Author Archive

GirlieView (06/27/2013)

Thursday, June 27th, 2013

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • My wife says I am the king of stupid movie knowledge.
  • I can’t print what my wife says about me.
  • I don’t have a lot to say that would be worthwhile about this game or this team right now.
  • Wake me if Theo makes a move in December.
  • Would you like Chuck to gently stroke your beard to wake you?
  • I am available.
  • I lost out on a $650mil when my last lotto ticket had the wrong numbers printed on it.
  • That will be followed by a rousing round of mowing the lawn before the Army requests to use my yard to simulate jungle conditions.
  • First to arrive gets 1 free signed Cap Obvious baseball. second prize is 2 Cap Obvious balls.
  • Second prize for the Missus is also two Cap’n Obvious balls.
  • I like the symmetry
  • I heard one of the sportscasters say he was a wide receiver at Notre Dame.
  • Shaun “I spell my name wrong” Marcum
  • Dave “I-defend-Ian-Stewart-on-Twitter” Sappelt
  • Make sure you keep up with VFTB on your honeymoon, CAPS and jswan musings can be very romantic.
  • What kind of bizzaro world are we living in when the words “Marlon Byrd went yard” are still being uttered?
  • The one where we were upset to not see Kevin Gregg on the bump.
  • And one where Kevin Gregg is on our list of All Star candidates.
  • Also where last year’s representative is battling hams in Asia.
  • Other things Marmol wouldn’t be able to close victoriously: The toilet seat, Child-proof medicine bottles, A war with France
  • why does no one seem to care that he’s got musical notes tattooed on his neck?
  • Is that what is on Yadi’s neck, musical notes? I thought they were Chinese symbols, they are hideous either way.
  • As opposed to all of those tasteful neck tattoos.
  • I still don’t miss Braun.
  • How on earth did you get Sveum’s diary?
  • Spy craft. I watched a lot of Get Smart as a kid.
  • Imagine if football teams had closers.
  • [Barney] has no business that high in the order unless he’s playing in a lineup full of pitchers, and even then I’d have to strongly consider Travis Wood over him.
  • With a project of building my wife’s kitten a cat “castle” awaiting me on the back deck, I felt safe leaving the fate of the game in Wood’s very capable hand.
  • It is clear that Rizzo’s haircut is the reason for breaking out of the slump.
  • Raspberry cheesecake cookies actually pair wonderfully with ranch.
  • …in the trash? …as a digestive? …when trying to pass a kidney stone?

Lizard

  • the team has released disgruntled third baseman Ian Stewart.

MVL

  • Congratulations to Jeremiah Johnson, the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Eddie von White
4. Doc Raker
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Jeremiah Johnson
9. Buddy
10. Doug S.

Chit Chat

By the time the next GirlieView is published, summer will be more than half overwith and we’ll be past the All Star Break. What are a few things you’d like to see the Cubs do during the remainder of the season? “Be done with Ian Stewart” was on the top of my list so I’m a happy gal, and I know many are very happy that Marmol won’t be throwing any more games for us (literally and figuratively.) How about you? What’s on your Cubs to-do list?

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GirlieView (06/13/2013)

