Author Archive

GirlieView (06/12/2014)

Thursday, June 12th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Long time lurker, first time poster…
  • I had to think about that, but I’ll go with Rizzo right now.
  • I am not sure I have a favorite cub, I am rooting the hardest for Olt. Hit the Ball Darn it!
  • Old Milwaukee Light in the cooler…help yourselves!
  • Ryan Braun light beer sounds like punishment.
  • Houston has won 6 games in a row leaving the cubs alone for the first pick in the 2015 draft. So we have that going for us. When is the last time the cubs have won 6 in a row?
  • Cite your spreadsheet and get back to us.
  • How in the hell did the cubs hit him? Another baffling thing about this team.
  • Hello Kim099 What brings you around here? Just an FYI, Seymour likes to take his dates to Subway, CAPS batch cooks eggs and oatmeal, Jswan is busy with 2 small children and I like a nice chewy Cab to go with my steak. My wife usually goes with a salad or fish which is OK by me, I love a nice piece of fish also. Mark your calendar for the VFTB spring training weekend next March. We hope to see you there.
  • Raker, you might want to click on her photo and read some of the posts before you get too excited about a new member.
  • I have some bad news my friends of VFTB. Our new visitor the other day, Kim , I don’t think she is a sincere Cubs fan
  • I think she’s a he.
  • I did not catch that EVW. Good thing I didn’t tell he/she where we would be dinning next March at the VFTB spring training weekend.
  • I try to be on my toes all the time.
  • How many Subways are there?
  • There are currently 32 Subways in Mesa AZ alone. I’ve been to several.
  • The one by the retirement community really hooks it up with the banana peppers.
  • The Chrissy Ruth’s in Scottsdale is nice. I brought my son there on our first father son spring training trip back in 2005. We ate like the ball players eat after a busy day of spring training. He had a mini filet medium rare, I let him taste my Caymus cabernet and then he fell asleep at the table. We put 2 chairs together and the waiter brought a table cloth to cover him up and let him sleep while Capn Obvious and I finished off the cab while talking Cubs baseball. It is one of my most favorite memories.
  • So I’m correct on the take that you have given alcohol to minors in public, that one such minor drank enough to pass out, and that you showed your concern by covering him with a shroud instead of a trip to the ER. Father of the year material .
  • Carbon dating definitively set the Shroud of Scottsdale in the Atkins Diet epoch. Doc gets a pass here.
  • Curses… the one person who appreciates sciences here is my undoing.
  • Veras gets the ol’ DFA. Perhaps he should track down Marmol and Gregg and start pitching a sitcom.
  • With both Rondon and Wright having babies in May is seem that they, or at least their wives, were focusing on something other than baseball last September.
  • Maybe they were trying to help Theo and Jed in the prospect department.
  • Joe, good to see you took some time to “dork out”
  • If someone else is willing and you can get back a huge amount of booty for him, make the deal.
  • I’m all for more booty.
  • When you’re team isn’t very good, it’s nice to have an off day.
  • Apparently if you get the game winning hit, it means you’ve turned the corner on your season.
  • While watching last night’s game I noticed that Arrieta wears Carlos Marmol’s old number (49) on his jersey. Based on this, I became convinced there was no chance of victory for the Cubs, fortunately they surprised me with a victory afterall. Perhaps Jake might want to consider another number going forward.
  • Obviously I wasn’t listening to Len’s call of the Coghlan at bat but I would assume it went something like, “Ball 1. Jimmy Buffett is in town next week, great seats still available. Strike 1 on the outside corner. I love that Margaritaville. Curve ball outside, 2-1.” DeShaies, “that’s a tough curve ball on a lefty hitter.” Len, “How many hits does Jimmy Buffett have?” DeShaies, “The Cubs just not getting much offense tonight, we need a base runner here.” Len, “Sirius XM radio has it’s own station devoted to Jimmy Buffett, I love listening to XM, the Bruce Springsteen station is pretty good to, love that sax player. There’s a deep drive, that could be, it’s outta here, 1-1 tie game. Why they took the Led Zeppelin station off XM I will never know, those guys are the best ever.” Deshaies, “A rare lefty lefty home run for Coghlan.” Len, “I hope we don’t go into extra innings, Boy George is on Jimmy Falon tonight.”
  • Of your OPS+ is significantly lower than Forrest Gump’s IQ, you should forfeit your spot on the 40-man roster.
  • Maybe filling the roster with a bunch of 5’10″ utility men wasn’t a great idea.
  • The Jim Hendry mediocre middle infielder roster syndrome strikes again. It’s a second strain of the dreaded MMIRS.
  • It has already spread to the outfield. Lord have mercy.
  • That’s a 3rd generation strain, MMORS.
  • Pat and Coomer are pretty good. It’s hard to call them Pat and Ron since Santo was the Ron I always think when I say Pat and Ron.
  • Though every game I watch, I want the Cubs to win, I also look at the standings and don’t want the Cubs to move out of that first place draft order. Kind of schizophrenic, I know.
  • Testing… I’m trying to get my picture back
  • Hey. There it is.
  • Hey, maybe our new visitor will like that picture. Good thinking.
  • It’s bigger and clearer than ever.
  • This team sweeping a series from anyone aside from St. Mary’s School for the Blind or my 8U USSSA team brings the blind squirrel theorem to mind.
  • “Welcome to beautiful Wrigley Field, Home of the Chicago Cubs, the winningest team in baseball in the month of June.”
  • Kendry lost $6.4M by not accepting the Seattle deal back in the spring.
  • Ego combined with a shady agent whispering lies in his ear is the likely reason.
  • Ken must have a very dry morale right about now.
  • I appreciate your wordplay, sir.
  • I appreciate your use of the word “sir”.
  • Get a room, you two.
  • 40 draft rounds and not one Carlos taken by the Cubs. We’re turning the corner.
  • I saw Yogi Berra at Don and Charlies in Scottsdale a few years ago. He was definitely lost.
  • You must have been lost as well, unless Don figured out how to make a Cold Cut Combo.
  • Chicken Schnitzel on rye, toasted. Seymour asked Don if he can pay an extra $1 for a bag of chips and a fountain drink. “You do the combo here Don?”
  • Isn’t this just a rehash of a comment I made a week or so ago? Can I get a contributor shout out here?

