Author Archive

GirlieView (05/01/2014)

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

I had to wrap things up early this week due to some upcoming travel but even taking that into account it was a really slow go-round this time. Slim pickins! I have an idea about why, but it’s not appropriate for polite company so I’ll leave you to your own theories.

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I reset my mental calendar to coincide with GirlieView every other Thursday.
  • Can we get this article posted before each of Jackson’s starts? He pitched pretty good today.
  • Where’s Tony Campana when you need him?
  • Check under your desk.
  • Not where I would keep him… His sister, maybe.
  • I think it is time for Jeff to get a hair cut, based on how his hair is distracting Joe.
  • Jason Hammel once again proved he was a great offseason acquisition stiffening the Diamondbacks for seven innings.
  • I’m more than a little curious about how Hammel stiffened the Diamondbacks for seven innings. I guess that happens from playing hard.
  • The Outfield is Quite Underwhelming
  • I keep a daily spreadsheet of game results with columns for basic game stats, starter, etc.
  • There has to be a better way to spend your time.
  • Chicks dig guys who maintain obscure spreadsheets, EVW. That’s chicks 101.
  • How could I have overlooked that?
  • I hear that Braun’s girl friend is unhappy with him. He apparently can only get it up on the road.
  • when you start the game and read the cubs line up 7. Baker 8. Barney 9. Pitcher you basically see “a free inning”.

Lizard

  • It’s not that the Cubs can’t score for the Shark. They can’t score period.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Buddy, Rob Willer, and Timo for their first 2014-season Lizzies/Lizard this week! Hugs and kisses!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Eddie von White our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Joe Aiello
4. Eddie Von White
5. Doc Raker
6. Jerry in Wisconsin
7. Buddy
7. Chet West
7. Doug S.
7. LVCubFan
7. Sean Powell

Chit Chat
Today is a very special day, does anyone know why? ;-) If you don’t know, make up a holiday of your own and give it a name!

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GirlieView (04/17/2014)

Thursday, April 17th, 2014
GirlieView Definitions
  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)
As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies
  • There is just something that gets me excited when I hear the words “blue drizzle”.
  • Emilio Bonifacio needs to know how sorry I have for having said anything bad about him when we signed him
  • Themed fried dough is the best type of fried dough.
  • The Cubs were apparently waiting for Lizzie to start the season.
  • First Lizzie in almost a year. I’m turnin this franchise around.
  • Wash your hair, Bill.
  • A word of warning, multiple vigorous scrubbings of some areas of the body can lead to addiction.
  • Ricketts is selling, let’s take up a collection and buy the Cubs. Anyone got a billion sitting around?
  • Please tell me that I’m not the only one that is ridiculously excited that Cubs baseball is back.
  • And please tell me I’m not the only one who is… concerned about the RISP problem.
  • We are only 2 out of first and 2 out of the wild card, we are still in contention as predicted.
  • It didn’t sound like let’s go Cubbies, it sounded like 34,000 teeth chattering.
  • 34,000 teeth. Most adults have 32, but if you apply the state of Illinois deliverance factor of .9 (pretty good, by the way) that equals ~1180 fans. Seemed like more. For contrast 34,000 teeth at Busch ~ 1800 fans.
  • 34,000 teeth at Busch equal 38,000 fans.
  • Maybe we can all pitch in and get you a broader Sharpie.
  • I blame Jswan, He went with the triangle mouth and then ditched it, and things went downhill from there.
  • Joe’s soft pop rock jam of the day selections aren’t afraid to explore matters of the heart.
  • I didn’t know he had such a tender side.
  • About the only circumstance where it seems too long is watching a game on TV doing absolutely nothing else. If that is how you watch anything, get off your lard ass and do something.
  • Any coach or manager who comes on to the field to discuss something with a player, must forfeit 1 inch of any bodily appendage for each trip. This will make sure these are really important. A manager must retire when he has been whittled away.
  • Did you mean to say what we should expect from Bonafacio, or what we would accept?
  • Did we wet the bed or Schlitt the bed?
  • Chin up, Wes.
  • Perhaps Wright’s nine day absence was due his strong resemblance to a bat boy.
  • Maybe JCPenny had jean shorts on clearance. You never know. Speaking of jorts, would somebody go find our Johnsons…this is getting concerning.
  • I know where my Johnson is.
  • It’s just like American Express…I don’t leave home without it.
  • Somebody should make a website about this stuff. I bet somebody would use something like that.
  • Agreed. It’s a chore calculating this stuff by hand with my abacus.
  • I’ll fax you my slide rule guy’s number.
  • My fax paper is all out. Can you Morse code it to me?
  • My tapper arm broke off my Morse machine…I hope my carrier pigeon makes it through Appalacians.
Lizard
  • What do you say to a White Sox fan who has bad breath? … Go brush your tooth.
Shout Outs
  • Big shout outs to Jerry in Wisconsin and Katie (coincidentally also in Wisconsin) for their first 2014-season Lizzies this week! Hugs and kisses!
MVL
  • Congratulations to jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! You rock!
Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Joe Aiello
2. Seymour Butts
4. Doc Raker
4. Eddie Von White
6. Chet West
6. LVCubFan
6. Sean Powell
9. Chris Neitzel
9. Darlin Starlin
9. Doug S.
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Katie