Thursday, June 13th, 2013

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Much better, especially now that we don’t get “yes dear, you’re right, I’m sorry.”
  • Garza should not be talking to the media about this.
  • With Dale Sveum’s first chance to use the DH, he looked up and down the roster and selected Scott Hairston. Scott Hairston?
  • I like the way Smarja pitched, but it was very disturbing having to look at him.
  • Have to agree that the camo lettering wasn’t really distracting, of course that was due to the fact it managed to camo itself on both teams uniforms.
  • I just do not think the Cubs are going to get serious offers for either in July (and potentially no offers for Marmol)
  • Injuries create unanticipated holes and the market for some of the others may take us to unanticipated trading partners. I tried to make that sound like a fortune cookie, How did I do?
  • For added security, do passwords by taping them to the underside of the keyboard.
  • No catcher should be charged with a passed ball when Marmol’s throwing.
  • Until VFTB I did not realize that computers had any other use than porn.
  • What’s porn?
  • Sandwiches on Seymour after he washes his hands!
  • Don’t eat Seymour’s coleslaw, just warnin.
  • isn’t jswan the most valuable Lizzier every Girlieview?
  • Well he is a computer guy. I bet he has a computer program designed to give him all of Lizzie’s favorite quotes and he pulls from that list.
  • My name is Eddie, and I am a Cubs addict.
  • The best thing I found about being a Cub fan is that you will never find more real, diehard fans, who believe in a team.
  • This is much more fun than last year.
  • I can’t wait until gravatar pushes their updates. I’ve commissioned Joe’s cartoonist to Cernak me up a bit.
  • So the book on your head is to help you Cernak up a bit?
  • Cubs hat, Jerry. Fine art of this caliber is sometimes hard to interpret.
  • Len would follow that up with information about the Gin Blossoms upcoming show at Decatur Fest.
  • 5-game win streak, talk of going .500, two days of grand slams back-to-back… I can barely recognize this place.
  • people like to reinforce that fact with boos, curses, and degrading slurs directed at players who stink. If you’re a fan of a team, doing those things to your own players is classless.
  • I feel your nose could be more triangular. Go Cubs.
  • I believe Katie’s nose is just angular, she needs another side for the other 2 angles.
  • He can only play the guys who show up on the roster.
  • the spray paint can on MS Paint is the filet mignon of cartoon facial hair beard-makers.
  • He knows he’s pulling the ham of questionable toxicity out of the fridge and trying to piece together a meal that won’t make him vomit.
  • Zastrynzny is going to make all of us use copy-and-paste a lot
  • Kobe forgot his wallet so Theo pick up the check and kept the receipt saying he would deduct the costs from Bryant’s signing bonus.
  • He took that mouth from Michael Jackson circa ’92. Giant triangles are the way to go.
  • I’m sure the problem is that Castro and Rizzo have decided that hitting isn’t all that fun and they’d rather just suck.
  • Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
  • Marmol has always fallen victim to the vagaries of sliders bounced outside of the zone of strikes.
  • That was all explained in the pilot episode. LaHair’s rich uncle died and left him two season tickets behind home at the Ham Fighter’s park. He switched Murton’s ticket to Iowa with a ticket to Japan…classic Brian. That is also where the whole “Iowa has surprisingly good sushi” running joke came from.
  • It is way past time the MLB did a study on why red-heads are discriminated against in baseball.
  • How is Ian Stewart doing? I wish he would Tweet something.
  • With Stewart’s track record, If the Cubs let him rot he will eventually tweet again and get suspended again, thus saving the Cubs even more money.
  • The fact that he thinks he’ll be handed a big-league job in another organization is laughable.

Lizard

  • me and the wife just had our 2nd baby girl

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following contributor who submitted his first 2013 Lizzie this time around. We’re happy to have you here!

  • Holden Clark

MVL

Congratulations to jswanson, the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard) – In honor of Father’s Day I’ll post the full listing!

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Eddie von White
4. Doc Raker
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Buddy
9. Doug S.
10. Jerry in Wisconsin
11. Katie
11. Noah Eisner
13. Jeremiah Johnson
14. cap’n obvious
15. Gymjok
16. LVCubFan
17. Chet
17. Josh Cornwall
19. Bryan
19. Norm
19. Verncrowe5
22. Darlin_Starlin
23. CAPS
23. Dusty Baylor
23. Tom C
26. Mark_from_Toronto
26. Sean Powell
26. wisconsinjpc
29. Bones
30. Aaron
30. Allan
30. Dave
30. Dous Entendre
30. Drew Peterson
30. Holden Clark
30. Hugh Hefner
30. Jim Hickman
30. Josephine
30. Josh H
30. Just Curious
30. mrbaseball2usa
30. Rick Beato
30. Rocco Kavana
30. Still Curious
30. The Whole Damn Show
30. Troy Maskell

Chit Chat

As a result, I’m assuming, of my bull running invitation (from last time) I acquired a young Words With Friends suitor who wanted to know “what grade are you in?” I quickly resigned from that game and blocked the user who was certainly young enough to be my grandson. Or great-grandson if someone got an early start. This weekend is Father’s Day. What are your plans, oh fathers and fathers-to-be and non-fathers?

