michael Jordan to appear in some form or fashion so they could talk about someone they actually know.
  • The part of me that I’m less proud of is already bracing myself for the inevitable excuses that will come from some members of the Cardinals fanbase when they falter in the playoffs, which I expect that they will.
  • The perfect hitter’s response – anticipating what the pitcher might do, and just trying to make solid contact. He’s not trying to end the game – he’s trying to hit the ball hard…get on base, maybe shoot a gap…
  • I wonder where we’d be if Dale Sveum or Ricky Renteria were still managing the Cubs?
  • Watching preseason hockey.
  • I think there were 5 fans left in the stadium after the rain delay.

Lizard

  • just focus on enjoying the fact that we’re in, and few of us expected to be.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout out to Kac for his first 2015 Season Lizzie!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doc!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. jswanson
5. Joe Aiello
6. Sherm
7. Doug S.
8. Jedi
9. Dork
9. Jared Wyllys
10. Bryan

Chit Chat

  • Construct your Wild Card Playoff Game lineup!
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GirlieView (09/17/2015)

Thursday, September 17th, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Is it Emelio Bonifacio? When is the last time you saw a player with a first name and last name that ends in the letters I and O?
  • Donnio Roachio.
  • Dan “Homerun” Haren
  • And to think we gave up Jr Lake, I guess a little rain must fall even in the brightest of front offices.
  • **cough – Edwin Jackson – cough**
  • Anyone notice the Royals have been hit by Chickenpox? Who is their team physician? Jenny McCarthy?
  • Despite a couple of homers recently – I think Rizzo needs an extra day off every now and again. He’s tired. Infield pop ups = tired.
  • I AGREE WITH LIZZIE!
  • At the beginning of the Lizzie season, I never thought I would be ranked so highly. J Swan is much funnier than I am, EVW is just a solid wit. Raker is a putz, but a verbose one, and I did not count on Noah moving across the country and diminishing his volume. Oh… did I get off topic.
  • Surprising no one, Arrieta was named the National League pitcher of the month for August.
  • Maybe Sandberg can carry Dave Martinez’s bag. He wouldn’t be the first Sandberg to do so…………
  • That didn’t take long.
  • the ability to draw a hard earned walk is the quickest way to my heart.
  • Jake is in great shape, he isn’t going to be fatigued by pitching 112 pitches instead of 100
  • And, quite honestly, if the Cubs do lose that game, I think I’d be rooting for the Pirates. That fan base deserves it, and I’d love to see Ramirez win one before he retires.
  • Starlin Castro has been tremendous in the new role as part-time starter and bench player. I think it shows great character that he didn’t let his demotion get him down
  • Nice tantrum by Grimm after getting yanked in the 7th. He looked like a spoiled 10-year old.
  • JD said it was ok for grown ups to act like that. His job is high stress.
  • Len said Richie Blackmore from Deep Purple would have similar tantrums when something went wrong on tour.
  • Was wrong about Lester today. He had a very good outing. The pen did not.
  • That seems worrisome.
  • The bullpen strikes fear into the hearts of no one, with the exception of Cub fans. Very mediocre – and not good enough to take us through the post-season, I’m afraid.
  • Did Lester NEED to come out with 105 pitches? Was he gassed, or was it just the “Magical Arbitrary Number of Pitches Allowed by the Modern Day Baseball Gods?” thing again? I’m waiting for the Packers to pull Aaron Rodgers in the fourth quarter of game this season – for having already made 50 passes. Or maybe “Fowler’s coming out – he’s reached his 25 swing limit for the game.”
  • Lester’s lack of run support has a lot to do with the 2 out black hole he and Ross create.
  • That’s an excellent point, Michaer. One of these days Lester is going to have to quit being such a Primadonna and pitch to Montero or Schwarber.
  • As soon as Strop came in I poured myself a shot to numb the inevitable pain of what’s to come.
  • To be fair though maddon didn’t start an outfielder that couldn’t throw more than 20 feet
  • Maddon has been enthusiastic about their play all season long, commending his troops in moments of excellence and encouraging them when it goes awry. It’s no secret that the team loves Maddon; his personality is genuine, and he consistently involves his entire team as Cubs box scores are often littered with pinch hitters and defensive replacements. Any way you spin it, Joe Maddon has been a fantastic manager this year.
  • Seriously, in the WS, it’d be a tough decision on who to DH for…Ross or whoever is pitching. Well, okay, not seriously, but you get the point.
  • I begrudgingly agree. Mostly because you outsource yard work.
  • The village idiot got lucky with a kick save – and survived the 8th. Let’s have a parade.
  • our 7-8-9 inning “guys” all shit the bed
  • also, the BP ‘pooped’ the bed, because we’re not supposed to swear here
  • Babies and dogs poop. Babies and dogs are cute. There’s not a whole lot of cute in the bullpen for the Chicago National League ballclub.
  • Grimm is a mental case. He should be able to suck it up, but the bubble gum bucket episode the other night proves otherwise.
  • Every reliever in baseball is a displaced, ergo, disgruntled starter. Therefore, only the ones who are smart enough and secure enough to understand and embrace their NEW role, can adapt mentally and really handle the job.
  • I have a pit in my stomach that will likely stay for the remainder of the regular season. It’s great to have meaningful baseball in September, but damn…this is nerve-wracking.
  • Maddon perfectly managed the bullpen in the nightcap.
  • I think we found our closer.
  • Great outing by Lester. Please stay hot for a while.
  • Nice that Raker”s dad only had to pay $2.75 so Raker could see Burt Hooton throw a no-hitter.
  • The Old Style was still 8 bucks.
  • He’s leading the globe in SB’s against, and I can’t figure out why the organization isn’t doing everything possible to try to fix it. Not trying to poop on the parade of an otherwise well pitched game…it’s just alarming with the playoffs looming.
  • what the Sam heck was Baez doing with that safety squeeze in the 6th?
  • I know a kid named Sam Heck.

