Author Archive

GirlieView (08/21/2014)

Thursday, August 21st, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Ok, I’ll bite. What is a walk tool?
  • I’m trying the saber thing where you say a baseball word and then “tool.” Then you say a number that doesn’t really mean anything.
  • Excellent! One thing I often think of when reading about advanced metrics is what great tools they must be.
  • Wax cup toast, bud. Not as definitive as a glass glass, but the ice does make some noise when it bumps around in the Mountain Dew.
  • Nate Schierholtz was DFFC, designated for fantasy camp. Nate will now be free to roam the fantasy camp locker rooms and dine with Seymour. What will it be, Italian baked with provolone, turkey and swiss or tuna melt on squaw?
  • I wonder what type of Sun Chips Nate will go for. I’m thinking Garden Salsa.
  • I’d like to thank the lowest common denominator, the source of all good grade school humor.
  • I’m not so sure this team will make the playoffs next season, but I do think they will be a definite improvement over this year (it really can’t get any worse than 0.0% playoff odds).
  • In years past the Cubs have took a lot of losses after the trade deadline. This year they seem to be getting better after the trade deadline.
  • It’s been fun to follow these prospects in the minors the last few years, but I am looking forward to shifting my attention to the big league club.
  • All Cub fans are welcome on the bandwagon, genius fans and ignorant fans……………why argue over who is who…..
  • You guys are starting to get that late season chippyness. Where’s the April love on VFTB?
  • My guess is one or two guys will not vote Jeter in the first year. Then they might get interviewed to explain.
  • The differences in talent between this group and the current one is fully understood, but it does show why we shouldn’t worry about a logjam of players at one spot.
  • My sweat factor is way down with this years pen compared to last year.
  • Amen. I have cut my Rolaids bill down by nearly 50%!
  • There is no money going into the curse jar.
  • Do you believe man can control the climate?
  • More importantly, I know it’s possible for a man to control the climate in his bedroom. It’s very easy to make that a very cold place, so be careful.
  • Will you be my friend?
  • Do you have chocolate?
  • Yes. Come over and have some with me.
  • At which exhibit at the National Zoo would you feel most comfortable naked?
  • Definitely the monkey / ape house. I’m a hairy dude.
  • Monkeys are known to throw some pretty unpleasant things,
  • it’s true, but they have good aim, and usually target cardiologists and optometrists….
  • What happened to the prom dress link?
  • Unfortunately, the demand for prom dresses appears to have decreased as more and more girls are skipping the prom and just going right to the hotel with their date. No need to spend the money on a fancy dress.
  • When you dine with Seymour do you bring reading material so you are not bored?
  • I have only had the privilege of dining with capn obvious (he paid), Tom C (he always pays), and Chet (comped meal). In the event that Seymour would like to visit, I’d be glad to let him pay and I would be facinated to know how he took the photo at that angle for his avatar.
  • Len Kasper was intrigued by The Pumpkin Eaters new release “Banana Jack”. He said he couldn’t wait to see them live in October. DeShaie’s was busy breaking down the quality starts delivered by Kyle Hendricks and that Wada guy. Len thought Wada was a hip hop artist.
  • I’ll always have a spot for Jackson in my Cubs history books, but unfortunately a good thing can’t last forever. Goodbye, Brett.
  • Now if only the Cubs could find someone to take the other Jackson off our hands.
  • 2 Johnsons are missing, maybe it’ll be 2 Jacksons next.
  • As Met’s broadcaster said, “The Cubs have always lived and died, mostly died, with free swinging teams. Sure there have been exceptions like Mark Grace and Bill Buckner but this free swinging team are easy outs for guys with good sink or good sliders like Familia (the Mets reliever at the time). Len was heard commenting on the Beatles show at Shea Stadium back in the day and how he wished he could have been there. “Maybe the Beatle tribute band Fab Four will play at Citi Field soon, that would be fun. Strike 3, that’s 14 K’s for Met’s pitchers today. It’s really hard to tell the difference between the Fab Four and the real Beatles sometimes”
  • Len said the ball landed in what will be back stage seats for the upcoming Night Ranger concert next weekend at Citifield. Sister Christian will be the warm up band for the show, Len is stoked.

Lizard

  • I think the Cubs are getting better with every call up and trade and it has been a long time since the Cubs finished a season stronger than they started.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Bryan, and Michael Rice for their first 2014 in-season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doc!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
5. Joe Aiello
6. Doug S.
7. Dork
8. Chuck
9. Mark From Toronto
10. Noah Eisner
10. Sean Powell

Chit Chat

Are you watching/listening to more, less, or the same amount of Cubs baseball as you were before the All-Star break? And how much is that?

