Friday, January 1st, 2010
Happy New Year!
I’ve been picking Lizzies every Friday since late June so we’ve amassed quite a collection over the months, with I’m sure many more to come in 2010. As we begin a new year of Cubs devotion, love/hate, and good debate, let’s reflect back on some of my favorites from 2009. For many of us, 2009 is a year we’d just as soon forget where the Cubs are concerned. But let’s take one last look at what we’re (hopefully!) leaving behind even if it’s only in support of a brighter outlook for this year. Enjoy!
Recent Lizzies …
- If he does go to Pittsburgh, let’s hope Gregg doesn’t lose the acute case of long-ball-itis that plagued him in ‘09.
- Sorry. I was trying to forget we had him (Silva)
- Here’s hoping 2010 is the year we reset that friggin AC sign to 00 00 00.
Lizzies On the Minors …
- Pap smeared the Mudcats …
- Dammit, Joe. I don’t want to read about the minors. I don’t. And yet now I click through and read it anyway. What’s happening to me?
Lizzies On The Pitchers …
- Go Gregg yourself
- you go with a professional hitter in that situation, not a pitcher who swings like Paul Bunyan
- Dempster Placed on 15 Day DL With Some Sort of Shark Injury
- Jennie Finch will be our new closer. She’s likely to have more strikeouts than Gregg and Marmol combined.
- K. Gregg = $4.20, $-1.3, $-5.50
- Considering that I would have accepted a can of Pringles for Heilman, I’ll take it.
- I’d also like an “ace” that is not a complete nut-job — having tantrums like a three-year-old and rarely listening to the coaches and the people who pay him.
Lizzies On the Corners …
- Derrek Lee…I’m sorry for all the bad, mean things I’ve said about you, and for the even meaner things I’ve thought. Please forgive me, until you slump again and I hate you.
- No longer do people say “it’s early.” Now they say “when Aramis gets back.”
- I’ve already cooked and eaten my batch of crow on Lee. He carried this team and I’d hate to think of how bad it could have gotten without him.
Lizzies On the Middle …
- Actually, it is a CHRONIC lack of ability. ACUTE would actually mean [Miles] will get better soon, that ain’t going to happen.
- Hording mediocre middle infielders seems to be a passion of Hendry’s.
- The prize should be an AAron Miles baseball card.
- Loser gets one, too, but it’s signed.
- The photo of Aron Miles on his baseball card is life sized.
- The Cubs should pay Miles the 2.7 million to stay home.
- Use Miles as a throw in for anyone willing to send back a bag of balls and 6 maple bats.
- I think you forgot to mention Fontenot’s mullet as a con.
Lizzies On the Outfield …
- Maybe it is time to sit Soriano down for a rest, he is down to .225.
- I truly believe he’s dumb as a board.
- You have to reward little successes with praise. That’s what we’ve learned with our toddler as he’s just about done potty training. Seeing as how Milton acts similar to a toddler, we need to treat him and his situation in that way.
- I don’t suppose we can send Soriano to AAA.
- I am not a Bradley hater, I just hate seeing him in a Cubs uniform, especially in a Cubs uniform in a batters box during a Cubs game.
- All Bradley needs to do is average an RBI per at bat and a homerun every 3 AB over the next 50 plate appearances, and he’s right there.
- The only optimism I have is that Soriano will be done after 2014.
- Oh, Gregg Soriano.
- It had to go this way, it has everywhere else he’s been.
- Don’t go away mad, Milton. Just go away.
- Saw this headline at MLB Trade Rumors “Yankees Interested In Gonzalez, Soriano?” and I almost wet myself. Unfortunately that’s not OUR Soriano.
- in 2014, Soriano won’t be worth 14 million Schrutebucks.
- I’ve heard Hendry is in discussions to sign Lincoln Logs.
- Maybe Soriano could try hitting with one of those next season.
Lizzies On Disappointment in General …
- We love the Cubs, but you’re right, there’s a lot to hate about this team right now.
