View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003

Thursday

22

August 2013

81

COMMENTS

GirlieView (08/22/2013)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • they believe they are bigger than life itself and that rules are for someone else.
  • This could be the biggest VFTB scandal we have seen since the Homza/Muscat incident. Now we need to figure out who Resident Raker, Eddy Von Beige, actualword, Mark from Manitoba, and Seymour Muffintops might be.
  • This is largely due to the Cubs not trotting out starting pitchers that just are not good enough to get by the in Majors, are not ready for the Majors, or both, 4 out of 5 games.
  • we’ve been looking for our Johnsons all week.
  • The Cubs should move down to 16U in 2014 to compete. They could take the USSSA World Series for sure!
  • I’m not trying to sound preachy but the insider guy has done some basic deductive reasoning and for the most part hasn’t committed to anything other than speculation. This is not an insider.
  • Just for disclosure purposes, As someone who has had a conversation with Theo and Dale, in a third base dugout operated by the Cubs, I have no inside information what so ever, and they would not recognize my name. Please keep that in mind when absorbing my blather.
  • We’re also going to get a glimpse of what this regime is going to do with a big amount of cash to spend for the first time and that should give us some insight into the timetable they are expecting.
  • Shark has been busy working his porn career, that can take a lot out of your legs.
  • The DH is an abomination that strips most strategy from the game.
  • let’s put it on a tee so that we don’t lose any players to a HBP for months.
  • would be nullified by the new appearance of injuries from tripping over the tee on the way to first.
  • So let’s have the pitcher stand opposite the hitter and soft toss the pitches in there – that’ll solve the TJ surgery epidemic too.
  • But it would increase the likelyhood of line drives, and we do not want to go into the vagaries of those.
  • Eliminating either the field of play or batted balls would help there, Jerry.
  • Baseball without vagarious line drives isn’t baseball.
  • Wiffle ball is the answer.
  • Rinse and repeat.
  • And not at all in accordance with the fact that the Tigers need another bat (and another bullpen arm).
  • There’s no reward because let’s face it, it’s the third child and ‘hey you’ or ‘stop that’ will probably suffice until he’s 14 anyway
  • I would name him Axel. People don’t mess with kids with names like that.
  • I’m still voting for Abe Froman Johnson.
  • It’s gotta be Harold. Name the kid Harold.
  • How about naming him Alfonso? Just remember though if you do, he won’t be all that productive in April.
  • I really don’t think you can top Max Johnson. That is the manliest name I’ve ever heard.
  • It has porn star written all over it.
  • All over what?
  • That’s my two-year-old you’re talking about!
  • Josh Johnson has a nice ring to it.
  • My wife and I named our son Colvin (after former Cub not-so-great Tyler Colvin) and he responded by taking a shard of bat in the chest so I am monitoring my son’s heart health closely.
  • Hugh G Johnson. It will intimidate other boys and provide that self esteem boost most kids now a days seem to require.
  • Since you haven’t really shut down the idea of Hugh, let’s kick the tires on Jazz as a middle name. Hugh Jazz Johnson. Sounds pretty legit.
  • Peter. Redundant.
  • How about Major, Major Johnson!
  • How about Reed? Reed Johnson.
  • I hear he play hard.
  • We could go with Reed Major Johnson, but that would condem the kid to playing a woodwind instrument.
  • Waveland Johnson sounds nice.
  • Dumping Carlos Marmol and Shawn Camp at the end of June were major steps in the right direction
  • Why do they still use corded phones hanging on the wall to call the bullpen? Nobody has those anymore.
  • The fax machine is on the fritz.
  • It is probably more difficult to hack a land line than a wireless signal.
  • Yeah, I suppose you wouldn’t want anyone to read your lips when you tell the lefty to start warming up. Keep the suspension up until the camera actually shows him get up.
  • Shhhhhhhhhh!
  • How is this news? So if a pitcher keeps opposing runners off base, and keeps them from hammering extra base hits and home runs, he’s effective. Got it.
  • Greetings from Cooperstown All Star Village.
  • You know what will affect winning? Regularly embarrassing your young talent at every chance.
  • I’m of the opinion that a fair amount of Cubs fans just need a team pariah.
  • I’d love to see Cub fans stop eating their young.
  • The only way those guys can talk 24/7 is to invent controversies
  • Baseball either needs to start paying Minor League umpires a good enough salary to attract solid talent or just switch to an all computers, video, and man in the booth umpiring format.
  • Most of us are not professional athletes, but most of us are a professionals of some sort that work as part of a “team” (however you want to define it), and we all know, anecdotally, that one’s work environment can affect your job performance and morale. So, I think there is probably something to “chemistry,” even if it can’t be quantified – but the question is, how much does it actually affect the bottom line of wins and losses?
  • If a team were better on the field, they’d probably have better chemistry, and that’s probably the most important interaction between the two concepts.
  • I believe “chemistry”, as it applies to sports, is only a negative force. Great team chemistry won’t really help you win more games because talent will win out in the end as long as it is not mismanaged. However, a toxic clubhouse will suppress winning because negative attitudes will tend to produce negative results in subtle ways.
  • you are not allowed to use the word “grit” in an article without also using the word “moxie.”
  • Wow, that’s a surgeon’s butt in the photo. Who knew?
  • I thought everyone did, actually.
  • While we are clearing things up, I don’t actually manage an Orange Julius. I am a shift leader at the Orange Julius, which is more or less an assistant manager position.
  • Assistant to the manager position.
  • Same thing.