Lizard

  • Let’s all have a moment of silence for one of the great characters of the game, Don Zimmer

Shout Outs

  • Big shout out to SouthKakalakiCubsFan for his first 2014-season Lizzie this week! Welcome!!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doc!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Doc Raker
1. jswanson
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
5. Joe Aiello
6. Chuck
6. Doug S.
8. Dork
9. Chet West
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Mark From Toronto

Chit Chat

Anyone have any exciting vacation plans this summer?

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GirlieView (05/29/2014)

Thursday, May 29th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s get to it!

Lizzies

  • I know umpiring is a tough job and perfection is not expected but a little humility would go a long way.
  • I saw a 4 top of umpires at Chrissy Ruth’s steak house, the porterhouse was outstanding.
  • I’ll be honest though, I went to bed last night with the Cubs up 7-2 and can’t say I was sure they would get the win.
  • Pre O.C. Raker would probably not have driven a Toyota minivan off the lot and told his buddies he had a SUV.
  • No minivan’s in the Raker household, ever. Mrs Raker does not care for minivans.
  • It is always good to know who the boss is.
  • The only difference between your SUV and a minivan is a sliding door and a bunch of Cheerios mashed into the upholstery.
  • The ghost of Marmol continues to haunt me.
  • Why 8 bullpen arms? The Cubs are so devoid of major league hitters why have an extra position player when the extra bullpen guy hits just as well as anyone else in the line up. This way we have an extra arm and an extra automatic out all in one.
  • I assume the playoff odds increased based on Monday’s game since last night sure didn’t insprire any additional hope for me.
  • Going from .9 to 1.2 is no small deal. Let’s enjoy it.
  • Don’t kid yourself, we are really at -218% which is on the wrong side of a snowballs chance in hell. 1.2% means we should of at least won one world series in the past 100 years and we all know the answer to that.
  • Baker to Rawlings for one box of gamers.
  • “This also depresses me that this is our topic – Trades and Smokies
  • At least batch cooking and spreadsheets are interesting. No wait that depresses me too.”
  • We know more than we want to know.
  • I’m thinking Hammel goes first, not that it’s what I want.
  • The Cubs just may have found their third baseman going forward as they move into their window of competing.
  • Heard from one of my brewers freinds today that Bob Ueker introduced him on the broadcast with “his era is just over 2 touchdowns”
  • Long time no hear………………the Cubs are having a losing season so far just to bring you up to speed….
  • Sorry for being away so long. Bob Brenly and I have been following Mister Mister around the country on their latest tour of state fairs. They rock.
  • I guess when I think of the “complete game” era, I think of the 50s and earlier. The time when bringing in a relief pitcher was an insult to your manhood.
  • Interesting fact: Rizzo has approximately 25% of the team’s walks so far this season.
  • Anthony Rizzo has shown tremendous maturity and patience at the plate, Shark is pitching out of his mind, Mike Olt has shown RIDIC power, and some of the young bullpen arms look outstanding.
  • This is an article that warms my heart to see, both because Casto is so much better but also all the statistical evidence. There almost should be a spreadsheet attached.
  • Keep an eye open for our missing Johnsons on your travels.
  • To sum up: Castro is getting better with age.
  • A very diverse Cubs site with other topics ranging from food to fitness, personal grooming to star wars, musical preferences and spreadsheets. I’m bracing for what’s next.
  • We need to quit wasting time on star wars themes and get back to our basic premise… dick jokes.
  • That’s a funny name…who is he?
  • I bet this ends well.
  • I’ve shoveled non-colloquial shit. It takes time. At least we’re not talking about a bunch of dudes on the fast track to Japan and Trey McNutt, even though those are some of the best things to talk about.
  • where is trey?
  • Post-op. Goes by Deuce now.
  • Impatience is for the masses that didn’t understand the organizational dysfunction of the Milton Bradley era.