Chit Chat

Who is your favorite Cub right now? (25-man roster)

 

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GirlieView (04/03/2014)

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

Without even realizing it I forgot to wrap up the offseason Lizzie standings so we can start fresh this time around since (YAY!) we are now officially in season! Nevertheless we are starting fresh today, and I’ll also include the final standings from the offseason. Let’s get to it!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Joe’s new cartoonist is lights-out.
  • Yea, but it’s kind of creepy real looking. That could be an actual person.
  • I love baseball and love going to the live games, but I like to keep that event as special.
  • Being at a live game is a great experience, but I think it would lose it’s lustre for me if I was constantly at the ballpark. That along with the fact that it might get a little expensive commuting to Chicago from Toronto for every Cubs homegame (although there are several flights a day to Midway).
  • with career and family commitments, I envy anyone who can attend that many games a week nowadays.
  • A pseudonym? where ever did you get the idea?
  • ? Lollypops on Lizzie ?
  • BAT SPEED OF THE GODS.
  • So, even though I’ve stated that Baez is already my favorite player, I’m more than happy to wait to see him at Clark and Addison for all the reasons I’ve discussed above. I think it will be worth the wait.
  • I have never heard of staying in the minors being detrimental to player development when the player is this young, however here are scads of players whose development was stunted due to being rushed to the Majors.
  • Recent reports have the field clear of snow, and the troughs down to 4″ of frozen urine.
  • I routinely express my disappointment for my boyfriend, Josh Vitters, and his demotion on the podcast.
  • It is what it is.
  • The Romance is Gone….It’s a Whores Game Now
  • A whole day with that headline and nobody mentioned Cindy Sandberg?
  • It is what it is.
  • It was like a good sitcom, the cast would just keep returning season after season, playing their role and occasionally a newcomer would be added or a bit player dropped, but the core was always there.
  • Somewhere between the stitches there is a certain amount of theater and a certain amount of honesty that gets played out for the public.
  • Will all of the Cubs’ prospects make it? No. Has there ever been a time in baseball history where prospect rankings indicate success as strongly as they do today? No.
  • How Renteria handles these playing-time issues will be a huge test for the first-year manager. If he pulls this off, we may have found ourselves a keeper.
  • Lizzie was nerding out on primes when I was learning my times tables…
  • One other thing, to quote George Washington: “There’s no such thing as a necessary evil. If it’s evil, it’s not necessary.”
  • Beef appears to be having some Johnson issues of his own.
  • Somehow, the MLB quietly agreed to a system that will enforce performance-enhancing drugs better than any of the four major sports leagues.
  • Plus, poor Welington Castillo had the hardest ball hit all day by a Cub, too bad he was playing defense.
  • On the bright side of things we are only 1 game out of first, we are still in contention just as I predicted.
  • My guess is that you haven’t read the post.
  • Is that required?
  • Those graphs of odds of winning over a game kill me. The amount of games the cubs lost last year when they were above 90% was ridiculous.
  • Player Who Will Look Most Improved Despite Changing Nothing
  • I think that how this list of players performs this season will greatly affect whether the window of contention can possibly open next season, or if we’re waiting until 2016: Castro, Rizzo, Olt, Castillo, Samardzija, Wood, Jackson, young bullpen arms.
  • Jackson will only suck a little bit.
  • I found this pretty, pink logo so I have to use it now.
  • You can tell baseball season has started because Joe is in such a good mood. Great piece.
  • I like my hotdog between two buns.
  • And again we ask “Where are the Johnsons”
  • Joe- don’t confuse ‘Fans really like spring training’ as ‘fans really like spring training baseball’.
  • Maybe next year the VFTB crowd should all meet in PHX for some spring training fun and a nice dinner at Don and Charlies.
  • So, next time you youngsters out there in your 20s and 30s start griping about the current state of the Cubs, take a look back at this inept squad that a young boy attached his hopes and dreams to.