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GirlieView (08/07/2014)

Thursday, August 7th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • “Theory” is not a guess…In academic usage, the word theory refers to analytical tools for understanding, explaining, and making predictions in various fields of study.
  • Get off your soapbox. Just yesterday our insightful Wood commentary was praised by a newcomer.
  • I need some vodka for my kool aid.
  • I shall send you some.
  • Should Rizzo even be in consideration at all? I mean with his well documented anti-social behavior in Iowa and all.
  • Moot. He hit two homers for a sick kid, so we’re good to go.
  • I believe that in all of the commotion of Jeff and Jason leaving someone forgot to close the door and the Bupkiss’ dogs came in and ate all of the homework
  • Instead of following the unsolicited advice of Mark from Toronto and making sure I get enough sleep every night, I stayed up to watch the Cubs
  • I’m on the west coast. The time zone means I’m awake for Cubs games, good and train wrecks like last night.
  • I couldn’t take it I flipped over to the Iowa cubs
  • Congrats Jswan. Let’s meet at the Vegan Eaterie for a granola bar and some soymilk to celebrate your commentary brilliance. How about around 4PM, Seymours Chevy Volt starts running out of battery power around 5PM so we need to do a blue hair special.
  • I could use some flax.
  • I write to you from sunny Denton, Texas, where it is a refreshing 102 degrees.
  • When done in the right way, I think acquiring pitching through free agency and through trades is a lower-risk proposition than spending first-round draft picks on pitching.
  • I think that the nature of the market these days is that it’s unavoidable to assume some of the age-related risks of established starters. It’s the other side of the coin of avoiding assuming the risk of first-round pitching prospects in the draft … Either you’re going to assume the risk in the front end with the draft, or on the back end in the after-30 years.
  • Shift ban. I’ve heard it all now.
  • That only leaves 2 options. Direct drive, or a continuously variable transmission.
  • I have an idea – why don’t the hitters just learn how to hit better?
  • that’s just crazy talk
  • Looks like the Cubs officially have no chance at the playoffs now as I see the playoff odds are now down to 0.0%. At least that also means those odds can’t get any worse!
  • That’s lower than a prom dress at 1:15AM.
  • Darwin Barney traded to the Dodgers for a PTBNL …good for him.
  • I bet it’s Puig.
  • Everyone knows the next chapter in this story right? Plays well for the Dodgers, makes playoff roster, gets World Series ring.
  • Disney approaching Barney this week for movie deal. Johnny Depp lined up for role.
  • I met Darwin in the locker room at Fitch Park a few years ago. Over the past few seasons I’ve also had conversations there with Jeff Samardzija and Ryan Dempster. Perhaps speaking to me is not in the best interest of any player who wants to stay a Cub.
  • I met Seymour in the locker room at Fitch Park, we chatted. I didn’t get signed to be a Cub. Now I know why.
  • This comment is not Lizzie-worthy because realism.
  • FYI – there are other reasons that your comment isn’t Lizzie-worthy, but hey, why rub it in?
  • Just subtly mention wieners and you’ll be good to go.
  • What is this “subtly” of which you speak.
  • I am pretty sure that if Baez, Bryant, and Soler hit .350 with 35 HR each season coupled with normal progress from Castro and Rizzo and the rest of the guys, Theo could cobble together a pitching staff good enough to make the playoffs. The Cubs would have the #1 offence in the NL by far. Heck, even Edwin Jackson would be able to win a game or three with that kind of run support.
  • If Theo can shop Jackson at his contract price he’s a genius….or a swindler.
  • Sometimes they work and sometimes they fail miserably, but no team can survive a season without the band of merry gentlemen coming out of the pen
  • arbitration is a bit awk(ward for you oldies).
  • Switch hitting catcher/3b – #7 prospect in the ATL organization, so I wouldn’t say hosed. You think those two trade aways were long term in the Cubs plans? I don’t.
  • A 20 year old at that. A good trade, thought the net hair balance is unchanged on the club
  • Wait. What? The NHB?
  • Bonny bald – Russell well a few too many hairs – it all evens out
  • I still haven’t figured out why they all want to look like Karen Carpenter on the mound. Real intimidating, fellas.
  • If we can just get Schlitter to tone down his mountain-man look we can have a presentable ball club again.
  • The Cubs received their player to be named from the Dodgers in the Darwin Barney trade – and hey, he isn’t nothing!
  • For now, Doubront has been placed on the disabled list with a, ahem, *cough* real leg injury, so the Cubs won’t have to find a spot for him on the MLB team right now. Isn’t it convenient that this injury would pop up right now? I mean, what are the odds?!
  • I almost think that they are hoping he will struggle and use that as motivation to make the final tweaks he needs to make in order to get back and stay for good.
  • Is it time for the hope wood pitches hard tomorrow comments?
  • Not quite. But if he gets a start in Boston on Patriots Day, it would be morning wood. I think we all know how hard that can be.
  • Unobjective homerism is fun and all, but not meaningful analysis.
  • Finally, please, for the sake of the children, never say the phrase “splash the cash” again. Every time you say that phrase, a kitten is swallowed up by the earth right in front of her child owner, who has no friends aside for that kitten.
  • I know it won’t happen, but I hope enough fans are patient enough that he’s allowed to struggle and adjust without too much pressure.
  • I have high hopes for this week’s ode as well.