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GirlieView (05/30/2013)

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

I can’t seem to warm up to this team this year and I don’t catch many games. Instead I’m living vicariously through your recaps and commentary in order to keep up to date. Thank you all for that!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Hire this guy.
  • I have a 50 year-old Mitch Williams closing for the 2014 Cubs. His velocity is definitely down, but his mullet is impressive at a little over three feet long.
  • The Cubs have lurched into second-to-last place.
  • I always love your optimism, Jeremiah.
  • Closest I’ve come to camping was at the Hilton Seattle
  • the underlying work that goes into eating potato salad outside is not worth it.
  • having your little girl grow up to love the Cubs just like you do is the most awesomest thing.
  • You can’t outsmart Lizzie, don’t you know?
  • Jeff Samardzija was a wide receiver at Notre Dame.
  • I had not heard that…where do you get your inside info?
  • pervybigleaguepitcherswhoplayedwidereceiveratnotredame.info
  • if Seymour invites you out to dinner you might want to already have plans and if you do end up at the Subway with him don’t fall for his ‘I forgot my wallet’ bit, he loves pulling that stunt with rookies.
  • Mr Clark, do not wholeheartedly agree with anything the Raker says. He rants and babbles and eats very poorly.
  • we need to all just shut up and let a manager manage his team the way he feels is best. When you get your shot, do it how you want.
  • I’m still evaluating my pitchers solely upon height. Sad to see Volstad go, but Feldman and Shark both stepped up being tall and are pitching quite well.
  • Regardless, the cubs bullpen blows.
  • If we all had the same opinion, you would have to change the title to “BFTB” (Bland From The Bleachers).
  • Everyone wants to be right, some people insist on it, but that doesn’t change that they’re wrong anyway.
  • It’s not a great sign when most of your offense comes from the pitcher two games in a row.
  • Barney needs to start sending me a portion of his game checks. He’s had a huge offensive night 100% of the time when I’ve done the recap.
  • Stewart is a classic ‘Millennial.’ His sense of entitlement is laughable.
  • Marmol, to the others: “OK, so Jackson is the highest paid starter on the team. On the days he pitches, we’ll be awesome. But on the days he doesn’t, we’ll be mediocre at best.”
  • I now understand the title, this was all a ploy to get us talking about cookies to make us happy, instead of talking about the Cubs loss which makes us sad.
  • Crafty one that Cernak kid.
  • and then Jr Raker went yard to deep center for his first walk off bomb of his career.

Lizard

  • The best players are the best because they come in to the game in the tough situations and come through.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following contributor who submitted his first (and second!) 2013 Lizzie this time around. We’re happy to have you here!

  • Sean Powell

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson, the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Eddie von White
4. Doc Raker
5. Jedi Johnson
5. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Buddy
9. Doug S.
10. Jeremiah Johnson
10. Katie
10. Noah Eisner

Chit Chat*

I don’t know whether to thank or swear at the friend who introduced us to a game called Running with Friends (iPhone or iPad) this week. It’s from the makers of the way-more-popular Words with Friends, but it’s completely different. It has nothing to do with words, but rather with running. And bulls. I’m addicted. My user name is elizababble if you’d like to give it a try and need an opponent.**  How about you? What’s your addiction?

* This has nothing to do with baseball.
** I take no responsibility for your lawn not getting mowed because you’re too busy running bulls!

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GirlieView (05/16/2013)