Lizard

  • Being a Cubs fan is a lifestyle choice that I gladly make every day.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout out to Luke Jett for his first 2014-season Lizzies this week! Yay!

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Thanks for being here!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
4. Joe Aiello
6. Doug S.
7. Chuck
8. Dork
9. Chet West
10. Jerry in Wisconsin

Chit Chat

I’ve asked this a few times now but for me it changes often and maybe for you too! Who is your favorite Cub right now? Is this a change from the beginning of the season?

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GirlieView (05/15/2014)

Thursday, May 15th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • odds are strong that the Cubs will draft their most promising pitcher since Mark Prior this season.
  • Perhaps they can end the month on high note tonight….a high note being a Cubs win or even another rainout.
  • I hate when the Cubs are out of contention but at least this year we do have some new young talent to evaluate and see, at least we aren’t watching overpaid tired free agents waiting to be shipped out.
  • In case you were not aware, Darwin Barney hasn’t been performing too well at the plate in the last year or so.
  • That first sentence is a work of art.
  • “it’s not appropriate for polite company”…. ???? Lizzie, you’re talking to US..!!
  • “Holy shit how did that happen?” would have been my first choice.
  • For those playing along at home in the question of if Castro’s home run total would be more or less than his error total, the score is now tied at four.
  • The only difference is, my job does not rely on these guys making it. (Well, that might not be the only difference).
  • I keep wondering if I should change my screen name, but sadly it remains appropriate
  • If he can play OF he’s probably better than 2 of our 3 current OF’s.
  • A corpse could be better than a couple of players in the MLB roster.
  • Don’t look now. The Cubs have surged into 4th. Here comes October baseball!
  • the Cubs now sport a shiny new three game win streak.
  • It’s possible the cubs have the worst outfield in the league.
  • probable
  • Kris Bryant, no relation to Kobe although he loves the beef, left the game yesterday with a stomach virus after watching the Barwin Darney take an AB.
  • That doesn’t add up. The rookies are charged with making sure there is a fresh roll of Tums in Darwin’s purse’s little zipper pouch before the game.
  • Tums give away day. Every fan who attends a game in which Barwin Darney starts gets a free roll of Tums to lesson the nausea of watching his AB’s.
  • Variety is the spice of life.
  • My Bad. I was not actually aware we had topics. I thought this was just a forum to eviscerate other commenters.
  • Send him down to AAA, trade him, release him, DFA him, put him on the wrong plane coming back from a road trip, lock him in the bathroom at the Appleby’s after the team dinner just keep him out of the line up.
  • I’d eat batch-cooked spaghetti before I’d take on a steak from Appleby’s.
  • In defense they served a decent beer last time I was there.
  • I started a Tennessee Smokies blog. View From the Smokies
  • need a spreadsheet guy?
  • Absolutely! I think you will have a better time spreadsheeting the Smokies than the hapless Cubs.
  • How good would this Smokies team be if someone batch cooked them fresh food and then flash freezes it in a vacuum pack to reheat on long bus rides? I would think at least 5 games in the standings, that’s a BCWAR +5 for you saber guys
  • That explains a lot. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
  • Jswan- say something witty, Lizzie is bored also.