Lizard

  • When your worst case scenario is sending a 22 year old player back to Triple A for a half season to work on a pitch recognition and plate approach refinement, you’re in pretty good shape.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to cap’n obvious, Jim Jones, and Josh Cornwall for their first 2014 in-season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here. Except for Jim. He’s not particularly welcome.

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson and Seymour Butts, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time! Thank you for giving us so many laughs!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
5. Joe Aiello
6. Dork
7. Doug S.
8. Chuck
9. Noah Eisner
10. Mark From Toronto
10. Sean Powell

Chit Chat

Which would you rather, and why?
a.) A 2015 team which is in the playoff race all season long with no assurance of post season appearance or success
or
b.) A mediocre 2015 team but a guaranteed playoff spot in 2016?
(Yes I am aware this is fiction. Just trying to see how hungry you are, or if you’d be willing to sit through another season of boredom if the 2016 payoff was guaranteed good.)

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GirlieView (07/24/2014)

Thursday, July 24th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Homer Simpson is a fictitious character
  • I listened to the Iowa game last night after the cubs blew up. More interesting at this point.
  • the odds of someone like Sale becoming available anytime soon are somewhere between the odds of me winning the lottery and my son becoming the King of England.
  • Well written and very well thought out, Noah. I think the long play is going to work out regardless of the bits.
  • I have done a complete 180 on Valbuena.
  • Great to be in Chicago and walk into a bar with the Cubs game on by default.
  • I really lost interest in the won and loss record and I am focusing on all these fine young prospects for the future.
  • if you are 26 and still in AAA, you are “ready” regardless if you really are ready. It is s**t-or-get-off-the-pot time for you.
  • They asked the same question at the Miss America Pageant this past year. You stole Miss Montana’s answer
  • I want players who are driven to succeed and don’t need me as the manager to act a fool to get them to produce.
  • At this point, the team doesn’t have much to lose, so why not take more chances in an attempt to score.
  • the Cubs winning or losing this season actually has very little bearing on how close they are to being competitive.
  • Marla Collins.
  • Lizzie said busts, plural. I’d go with Marla and Don Zimmer.
  • Going to miss my bestest baseball buddy and most loyal Cubs fan
  • My cousin Don Hausser Jr will be throwing out the first pitch at the Cubs game today, Sunday July 13. He will be in his formal service dress, this is part of the Cubs honoring our military. I was hoping cousin Don would be allowed to pitch instead of Edwin Jackson yesterday but unfortunately Jackson was allowed to pitched and gave up an era busting 9 earned runs in 3 2/3 innings. Cousin Don could have done better.
  • See a win today and my glass is half full again.
  • Unless you have a cup column going, now would be the time to add a folder of that name to your desktop.
  • If you look at the totality of the pitching acquisitions (and what they were turned into) the Cubs have made in the Jeo era, we are ecstatic.
  • I don’t know about you, but the next 2 days are pretty lean for me as far as sports go. There’s CFL football and British Open golf. As I said, lean.
  • I think Darwin Barney’s baby cost him his job.
  • It wouldn’t be the first time some guys little head cost him a bunch of cash.
  • I can see the Jesus resemblance for Schlitter, although to me he looks more like someone that was cast off the duck dynasty show on A&E and took up baseball instead. Honorable mention goes to James Russell for sporting the same backwoods look. Hopefully one of them gets traded as I’m never quite sure which one is on the mound until the tv announcer mentions it.
  • A couple weeks ago JD mentioned the herd mentality of major league players in the context of beards and facial hair. They all want to be individuals, he said, but they all want to look alike at the same time. Seemed a bit insightful.
  • I’m still rocking the Mitch Williams
  • As well you should be. Never a finer mullet have I seen.
  • Good news! Ian Stewart is available again!
  • I still think people overrate what Dunn would have done for the 2009 Cubs because he would have had to play RF and his defense would have been historically terrible.
  • Joe saw Murton naked, and we don’t talk about that nearly enough.
  • I simply walked up to him and asked him to remove his clothes. Isn’t that how you guys do it?
  • Very professional. Most of us would have gone with the curtains/drapes bit, I’d expect.
  • A tenth of a percent chances to win it all and cheap prom dresses. You win some, you lose some.
  • Nate “I knew it was going to come around” Scheirholtz was a study in despair yesterday
  • Wood still pitches hard.
  • Good Wood is hard…I believe the old saying goes.
  • Looks like the Darwin Barney era has ended.

Lizard

  • Statistics, in and of themselves, don’t always provide answers. Rather, the statistics tell you where to go start looking for possible solutions and/or useful inferences. The article (and comments by all!) have illustrated this extremely well.