Lizard

  • I gave serious consideration to editing Lizzies comment to just read “I enjoy a good hard Johnson” and deleting the rest. I refrained, but boy was it hard. (insert rim shot here)

Shout Outs

Well since we’re starting fresh this time, everyone who got a Lizzie got their first 2014 Season Lizzie! Big shout outs to Brian Rzeppa, Chet West, Chris Neitzel, Chuck, Darlin_Starlin, Doc Raker, Doug S., Eddie von White, Joe Aiello, jswanson, LVCubFan, Mark from Toronto, Noah Eisner, Ryno, Sean Powell, Seymour Butts. And everyone else who commented or even just lurked around!

MVL

Congratulations to Joe Aiello and Seymour Butts, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time! Thanks for all the laughs!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Joe Aiello
1. Seymour Butts
3. jswanson
4. Chet West
4. Doc Raker
4. Sean Powell
5. Chris Neitzel
5. Eddie Von White
5. LVCubFan
5. Noah Eisner

Final 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
5. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Doug S
8. Noah
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Chet West
11. Jedi Johnson
12. Chuck
13. cap’n obvious
14. Bryan
15. Buddy
15. Katie
15. Tom C
17. Sherm
18. Chris Neitzel
18. Dusty Baylor
19. Bill Fell
19. Bones
19. Jeremiah Johnson
19. John Winger
19. L lips es
19. LVCubFan
19. Mark From Toronto
19. Rob Willer
19. Still not Dave

Chit Chat

A little addition to our season ticket discussion from last time … as I am writing this (Wednesday evening an hour+ into the game broadcast) they are still offering a “limited amount of game day tickets available” for Friday and our nephew-in-law who did take the plunge this year can’t get rid of his opening day tickets at face value on Stub Hub. It kind of makes me sad, but is not surprising to me. I wish for clear skies, clear views from the bleachers, and a clear win on Opening Day for our Cubs and especially for those of you who will be attending!

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GirlieView (03/20/2014)