Lizard

  • Rebuilding a baseball team is the pits.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Dork and Dusty Baylor for their first 2014-season Lizzies this week! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Great job!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Joe Aiello
2. Seymour Butts
4. Doc Raker
5. Eddie Von White
6. Chet West
7. Doug S.
7. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Buddy
9. Chuck
9. Darlin Starlin
9. Dork
9. LVCubFan
9. Noah Eisner
9. Sean Powell

Chit Chat

Who will be the first to be traded from the current 25-man Cub roster?

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GirlieView (05/01/2014)

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

I had to wrap things up early this week due to some upcoming travel but even taking that into account it was a really slow go-round this time. Slim pickins! I have an idea about why, but it’s not appropriate for polite company so I’ll leave you to your own theories.

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I reset my mental calendar to coincide with GirlieView every other Thursday.
  • Can we get this article posted before each of Jackson’s starts? He pitched pretty good today.
  • Where’s Tony Campana when you need him?
  • Check under your desk.
  • Not where I would keep him… His sister, maybe.
  • I think it is time for Jeff to get a hair cut, based on how his hair is distracting Joe.
  • Jason Hammel once again proved he was a great offseason acquisition stiffening the Diamondbacks for seven innings.
  • I’m more than a little curious about how Hammel stiffened the Diamondbacks for seven innings. I guess that happens from playing hard.
  • The Outfield is Quite Underwhelming
  • I keep a daily spreadsheet of game results with columns for basic game stats, starter, etc.
  • There has to be a better way to spend your time.
  • Chicks dig guys who maintain obscure spreadsheets, EVW. That’s chicks 101.
  • How could I have overlooked that?
  • I hear that Braun’s girl friend is unhappy with him. He apparently can only get it up on the road.
  • when you start the game and read the cubs line up 7. Baker 8. Barney 9. Pitcher you basically see “a free inning”.

Lizard

  • It’s not that the Cubs can’t score for the Shark. They can’t score period.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Buddy, Rob Willer, and Timo for their first 2014-season Lizzies/Lizard this week! Hugs and kisses!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Eddie von White our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Joe Aiello
4. Eddie Von White
5. Doc Raker
6. Jerry in Wisconsin
7. Buddy
7. Chet West
7. Doug S.
7. LVCubFan
7. Sean Powell

Chit Chat
Today is a very special day, does anyone know why? ;-) If you don’t know, make up a holiday of your own and give it a name!

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GirlieView (04/17/2014)

Thursday, April 17th, 2014
GirlieView Definitions
  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)
As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies
  • There is just something that gets me excited when I hear the words “blue drizzle”.
  • Emilio Bonifacio needs to know how sorry I have for having said anything bad about him when we signed him
  • Themed fried dough is the best type of fried dough.
  • The Cubs were apparently waiting for Lizzie to start the season.
  • First Lizzie in almost a year. I’m turnin this franchise around.
  • Wash your hair, Bill.
  • A word of warning, multiple vigorous scrubbings of some areas of the body can lead to addiction.
  • Ricketts is selling, let’s take up a collection and buy the Cubs. Anyone got a billion sitting around?
  • Please tell me that I’m not the only one that is ridiculously excited that Cubs baseball is back.
  • And please tell me I’m not the only one who is… concerned about the RISP problem.
  • We are only 2 out of first and 2 out of the wild card, we are still in contention as predicted.
  • It didn’t sound like let’s go Cubbies, it sounded like 34,000 teeth chattering.
  • 34,000 teeth. Most adults have 32, but if you apply the state of Illinois deliverance factor of .9 (pretty good, by the way) that equals ~1180 fans. Seemed like more. For contrast 34,000 teeth at Busch ~ 1800 fans.
  • 34,000 teeth at Busch equal 38,000 fans.
  • Maybe we can all pitch in and get you a broader Sharpie.
  • I blame Jswan, He went with the triangle mouth and then ditched it, and things went downhill from there.
  • Joe’s soft pop rock jam of the day selections aren’t afraid to explore matters of the heart.
  • I didn’t know he had such a tender side.
  • About the only circumstance where it seems too long is watching a game on TV doing absolutely nothing else. If that is how you watch anything, get off your lard ass and do something.
  • Any coach or manager who comes on to the field to discuss something with a player, must forfeit 1 inch of any bodily appendage for each trip. This will make sure these are really important. A manager must retire when he has been whittled away.
  • Did you mean to say what we should expect from Bonafacio, or what we would accept?
  • Did we wet the bed or Schlitt the bed?
  • Chin up, Wes.
  • Perhaps Wright’s nine day absence was due his strong resemblance to a bat boy.
  • Maybe JCPenny had jean shorts on clearance. You never know. Speaking of jorts, would somebody go find our Johnsons…this is getting concerning.
  • I know where my Johnson is.
  • It’s just like American Express…I don’t leave home without it.
  • Somebody should make a website about this stuff. I bet somebody would use something like that.
  • Agreed. It’s a chore calculating this stuff by hand with my abacus.
  • I’ll fax you my slide rule guy’s number.
  • My fax paper is all out. Can you Morse code it to me?
  • My tapper arm broke off my Morse machine…I hope my carrier pigeon makes it through Appalacians.
Lizard
  • What do you say to a White Sox fan who has bad breath? … Go brush your tooth.
Shout Outs
  • Big shout outs to Jerry in Wisconsin and Katie (coincidentally also in Wisconsin) for their first 2014-season Lizzies this week! Hugs and kisses!
MVL
  • Congratulations to jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! You rock!
Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Joe Aiello
2. Seymour Butts
4. Doc Raker
4. Eddie Von White
6. Chet West
6. LVCubFan
6. Sean Powell
9. Chris Neitzel
9. Darlin Starlin
9. Doug S.
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Katie