Lizard

  • Relievers + Walks = Losses. Period.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Adam Peters, Josh, Michaer, and Nate Head for their first 2015 Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Sherm, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Sherm, glad you’ve been having a chance to hang around again!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. jswanson
5. Joe Aiello
6. Doug S.
7. Jedi
8. Sherm
9. Dork
10. Jared Wyllys

Chit Chat

  • As the post season quickly approaches, what do you feel is the Cubs’ biggest asset right now? And what is their greatest liability?
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GirlieView (09/03/2015)

Thursday, September 3rd, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I feel like we need to win tonight
  • You know the pitching went bad when Chris Denorfia is your best pitcher of the night.
  • Maybe it’s not throwing to first – maybe he’s afraid of first base in general. Would explain why he can’t hit, either.
  • I am ecstatic. I like many others saw this team as a .500 ball club. Everything beyond that is gravy.
  • The mountains are beautiful this time of year. Have you ever considered a month at a Dude Ranch? Connecting with wild life and nature can be invigorating.
  • And no WIFI or cell signal. I see what you’re trying to do.
  • When the pimply faced nerd lobs enough compliments at the prom queen, she eventually throws him a bone.
  • After a frustrating three game losing streak that caused me to question all that is good in life (being in contention will do that to you)
  • I guess I’ve bought into Raker’s incessant Len thing at some point… not enjoying these Braves guys, but here I am again.
  • A one off game in the Wild Card is a virtual coin flip – regardless of it occurring in Chicago or Pittsburgh. But you must finish in one of the spots to have any chance.
  • The world is a better place when the Cubs are winning.
  • I am leaving now for a soul cleansing weekend (prescribed by Doctor Raker)
  • It’d be cool if Haren could throw fewer homers.
  • One of my favorite parts of this season is the mindset that the Cubs play with everyday. Even being down 7-3, they never counted themselves out and fought hard for the win.
  • Great comeback and it was nice to finally see Edwin Jackson taking a loss that wasn’t on the Cubs side of the box score.
  • The next time the Cubs drop a few games in a row, remember days like the last four or five that we’ve had
  • Where’s light-hitting speedster Tony Campana and his giant helmet when you need him?
  • The minute I started wishing for Brenly to come back was when I realized just how bad it was.
  • Well that was a thorough ass-kicking.
  • I think I’d rather have Travis Wood out there throwing hard.
  • Wood has been rock solid as the long relief guy.
  • I like the low-risk Rodney signing as long as 1) he quits shooting fake arrows after he gets a save, and 2) he wears his cap like an adult.
  • I’d let this guy shoot all the fake arrows he wants, as long as it’s after getting a save.
  • At least Rodney has a beard, so I’ll still be able to differentiate amongst the two crooked hat wearing relievers we now have.
  • The Cubs now top the majors in CHWR (crooked hat wearing relievers).
  • We’d better start hitting those guys. If we make the playoffs, the other teams will not be throwing mutts on the mound.
  • It seems that pitchers are starting to figure Schwarber out, and how to most exploit his weaknesses and inexperience.
  • The Cubs are not thinking like Champions right now, Arrieta should get them back on track.
  • Saber geeks, please throw me some stats that’ll help chill my rage at another poor Lester performance. Thanks.
  • When Jon Lester is good he is pretty good. When he is bad, he is very bad. When he starts out good and ends up bad, that’s bad.
  • Stats so simple, even I understand it.
  • I would think at this point even Lester would give the ball to Arrieta
  • In regards to ESPN’s crew, I thought Jessica Mendoza was a huge improvement over Curt Schilling
  • I’m not the biggest Ron Coomer fan, but at least I didn’t have to hear about the Pat McGee Band’s next gig.