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I hope you advised Jeff to cut his obnoxious hair. I fear it is going to get in the way of his fastball.
  • You just have to get back to fundamentals and keep hacking, something has to fall in, a bloop, a duck snort, seeing eye ground ball or maybe you square one up for the 450 foot jack. It’s good to be back.
  • I don’t have a current favorite. I’d like to see who’s going to be here a couple of years before I get attached.
  • Prayers to Rich Hill and family.
  • The pen a strength? I look forward to it.
  • Whatever happened to that Carlos Gregg guy?
  • The Lincoln Park location is looking for an senior cheese application associate.
  • That position has a lot of holes in it.
  • Yeah, but there is still a lot of Dough in it.
  • Ever since they took the yoga mats out of the pizza dough, it’s just not the same.
  • Little Ceasars is the class of the industry. I know a saucie’r at Little Ceasars. Full benefits, retirement after 20 years, pension health plan, lots of dough.
  • Truly an upper crust eatery.
  • Speaking of single game tix. Braves series July at Wrigley, here I come.
  • next write up tell us where these ball players eat dinner and if they have ever dined with Seymour. And if they did dine with Seymour, did they hang themselves before the entrée came out of boredom.
  • No fatalities to date. I suppose I could use your method of bringing along a much more interesting brother to carry the conversation.
  • Olt and Villanueva are traded (in separate deals) to bring back pitching. They’ll get more value back in trade then they would from those guys coming off the bench.
  • Olt being with the Cubs alleviates a roster crunch in the upper minors, where there [are] legitimate third base prospects who need regular playing time at the position
  • Give Olt the spot out of the gate, slide Valbuena back in if things get ugly.
  • As a student of the game, I feel like the only logical choice is to give Steve Beuchele aka Uncle Joey from Full House a call. It’s worth a shot.
  • Cut. It. Out.
  • On Cubs Yo-Yo day will it come with an instructional DVD for the kids, so they know what the hell a Yo-Yo is?
  • Joe will randomly speak at times, and will ask extremely awkward questions to 7th inning stretch conductors…like inquiring if Jim McMahon had spoken recently with Pete Rozelle…who happened to be dead at the time. Uncomfortable fun for the whole family!
  • The Cindy Sandberg Viewmaster should be good as will be the Seymour Bobble Butt.
  • I got a bag of chips autographed by Seymour at the Mesa West Subway, store # 2,485,145.
  • are you having regular bowel movements?
  • Valbuena is a fine third baseman but not the spiciest option for the fan base.
  • How many wins do the Cubs get this year? I am going to sit right around 70.
  • 82 come on we are Cub fans.
  • 83, because I’m a better fan than Seymour
  • I’m changing my #5 answer to 84. (Emoticon with tongue sticking out)
  • 85 – why do I feel like I’ve just put in the losing bid on the Price is Right?
  • I think that a fifth of the roster is filler off the street.
  • Problem is that we have too many players already whose loftiest aspiration should be to one day graduate to street filler.
  • Any one of the 5’9″ utility men would make a fine representative.
  • Are you still trying to fit into the same size you wore in junior high school?
  • If you must know chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it is something unusual.

Lizard

  • I feel as though Theo and Jed go out of their way to make sure these guys are not brought up to the big club one day before they are beyond ready. I respect that, I am okay with that. Drives me crazy as a fan because the product on the field is, in a wishful world, a .500 team.

Shout Outs

  • Congratulations to Chris Neitzel and wow even John Winger! Both had their first off-season Lizzie this time around. Thanks for joining in!

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Thanks for all the laughs!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
5. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Doug S.
8. Noah
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Chet West

Chit Chat

So, after a whole lot of consideration and some very mixed emotions, we turned down Cubs Season Tickets this spring. Let’s see what you would do. Suppose you are being offered tickets this season, and you can choose anywhere in the stadium (this isn’t exactly how it works but we are pretending.) Pricing is as follows for a set of two tickets:

  • Get a nosebleed for $4,000.
  • Avoid a nosebleed for between $5,000 and $6,000.
  • Bleachers just over $6,000.
  • Sniff the infield from well above it for $6,000 to $10,000.
  • Field level $10,000 to $16,000.

And of course if you want to take friends along you have to buy more than two tickets. If you want to go alone you can cut the prices in half. What do you do? It’s really easy to say “Well of course I’d buy them!” But trust me when it actually happens there are many, many things to weigh. Two rules for our little game: You can’t split the cost among a group of friends and you have to buy this year. You can’t wait for them to start winning. Let’s hear what you’d do!