Chit Chat

Who is your favorite Cub right now? (25-man roster)

 

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GirlieView (04/03/2014)

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

Without even realizing it I forgot to wrap up the offseason Lizzie standings so we can start fresh this time around since (YAY!) we are now officially in season! Nevertheless we are starting fresh today, and I’ll also include the final standings from the offseason. Let’s get to it!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Joe’s new cartoonist is lights-out.
  • Yea, but it’s kind of creepy real looking. That could be an actual person.
  • I love baseball and love going to the live games, but I like to keep that event as special.
  • Being at a live game is a great experience, but I think it would lose it’s lustre for me if I was constantly at the ballpark. That along with the fact that it might get a little expensive commuting to Chicago from Toronto for every Cubs homegame (although there are several flights a day to Midway).
  • with career and family commitments, I envy anyone who can attend that many games a week nowadays.
  • A pseudonym? where ever did you get the idea?
  • ? Lollypops on Lizzie ?
  • BAT SPEED OF THE GODS.
  • So, even though I’ve stated that Baez is already my favorite player, I’m more than happy to wait to see him at Clark and Addison for all the reasons I’ve discussed above. I think it will be worth the wait.
  • I have never heard of staying in the minors being detrimental to player development when the player is this young, however here are scads of players whose development was stunted due to being rushed to the Majors.
  • Recent reports have the field clear of snow, and the troughs down to 4″ of frozen urine.
  • I routinely express my disappointment for my boyfriend, Josh Vitters, and his demotion on the podcast.
  • It is what it is.
  • The Romance is Gone….It’s a Whores Game Now
  • A whole day with that headline and nobody mentioned Cindy Sandberg?
  • It is what it is.
  • It was like a good sitcom, the cast would just keep returning season after season, playing their role and occasionally a newcomer would be added or a bit player dropped, but the core was always there.
  • Somewhere between the stitches there is a certain amount of theater and a certain amount of honesty that gets played out for the public.
  • Will all of the Cubs’ prospects make it? No. Has there ever been a time in baseball history where prospect rankings indicate success as strongly as they do today? No.
  • How Renteria handles these playing-time issues will be a huge test for the first-year manager. If he pulls this off, we may have found ourselves a keeper.
  • Lizzie was nerding out on primes when I was learning my times tables…
  • One other thing, to quote George Washington: “There’s no such thing as a necessary evil. If it’s evil, it’s not necessary.”
  • Beef appears to be having some Johnson issues of his own.
  • Somehow, the MLB quietly agreed to a system that will enforce performance-enhancing drugs better than any of the four major sports leagues.
  • Plus, poor Welington Castillo had the hardest ball hit all day by a Cub, too bad he was playing defense.
  • On the bright side of things we are only 1 game out of first, we are still in contention just as I predicted.
  • My guess is that you haven’t read the post.
  • Is that required?
  • Those graphs of odds of winning over a game kill me. The amount of games the cubs lost last year when they were above 90% was ridiculous.
  • Player Who Will Look Most Improved Despite Changing Nothing
  • I think that how this list of players performs this season will greatly affect whether the window of contention can possibly open next season, or if we’re waiting until 2016: Castro, Rizzo, Olt, Castillo, Samardzija, Wood, Jackson, young bullpen arms.
  • Jackson will only suck a little bit.
  • I found this pretty, pink logo so I have to use it now.
  • You can tell baseball season has started because Joe is in such a good mood. Great piece.
  • I like my hotdog between two buns.
  • And again we ask “Where are the Johnsons”
  • Joe- don’t confuse ‘Fans really like spring training’ as ‘fans really like spring training baseball’.
  • Maybe next year the VFTB crowd should all meet in PHX for some spring training fun and a nice dinner at Don and Charlies.
  • So, next time you youngsters out there in your 20s and 30s start griping about the current state of the Cubs, take a look back at this inept squad that a young boy attached his hopes and dreams to.