Lizard

  • That Arrieta guy is pretty good.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Bartz, Nick Dorey, and nmmatt for their first 2015 Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Eddie von White, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go EVW!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Joe Aiello
4. jswanson
6. Doug S.
7. Jedi
8. Dork
9. Jared Wyllys
10. Bryan

Chit Chat

  • I almost don’t remember how to act when the calendar turns over to September and we’re still watching meaningful baseball. Tell the truth. When this season started did you ever think the Cubs would be solidly holding down a Wild Card spot when September came around?

 

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GirlieView (08/20/2015)

Thursday, August 20th, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Baez’s miLB numbers mean nothing at this point. He’s proven he can hit in the minors at an impressive clip.
  • Cubs showed up last night and played their game. Pretty fun to watch.
  • If La Stella comes up who’s going down?
  • Cindy Sandberg.
  • Snare, kickdrum, cymbal.
  • Tip the waitstaff, Doug
  • I was trying really hard to forget that Darwin Barney ever played for the Cubs.
  • I think you mean you’re trying to forget that he ever played hard for the Cubs.
  • So Raker has attempted to leap over me but got stuck partway in the attempt. Many years ago I saw a sign, supposedly in a nudist camp, requesting that gentlemen playing leapfrog complete their leaps.
  • Please do not adjust your avatar to suit.
  • I’m Slipping, or should i say slumping – Starlin and I are gonna have to pick up our game.
  • Look out EVW, I am squaring up some Lizzie’s like the red hot Rizzo!
  • I thought Bryant and Soler would be ROY candidates but I think Schwarber is going to end up being the Cubs top rookie. Who would of thought.
  • After 2 shaky starts I am a little worried about Hammel
  • My schedule now officially revolves around the Cubs schedule.
  • While the game wasn’t quite played last night, per se, I like the title anyway.
  • September 1st can’t get here quick enough. We’ve got depth coming out of our ears and no place to put some of these guys.
  • It’s not looking good for Castro’s chance to get back into the lineup in the near future.
  • No one was surprised Motte got hit except Len and Jim.
  • I am jonesing for more Cubs baseball!
  • Yeah, no kidding. A day off might have come at just the right time for Big Daddy Joe’s anniversary celebration, but I’m bleeding bad here.
  • The move to take Starlin Castro out of the very day lineup was necessary
  • My hope is that we are all truly appreciating the significance of what we are seeing, as the Cubs of 2015 are greatly surpassing expectations thus far.
  • …only saw 8 of the 9 runs score. Pesky people interrupting me.
  • Asking about Maui Jims? Or is that the other guy?
  • These last two weeks have suddenly made my half-empty glass half-full!
  • I dig those road uni’s the Cubs wore today, I wouldn’t mind seeing those all the time.
  • Genius – “The numbers keep working in our favor as long as we keep winning.”
  • That sort of deep thinking is what I add to the dialogue
  • Furthermore, this line up can hurt you anywhere, it isn’t dependent on just one or two hitters anymore. I would rather have five 20 home run guys than one 100 home run guy, it is harder on opposing pitchers and makes everyone better.
  • Ramirez doesn’t appear close to being able to begin a rehab assignment, which means the Cubs would possibly be without him the remaining part of the year…bad news. Soriano appears close to starting a rehab assignment, which means he would be close to returning soon…bad news.
  • My 7 year old daughter is well on her way to becoming a hitting coach with this astute observation: “They would score more runs if they hit the ball more often”
  • I’ve yet to see anything from Dan Haren that we couldn’t have seen from Tsuyoshi Wada or someone like that down the stretch.
  • Only streak we NEED is to continue to win or tie every series we play. I’d take 2 of 3 and 2 or 3 of 4 for the rest of…well, forever.
  • The winning binge has them on pace to wildly exceed even the rosiest of pre-season projections. I know I didn’t think this was a 90-win team.
  • BTJ
  • If there is a Cubs WS game on Halloween, screw trick-or-treating. I will buy the kids as much candy as they want…I ain’t putting pants on or leaving the house.
  • I appreciate the passion, but put on some pants, Bryan. For the kids…
  • when the rain delay kicked in during the third inning, it was perhaps a stroke of mercy