Thursday, May 16th, 2013

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Katie should be allowed to use a real picture as her avatar instead of whatever that thing is.
  • Next time you get discouraged by our rebuilding process and the lack of talent, watch a Marlins game and be encouraged.
  • I believe Villanueva’s mustache deserves a Lizzie all by it’s self.
  • I know maybe one person that has ever tuned in to that event.
  • Pull a Buddy and tune in somewhat drunk.
  • You know it’s bad when watching a Fantasy Baseball draft has more appeal…
  • Sappelt must have incriminating photos of Svuem or Theo or both.
  • Kameron Loe has quite the streak going. 9 IP, 9 HRs. I’ll be tuning in just for that excitement
  • Carrying 12 pitchers is ridiculous. It leads to some guy getting burried and forgotten at the end of the bullpen bench and as a result, rusting like the tin man.
  • I fully support Ian Stewart. I wish him a long career as a member of the Iowa Cubs
  • I’d even go as far as to root for them as Ham Fighters. Murton and LaHair could always use some new wacky neighbors…
  • I believe this means I am no longer a Lizard Virgin. I have become a man.
  • I still say Jedi and Norm are the same person.
  • Shit, Buddy is on to me.
  • I would say the team that scores more runs usually wins but if Dusty wants to go with 2 out hits to win so be it.
  • I extend my condolences to whomever has been charged with summarizing the piece of shit game that followed this piece of shit game.
  • I dined at home, but very much alone. Neither of the Swanson girls wanted anything to do with that sandwich.
  • At least the Cubs didn’t call up Rafael Dolis. Um…nevermind.
  • Teams that aren’t winning don’t need to stand pat with the status quo. When things aren’t working, try new things.
  • Who else thought at 9-0 in the 9th, we could lose this?
  • Whenever I start sliding past “scruffy looking” my wife starts giving me the side eye. Since she is the unquestioned dictator of this particular establishment, what she says goes.
  • The problem with those chicks, well beside the very low tooth-to-tattoo ratio, is that they tend to have a neck beards themselves.
  • To me that seems like a highly unusual decision for a guy who ought to be trying to work his way back to the majors.
  • I was merely listening to tonight’s game’s audio feed, but it sounded like Wood was throwing hard.
  • Wood had Wood?
  • Schier Joy
  • Carlos Marmol had another decent (and by decent I mean he didn’t surrender the 1-run lead) outing
  • And by sweet I mean frozen-chocolate-malt-in-a-cup-with-a-little-wooden-spoon sweet.
  • I had a dream last night that Gregg blew a save against the Cards. Closers have infiltrated my dreams. There is no hope.
  • Those are called nightmares.
  • Gregg is arguably our ace. Sleep soundly.
  • Overall, I feel there are four qualities that separate a winning baseball team from one that sits on middle ground or lower: defense, timely hitting, starting pitching and bullpen.
  • Timely Hitting is simply a product of 1) having good hitters, and 2) having players that can get on base. The Cubs lack these.
  • Kevin Gregg continues to be the lone bright spot in the pen. Prepare yourselves for the coming apocalypse.
  • I was in line with Castro at Disneyland and he said he says his most difficult hurdle is his last name. He thinks the constant knee-jerk criticism derives from the fact that his last name is most closely associated with communists and child molesting pervert brothers.
  • Any good mom would allow / encourage punching Pierzynski in the face.
  • Any good mom would punch Pierzynksi in the face herself.
  • Including Mrs. Pierzynski.
  • I’m not saying it’s time to trade Samardzija – but it’s certainly time to stop listing him as an untouchable.
  • To me it seems that Gregg’s pitches have more movement than the last time he pitched for the Cubs. It could also be that I do not want to remember his first stint with us.
  • I’m not a Valbuena guy either…but the .272/.385/.489 he’s put up so far is pretty damn solid.
  • Edwin?
  • This is a typical Cub situtation, the outcome if past experience is repeated is that we will make the best player unhappy, and the remainder will pitch poorly, and eventually be replaced by the unhappy player who will then pitch poorly, because he is not happy.
  • If you had to pick today, [Wood is] the Cubs’ All-Star and it’s not really close.
  • at least I can wear my “WE GOT WOOD” shirt again…
  • You used sporting and Wood in the same sentence.
  • I know that the history between these two franchises is inescapable, and that regardless of who comes out on top, the victory will be all the sweeter because of who they’ve beaten.

Lizard

  • 22 years ago today at 5:23 p.m. my daughter came into this world. Tonight at 5:23 p.m. my daughter and I will be at Wrigley Field prepping for the game. Life is good, even if the Cubs aren’t.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie this time around. We’re happy to have you here!

  • Dave
  • The Whole Damn Show

MVL

Congratulations to jswanson, the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Eddie von White
4. Doc Raker
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Buddy
9. Doug S.
9. Jeremiah Johnson
9. Noah Eisner

Chit Chat

I’ve got nothing, so please throw out a topic of your choice for chatting, and see if anyone bites!

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GirlieView (05/02/2013)

Thursday, May 2nd, 2013

I had to wrap up the wrap up a few days early this time around but rest assured I’ll pick up next time right where I left off so none of your gems will be missed even if you just posted them within the last day or two.

