View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003

Thursday

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March 2017

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COMMENTS

GirlieView (03/02/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2016/2017 Off-Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • You had a Lizzie? Huh.
  • this was the most awesomest Lizzie’s yet.
  • since we’re getting personal, I like your basic chick flick.
  • Eddie Von Sap
  • “I’ll take Anal Bum Cover for $100, Alex.” Which I’m guessing is Seymour’s favorite category.
  • Then Sherm asks right out of the chute: “can I have distorted scrotums for $1000 Alex?”
  • This was a particularly awesome Lizzie installment.
  • Chicks dig the long ball’-Greg Maddux
  • Chicks deeg thee tweesteed ball – Felix Pie
  • Eddie von Schrute was my favorite Office character.
  • Lots of Lizzie’s for an off season fortnight.
  • McCutcheon has to deal with a new position and the slight of losing his more prestigious spot in center.
  • The baseball team from St. Lois (yes, CAPS, I know how to spell Louis…but it’s funnier without “u”) (Get it? That’s two jokes in one, so four. Damn. I’m on fire.)
  • Whatever happens, unless they fall flat on their faces (which seems almost impossible), this year is going to be great viewing.
  • The Cubs will win, period!
  • Eddie von Confidence
  • Welcome. Nice to see a new writer on the team! Now if you could earn a few Lizzie’s…
  • Schwarber shouldn’t ever catch, period, to protect him physically.
  • Contreras is the catcher. Montero is the backup. If both get hurt in the same 48 hours, we’ll have to stomach Schwarber for a day, until Caratini or Rice arrive from AAA.
  • What happened to Rondon is a mix of major league scouts being good at their jobs and Rondon not making adjustments. I believe it’s that simple.
  • Please, please, please quit trying to ‘fix’ baseball.
  • the ability to watch anything, from anywhere, is here, except when it comes to baseball.
  • Look for these common sense changes to take place soon as we know Commish Manfred regularly reads this blog as does all the baseball brass as does Tom Ricketts and Theo and Jed. Go Cubs!
  • Penalize the batter 1 strike if they adjust their batting gloves after every. single. pitch. (the Nomar rule)
  • By necessity they will need nets to protect from flying objects leaving the field that “normal” people would simply duck. I know a lady we could put in charge of the netting.
  • Sherm for commissioner.
  • That’s commisSHERMer to you.
  • When can we have an “Ask Sherm Anything” post?
  • It’s life. No more coddling.
  • Eddie Von Realist
  • I am sad that Santo passed away before being able to witness a Cubs World Series title and even more sad that he was inducted into the Hall of Fame posthumously. Of any person that has received the honor of the Hall, I believe Santo would have been the most appreciative.
  • Hearing the Go Cubs Go song at the end of the game today was great.
  • Klassic Kasper: “If you have the last name Berg and you’re a pitcher, doesn’t your nickname have to be “ice”?”
  • Heyward’s swing looks significantly better. Still not a $20 million swing, but better than any optometrist or cardiologist’s swing I’ve seen.
  • Where the hell is everyone.. baseball starts and we’ve got crickets chirping.
  • Dejesus christ those were some dark times.

Lizard

  • Spring training has finally begun!

Shout Outs

  • No one had their very first 2016/2017 Off-Season Lizzie this time so let’s have a shout out for everyone! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to cap’n realist, Eddie von White, and Sherm, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Top 10 of the 2016/2017 Off-Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Sherm
2. Doc Raker
3. Eddie von White
4. jswanson
5. cap’n realist
6. Adam Peters
7. Doug S
8. Seymour
9. Brad Lyerla
9. Kyle

Chit Chat

  • One month from T-O-D-A-Y the Cubs will open the regular season in St. Louis. It’s a nationally televised night game, so most will be able to watch it. If you’re lucky, you’ve even seen a game or two already, listened on the radio, or at the very least have read some Cubs news coverage. Who is impressing you so far? Who are you wanting to see more of? Less of? None of?
  • Adam Peters

    Arrrg! I fell a spot! Did you not get the Bryan Adams references I posted yesterday?

    • Eddie Von White

      Um…yeah, I think she did.

    • Doug S.

      Could be worse, Adam. You could be looking at Seymour’s butt.

      • Adam Peters

        Geez. Are those my only choices?

      • Actually I think Brad and Kyle are looking at Seymour’s Butt at the moment.