Shout Outs

  • A hearty 2014-Season welcome to Kac, who made his first in-season appearance in the GirlieView this time around. With the Lizard no less! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go jswan!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Eddie Von White
4. Seymour Butts
5. Joe Aiello
6. Chuck
6. Dork
6. Doug S.
9. Mark From Toronto
10. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Noah Eisner

Chit Chat

Right now on the 25-man roster, who are your three favorite Cubs? And who are your three least-favorite? We’ll see who among them remain on the team as the weeks march on!

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GirlieView (07/10/2014)

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • the more die hard and knowledgeable a fan is, the less likely they are to be jerks to another teams’ fans.
  • The day Harry signed with the Cubs he said it was the happiest day of his life. They just got happier after that with the help of Budweiser.
  • Harry always new where his bread was buttered.
  • A larger container of feminine hygiene fluid you will never meet.
  • Deep dish my hairy white butt.
  • I find that hairy white butt comment offensive to Seymour.
  • Nah, it’s OK… after all, he’s talking about Pizza, one of the four essential food groups. Being passionate is perfectly understandable.
  • Drinks on me…you can upgrade to a large Diet Mtn Dew, Seymour. You deserve it.
  • Personally, I’d be all in favor of a Saturday double header each week and Sunday’s off.
  • How about double headers on Sunday with Monday off? We need entertainment on Sunday’s.
  • We have you for that.
  • I believe Ike hit Tina and Bobby Brown hit Houston.
  • Rack it!
  • The spreadsheet also says their offense sucks, incase anyone did not notice. Glad to confirm it for you.
  • That’s 4 wins in a row. The playoff odds are sure to increase! Perhaps not such an achievement considering the odds really don’t have any room to decrease.
  • Sometimes it’s better to just not speak.
  • I like it. Feel free to stockpile great shortstops.
  • I’m banking on Theo to have a better grasp of the rebuild process than I do…
  • Right on, Sherm!
  • Personally, I can’t see why any true Cub fan would have a problem with this trade.
  • Learned about this right here this morning. VFTB your leader in sports news.
  • How come it’s never a woman wearing beer goggles making out with an ugly guy?
  • Because women aren’t that stupid.
  • When you leave 12 men on base, it’s hard to win the ballgame.
  • Look at that…our loss has vaulted our playoff chances by nearly a percent *and* prom dresses are still cheap.

Lizard

  • Last night makes tomorrow look a whole lot better.

Shout Outs

  • A hearty 2014-Season welcome to Let’s Get in the 21st Century and Sherm, both scoring their first in-season Lizzie this time around. Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Eddie von White, our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Eddie!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Eddie Von White
4. Seymour Butts
5. Joe Aiello
6. Chuck
7. Dork
8. Doug S.
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Mark From Toronto

Chit Chat

Who would you rank as your all time Cubs prospect busts?

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GirlieView (06/26/2014)

