GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2014 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • “Theory” is not a guess…In academic usage, the word theory refers to analytical tools for understanding, explaining, and making predictions in various fields of study.
  • Get off your soapbox. Just yesterday our insightful Wood commentary was praised by a newcomer.
  • I need some vodka for my kool aid.
  • I shall send you some.
  • Should Rizzo even be in consideration at all? I mean with his well documented anti-social behavior in Iowa and all.
  • Moot. He hit two homers for a sick kid, so we’re good to go.
  • I believe that in all of the commotion of Jeff and Jason leaving someone forgot to close the door and the Bupkiss’ dogs came in and ate all of the homework
  • Instead of following the unsolicited advice of Mark from Toronto and making sure I get enough sleep every night, I stayed up to watch the Cubs
  • I’m on the west coast. The time zone means I’m awake for Cubs games, good and train wrecks like last night.
  • I couldn’t take it I flipped over to the Iowa cubs
  • Congrats Jswan. Let’s meet at the Vegan Eaterie for a granola bar and some soymilk to celebrate your commentary brilliance. How about around 4PM, Seymours Chevy Volt starts running out of battery power around 5PM so we need to do a blue hair special.
  • I could use some flax.
  • I write to you from sunny Denton, Texas, where it is a refreshing 102 degrees.
  • When done in the right way, I think acquiring pitching through free agency and through trades is a lower-risk proposition than spending first-round draft picks on pitching.
  • I think that the nature of the market these days is that it’s unavoidable to assume some of the age-related risks of established starters. It’s the other side of the coin of avoiding assuming the risk of first-round pitching prospects in the draft … Either you’re going to assume the risk in the front end with the draft, or on the back end in the after-30 years.
  • Shift ban. I’ve heard it all now.
  • That only leaves 2 options. Direct drive, or a continuously variable transmission.
  • I have an idea – why don’t the hitters just learn how to hit better?
  • that’s just crazy talk
  • Looks like the Cubs officially have no chance at the playoffs now as I see the playoff odds are now down to 0.0%. At least that also means those odds can’t get any worse!
  • That’s lower than a prom dress at 1:15AM.
  • Darwin Barney traded to the Dodgers for a PTBNL …good for him.
  • I bet it’s Puig.
  • Everyone knows the next chapter in this story right? Plays well for the Dodgers, makes playoff roster, gets World Series ring.
  • Disney approaching Barney this week for movie deal. Johnny Depp lined up for role.
  • I met Darwin in the locker room at Fitch Park a few years ago. Over the past few seasons I’ve also had conversations there with Jeff Samardzija and Ryan Dempster. Perhaps speaking to me is not in the best interest of any player who wants to stay a Cub.
  • I met Seymour in the locker room at Fitch Park, we chatted. I didn’t get signed to be a Cub. Now I know why.
  • This comment is not Lizzie-worthy because realism.
  • FYI – there are other reasons that your comment isn’t Lizzie-worthy, but hey, why rub it in?
  • Just subtly mention wieners and you’ll be good to go.
  • What is this “subtly” of which you speak.
  • I am pretty sure that if Baez, Bryant, and Soler hit .350 with 35 HR each season coupled with normal progress from Castro and Rizzo and the rest of the guys, Theo could cobble together a pitching staff good enough to make the playoffs. The Cubs would have the #1 offence in the NL by far. Heck, even Edwin Jackson would be able to win a game or three with that kind of run support.
  • If Theo can shop Jackson at his contract price he’s a genius….or a swindler.
  • Sometimes they work and sometimes they fail miserably, but no team can survive a season without the band of merry gentlemen coming out of the pen
  • arbitration is a bit awk(ward for you oldies).
  • Switch hitting catcher/3b – #7 prospect in the ATL organization, so I wouldn’t say hosed. You think those two trade aways were long term in the Cubs plans? I don’t.
  • A 20 year old at that. A good trade, thought the net hair balance is unchanged on the club
  • Wait. What? The NHB?
  • Bonny bald – Russell well a few too many hairs – it all evens out
  • I still haven’t figured out why they all want to look like Karen Carpenter on the mound. Real intimidating, fellas.
  • If we can just get Schlitter to tone down his mountain-man look we can have a presentable ball club again.
  • The Cubs received their player to be named from the Dodgers in the Darwin Barney trade – and hey, he isn’t nothing!
  • For now, Doubront has been placed on the disabled list with a, ahem, *cough* real leg injury, so the Cubs won’t have to find a spot for him on the MLB team right now. Isn’t it convenient that this injury would pop up right now? I mean, what are the odds?!
  • I almost think that they are hoping he will struggle and use that as motivation to make the final tweaks he needs to make in order to get back and stay for good.
  • Is it time for the hope wood pitches hard tomorrow comments?
  • Not quite. But if he gets a start in Boston on Patriots Day, it would be morning wood. I think we all know how hard that can be.
  • Unobjective homerism is fun and all, but not meaningful analysis.
  • Finally, please, for the sake of the children, never say the phrase “splash the cash” again. Every time you say that phrase, a kitten is swallowed up by the earth right in front of her child owner, who has no friends aside for that kitten.
  • I know it won’t happen, but I hope enough fans are patient enough that he’s allowed to struggle and adjust without too much pressure.
  • I have high hopes for this week’s ode as well.

Lizard

  • When your worst case scenario is sending a 22 year old player back to Triple A for a half season to work on a pitch recognition and plate approach refinement, you’re in pretty good shape.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to cap’n obvious, Jim Jones, and Josh Cornwall for their first 2014 in-season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here. Except for Jim. He’s not particularly welcome.

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson and Seymour Butts, our co-Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time! Thank you for giving us so many laughs!

Top 10 of the 2014 Season (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Eddie Von White
5. Joe Aiello
6. Dork
7. Doug S.
8. Chuck
9. Noah Eisner
10. Mark From Toronto
10. Sean Powell

Chit Chat

Which would you rather, and why?
a.) A 2015 team which is in the playoff race all season long with no assurance of post season appearance or success
or
b.) A mediocre 2015 team but a guaranteed playoff spot in 2016?
(Yes I am aware this is fiction. Just trying to see how hungry you are, or if you’d be willing to sit through another season of boredom if the 2016 payoff was guaranteed good.)

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Elizabeth Pearson stumbled upon VFTB around 2006, and enjoys encouraging conversation among the wide variety of readers brought together by their love of the Cubs. She’s married, has a Cub-loving pug named Phinneaus, and enjoys biking, hiking, cooking and gardening. She calls Chesterton, Indiana home and hopes to one day retire on Mackinac Island. Connect with Lizzie via email or Instagram.