      • Brad Lyerla

        Yikes. I thought is was just the full moon!

      • Nothing compared to a few years ago.. I’d often find myself sandwich between two Johnsons.

      • Doug S.

        Must be the hair.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Blonds do have more fun!

    • Doc Raker

      Does George Carlin ask his audience if ‘they got that last joke’? Groveling is not very Lizzie worthy. Put your big boy Lizzie pants on and move on.

      • Adam Peters

        Yeah, you’re right, Doc. It’s time to man up!

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        But I thought the whole goal of this was too grovel for Lizzies.

      • Sherm

        Well, George Carlin is dead…so there’s that…

        But I think your point is otherwise well stated!

      • Buddy

        If George Carlin asks anybody anything, I hope somebody gets it on video. That would truly be breaking news.

    • It wasn’t so much that you fell but rather that cap’n realist rose. He’s been on fire. (Which I shouldn’t say out loud because he doesn’t need his ego stroked, but it’s true!)

      • cap’n realist

        no ego here…just upping my game now that the Cubs are defending World Champs. Trying to keep up with Sherm and Raker. I might have to write a song parody.

      • Sherm

        Yeah. Can’t wait.

      • Doc Raker

        All those Von Lizzies add up

    • JTBarrett16

      Self-promotion is the mating call of the mute button

      • Sherm

        Wait…what?

      • The mute button’s mating call is self-promotion.

      • Sherm

        Oh. Thanks. Totally makes sense now.

  • Doug S.

    I’m pulling for Matt Szczur to have a great spring and make the active roster.

    • Doc Raker

      What does that have to do with Lizzies?

      • Doug S.

        Sorry, I went off topic by mistake responding to Lizzie’s question.

    • Me too Doug. I really felt bad for him at the end of last year.

      • Sherm

        Plus, dude can PAINT!

      • Eddie Von White

        And from what I hear he’s good at loaning out his underwear.

  • Buddy

    I can’t wait to learn more about the crappy music Len listened to during the off season.

    • Adam Peters

      Did you hear that Lady Gaga is performing @ Wrigley this year?

      • Mark_from_Toronto

        Not yet, but soon I expect to hear about it every half inning.

      • Doug S.

        Let’s hope Len is not a fan of hers. All we need is a LG song snippet segue to every commercial break……..Noooooo.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        I hope Len never gets the idea he needs a theme song. He would probably change it every half inning.

      • Sherm

        I can think of a few good ones…maybe I’ll post them later.

        Or not.

    • Sherm

      Music is very subjective. Len’s taste in music is not crappy…if you enjoy listening to mostly bad music.

      If you can use the Google, you can even find some of “The Indentured Servants” with Len singing lead. For the record (yes, that’s a pun) I have NOT purchased, downloaded, or listened to any of it. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I really don’t want to. I’m afraid of finding songs like: “Score that a hit” “Desmond 2-2” and “Put your shirt on, CAPS” and my brain will spontaneously combust.

    • Doc Raker

      Tune into the opposing broadcast so you can listen to a baseball broadcast that is about baseball and Leave Lame Len and his horrific puns and poor music taste out of your broadcast.

  • JTBarrett16

    I want to see none of Len. I’m sure Doc feels the same way. I want to see more of the Cubs in person. Which I’ll get to do 2x this year. In addition to SD, they come to Boston this year.

    • Eddie Von White

      According to my math, that adds up to 3x this year. What am I missing – dare I ask?

      • JTBarrett16

        I meant 2 series

  • Seymour Butts

    PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
    I bought a kids Cubs World Series Hoodie FOR $6…(10 with shipping).
    Just got it today. All they have left is mediums, but it will fit a 2nd to 6th grader, I imagine.
    Here’s the link if you have some youths in your life (not what I meant Father Flanagan).

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/122275908254

    • World Series clothing vendor must have thought Campana was still a Cub.

    • Sherm

      You’re a heart surgeon, for God’s sake – you can afford to get one your size. You shouldn’t have to wear a kid’s shirt just to save a few bucks…

      • Seymour Butts

        How do you think a rich old man like me…

      • Doc Raker

        creepy

      • Seymour Butts

        Grey Poupon reference!
        I realized only the smart folks would get it.

      • Doug S.

        get what?

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Be careful what you ask for.