Thursday, June 26th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • If you call a baseball trip to Minneapolis, Milwaukee and Chicago, 7 games in 10 days exciting, I’m doing it.
  • My vacation this summer will be my two whole weeks without youth baseball. During that span I plan on building a bridge for the backyard and organize the garage including finding a happy home for all my tools.
  • Has anyone else noticed that West Toronto in Wisconsin is tied for 9th?
  • I get Raker’s Lizzie strategy: flood the blog with Lizzie prospects and by sheer volume of prospects you’re guaranteed some of them will succeed in MLL (Major League Lizzie). It’s just like Theo and Jed’s game.
  • That’s been Jswan’s M O for about……ever……..like………..for sure.
  • I have renewed optimism for the Cubs – it appears the system works. Forget about Theo and Jed – you and Jswan should be in the front office.
  • I just got back from a camping trip with my son and have to add honey to my condiment list. For those keeping track at home.
  • We’re already over a third of the way into the season (shocking, I know)
  • I was watching that game where Machado intentionally threw his bat. I thought he deserved more than 5 games, more like 10+. I mean what if that would have hit a player or worse yet, in his attempt to hit a player, he hit a fan?
  • It took 2.5 months but we got our first road series win of the year!
  • I am a small-Hall guy.
  • I’ll buy the sandwiches if you can convince Schwarber to dine with you.
  • Rookie ball diners is right up Seymour’s ally. Seymour can upgrade Schwarber to double meat at the Stop Light Sub Stop.
  • Chips and a drink, too…I’m good for it.
  • Combo is what they call it.
  • Wood got wood. Cubs win.
  • Seems the bullpen usage tracker fell apart while I was gone.
  • and Joe added a link to cheap prom dresses in the Resources area on the right.
  • I didn’t realize June was prom season.
  • Part of me wants to believe [Samardzija] is the real thing, but part of me feels a foreboding of an imminent breakdown that will leave us with inconsolable forlornness.
  • “Do fish trot?” After Jim DeSahaie’s introduced the Marlin’s starting pitcher, Nathan Eovaldi, “The Marlins trot out hard throwing Nathan Eovaldi today. The Marlins have the hardest throwing pitching staff we have seen with Eovaldi throwing in the mid 90′s.” Kaspers response is “Do fish trot?” No scouting report on Eovaldi, no comments on how he has been throwing of late, no comment on his arsenal of pitches, just “Do fish trot?”
  • Jeff of Indiana is of non-virgin birth.
  • I would call that el Diablo hair. I think we could look at Jesus and not get that icky feeling and want to go wash our eyes out with soap.
  • “How about a Freaky Friday where we change places with another commenter.
  • I will start by becoming Raker:
  • The reason the Cubs have not won in a century is Obama. He forced the northsider’s into accepting food stamps and government cheese. Started when he was a young Kenyan in 1909.”
  • I am flatter you want to be like me. I hope one day you can evolve into a fun loving well rounded bloke but judging from your post you misunderstand the true essence of being a Raker.
  • You forgot to name drop a wine of which we’ve never heard.
  • I also neglected global warming or the threat of sailing off the edge of the earth. There is only so much room and way too much material.
  • I’d appreciate a youth baseball stat update and some stuff about hockey.
  • Now I think you are mocking me. Seymours ‘be like Raker’ post was the highest form of flattery but now I sense some mocking going on here.
  • I don’t get it, it is all fake so why is it interesting? Do you pretend to be married to Angelina Jolie and recount fake romantic dinners? What is the sense? Am I missing something?
  • I don’t find Angelina Jolie all that attractive. Something about kissing your brother is a turn off for me.
  • If your brother is built like her, I would not rule it out.
  • Dreamer
  • I’ll have you know Samardzija played football in college.
  • Well, you’ve got me there for sure!
  • The cubs have a way of making the pirates look good.
  • I would think Len Kasper’s call of Rizzo’s home run went something like this, “John Legend Bobble Head night is tomorrow so come on out and get your bobble head. I love Legend’s silky smooth voice. Hey Rizzo just hit one into the bleachers, tie game 1-1.” DeShaies, “He took a high outside hanging curve and just crushed it the other way, I don’t even know how his bat reached that ball.” Len, “Do you think Rizzo is a John Legend fan? I met Legend backstage at a percussions conference. We almost went to Subway together but he said he regrettably had to get going.” DeShaie’s, “Your not going to see many guys hit that pitch out of the ballpark.” Len, “I should of stalked Legend when he left the conference, he is so cool.”
  • Wood is my anchor. It’s been said he pitches hard.
  • Has anybody here seen my old friends Johnson? Can you tell me where they’ve gone?
  • I don’t know, but it wasn’t that long ago when a guy couldn’t turn around here without bumping into a Johnson or two.

Lizard

  • He might be the Cubs “Ace,” but he is not an Ace.

Shout Outs

  • We’ve got no new commenters getting Lizzie’s for the first time this week so let’s have a big round of applause for all of our loyal friends who keep us laughing every day at VFTB! Thank you all for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go jswan!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
5. Joe Aiello
6. Chuck
6. Dork
6. Doug S.
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
10. Chet West
10. Mark From Toronto

Chit Chat

How are you following the Cubs this year?

a. I watch or listen whenever I can
b. I watch or listen when I’ve got nothing better to do
c. I rarely catch a game but follow the progress in other ways
d. Has the season started?

Feel free to improvise if you don’t care for my options!

_________________________________________________________________________

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GirlieView (06/12/2014)