Lizard

  • I gave serious consideration to editing Lizzies comment to just read “I enjoy a good hard Johnson” and deleting the rest. I refrained, but boy was it hard. (insert rim shot here)

Shout Outs

Well since we’re starting fresh this time, everyone who got a Lizzie got their first 2014 Season Lizzie! Big shout outs to Brian Rzeppa, Chet West, Chris Neitzel, Chuck, Darlin_Starlin, Doc Raker, Doug S., Eddie von White, Joe Aiello, jswanson, LVCubFan, Mark from Toronto, Noah Eisner, Ryno, Sean Powell, Seymour Butts. And everyone else who commented or even just lurked around!

MVL

Congratulations to Joe Aiello and Seymour Butts, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time! Thanks for all the laughs!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Joe Aiello
1. Seymour Butts
3. jswanson
4. Chet West
4. Doc Raker
4. Sean Powell
5. Chris Neitzel
5. Eddie Von White
5. LVCubFan
5. Noah Eisner

Final 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
5. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Doug S
8. Noah
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Chet West
11. Jedi Johnson
12. Chuck
13. cap’n obvious
14. Bryan
15. Buddy
15. Katie
15. Tom C
17. Sherm
18. Chris Neitzel
18. Dusty Baylor
19. Bill Fell
19. Bones
19. Jeremiah Johnson
19. John Winger
19. L lips es
19. LVCubFan
19. Mark From Toronto
19. Rob Willer
19. Still not Dave

Chit Chat

A little addition to our season ticket discussion from last time … as I am writing this (Wednesday evening an hour+ into the game broadcast) they are still offering a “limited amount of game day tickets available” for Friday and our nephew-in-law who did take the plunge this year can’t get rid of his opening day tickets at face value on Stub Hub. It kind of makes me sad, but is not surprising to me. I wish for clear skies, clear views from the bleachers, and a clear win on Opening Day for our Cubs and especially for those of you who will be attending!

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GirlieView (03/20/2014)