Lizard

  • The Cubs are turning into appointment television now.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to mike for his first 2015 Season Lizzie!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doc!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Joe Aiello
5. jswanson
6. Jedi
7. Doug S.
8. Dork
9. Jared Wyllys
10. Bryan

Chit Chat

  • I like to ask this every so often since it sometimes changes through the course of a season, or even a series! Who is your favorite Cub right now?

 

 

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GirlieView (08/06/2015)

Thursday, August 6th, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Another thing to know for today…my wife and I are celebrating our 9th anniversary…so how the heck can I spin this to make two Cubs game part of the anniversary plans?
  • That would be a sweet anniversary.
  • you’d be surprised at the number of higher end restaurants that have flat screen TV’s these days…do your research and seat yourself strategically. Happy Anniversary.
  • “Watching Castro and Bryant flailing away at unreachable sliders reminds me of the Foreigner concert I attended back in 1982. Come flail away, come flail away, come flail away with me ya, come flail away, come flail away come flail away with me ya.”
  • I think that was Journey.
  • Definitely Styx
  • …as in Castro and Bryant got no Styx lately.
  • What is the world coming to when classic rock songs are miss-attributed.
  • Len stands corrected. Len is heading out to Stix after the game tonight, it’s a Styx tribute band.
  • Multitasked big time. Caught the big inning on the way home with the kids. While making dinner caught Wood pitch hard (on one of the tablets on the counter, because I’m a good parent.) Caught TeaGarden hit a go-ahead while giving the kids a bath. Watched Motte wrap it up as the kids ran around after bath. Go Cubs.
  • You can by amused by the monkeys in the trees masturbating or throwing hands full of feces, but please don’t do either yourself in public.
  • Does anyone else have issues when they read the Lizzies remembering if they said it or someone else said it? Every edition I scan for it, but can never remember if there are my statements.
  • You are alone in this category.
  • No. I’m unfortunate enough to remember every stupid comment I make.
  • You are growing old Joe. Don’t be late for dinner, the dinning hall opens at 3PM and they tend to run out of soft foods around 4.
  • I believe I recognize mine. Kind of like my body parts. It may not be impressive, but I know it belongs to me.
  • I recognize mine…but mostly because my LPC ratio remains high atop the standings. Lizzies Per Comment is the only metric that matters.
  • Nice, I felt like that Lizard was mine, but couldn’t remember.
  • Wait.. are you guys still talking about blog comments or did this get weird?
  • Weird. Fairly certain I heard the exact same line at a truck stop.
  • Sherm is pissed. I go to China for 6 days and you guys let the team fall apart…what’s up with that?
  • We keep talking about the Cubs fattening up during this stretch against sub .500 teams but it doesn’t always work that way.
  • I find myself a bit anxious waiting for the game today. Need a win Mr Lester.
  • Lester is doing his job today. How about that.
  • if you think the Cubs can’t score runs, browse through some box scores from Mets games.
  • I was at Wrigley today. Ugh!
  • My guess is that if you didn’t already know this one happened and you came here to find out the things you should know for today, you probably are a very fringe fan. That’s OK, we welcome you anyway, but try to pay better attention.
  • The Cubs have a soft schedule down the stretch, but it doesn’t really matter when you can’t beat the bad teams. When you play down to the competition, you don’t deserve to be in the runnings.
  • One more thing – our son got married on Friday. We now have another daughter in the family and future Cub fan! Life is good.
  • Character counts.
  • When you need to know it, Joe will let you know. Until then, just sit tight.
  • Concierge catcher Ross perfect on the mound and at the plate yesterday
  • The fickle nature of some Cub fans never ceases to amaze me.
  • But this was always going to happen. Guys were going to slump. Adjustments were going to be needed. And yet there’s a lot of knee-jerking going on around here. This team is right where everyone expected them to be…but because they went on a bit of a tear early in the year, those expectations got inflated to something that’s not sustainable.
  • Even after a very dismal weekend against the Phillies, a single win against the Rockies last night has dramatically lifted the spirits of Cubs fans everywhere
  • I’ll be honest, I wrote the game off after the top of the 9th and am happy to be wrong.
  • Maybe that’s my problem. I have two Castro shirts and a jersey. If he’s traded then I need to go shopping.
  • It is worth noting that after pushing many Cubs fans to the brink of frustration, Lester has put together a very nice string of starts lately.
  • I know nothing about you Doc, but since I’ve been on this blog, at least once an inning while listening to Len, he says something stupid and I think “I hope Doc Raker didn’t hear that.”
  • Still hoping we stand pat.
  • Junior Lake well, I am sure he will do well with the Orioles where underachieving top Cub prospects always seem to end up.
  • Had to apply a little more deodorant in the 9th but we needed that!
  • Hector was the one stinking the place up. He must have a contract with a deodorant company on the side.
  • Bryant has a hole in his swing and it is being exploited by the opposition therefore a little bench time, film review and cage work could help him correct the problem.
  • It is the catch 22 for this young team. How much do you want to get them reps and how much time do they need to process the corrections needed. All while still trying to put the best team on the field.
  • Dan Haren has not pitched yet for the Cubs. That was Clayton Richards, they differ not only in looks and age, but also with which arm they use to throw a baseball.
  • Weird that got past the editor.
  • Giants blew a 6 run lead and then in the 12th inning they go up 1 run only to give up a 2 run bomb in the bottom of the 12th to lose. Pity.