Thursday, June 12th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • Long time lurker, first time poster…
  • I had to think about that, but I’ll go with Rizzo right now.
  • I am not sure I have a favorite cub, I am rooting the hardest for Olt. Hit the Ball Darn it!
  • Old Milwaukee Light in the cooler…help yourselves!
  • Ryan Braun light beer sounds like punishment.
  • Houston has won 6 games in a row leaving the cubs alone for the first pick in the 2015 draft. So we have that going for us. When is the last time the cubs have won 6 in a row?
  • Cite your spreadsheet and get back to us.
  • How in the hell did the cubs hit him? Another baffling thing about this team.
  • Hello Kim099 What brings you around here? Just an FYI, Seymour likes to take his dates to Subway, CAPS batch cooks eggs and oatmeal, Jswan is busy with 2 small children and I like a nice chewy Cab to go with my steak. My wife usually goes with a salad or fish which is OK by me, I love a nice piece of fish also. Mark your calendar for the VFTB spring training weekend next March. We hope to see you there.
  • Raker, you might want to click on her photo and read some of the posts before you get too excited about a new member.
  • I have some bad news my friends of VFTB. Our new visitor the other day, Kim , I don’t think she is a sincere Cubs fan
  • I think she’s a he.
  • I did not catch that EVW. Good thing I didn’t tell he/she where we would be dinning next March at the VFTB spring training weekend.
  • I try to be on my toes all the time.
  • How many Subways are there?
  • There are currently 32 Subways in Mesa AZ alone. I’ve been to several.
  • The one by the retirement community really hooks it up with the banana peppers.
  • The Chrissy Ruth’s in Scottsdale is nice. I brought my son there on our first father son spring training trip back in 2005. We ate like the ball players eat after a busy day of spring training. He had a mini filet medium rare, I let him taste my Caymus cabernet and then he fell asleep at the table. We put 2 chairs together and the waiter brought a table cloth to cover him up and let him sleep while Capn Obvious and I finished off the cab while talking Cubs baseball. It is one of my most favorite memories.
  • So I’m correct on the take that you have given alcohol to minors in public, that one such minor drank enough to pass out, and that you showed your concern by covering him with a shroud instead of a trip to the ER. Father of the year material .
  • Carbon dating definitively set the Shroud of Scottsdale in the Atkins Diet epoch. Doc gets a pass here.
  • Curses… the one person who appreciates sciences here is my undoing.
  • Veras gets the ol’ DFA. Perhaps he should track down Marmol and Gregg and start pitching a sitcom.
  • With both Rondon and Wright having babies in May is seem that they, or at least their wives, were focusing on something other than baseball last September.
  • Maybe they were trying to help Theo and Jed in the prospect department.
  • Joe, good to see you took some time to “dork out”
  • If someone else is willing and you can get back a huge amount of booty for him, make the deal.
  • I’m all for more booty.
  • When you’re team isn’t very good, it’s nice to have an off day.
  • Apparently if you get the game winning hit, it means you’ve turned the corner on your season.
  • While watching last night’s game I noticed that Arrieta wears Carlos Marmol’s old number (49) on his jersey. Based on this, I became convinced there was no chance of victory for the Cubs, fortunately they surprised me with a victory afterall. Perhaps Jake might want to consider another number going forward.
  • Obviously I wasn’t listening to Len’s call of the Coghlan at bat but I would assume it went something like, “Ball 1. Jimmy Buffett is in town next week, great seats still available. Strike 1 on the outside corner. I love that Margaritaville. Curve ball outside, 2-1.” DeShaies, “that’s a tough curve ball on a lefty hitter.” Len, “How many hits does Jimmy Buffett have?” DeShaies, “The Cubs just not getting much offense tonight, we need a base runner here.” Len, “Sirius XM radio has it’s own station devoted to Jimmy Buffett, I love listening to XM, the Bruce Springsteen station is pretty good to, love that sax player. There’s a deep drive, that could be, it’s outta here, 1-1 tie game. Why they took the Led Zeppelin station off XM I will never know, those guys are the best ever.” Deshaies, “A rare lefty lefty home run for Coghlan.” Len, “I hope we don’t go into extra innings, Boy George is on Jimmy Falon tonight.”
  • Of your OPS+ is significantly lower than Forrest Gump’s IQ, you should forfeit your spot on the 40-man roster.
  • Maybe filling the roster with a bunch of 5’10″ utility men wasn’t a great idea.
  • The Jim Hendry mediocre middle infielder roster syndrome strikes again. It’s a second strain of the dreaded MMIRS.
  • It has already spread to the outfield. Lord have mercy.
  • That’s a 3rd generation strain, MMORS.
  • Pat and Coomer are pretty good. It’s hard to call them Pat and Ron since Santo was the Ron I always think when I say Pat and Ron.
  • Though every game I watch, I want the Cubs to win, I also look at the standings and don’t want the Cubs to move out of that first place draft order. Kind of schizophrenic, I know.
  • Testing… I’m trying to get my picture back
  • Hey. There it is.
  • Hey, maybe our new visitor will like that picture. Good thinking.
  • It’s bigger and clearer than ever.
  • This team sweeping a series from anyone aside from St. Mary’s School for the Blind or my 8U USSSA team brings the blind squirrel theorem to mind.
  • “Welcome to beautiful Wrigley Field, Home of the Chicago Cubs, the winningest team in baseball in the month of June.”
  • Kendry lost $6.4M by not accepting the Seattle deal back in the spring.
  • Ego combined with a shady agent whispering lies in his ear is the likely reason.
  • Ken must have a very dry morale right about now.
  • I appreciate your wordplay, sir.
  • I appreciate your use of the word “sir”.
  • Get a room, you two.
  • 40 draft rounds and not one Carlos taken by the Cubs. We’re turning the corner.
  • I saw Yogi Berra at Don and Charlies in Scottsdale a few years ago. He was definitely lost.
  • You must have been lost as well, unless Don figured out how to make a Cold Cut Combo.
  • Chicken Schnitzel on rye, toasted. Seymour asked Don if he can pay an extra $1 for a bag of chips and a fountain drink. “You do the combo here Don?”
  • Isn’t this just a rehash of a comment I made a week or so ago? Can I get a contributor shout out here?

