Welcome to the first off-season GirlieView. As you can imagine we go through some dry spells here at VFTB when there’s not much Cubs news to discuss. And there are other times where we just don’t want to discuss them. So we turn to humor, at times baseball-related, at times not. Here’s a collection of interesting tidbits from the past two weeks.

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • I hope everyone had a great Halloween. I had a dentist appointment yesterday – worlds colliding or worlds aligning?
  • there’s really no one out there worth pursuing anyway, especially for the cost
  • maybe Brad Pitt can coach 3rd base. Imagine Seymour’s excitement bringing new meaning to the definition of fantasy camp when he dines with Brad at the Mesa AZ Subway.
  • I hear he has already started bouncing foot-long and meatball jokes off of the anesthesiologists.
  • The foot-long thing…it’s no joke.
  • at Randy’s camp I swear every time an outfielder had to move more than 2 steps to make a catch he lead off the next inning. For a 68 year old lawyer to move more than 2 steps I would rate that as a 5 in the Craig Wright defensive grading system which is why they have 6 outfielders at fantasy camp.
  • Meters, kg, moles, candelas, Kelvin, seconds, “Craigs”, and amps. That’s all you need.
  • Renteria was never a catcher but did stay at a Holiday Inn Express while interviewing in Chicago.
  • I want to know about his stance on forearm tattoos and if alopecia runs in the family.
  • Moreland is going with the Michael Jordan excuse that he wants to spend more time with his family so expect him to be suiting up for the Birmingham Barons this year and then announce via fax that he’s back.
  • Apparently Cindy Sandberg never got her hands on Rick
  • I don’t think it was her hands that were the problem.
  • Let the barely-tangential, broad-sweeping political comments begin!
  • my money is on Seymour….but it might be Sherm.
  • Not me… I’d have cursed more…and I like to use these little dots a lot..
  • the Captain thought and thought … and then thought some more.
  • Murton is a star both on the Japanese field and Japanese TV, his whacky sitcom with Bryan LaHair is getting rave reviews. There goofy neighbors, Japanese female Lenny and Squigy’s, are always dragging them into trouble.
  • there were 3 or 4 guys on that team better than all of those guys. They went on to be a gas station attendant, a haberdasher, and a teacher.
  • Haberdashery is an underrated line of work.
  • exactly how I feel.
  • Thanks for single handedly making sure I always return to this site…fella.
  • I’m predicting that ‘fella’ becomes the new ‘Gregg.’
  • I’m having a hard time picturing Johnson in a Cubs uniform.
  • Think long about it… the vision will come to you.

Lizard

  • In case you missed it: THE CARDINALS LOST THE WORLD SERIES

Shout Outs

Because I started the counts over for the off-season, it’s everyone’s “first Lizzie” today. Shout outs to everyone: cap’n obvious, Doc Raker, Eddie von White, Jedi Johnson, Joe Aiello, jswanson, L lips es, Sean Powell, and Seymour Butts!

MVL

Congratulations to Sean Powell our Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top 10 of the 2013/2014 Offseason (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard) – actually top nine since that’s all we’ve got so far!

1. Sean Powell
2. jswanson
3. cap’n obvious
3. Doc Raker
5. Seymour Butts
6. Jedi Johnson
7. Eddie von White
7. Joe Aiello
7. L lips es

Chit Chat

I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to do a chit chat topic each time in the offseason, so chat amongst yourselves about whatever you find interesting today!

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Elizabeth Pearson stumbled upon VFTB around 2006, and enjoys encouraging conversation among the wide variety of readers brought together by their love of the Cubs. She’s married, has a Cub-loving pug named Phinneaus, and enjoys biking, hiking, cooking and gardening. She calls Chesterton, Indiana home and hopes to one day retire on Mackinac Island. Connect with Lizzie via email or Instagram.