Lizard

  • Nothing lends itself more to credibility than a handle of Assman2

Shout Outs

We had no new Lizzie contributors this time around but we’re so grateful for our regular commenters who keep this site flowing with good conversation and hearty laughter. Shout outs all around.

MVL

Congratulations to Jedi Johnson, who returned to the US and to VFTB with a flourish this week. He’s the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Seymour Butts
3. Eddie von White
4. Jedi Johnson
5. Doc Raker
6. Joe Aiello
7. Chuck
8. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Doug S.
10. Jeremiah Johnson

Chit Chat

Today’s chit chat comes to us courtesy of one of Chuck’s Lizzies (thanks Chuck!) … and I quote: “The DH is an abomination that strips most strategy from the game.” I completely agree. Here’s your chance to make your case. How do you feel about it?

  • PLCB3

    I am in favor of the DH. Because it prevents pitchers from being injured while batting. People like to say the other 8 guys field and bat. Well, I’m not paying my best hitter 25M for his glove. I’m paying him 25M for his bat. Same reasoning, I’m paying my best pitcher 25M for his bat or his glove. I’m paying him 25M to pitch. If my best pitcher goes up, gets HBP and breaks his arm, I just lost my best pitcher for 2 months. I don’t want that. Or like Mark Prior, in addition to all his pitching injuries, he also suffered 2 base-running injuries.

    • Jedi

      You’re solving a fake problem.

      (And it almost sounds like you’re letting Dusty off the hook for Prior’s career path)

      • PLCB3

        Not letting Dusty off the hook at all. How is it a fake problem? It’s not like it’s a pandemic, but all it takes is 1.

        As for Prior’s 2nd base-running injury, I think it might have contributed to shoulder problems. Why was he allowed to stay in that game after he got bonked.

      • Jedi

        It’s a fake problem because there isn’t a franchise that’s been rocked when a highly valued pitcher was beaned and subsequently lost his career. In fact, it’s only happened to a handful of hitters in total – and most of those weren’t even great players.

        Am I saying that it matters less if it happens to crappy players? When you’re assessing whether to switch to the DH, absolutely. It’s a shame for anyone to lose their career that way, Tony Conigliaro or Adam Greenberg – it makes no difference.

        But your specific argument is that teams are subjecting their most irreplaceable players to the menace of a career-ending HBP. Except that it hasn’t happened to a pitcher ever; and it’s only happened to a handful of hitters. So yes, the value of the player absolutely matters to your ridiculous DH argument.

      • Doc Raker

        It’s a fake problem because global temps have been in decline this past decade.

      • PLCB3

        And we have blizzards in February caused by global warming, and winters where Orlando is colder than Boston

      • Doc Raker

        Like global warming.

    • Joe Aiello

      I am actually for the DL (Designated Liver) since I don’t want my pitchers living their lives. I only want them pitching. That’s what I pay them for. Walking around outside or driving a car or even taking a leak may be too dangerous. I propose the the use of the DL because it provides broader coverage than just the DH.

      • Jedi

        Very well done.

      • cap’n Obvious

        when I worked for Anheuser-Busch, I had a designated liver. Carried it around after all the big drinking nights in a briefcase with a Budweiser logo.

      • Joe Aiello

        That’s what Todd Hundley should have asked for for christmas when he was a kid.

      • cap’n Obvious

        a Harry Caray prototype was created, but the red Chinese wanted too much to manufacture it, and they want us all to perish from liver failure after they finish taking all our monies. Mine was a crappy Russian knockoff designed to process cheap vodka, not cheap beer, so it had some imperfections.

      • cap’n Obvious

        when I worked for Anheuser-Busch, I had a designated liver. Carried it around after all the big drinking nights in a briefcase with a Budweiser logo.

      • Joe Aiello

        That’s what Todd Hundley should have asked for for christmas when he was a kid.

      • cap’n Obvious

        a Harry Caray prototype was created, but the red Chinese wanted too much to manufacture it, and they want us all to perish from liver failure after they finish taking all our monies. Mine was a crappy Russian knockoff designed to process cheap vodka, not cheap beer, so it had some imperfections.

    • cap’n obvious

      I’m actually OK with the system as it is. gives each league an identity, and makes late inning changes compelling both ways. Other than it sometimes being painful to watch the pitcher’s hit, I embrace the difference.