Lizard

  • Let’s all have a moment of silence for one of the great characters of the game, Don Zimmer

Shout Outs

  • Big shout out to SouthKakalakiCubsFan for his first 2014-season Lizzie this week! Welcome!!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go Doc!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Doc Raker
1. jswanson
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
5. Joe Aiello
6. Chuck
6. Doug S.
8. Dork
9. Chet West
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Mark From Toronto

Chit Chat

Anyone have any exciting vacation plans this summer?

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GirlieView (05/29/2014)

Thursday, May 29th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s get to it!

Lizzies

  • I know umpiring is a tough job and perfection is not expected but a little humility would go a long way.
  • I saw a 4 top of umpires at Chrissy Ruth’s steak house, the porterhouse was outstanding.
  • I’ll be honest though, I went to bed last night with the Cubs up 7-2 and can’t say I was sure they would get the win.
  • Pre O.C. Raker would probably not have driven a Toyota minivan off the lot and told his buddies he had a SUV.
  • No minivan’s in the Raker household, ever. Mrs Raker does not care for minivans.
  • It is always good to know who the boss is.
  • The only difference between your SUV and a minivan is a sliding door and a bunch of Cheerios mashed into the upholstery.
  • The ghost of Marmol continues to haunt me.
  • Why 8 bullpen arms? The Cubs are so devoid of major league hitters why have an extra position player when the extra bullpen guy hits just as well as anyone else in the line up. This way we have an extra arm and an extra automatic out all in one.
  • I assume the playoff odds increased based on Monday’s game since last night sure didn’t insprire any additional hope for me.
  • Going from .9 to 1.2 is no small deal. Let’s enjoy it.
  • Don’t kid yourself, we are really at -218% which is on the wrong side of a snowballs chance in hell. 1.2% means we should of at least won one world series in the past 100 years and we all know the answer to that.
  • Baker to Rawlings for one box of gamers.
  • “This also depresses me that this is our topic – Trades and Smokies
  • At least batch cooking and spreadsheets are interesting. No wait that depresses me too.”
  • We know more than we want to know.
  • I’m thinking Hammel goes first, not that it’s what I want.
  • The Cubs just may have found their third baseman going forward as they move into their window of competing.
  • Heard from one of my brewers freinds today that Bob Ueker introduced him on the broadcast with “his era is just over 2 touchdowns”
  • Long time no hear………………the Cubs are having a losing season so far just to bring you up to speed….
  • Sorry for being away so long. Bob Brenly and I have been following Mister Mister around the country on their latest tour of state fairs. They rock.
  • I guess when I think of the “complete game” era, I think of the 50s and earlier. The time when bringing in a relief pitcher was an insult to your manhood.
  • Interesting fact: Rizzo has approximately 25% of the team’s walks so far this season.
  • Anthony Rizzo has shown tremendous maturity and patience at the plate, Shark is pitching out of his mind, Mike Olt has shown RIDIC power, and some of the young bullpen arms look outstanding.
  • This is an article that warms my heart to see, both because Casto is so much better but also all the statistical evidence. There almost should be a spreadsheet attached.
  • Keep an eye open for our missing Johnsons on your travels.
  • To sum up: Castro is getting better with age.
  • A very diverse Cubs site with other topics ranging from food to fitness, personal grooming to star wars, musical preferences and spreadsheets. I’m bracing for what’s next.
  • We need to quit wasting time on star wars themes and get back to our basic premise… dick jokes.
  • That’s a funny name…who is he?
  • I bet this ends well.
  • I’ve shoveled non-colloquial shit. It takes time. At least we’re not talking about a bunch of dudes on the fast track to Japan and Trey McNutt, even though those are some of the best things to talk about.
  • where is trey?
  • Post-op. Goes by Deuce now.
  • Impatience is for the masses that didn’t understand the organizational dysfunction of the Milton Bradley era.

Lizard

  • Being a Cubs fan is a lifestyle choice that I gladly make every day.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout out to Luke Jett for his first 2014-season Lizzies this week! Yay!

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Thanks for being here!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
4. Joe Aiello
6. Doug S.
7. Chuck
8. Dork
9. Chet West
10. Jerry in Wisconsin

Chit Chat

I’ve asked this a few times now but for me it changes often and maybe for you too! Who is your favorite Cub right now? Is this a change from the beginning of the season?