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GirlieView (03/06/2014)

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • At the risk of seeming overly spirited, a. I miss the everydayness of baseball.
  • I think I got zipped out on the Lizzies, this is horrific. Not as horrific as the Cubs have been and look to be in 2014 but horrific none the less.
  • You and me both, Doc, but you must pull yourself together and try to go on. You’re just in a slump. It’s not personal. Lizzie loves everyone the same.
  • What part of this do you not understand: Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • “Now batting number 89 Will Shoeman, he played in AA last year and had the most doubles on Tuesday evenings in the month of May for the team.” Drivles Len Kasper. “It is Friday morning right now so let’s see how this at bat goes for Will.”
  • Starlin Castro got the spring training kiss of death from Bruce Levine earlier today…”He’s in the best shape of his life.”
  • You left Socci before the Canadian verse USA mens hockey game?
  • Talk to Joe. He didn’t give me enough in my VFTB expense account to stay any longer.
  • Which begs the questions, How much did Joe have to pay you to risk your life in Russia, and did you adopt any Russian Wolfhounds?
  • Personally I do not like a leadoff man that gets on base 28.4% of the time….but that’s just me. The sad thing is that I would have no idea who would be a better option at the leadoff role…
  • I have to agree with you Bill Fell, I would think Castro belongs in the 2 or 3 hole since he loves to swing. Can you believe I got zipped out on the Girlieview Lizzies? Does that seem right to you?
  • Is it just me, or do more threads die with some weird ass Raker-rant?
  • Nope, they usually die after a tangential CAPS response to a weird ass Raker-rant.
  • Expos are due.
  • I think it’s prudent to worry about the defense.
  • and the few min after where we say goodbye and gaze into each others virtual eyes and say “you hang up first, no you hang up first”
  • Worst Case Scenario: Jackson keeps striking out in 30% percent of his plate appearances and never sniffs the Majors again. Or, ever worse, he never sniffs the Majors again for the Cubs, gets DFA’d, the Cardinals pick him up, and then they magically fix him with that human sacrifice altar they have under Busch Stadium.
  • I thought Renteria came off fine, way better than Quade or Sveum ever did.
  • Darwin? Is that you?
  • Yes, it is, only it isn’t.
  • Here’s an item: eggs come from a chicken’s cloaca. Google that orifice and check back in.

Lizard

  • The good thing about the season being close is that even if we all hate each other, once the season starts we will all be rooting for the Cubs.

Shout Outs

  • Congratulations to Bill Fell and Dusty Baylor, both with their first off-season Lizzie this time around. Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker and Jerry in Wisconsin, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie-ers!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
5. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Noah
8. Doug S.
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Jedi Johnson

Chit Chat

Let’s see, by now you might have a few spring training games under your belt, or if not you might at least be starting to peek at the roster options. Here’s a simple question. Who is your current favorite Cub? Mine is George Kottaras.

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GirlieView (02/20/2014)

Thursday, February 20th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • If the “all expense paid” includes unlimited bottled water and a port-a-john, I’m in.
  • I bet the port-a-john would be cold, it is the winter olympics.
  • I understand it’s a 2 seater port-a-john
  • Not a big Olympic fan in general and even less so of winter games. I might, however, be enticed to watch whatever games are attached to the Roman Numerals XXX.
  • Greetings from Iowa. My primary take-away from this week of new job training is an urge to exit Iowa.
  • You’re raining on my parade of wanting to go to Des Moines to watch the AAA team. Must be some redeeming things, no?
  • Corn.
  • Scenario: Imagine you are suddenly the new Cubs owner/president/general manager/demigod.
  • I get flustered when my wife lets me decide where to go for dinner so I am out on this question.
  • C J Edwards can’t weigh more than a couple of bats.
  • First DP turned: Seymour Butts.
  • Gone is Carlos Marmol. To be honest, we could probably just stop right there, drop the mic and walk off the stage.
  • We’re now a shoo-in to take the Central.
  • Perhaps early NL favorite as well?
  • The Marlins inked Jeff Baker, so no.
  • If we could have made a certain other signing, we could have been a Shin-Soo Choo in to win it.