- I hate the fact that the team has won two games this week and both times they have celebrated like they won the world series. the team seems surprised that they win.
- I think our fantasy camp team could light up the Cleveland bullpen. Just sayin’
- How many men did we LOB last night? 138?
- I have to believe, it’s what I am.
- I hated the first half of this year.
- A game like last night, where things go to crap from the outset, allows you to accomplish something else that day with the game on in the background, or not.
- Dear Cubs,
stop sucking
thank you
- This ugly August has shredded any reason for confidence.
- I guess I can unblock the month of October on my social calendar now.
- I didn’t make the effort to gray box it, kind of like the Cubs effort this year
- I see dead people.
- We’re talking about Ryan Garko and Garrett Atkins. This off-season is a big fat turd.
- When you get dealt an unexpected lemon, you make lemonade.
Miscellaneous Lizzies …
- This just in. Michael Jackson? Still dead.
- Too bad we can’t have these “discussions” over a beer.
- It’s better to be a Nit-picking bunghole than a Bung-picking Nithole.
- SWAG (Statistical Wild-Assed Guess)
- Can’t say I dig the Freshlook Colorblend Hazel contact lens on Sammy
And, the 2009 Lizard of the Year is ….. drumroll please ……..
Sing Along with Sherm (original post here)
To the tune of “Little Pink Houses”
There’s a black man with a brown glove
Standin’ out in right field
He’s got an interest rate
Running through his head
You know he thinks he’s got it so good…
And there’s a goggleman in the bullpen
Servin’ up all kinds of slop
And they look at each other and say
It’s payday, baby, who gives a f***
Oh, but ain’t the Chicago Cubs
Playing pitifully
Ain’t this year’s Cubs, you know statisticallllllllllllly
Ain’t they just unlucky,
Yessirree, BABIP, yeah,
Little Grey Boxes For you and me
Oooh, yeah,
Well, there’s a young man in a new shirt
Wishes he could get in the game
He’s got a splinter in his ass
He says, Lord this must be my destination
Cause they told me when I younger
Said, boy, your earn it and you can play
But just like everything else
Those crazy dreams came and went cuz
They got other player’s contracts to pay…
Oh, but ain’t the Chicago Cubs
Playing pitifully
Ain’t this year’s Cubs, you know statisticallllllllllllly
Ain’t they just unlucky,
Oh, Yessirree, BABIP, yeah,
Little Grey Boxes For you and me
Oooh, yeah,
(pause for instrumental interlude and/or a snack)
Well, there’s more and more people
What do they know?
This team cannot score
But to Wrigley they gooooo…
Ooh, yeah,
And there’s winners and there’s losers
But they ain’t no big deal
Cause the simple man, baby,
He’s paying the bills,
While the athletes, yeah, they just take pills….
Oh, but ain’t the Chicago Cubs
Playing pitifully
Ain’t this year’s Cubs, you know statisticallllllllllllly
Ain’t they just unlucky,
Yessirree, BABIP, yeah,
Little Grey Boxes For you and me
Oooh, yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Little Grey Boxes for you and me…
you and me
you and me…
(Guitar solo)
Posted in Featured | 7 Comments »
As much as I’d like to think the Lizzies are newsworthy, this column is not typically considered to be up there in the breaking news arena. Nevertheless since I’m making the first post since it happened and you may not be aware, I’d be remiss if I didn’t report the Cubs have made a further eight cuts on their roster. The following guys were affected:
Can you believe it’s time for another GirlieView already? I can’t! It seems like just yesterday I was begging for some commentary on lineups. What can I beg for this week? Nothing. Too busy planning our Super Bowl festivities. Or should I say “The Big Game.” I don’t think I’m allowed to call it the Super Bowl. Oh well. Here’s a super simple recipe for your Big Game Shindig. Never really knew what it was called so we just call it “Good Dip”. It’s sure to spike your blood pressure with its salt content if it’s not already spiked because your preferred team is losing.
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