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Long live the trough.
  • Jeff Baker helped hang the L flag again at Wrigley on Tuesday night
  • This Kevin Gregg talk wasn’t just a cruel joke?
  • Does nobody remember why we say “that Gregging MotherGregger sure Gregged things up last night” around here?
  • They aren’t REALLY going to college Rav.
  • In all fairness, those girls make their livings by schmoozing rubes from landlocked rural states. Seymour doesn’t stand a chance.
  • My sub will be roast beef today.
  • She then asked if I would like my meat warm.
  • A girlie view and a victory. What a Thursday.
  • This is making me hungry for trail mix.
  • It’s not just a baseball problem, it’s a societal problem.
  • His parents named him “Thom” for starters.
  • I tend to believe Lizzie since she is in the media room everyday.
  • Now scat.
  • Not everyone can be Adrian Peterson
  • Or Scott Peterson
  • Also, I’d like to note that the Cubs are 2-0 in games that I have recapped and 4-13 in games that anyone else has. And, no, I refuse to believe this is coincidence. This is clearly the one situation where 2 games is a significant sample size.
  • poor Carlos Villanueva
  • my thinking was that Svuem might have been trying to blow Marmol’s arm out
  • He was a decent running back, and had an unfortunate Flock of Seagulls Hairdo.
  • Villanueva may have figured out how to get a win, Go all nine innings so the bullpen does not blow the game for you.
  • It’s the stache. The hitter gets up there and he thinks Villanueva is smugly smiling at him and it messes with his brain and he can’t hit.
  • Garza completes successful Towel Drill session, appears ready by August.
  • A friend of mine likened the current iteration of the Cubs to a person going through a cleanse.
  • If anybody told me I would be watching Kevin Gregg piggyback a Carlos Marmol effort again in my lifetime, I would have told them to keep smoking what they are smoking and eventually they will pass out.
  • Nothing like a mid-April Blizzard to warm the cockles.
  • I understand that Marmol is the toxic that we are trying to get rid of, but we picked up Gregg, does that make him the enima?
  • Pretty sure we could just start re-using the same post for game reviews. Solid pitching performance by starter, no clutch hitting, etc. Maybe add a second one for extra innings games.
  • Don’t forget, “Barney did something gritty.”
  • We’ll need a Feldman-specific recap because even if he pitches well, he manages to boot a ball like a 3rd grader once a start.
  • He’s a comebacking line drive to the torso away from being adopted by Mark Prior.
  • Ian Stewart: “Has anybody here in Des Moines seen my swing? It was right here in my locker.” Nervous smile. “Seriously guys. Who took my swing? I am going to go take a shower and it had better be back in my locker when I get back.” Ian leaves the locker area and heads to the showers. As soon as Ian is in the showers Brett Jackson takes Ian’s swing out of his duffel bag and put it in Ian’s locker. Brett Jackson muttering to himself: “#$@& thing never worked anyway.” Fade to black.
  • Rock Shoulders has to make it to the Bigs so I can buy that jersey. Best name in the minors.
  • Any time that Len says, “Gregg is up in the bullpen,” I die a little on the inside.

Lizard

  • The Cubs have had major struggles with games on the road, games where the bullpen needs to be involved, games that involve runners in scoring position, and games where they are required to field the baseball.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following reader who submitted his first 2013 Lizzie. ;-)

  • Drew Peterson

MVL

Congratulations to Chuck and Jedi Johnson the co-Most Valuable Lizzie’ers this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Eddie von White
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Buddy
9. Noah Eisner
10. cap’n obvious

Chit Chat

Will you be attending any Cubs games this season? When and where?

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GirlieView (04/18/2013)