Lizard

  • I don’t understand why people always say things like “Trade him as soon as he shows anything” as if other GM’s have access just to the last week of stats and no film whatsoever. Front offices are not dumb. They know what they’re doing.

Shout Outs

  • We have no new Lizzie awardees this time around so shout outs to everyone! Thanks for keeping the off-season interesting!

MVL

  • Our fearless leader Joe Aiello is our Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time! Congratulations Joe!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
4. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Noah
8. Doug S.
9. Jedi Johnson
10. Chuck

Chit Chat

Spring (training) is in the air! I know we have some differing opinions about Spring Training around these parts and I’m sure we can generate some spirited (gag) discussion around it. As I’m you can probably tell, that “spirited-ness” has been making me a little nuts lately. But carry on. If we all hate each other by the time the season starts so be it. So, tell us, how do you feel about Spring Training games (the first of which, by the way, will be televised exactly one week from today at 2:00pm CST on WGN)? I’ll start you off with some choices but feel free to elaborate:
a. I watch or listen every chance I get to see how the team is shaping up.
b. I watch or listen every chance I get but not with any expectations of reality, just because it’s baseball and baseball is fun!
c. I watch or listen occasionally but don’t pay very close attention until the season starts.
d. I primarily ignore it. Waste of my time.

 

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GirlieView (02/06/2014)

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • the only suggestion I’d make is to consider having open threads (Game 35 – Open Thread) when daily game threads become too much.
  • Wait!? Your mouth is not in the shape of a triangle? I am confused…
  • It took 3 surgical procedures to smooth out the corners. I think it turned out nicely.
  • The drawback is that his kids’ shape-sorting skills are going to diminish quickly.
  • I am very happy to be a co-MVL with Seymour!
  • I suggest you pick the place of dinning for the Co MVL celebration.
  • Hopefully there is a subway near Don and Charlie’s.
  • C’mon Seymour, at least upgrade to a toasted bun over at Quizno’s.
  • We’ll have lunch at Subway and dinner over at Don and Charlie’s. Raker is invited.
  • If we invite Raker we will triple the wine bill.
  • You buy lunch, I’ll buy dinner, and Raker can buy the drinks.
  • I’m honored to share the spot light with EVW as well.
  • Very good self- marketing ploy on behalf of Richard Sherman.
  • Bryan LaHair was released by his Japanese team. It will be interesting to watch the next episode of our favorite Japanese sitcom to see how they deal with this disappointment.
  • That episode pretty much writes itself.
  • the Cubs’ farm system is rocking the charts these days.
  • I blame Norm.
  • What ever happened to Dave? He would crap on anyine’s cornflakes.
  • Dave’s not here
  • , man.
  • I am pretty sure anybody with a baseball marble in their head will consider the upcoming 2014 Cubs season a wash.
  • Even when they win during this fine stretch of futility, I feel like they are losing.
  • yes we were the first group to play any organized ball on these fields.
  • I have reservations about whether or not we could call Randy camp either organized or baseball.
  • Getting the pitching machine a jersey would be a step in the right direction.
  • I love the Cubs because I am a baseball fan…I don’t love baseball because I am a Cubs fan.
  • before sabermetrics were the trend, before prospects were analyzed to death, and before the rooftops had seats on them, before Twitter was a thing, baseball was just… baseball.
  • Arguing with strangers on the internet about frivolous details strips joy out of the sport and makes enemies of people who would normally have been friends
  • What’s so bad about loving baseball without all the extra stuff?
  • To me the beauty about baseball is how you can enjoy it on so many levels.
  • the logistics of digging into the batters box without a pissed off wife at home are mind boggling.
  • I always made it my priority to make sure that kid got a hit or succeeded in some way on the field to contribute.
  • Baseball is one of the few things in the world that humans can’t ruin no matter how hard they try. Beer falls into that category as well.