Lizard

  • I do not want to be at a no hitter against the Cubs anywhere.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Common Sense, and King in the Nawth for their first 2015 Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doc!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Doc Raker
2. Seymour Butts
4. Joe Aiello
5. jswanson
6. Jedi
7. Doug S.
8. Dork
9. Jared Wyllys
10. Bryan

Chit Chat

  • There’s been some discussion this week on our infield situation and who to bring up/send down/start/sit/etc. Pretend you are king and name your ideal starting infield from the options we currently have at our disposal (including AAA).
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GirlieView (07/23/2015)

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I think a story for 2015 is the unusual high quantity of impact rookies in the league.
  • Good teams win games like this
  • I was a little surprised that Jake Arrieta did not make the National League roster
  • The schedule for the month of July (barring St. Louis) looks pretty Cubs-friendly, but they need to score more than they have been lately.
  • Fun game to watch…this Rizzo kid has some pretty legit power.
  • Don’t forget moxie!
  • Some folks that were not paying attention last year (can you blame them?) might think that last night was Beeler’s Major League debut, but it was not. He came up last year and made two starts.
  • Why would somebody name their kid Dallas?
  • …maybe hoping that all girls named Debbie would be attracted to him.
  • I know a person named Dallas, Cheyenne, Austin, Houston, Sierra, Phoenix, Savannah, Rocky, Mountain, Blue ,Ocean, and I even know a kid with a last name of Rivers with a first name Hudson and he has a sister named Mississippi.
  • The Rivers should name their next kid Susquehanna, then we would know they are serious about their rivers.
  • Every time they show Molina, he looks like that stray dog in the neighborhood that nobody wants.
  • Maybe the Cardinals should stop feeding him.
  • Where instant replay really has future value is balls and strikes. It is simply unfair to be wrung up on a 3rd strike that was well off the plate and low as happened at the end of Sunday’s game.
  • This just in – Fowler still stinks from the left side. His job was to get on base so that Rizzo had a SHOT at tying or winning the game, and he’s swinging like Dave Kingman (a lot like Dave Kingman, in that he keeps missing the ball.)
  • Swung at 3 pitches out of the zone, good morning, good afternoon and good night.
  • and was trying to hit them to the moon. Best hitter on the team is on deck and he could not have cared less. Now, all that said, if Joe Maddon is a great manager, as reported, he needs to address that, or this will never be a great team.
  • Dare I say it, but Strop is starting to remind me a little of our old friend Carlos Marmol (with the exception of lacking the ability to put his hat on straight). I seem to get that same feeling in my stomach everytime they bring him on late in a close game.
  • I’ll watch (and try not to listen to) the HR derby.
  • Recap- Rockies (not the baseball kind) – backpacking- 4000 ft elevation change. If my heart explodes you guys might never hear from me again (after tomorrow).
  • Talk to Seymour about exploding hearts. He might be able to help you prevent one.
  • …and talk to Doc Raker if you need some Maui Jims to cut down on some glare.