Thursday, April 18th, 2013

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • not even a Chris Volstad-esque bad inning
  • Two runs wouldn’t seem to be an insurmountable deficit, but it is when you manage to put up only two hits.
  • the Cubs once again made Wandy Rodriguez look like the craftiest of veteran lefthanders
  • What’s the feeling on Wood this year?
  • I’d assume he’ll play hard.
  • Hopefully long as well
  • Three days into the season and the Cubs have been in first place the whole time. Time to celebrate while we have the chance.
  • It wasn’t too long ago that I cringed when James Russell would get put in. Now I think he’s our most trusted pitcher in the pen.
  • Theo: Hey Detriot…Marmol gets the save…looked fine…want him?
  • Leyland: Hey, does this say his ERA is 20.25??? Theo: No, don’t be silly Jim. ERA is Sabermetric for Environmentally Reliable Appliances. Carlos really went green this year and installed over 20 new light bulbs in PNC Park during our trip here. Other teams would love to have such a player, a guy who can pitch and assist the grounds-crew.
  • The Dodgers have released former Cubs closer, Kevin Gregg. That’s a Greggin’ sad piece of news as his career is probably over.
  • The fact that Marmol gets anything positive (the save) out of that train wreck yesterday is bogus.
  • Kevin Gregg……. Marmol………the choices.
  • Things I never though I would say #1: “Man, I miss Barney’s bat.”
  • the Upton family circus.
  • I expect we will be ‘shocked’ in the next day or so when Marmol and the Cubs discover an injury, thereby buying some time for the team to decide what to do.
  • How many insurance runs do the Cubs need before it’s safe to have Marmol enter the game?
  • 27….and that’s iffy
  • Luckily, I started drinking when I saw Marmol warming up. It helps.
  • Please somebody, just hold me and tell me everything will be alright.
  • We should see if MLB would allow us to put the ball on a tee for the final three outs of a game.
  • [Samardzija] needs to A) control his frustration on the mound when things do not go his way
  • We knew that the Cubs were going to struggle from the plate, but the early returns are a bit harsher than the perceived reality.
  • A comprehensive list of recommendations for the Cubs 2013 season would include a ton of beer.
  • And a short memory.
  • Enough of the former makes the latter possible.
  • Looks like Wendelstedt has a poor call rate in the Vicki Lawrence square.
  • He must have been too focused on the adjacent Gilbert Gottfried square…
  • Which of us isn’t guilty of focusing too much on the Gilbert Gottfried square? Cast that first stone!
  • maybe he was thinking about the lower Betty White square, in the center.
  • I’ll take Jose Canseco to block.
  • What? Nobody remembers Paul Lynde?
  • I was more of a George Goebel fan.
  • Is Castro drunk tonight?
  • The latest news is we will see [Garza] some time in mid-May.  My bet is on June.
  • With yesterday’s rain delay, it means the Cubs didn’t lose the series with the Brewers. That’s a nice little treat.
  • Who’s left. Camp? Camp for closer…let’s do that.
  • I would like to see [Clevenger] play there more often, see what he can do.
  • Kevin Gregg??? honestly??
  • Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse.
  • “Arctic Enima!”
  • New band?
  • I’ll go 5 bucks for every Ian Stewart home run, $10 for every Kevin Gregg save, $25 for every game Soriano starts at 3B and 5 cents for every comment by JSwanson, Raker, and Seymour that I deem to be made expressly and entirely to whore for Lizzies…
  • I have an idea – let’s just not use the bullpen anymore.
  • But if it does need to be updated and renovated–and believe me, it does–I’m pleased to have the project in the hands of another Cubs fan.

Lizard

  • Chuck is starting to starting to look like a pessimistic genius.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie. We’re so happy to have you here!

  • Chet
  • Rick Beato
  • Rocco Kavana
  • Troy Maskell

MVL

Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Eddie von White
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Buddy
7. Chuck
9. Gymjok
9. Noah Eisner

Chit Chat

Last time I asked you what is the best thing you’ve seen about this year’s Cubs so far. I’m going to ask the same thing again since we’re two weeks further in. Lemme hear those positive thoughts!

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GirlieView (04/04/2013)

Thursday, April 4th, 2013

As of the writing of this column I’ve seen only one game. But boy was it nice! Hope you’re enjoying the first week of what will hopefully be a great 2013 season. I don’t have super high expectations, but I know I will thoroughly enjoy it nonetheless.