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GirlieView (05/15/2014)

Thursday, May 15th, 2014

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • odds are strong that the Cubs will draft their most promising pitcher since Mark Prior this season.
  • Perhaps they can end the month on high note tonight….a high note being a Cubs win or even another rainout.
  • I hate when the Cubs are out of contention but at least this year we do have some new young talent to evaluate and see, at least we aren’t watching overpaid tired free agents waiting to be shipped out.
  • In case you were not aware, Darwin Barney hasn’t been performing too well at the plate in the last year or so.
  • That first sentence is a work of art.
  • “it’s not appropriate for polite company”…. ???? Lizzie, you’re talking to US..!!
  • “Holy shit how did that happen?” would have been my first choice.
  • For those playing along at home in the question of if Castro’s home run total would be more or less than his error total, the score is now tied at four.
  • The only difference is, my job does not rely on these guys making it. (Well, that might not be the only difference).
  • I keep wondering if I should change my screen name, but sadly it remains appropriate
  • If he can play OF he’s probably better than 2 of our 3 current OF’s.
  • A corpse could be better than a couple of players in the MLB roster.
  • Don’t look now. The Cubs have surged into 4th. Here comes October baseball!
  • the Cubs now sport a shiny new three game win streak.
  • It’s possible the cubs have the worst outfield in the league.
  • probable
  • Kris Bryant, no relation to Kobe although he loves the beef, left the game yesterday with a stomach virus after watching the Barwin Darney take an AB.
  • That doesn’t add up. The rookies are charged with making sure there is a fresh roll of Tums in Darwin’s purse’s little zipper pouch before the game.
  • Tums give away day. Every fan who attends a game in which Barwin Darney starts gets a free roll of Tums to lesson the nausea of watching his AB’s.
  • Variety is the spice of life.
  • My Bad. I was not actually aware we had topics. I thought this was just a forum to eviscerate other commenters.
  • Send him down to AAA, trade him, release him, DFA him, put him on the wrong plane coming back from a road trip, lock him in the bathroom at the Appleby’s after the team dinner just keep him out of the line up.
  • I’d eat batch-cooked spaghetti before I’d take on a steak from Appleby’s.
  • In defense they served a decent beer last time I was there.
  • I started a Tennessee Smokies blog. View From the Smokies
  • need a spreadsheet guy?
  • Absolutely! I think you will have a better time spreadsheeting the Smokies than the hapless Cubs.
  • How good would this Smokies team be if someone batch cooked them fresh food and then flash freezes it in a vacuum pack to reheat on long bus rides? I would think at least 5 games in the standings, that’s a BCWAR +5 for you saber guys
  • That explains a lot. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
  • Jswan- say something witty, Lizzie is bored also.

Lizard

  • Rebuilding a baseball team is the pits.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Dork and Dusty Baylor for their first 2014-season Lizzies this week! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Doc Raker our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Great job!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Joe Aiello
2. Seymour Butts
4. Doc Raker
5. Eddie Von White
6. Chet West
7. Doug S.
7. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Buddy
9. Chuck
9. Darlin Starlin
9. Dork
9. LVCubFan
9. Noah Eisner
9. Sean Powell

Chit Chat

Who will be the first to be traded from the current 25-man Cub roster?

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GirlieView (05/01/2014)

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

I had to wrap things up early this week due to some upcoming travel but even taking that into account it was a really slow go-round this time. Slim pickins! I have an idea about why, but it’s not appropriate for polite company so I’ll leave you to your own theories.

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I reset my mental calendar to coincide with GirlieView every other Thursday.
  • Can we get this article posted before each of Jackson’s starts? He pitched pretty good today.
  • Where’s Tony Campana when you need him?
  • Check under your desk.
  • Not where I would keep him… His sister, maybe.
  • I think it is time for Jeff to get a hair cut, based on how his hair is distracting Joe.
  • Jason Hammel once again proved he was a great offseason acquisition stiffening the Diamondbacks for seven innings.
  • I’m more than a little curious about how Hammel stiffened the Diamondbacks for seven innings. I guess that happens from playing hard.
  • The Outfield is Quite Underwhelming
  • I keep a daily spreadsheet of game results with columns for basic game stats, starter, etc.
  • There has to be a better way to spend your time.
  • Chicks dig guys who maintain obscure spreadsheets, EVW. That’s chicks 101.
  • How could I have overlooked that?
  • I hear that Braun’s girl friend is unhappy with him. He apparently can only get it up on the road.
  • when you start the game and read the cubs line up 7. Baker 8. Barney 9. Pitcher you basically see “a free inning”.

Lizard

  • It’s not that the Cubs can’t score for the Shark. They can’t score period.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Buddy, Rob Willer, and Timo for their first 2014-season Lizzies/Lizard this week! Hugs and kisses!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Eddie von White our Most Valuable Lizzie-er this time! Way to go!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Joe Aiello
4. Eddie Von White
5. Doc Raker
6. Jerry in Wisconsin
7. Buddy
7. Chet West
7. Doug S.
7. LVCubFan
7. Sean Powell

Chit Chat
Today is a very special day, does anyone know why? ;-) If you don’t know, make up a holiday of your own and give it a name!

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