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I hope you advised Jeff to cut his obnoxious hair. I fear it is going to get in the way of his fastball.
  • You just have to get back to fundamentals and keep hacking, something has to fall in, a bloop, a duck snort, seeing eye ground ball or maybe you square one up for the 450 foot jack. It’s good to be back.
  • I don’t have a current favorite. I’d like to see who’s going to be here a couple of years before I get attached.
  • Prayers to Rich Hill and family.
  • The pen a strength? I look forward to it.
  • Whatever happened to that Carlos Gregg guy?
  • The Lincoln Park location is looking for an senior cheese application associate.
  • That position has a lot of holes in it.
  • Yeah, but there is still a lot of Dough in it.
  • Ever since they took the yoga mats out of the pizza dough, it’s just not the same.
  • Little Ceasars is the class of the industry. I know a saucie’r at Little Ceasars. Full benefits, retirement after 20 years, pension health plan, lots of dough.
  • Truly an upper crust eatery.
  • Speaking of single game tix. Braves series July at Wrigley, here I come.
  • next write up tell us where these ball players eat dinner and if they have ever dined with Seymour. And if they did dine with Seymour, did they hang themselves before the entrée came out of boredom.
  • No fatalities to date. I suppose I could use your method of bringing along a much more interesting brother to carry the conversation.
  • Olt and Villanueva are traded (in separate deals) to bring back pitching. They’ll get more value back in trade then they would from those guys coming off the bench.
  • Olt being with the Cubs alleviates a roster crunch in the upper minors, where there [are] legitimate third base prospects who need regular playing time at the position
  • Give Olt the spot out of the gate, slide Valbuena back in if things get ugly.
  • As a student of the game, I feel like the only logical choice is to give Steve Beuchele aka Uncle Joey from Full House a call. It’s worth a shot.
  • Cut. It. Out.
  • On Cubs Yo-Yo day will it come with an instructional DVD for the kids, so they know what the hell a Yo-Yo is?
  • Joe will randomly speak at times, and will ask extremely awkward questions to 7th inning stretch conductors…like inquiring if Jim McMahon had spoken recently with Pete Rozelle…who happened to be dead at the time. Uncomfortable fun for the whole family!
  • The Cindy Sandberg Viewmaster should be good as will be the Seymour Bobble Butt.
  • I got a bag of chips autographed by Seymour at the Mesa West Subway, store # 2,485,145.
  • are you having regular bowel movements?
  • Valbuena is a fine third baseman but not the spiciest option for the fan base.
  • How many wins do the Cubs get this year? I am going to sit right around 70.
  • 82 come on we are Cub fans.
  • 83, because I’m a better fan than Seymour
  • I’m changing my #5 answer to 84. (Emoticon with tongue sticking out)
  • 85 – why do I feel like I’ve just put in the losing bid on the Price is Right?
  • I think that a fifth of the roster is filler off the street.
  • Problem is that we have too many players already whose loftiest aspiration should be to one day graduate to street filler.
  • Any one of the 5’9″ utility men would make a fine representative.
  • Are you still trying to fit into the same size you wore in junior high school?
  • If you must know chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it is something unusual.

Lizard

  • I feel as though Theo and Jed go out of their way to make sure these guys are not brought up to the big club one day before they are beyond ready. I respect that, I am okay with that. Drives me crazy as a fan because the product on the field is, in a wishful world, a .500 team.

Shout Outs

  • Congratulations to Chris Neitzel and wow even John Winger! Both had their first off-season Lizzie this time around. Thanks for joining in!

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Thanks for all the laughs!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
5. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Doug S.
8. Noah
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Chet West

Chit Chat

So, after a whole lot of consideration and some very mixed emotions, we turned down Cubs Season Tickets this spring. Let’s see what you would do. Suppose you are being offered tickets this season, and you can choose anywhere in the stadium (this isn’t exactly how it works but we are pretending.) Pricing is as follows for a set of two tickets:

  • Get a nosebleed for $4,000.
  • Avoid a nosebleed for between $5,000 and $6,000.
  • Bleachers just over $6,000.
  • Sniff the infield from well above it for $6,000 to $10,000.
  • Field level $10,000 to $16,000.

And of course if you want to take friends along you have to buy more than two tickets. If you want to go alone you can cut the prices in half. What do you do? It’s really easy to say “Well of course I’d buy them!” But trust me when it actually happens there are many, many things to weigh. Two rules for our little game: You can’t split the cost among a group of friends and you have to buy this year. You can’t wait for them to start winning. Let’s hear what you’d do!

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GirlieView (03/06/2014)