Lizard

  • I believe in what they are doing, but I don’t have to enjoy it.

Shout Outs

  • A hearty shout out to Chet West and Still not Dave, each contributing his first off-season Lizzie(s) this time around.

MVL

  • We have three folks tied for Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time! Congratulations to Chet West, jswanson, and Seymour Butts. Keep up the good work gentlemen!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Doc Raker
2. jswanson
3. Eddie von White
3. Seymour Butts
5. Sean Powell
6. Noah
7. Joe Aiello
8. Jedi Johnson
9. Doug S.
10. Chuck

Chit Chat (Olympics Edition)

These are the sports of the Sochi 2014 Olympic Games. Which are your favorites?

  • Alpine Skiing
  • Biathlon
  • Bobsleigh
  • Cross Country Skiing
  • Curling
  • Figure Skating
  • Freestyle Skiing
  • Ice Hockey
  • Luge
  • Nordic Combined
  • Short Track Speed Skating
  • Skeleton
  • Ski Jumping
  • Snowboard
  • Speed Skating

Trivia Questions:

  • What (number) Winter Olympics are these? Bonus if you can tell us in Roman numerals!
  • There are fifteen sports listed above, but how many actual events are there? Hint, many of these sports have several different events, so the answer is way more than 15!
  • Twelve of these events are brand new this time around. Can you name some?

I will post the answers this afternoon. (I know you’re all capable of googling all of this but if you decide to do that please don’t ruin the fun for others by posting the answers immediately just so we all think you’re brilliant. We know you’re brilliant. Save us the display and let people guess a bit. Thanks! On the other hand if you give it an honest go, please post away! More power to you if you’re correct!)

Final Question: If I gave you an all-expense paid trip to Sochi, would you go?

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GirlieView (01/23/2014)

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I am committed to eating right , getting my proper rest and a moderate amount of Bushmills so I can deliver late in the season.
  • Surf and turf footlongs on Raker…
  • My Cubs resolution is not to become dreadfully depressed about the Cubs by June 1.
  • The Cubs will be here in Toronto for a 3 game series at the beginning of September and I hope to catch all 3 games as I haven’t seen them play in person in a couple of years. By that point in the season they should be totally out of it in the standings, but nonetheless I’m still looking forward to it.
  • And you will have choice seating.
  • Danny Rocket? Isn’t that the Brady Bunch kid’s rock star name?
  • I thought it was the red head from the Partridge Family when he was driving or doing other such illegal activities.
  • No countenance in baseball screams louder for a bag over it than Hunter Pence.
  • I’d take Clark at 3B over Ian Stewart.
  • If he speaks Spanish I suppose that’d qualify him to be the manager.
  • Not sure he is the first official mascot. They may be forgetting Marla Collins.
  • Or Cindy Sandberg…though that was probably unofficial.
  • This is not a controversial statement: over the past two seasons, the Cubs have not been good.
  • Where does Clark the Cub rank in these projections? I was hoping Soler would get the call before Clark, but just another Cubs fan pipe dream.
  • The bear is already being retrofitted. I hear he has an appearance scheduled at “Nuts on Clark” later this month.
  • Does that mean his last name will be Johnson?
  • Ballsy move.
  • I would say one good thing about current music: it is easier than ever to find very good Indie music.
  • Welcome back JJ.
  • I got engaged a couple months ago and our wedding is in April
  • I like the idea of signing Maholm.
  • Speaking of kids names, my wife and I are expecting #3 in May and we have no idea what to name him/her.
  • Jer-Smardja has a nice ring to it.
  • Satchel. Of course taking moniker advice from me is risky…
  • What happened to everyday names like Rock Shoulders?
  • The Cubs mascot is a boy, I saw it with my own two eyes.
  • I work from home so the commute is… short.
  • Chuck, Lizzie and I have the exact same commute.
  • I have been wondering where all this extra laundry was coming from…
  • I was wondering why my socks had a crease ironed in them.
  • You’re welcome.
  • Dear Denver. Thank you for taking out the Patsies yesterday
  • You root FOR a team to win, not BECAUSE they win.
  • My heart goes out to whomever will have to read your future comments shitting all over the Indians.
  • Geez you cock-eyed optimist…take off the rose colored glasses.
  • 45 years and “this” is your fish or cut bait season?
  • One thing that gets forgotten though is that you get the reverse sometimes. Minor leaguers that no one has ever heard of before play well above their potential and become significant contributing members to the team. Here’s to hoping the Cubs have a few diamond in the rough!