  • Hearts really don’t explode. I do enjoy hearing people speak of their or their relatives heart attack as being “massive”. I’ve come to view it as bragging about the results of their poor lifestyle choices.
  • The 4000 ft elevation change is start of trip to the finish. I live here along the great lakes at 700 ft and will be starting the backpacking at 10,000.
  • Bit of a different wicket.
  • We are getting wonderful pitching but my Lord you can’t win if you don’t score.
  • If I’m pitching against the Cubs, and I see Fowler leadoff, Montera 4 or 5, and the pitcher 8th? I’m thinking “GREAT – I have strategic outs all over this lineup. I don’t have to GIVE IN to anyone.”
  • He spoke after the game and had the message that the team needs to “figure it out”. At this point, I need Lester to figure it out. I need him to get a win.
  • If we lose the wildcard spot because of bad defense at catcher so be it, we need to score some runs and take the chance, the upside is to big to pass up.
  • I would love to see the Futures Game better showcased. It’s an excellent way to draw in younger fans that just gets ignored. MLB does a really poor job at promoting itself in general, so I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise.
  • I hope Lester is watching Jake kill it out there. Great game.
  • Wild turn of events. We go from having too many catchers (Montero, Beef, Ross) to a guy named Teagarden and talking about Schwarber.
  • I have been impressed with Teagarden – he calls and catches a pretty good game. And I think I saw him get a hit, which is more than I can say for Ross.
  • Speaking of Ross – does anyone believe the concussion story? I think they just sat him down. Maybe the magician was also a hypnotist (“David – you’re getting sleepy…you have a headache…”)
  • Maybe they’re trying to wean Lester.
  • Does that make Teagarden a “weanee” or a “weaner”?
  • That would be easier to answer if his name was Teatgarden.
  • I was in a Teatgarden once. Oh, wait, that was a Hooters. Nevermind.
  • Weiner. With an I.
  • Weiner with an eye? (I really have to stop asking Siri to read my emails to me.)
  • It’s on the end.
  • I miss Beef. This FO has made many great moves but I don’t understand the Ross for Beef moves.
  • Agreed, at least there was some offensive production from the Beef, unlike Ross who is starting to remind me of an older version of Koyie Hill.
  • A lower cholesterol option?
  • It’s official – I’d rather listen to Len Kasper for an hour than Chris Berman for a minute.
  • The move to a timed round had an immediate effect. I saw far fewer pitches being passed on, as the hitters were much more concerned about capitalizing while they had the time.
  • Looks like the Cubs will not have home field advantage in the World Series, we need to win it in 5 games so we can celebrate in Wrigley with Ernie and Ron.
  • If Ernie and Ron are at Wrigley, there’s a funeral home out there not doing their job.
  • Lester did a great job yesterday. I’m very happy to type that.
  • We No Longer Have Roach(es)
  • Lot of knees jerking around here.
  • the competition seemed to exhaust certain players (Prince Fielder)
  • Schwarber’s bat is impressive even when he makes an out…that being said, he looks stiff and tall behind the plate.
  • If “fairly well” doesn’t work for you, then how would you suggest describing it?
  • not good. Simple as that.
  • I would say he looks stiff.
  • So did Wood last night.