      • Seymour Butts

        Well apparently it’s so obscure a reference that not even I can find it on google. Old (1970s) commercial for fancy mustard where an old guy talks about being thrifty.
        Since I can’t find it, just ignore it, as per usual. Sorry.

    • Dork

      Thanks for the public service – my sons birthday is the 13th so guess what he is getting?

  • Junior Von White

    I have only accumulated a couple of Lizzie’s in my VFTB career, but I’m pretty sure I have one of the highest Lizzie:comment ratios. Also known as VFTB On Base Percentage

    • Eddie Von White

      VFTBOBP

      • cap’n realist

        Eddie Von Acronym

    • cap’n realist

      I have been asking for a Lizzie/Comment ratio for years. Lizzie can’t be expected to sift through all these garbage comments AND do math, so I get why we’ll never see it. Math sucks.

      • I’d have to quit my day job to have the time to count all comments. Big Toe Joe doesn’t pay enough for denominators.

      • Sherm

        LCP (Lizzie Comment %) is an inexact science, because, by the RULES, it uses WHIM as a decision making factory.

        Also frequently overlooked is degree of difficulty. For example: Take Eddie’s name and change White to “anything else” = LOW degree of difficulty.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Now you are getting into a LSP or Lizzie Slugging Percentage, talk about messy! We might need someone who knows calculus to try to explain it.

      • cap’n realist

        Sherm von Butthurt. Don’t be mad at me that you write a whole song and get the same credit as I get for 3 words.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        This gets into a whole different set if stats. LPL- Lizzie per letter, and LPW :Lizzie per word.

      • Sherm

        Not mad. Never. Having fun with you…low hanging fruit.

        We all respond with that which comes to us – more happens to come to some of us.

        I’m happy for you when you get Lizzie’s. I’m happy for Lizzie, too. I’d be happy for Joe or CAPS if it ever happened to them.

        Are you in for San Diego? We need to organize that…and make sure that Berg sits next to CAPS.

      • JTBarrett16

        I want to move to SD. When my company starts writing personal lines in California, I’m going to do it.

      • cap’n realist

        Yes. I am in. Same as last year. Going to take the Choo Choo again…maybe try to stay closer to Petco if I can get a reasonable room.

      • JTBarrett16

        Weren’t all of you within walking distance of Petco?

      • JTBarrett16

        We need Swan and Butts to join us this year. Along with Brad

      • Sherm

        We need everyone – big block of about 40 seats for VFTB.

      • JTBarrett16

        Yes we do. CAPS, Sherm, Cap’n, Joe, Raker, Berg, Butts, Swan, Brad, Lizzie, Peters, our old pal Jared, if someone can hunt down the Johnson brothers, Safety Sue, who else am I missing?

      • Sherm

        I didn’t love that Marriott adjacent to the park, so I’ll be staying at the Hilton Bayfront across the bridge and on the ocean side of PCH.
        Still a short walk to the park.

      • JTBarrett16

        Sweet. You get to see the SD-Coronado Bridge from your hotel. I’m going to use part of my tax refund to invest in a GoPro camera so I can take photos while driving. Joe got a few photos of the bridge on our trip there, and I got some when my uncle’s wife took me there in 2013.

  • Doc Raker

    I am in for SD. Not sure if I am in for all 3 games or partial but I am hoping for all 3.

    • JTBarrett16

      The series is May 29-31, Monday-Wednesday. May 29 is Memorial Day

  • I forgot to mention, the next GirlieView won’t be until March 30 (out of town on the 16th) so you have almost a whole month to offer up your tidbits. It will also be the final offseason Lizzie count then we’ll start fresh for (yay!) 2017 in-season!

    • Eddie Von White

      That will take us right up to opening day!

  • Doug S.

    Whoa…….walking Heyward on 4 pitches with the bases juiced to cash in the go ahead run, Bryant on deck hits the salami to close the deal. Dodger pitcher not feeling great tonight.

    • JTBarrett16

      This is practice. Let’s do that for real in October when it counts

    • Doc Raker

      Wasn’t it the Dojers who walked Heyward late in a playoff game to help the Cubs win the game? Or was that the Giants? Hmmmm think think think….who is dumber Bochy or Roberts? Think think think……….member?

      • JTBarrett16

        I think Heyward had the crappy sacrafice against the Giants and reached on a fielder’s choice