Lizard

  • There are other Cub blogs out there? I thought this was the only one!

Shout Outs

  • A hearty shout out to Bryan, Jeremiah Johnson, LVCubFan and Mark_from_Toronto, each contributing his first off-season Lizzie this time around. Many thanks!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Eddie von White and Seymour Butts, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie’ers this week!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Doc Raker
2. jswanson
3. Sean Powell
4. Eddie von White
5. Noah
5. Seymour Butts
7. Joe Aiello
8. Jedi Johnson
9. Chuck
10. Doug S.

Chit Chat

  • Denver or Seattle?

 

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GirlieView (01/09/2014)

Thursday, January 9th, 2014

We had precisely two articles posted since the last GirlieView two weeks ago. Special thanks to all our regulars for keeping the fun rolling even when the pickins are slim! xoxo

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • A few holiday wishes for the 2014 Cubs….1) HUGE improvement from Castro, Rizzo and Castillo
  • 7) A team that can win.
  • 11) Barney slugs .300
  • 12) Cubs find a 3rd baseman who sticks at the position as long as Ron Santo did.
  • I’d settle for “Cubs find a 3rd baseman”
  • if [Tanaka] sees it just as a city in the middle of the country with a bad team (and poor player facilities), would it even be possible to land him at all?
  • Of course Tanaka will sign with the Cubs. Who wouldn’t want to play with stars like Darwin Barney, Donnie Murphy, Ryan Sweeney and Brooks Raley?
  • It is always about the money.
  • “Welcome Mr. Tanaka, what kind of tunes do you have on your iPod? Have you been to Dinseyland yet? I always see lot’s of Japanese tourist at Disneyland, maybe you will know some of them.”
  • What do you call a guy named Tanaka? I’m going with “Tank.”
  • Maybe a physician-certified list of the finest sandwich shop chains in the Wrigleyville area would bring him in.
  • I’d bat Lizzie ahead of any of those 70 y/o tax attorneys.
  • I would hit Lizzie ahead of the Cap’n and Seymour.
  • Yes, we are all aware of your domestic violence history. Odd that you would brag about it.
  • the Bears’ mediocrity merely begets more mediocrity.
  • Really what you’ve come into at most high schools these days is that the QB is the best all around athlete.
  • Also, how many of those elites get too caught up slinging bifocals, townhouses, or pacemakers and end up writing instead of receiving checks in Mesa?
  • And eating giant cornbread pizzas.
  • I think they are all about rib steaks and filets. One guy is into surf and turf, which is of course a 6″ roast beef sub and 6″ tuna sub wrapped in the same paper.

Lizard

  • Happy New Year All.

Shout Outs

  • A hearty shout out to Buddy, who contributed his first off-season Lizzie this time around.

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker our Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time! (Twice in a row!)

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Doc Raker
2. jswanson
3. Sean Powell
4. Noah
5. Joe Aiello
6. Eddie von White
7. Seymour Butts
8. cap’n obvious
8. Jedi Johnson
10. Doug S.
10. Jerry in Wisconsin

Chit Chat

  • Make some New Year’s Resolutions for your 2013 Chicago Cubs!

 

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