Lizard

  • It’s fun again, people. It’s fun to be a Cubs fan.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to cap’n realist, and Mark from Toronto for their first 2015 Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Sherm, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard) – Since we’re just past half way, I’ll post the full results!

1. Eddie von White
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Joe Aiello
5. Jedi
5. jswanson
7. Dork
7. Doug S.
9. Jared Wyllys
10. Katie
10. Sherm
12. Buddy
13. Bryan
13. Jerry in Wisconsin
15. Sean Powell
16. Alex Botts
16. Chet
18. Jeremiah
19. cap’n realist
19. Mark from Toronto
19. Noah
22. Douglas Bath
22. Gaz
22. painhertz
22. RC
22. Tom

Chit Chat

  • Ok, pretend you’re the GM. What would you do to ensure a competitive remainder of the season for our Cubs? Do you trade for more pitching? Trade for more hitting? Do nothing and go with what you’ve got? Rent a catcher? Take your chances with Schwarber? Go with Teagarden? Call Ross your main man? Rearrange your lineup (we’ve already heard some great ideas on that front.) Let’s hear your best plans!
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GirlieView (07/09/2015)

Thursday, July 9th, 2015

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2015 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Jake, from State Farm.
  • Happy Belated Birthday, Raker,
  • Belated is right, it was in November.
  • We only remember the brother we like.
  • Jon Lester, proving once again he’s a “sometimes” ace.
  • A most-of-the-time ticked off “ace.”
  • The older I get, the more I realize that baseball, while I love it, is not all that important in the grand scheme of things.
  • You know what, fuck Pete Rose. We should be done with this by now.
  • Apparently you and I differ in that I am not willing to have carnal relations with him. I do agree with the sentiment that he just go away. The players that were his contemporaries that I have spoken with (small sample size, I know), uniformly think he does not belong because of the gambling. Probably hurts his chances that he was and is an arrogant prick.
  • That’s a CAPS-like visceral hatred not normally displayed by you jswan? The hit king do something to you early in your formative stages?
  • He was shoving umps when I was an impressionable young Cubs fan. I’m just sick of the whole thing..he was doing professional wrestling stuff for a while for christ sake. Idiot.
  • IM AM SORRY BUT WE ARE PLAYING THE BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE WINNING 2-1 WITH AN UNHITTABLE PITCHER ON CRUISE CONTROL. LET HIM PITCH
  • there are times when the best closer…is the starter. More managers need to understand that.
  • [Strop] has yet to instill any confidence in anyone except the hitters.
  • Please sit down if you are standing, I want to say something nice about Len Kasper.
  • I leave town and the cubs loose 5 – what the hell were you guys doing while I was gone.
  • We always need an in-house dork. I had no idea they kept percentages on soft and hard. Why hasn’t Seymour commented on this yet?
  • Profuse apologies. I’ve been distracted. I only hope that Reed Johnson can forgive me.
  • Stand Pat.
  • Totally agree…the best move for the Cubs is probably going to be sitting this trade deadline out.
  • Not that the game was that long, but a 0-0 tie that goes into extra innings is hardly riveting for most people. And Matt Forte was on a recorded episode of Celebrity Family Feud, so we had things to get to, you know.
  • I come off of vacation and the cubs win 2. I’m just sayin.
  • Why are we talking about the Cardinals?
  • The Cubs need to hit, you can win against the Mets or Marlins with 1 or 2 runs but not the Cardinals, let’s get some runs.

Lizard

  • The Good: … Nobody was injured!

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Sherm for his first 2015 Season Lizzie!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Seymour, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Butts!

Top 10 of the 2015 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Eddie von White
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Jedi
5. Joe Aiello
6. jswanson
7. Dork
8. Doug S.
9. Katie
10. Buddy

Chit Chat

  • (I had to wrap things up a bit early this time around (Monday) but as usual I’ll pick up right where I left off so your gems won’t go to waste!) As you know, we’re approaching the All Star break. Usually I’m so done with the Cubs by this time of year I don’t mind it. Not so this year! I’ll miss having games to watch. And I’m not a big fan of the All Star festivities themselves. How about you? Will you take in the All Star game (et al) or will you fill your baseball time with a different endeavor during the break?
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