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • At the risk of seeming overly spirited, a. I miss the everydayness of baseball.
  • I think I got zipped out on the Lizzies, this is horrific. Not as horrific as the Cubs have been and look to be in 2014 but horrific none the less.
  • You and me both, Doc, but you must pull yourself together and try to go on. You’re just in a slump. It’s not personal. Lizzie loves everyone the same.
  • What part of this do you not understand: Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • “Now batting number 89 Will Shoeman, he played in AA last year and had the most doubles on Tuesday evenings in the month of May for the team.” Drivles Len Kasper. “It is Friday morning right now so let’s see how this at bat goes for Will.”
  • Starlin Castro got the spring training kiss of death from Bruce Levine earlier today…”He’s in the best shape of his life.”
  • You left Socci before the Canadian verse USA mens hockey game?
  • Talk to Joe. He didn’t give me enough in my VFTB expense account to stay any longer.
  • Which begs the questions, How much did Joe have to pay you to risk your life in Russia, and did you adopt any Russian Wolfhounds?
  • Personally I do not like a leadoff man that gets on base 28.4% of the time….but that’s just me. The sad thing is that I would have no idea who would be a better option at the leadoff role…
  • I have to agree with you Bill Fell, I would think Castro belongs in the 2 or 3 hole since he loves to swing. Can you believe I got zipped out on the Girlieview Lizzies? Does that seem right to you?
  • Is it just me, or do more threads die with some weird ass Raker-rant?
  • Nope, they usually die after a tangential CAPS response to a weird ass Raker-rant.
  • Expos are due.
  • I think it’s prudent to worry about the defense.
  • and the few min after where we say goodbye and gaze into each others virtual eyes and say “you hang up first, no you hang up first”
  • Worst Case Scenario: Jackson keeps striking out in 30% percent of his plate appearances and never sniffs the Majors again. Or, ever worse, he never sniffs the Majors again for the Cubs, gets DFA’d, the Cardinals pick him up, and then they magically fix him with that human sacrifice altar they have under Busch Stadium.
  • I thought Renteria came off fine, way better than Quade or Sveum ever did.
  • Darwin? Is that you?
  • Yes, it is, only it isn’t.
  • Here’s an item: eggs come from a chicken’s cloaca. Google that orifice and check back in.

Lizard

  • The good thing about the season being close is that even if we all hate each other, once the season starts we will all be rooting for the Cubs.

Shout Outs

  • Congratulations to Bill Fell and Dusty Baylor, both with their first off-season Lizzie this time around. Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker and Jerry in Wisconsin, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie-ers!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
5. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Noah
8. Doug S.
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Jedi Johnson

Chit Chat

Let’s see, by now you might have a few spring training games under your belt, or if not you might at least be starting to peek at the roster options. Here’s a simple question. Who is your current favorite Cub? Mine is George Kottaras.

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GirlieView (02/20/2014)

Thursday, February 20th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • If the “all expense paid” includes unlimited bottled water and a port-a-john, I’m in.
  • I bet the port-a-john would be cold, it is the winter olympics.
  • I understand it’s a 2 seater port-a-john
  • Not a big Olympic fan in general and even less so of winter games. I might, however, be enticed to watch whatever games are attached to the Roman Numerals XXX.
  • Greetings from Iowa. My primary take-away from this week of new job training is an urge to exit Iowa.
  • You’re raining on my parade of wanting to go to Des Moines to watch the AAA team. Must be some redeeming things, no?
  • Corn.
  • Scenario: Imagine you are suddenly the new Cubs owner/president/general manager/demigod.
  • I get flustered when my wife lets me decide where to go for dinner so I am out on this question.
  • C J Edwards can’t weigh more than a couple of bats.
  • First DP turned: Seymour Butts.
  • Gone is Carlos Marmol. To be honest, we could probably just stop right there, drop the mic and walk off the stage.
  • We’re now a shoo-in to take the Central.
  • Perhaps early NL favorite as well?
  • The Marlins inked Jeff Baker, so no.
  • If we could have made a certain other signing, we could have been a Shin-Soo Choo in to win it.

Lizard

  • I don’t understand why people always say things like “Trade him as soon as he shows anything” as if other GM’s have access just to the last week of stats and no film whatsoever. Front offices are not dumb. They know what they’re doing.

Shout Outs

  • We have no new Lizzie awardees this time around so shout outs to everyone! Thanks for keeping the off-season interesting!

MVL

  • Our fearless leader Joe Aiello is our Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time! Congratulations Joe!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie von White
4. Sean Powell
6. Joe Aiello
7. Noah
8. Doug S.
9. Jedi Johnson
10. Chuck

Chit Chat

Spring (training) is in the air! I know we have some differing opinions about Spring Training around these parts and I’m sure we can generate some spirited (gag) discussion around it. As I’m you can probably tell, that “spirited-ness” has been making me a little nuts lately. But carry on. If we all hate each other by the time the season starts so be it. So, tell us, how do you feel about Spring Training games (the first of which, by the way, will be televised exactly one week from today at 2:00pm CST on WGN)? I’ll start you off with some choices but feel free to elaborate:
a. I watch or listen every chance I get to see how the team is shaping up.
b. I watch or listen every chance I get but not with any expectations of reality, just because it’s baseball and baseball is fun!
c. I watch or listen occasionally but don’t pay very close attention until the season starts.
d. I primarily ignore it. Waste of my time.

 

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