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)
  • As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Here’s what to do: Build a floating Wrigley Replica on Lake Michigan, able to turn 360 degrees. On those windy Chicago days, we can turn the field so the wind is blowing out when the Cubs are batting and then rotate so the wind is howling in when the Cubs are on defense.  Fans will get to the park on a number of ferries (or better yet, fairies), named after mediocre Cubs players of the 1990′s (The Beuchele, The Wilkins…etc.)
  • I like it, can’t wait to ride on the George Mitterwald ferry.
  • It is definitively better than the Steve Swisher ferry.
  • I’ll take the Rey Sanchez.
  • I’ll enjoy some complimentary black licorice aboard the S.S. Turk Wendell.
  • It is not possible to enjoy black licorice.
  • book my spot on the Ryan Ferriot, please.
  • Ferriot would coincidentally be the celebrity mash-up name for bemulleted Cajun infielders Theriot and Fontenot.
  • Book me a ticket for the Matt Karchner ferry
  • I’ll make this very simple. The Cubs aren’t leaving Wrigley Field.
  • My favorite MLB parks are the ones you can walk to from your downtown hotel.
  • If I’m not mistaken, Buddy was in a band in college called The Arrogant Ass-Hats.
  • That post was far too sour for a Friday. Hungover? Jermajusty hit you up for some money? Lumpy oatmeal?
  • Look at it this way: I’m already in mid-season form.
  • My bracket is a lot like Nick Nolte. For a very brief time it looked promising before it all started going downhill…and fast.
  • Hot dogs at Wrigley with Ernie Banks. Of course it should be a double-header.
  • If I was a betting man, I’d expect Girardi to retire in late-July/early-August only to be replaced by a hairless no-name who likes to bet the ponies.
  • Let me start by passing along belated birthday greetings to our beloved blogfather, Joe Aiello. Joe shares his birthday with Starlin Castro, which is fitting since they both exhibit surprising skills for their respective ages.
  • Anyone catch Marmol’s performance last night? I’m setting the Over/Under on games he blows for us in the first two weeks at 5.5. Theo’s a great salesman, but there’s no way he trade him for anything but a bag of baseballs and a copy of MLB The Show 2008.
  • MLB The Show 2008, more like a game of Pac Man.
  • I’ll see your Pac Man and raise you Atari Circus
  • If there are 5.5 save opportunities in the first 2 weeks, we will be delighted, blown or not (saves that is)
  • Where is Tommy? No wifi in cell block C?
  • Any time you have the chance to add an older bad player to the roster you have to pull the trigger, right?
  • Ginger and Maryann
  • As we so often have in the past, Jedi and I are greeting this season with cautious, guarded optimism, with our loins firmly girded for that inevitable moment when the worst happens.
  • I can’t speak for California, but certain Subways in Southern Washington offer sandwich patrons complimentary Dinner With Seymour ™ punch cards.
  • I’ve got no use for geography.
  • Love Shark’s effort today – however why is he pitching this late into the game??
  • Because Marmol is going to blow it.
  • I’d almost forgotten that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach watching Marmol with a 3-0 lead single-handedly put the go ahead run at the plate.
  • Dale Sveum Showed Everyone His Balls
  • PNC Park has one of the best centerfield cameras I’ve seen in the game.
  • Deshaies speaks in a natural conversational tone and style, as opposed to the stilted “player-speak” so prevalent on other broadcasts.
  • Keith is hitting his stride on the audio broadcast side of things. He has started loosening up and providing some solid insight.
  • Remember when Shark was a wide receiver at Notre Dame? He sure was great.
  • Just the entrance of Marmol should cause a drop in Win Probability.
  • Someone had to take the mound yesterday, but that shouldn’t be the only qualification to be an “ace.”
  • pay me a quarter of what he is making and I will go out and walk a few guys.
  • Work on your batsman hits. Marmol saves arm wear-and-tear by hitting batsmen.
  • They are assets and asset management is important in building a competitive team.
  • I”m also pretty sure that hitters don’t walk up to the plate thinking “I’m going to swing at crap pitches today.”
  • gone are the days when ML stars become minor league coaches (I know, Rhyno, few others) their coin purse is too full.
  • You lost me at coin purse.
  • It’s the fist sized clutch inside of Raker’s Gucci murse.
  • It takes a big coin purse to carry a murse.

Lizard

  • On pace for 162-0.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie. We’re so happy to have you here!

  • Jim Hickman
  • Josh Cornwall

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
4. Eddie von White
5. Jedi Johnson
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Gymjok
8. Noah Eisner
10. Buddy

Chit Chat

What’s the best Cubs-related thing you’ve seen so far this season? I was happy to see Dale be willing to pull Marmol. I’d have rathered he not need to, but we didn’t need to start off the season with a loss of that nature. How about you, what have you enjoyed already in this young season?

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Go: Island Living

Saturday, March 30th, 2013

The 2013 baseball season begins in two days. You’ve just found out you’re going to be stranded on a desert island for the entire baseball season. You can bring one electronic device. What do you bring?

Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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Go: Dinnertime!

Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

You have the opportunity to dine with any Cub, past or present. Who do you choose? Where do you go? What do you eat?

This Go question was submitted by Allan (thanks Allan!) Do you have a question you’d like us to feature in the Go! column? Send it to lizzie@viewfromthebleachers.com and she’ll see what she can do!

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