    • cap’n obvious

      I’m actually OK with the system as it is. gives each league an identity, and makes late inning changes compelling both ways. Other than it sometimes being painful to watch the pitcher’s hit, I embrace the difference.

  • PLCB3

    In addition to protecting the pitcher from injury, I also favor the DH because it allows managers to keep their starter in the game longer.

    • Jerry in Wisconsin

      You have spent too much time in Boston and are starting to beleive the garbage they spit out over there.

      • PLCB3

        Well you don’t have to pull a starter because you need a bat in the American League.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        You need more National League baseball in Boston, then maybe your thinking will clear up.

      • PLCB3

        I lived in Chicago for 24 years, where there is NL baseball

      • Jedi

        Didn’t you live in Orlando? And now in Boston? And weren’t you only 43 days old on 8-8-88?

      • PLCB3

        You’re an accountant, aren’t you? You should know your math. If I lived in Chicago my entire life before leaving for Orlando at the start of 2012, come back to Chicago 6 months later, before leaving for Boston at the start of 2013, and I was born in June of 1988, then how long did I live in Chicago?

      • Jedi

        I’ll have to open my CAPS scrapbook when I get home…I thought you’d put in more time with Disney, what with all the knowledge you acquired visiting with the guests in line, I just assumed no one person could amass such a volume of understanding in 6 short months. Deepest apologies, I’ll have it all straightened out for the Biography special that’s running later this month.

      • PLCB3

        Working 55 hour weeks made it feel much longer than 6 months. I was so happy when the final day of work was over and I would be setting out to drive home and lifeguard

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Where you then worked 60 hour weeks, how is that better?

      • PLCB3

        Lifeguarding is not as physically taxing as working in food service is. It’s also far less stressful. And it pays better (than Disney at least).
        That was part of why I originally started lifeguarding. Because I got tired of Domino’s.

      • Doc Raker

        Where there is only NL baseball.

      • PLCB3

        I stand corrected

  • Seymour Butts

    Abomination. Period.
    I would like to propose a new weekly feature article. CAPS would write it and it would consist of whatever crosses his mind at that particular moment. The fun ensues when the rest of us spend the day mocking his ideas. This happens everyday as it is, but he should get credit for the byline.

    • “I find the conventional marinara-based meatball sub paradigm to be a bit myopic.”

      • PLCB3

        Nothing about the ranch dressing or raspberry cheesecake cookies!?

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        The cookies clearly are not a myopic subject

    • Jerry in Wisconsin

      It should be titled “How Do You Google That”

      • Seymour Butts

        Thank you Jerry, I almost fell out of my chair.

      • Jedi

        Good luck finding it on the web.

      • Jedi

        Good luck finding it on the web.

  • A giant hell no on the DH.

    • cap’n Obvious

      Vogelbach is a huge fan of the DH.

    • cap’n Obvious

      Vogelbach is a huge fan of the DH.

  • PLCB3

    I’m going off vftb for a week because I’m tired of the mockeries of me.

    • Jedi

      No idea what type of response you’re hoping for CAPS. The “mockeries” that any of us get here are earned and most often well-deserved – myself included. Criticism is a good thing; hopefully it makes you evaluate what you say and do BEFORE you say or do it the next time.

      • Your beard looks stupid.

      • Jedi

        Shut your triangle-hole.

      • Joe Aiello

        You do realize that you ALSO have a triangle hole, right? =)

      • Jedi

        I’m pretty confident that’s supposedly a stupid beard on jswan’s face too.

      • To the untrained eye, that indeed may appear to be a beard on my face. I commissioned my portrait to have a 5-o’clock shadow, which was realized via the spray paint can in MSPaint. Next level shit.

    • Eddie Von White

      You will be robbing yourself of a full week of Lizzie possibilities. You better rethink your decision.

      • PLCB3

        The number of Lizzies I get or don’t get doesn’t really affect the quality of my life. And BTW – I’ll be getting 100 bucks for my iTouch tonight. I offered to bundle the accessories for another 35 bucks. Case, chargers, cords, and headphones.

      • Bryan

        The first time I got a Lizzie I was so excited that I ran to the other room to tell my wife (she didn’t care) but in the process I ran out of breath. I thought, “I am too young to become short of breath this quick” so I have started exercising regularly. The moral of this story is that Lizzies save lives. True story.

      • Eddie Von White

        I did the exact same thing and my wife said: “Who’s Lizzie?”

      • Let’s just say that telling your wife that you beat the Johnsons on Lizzie’s Girlie View is a mistake you will only make once.

      • Eddie Von White

        I’m just glad I lived to tell about it.

      • Eddie Von White

        I did the exact same thing and my wife said: “Who’s Lizzie?”

      • Let’s just say that telling your wife that you beat the Johnsons on Lizzie’s Girlie View is a mistake you will only make once.

      • Eddie Von White

        I’m just glad I lived to tell about it.

      • Chuck

        “she didn’t care.” The story of my marriage…

      • Chuck

        “she didn’t care.” The story of my marriage…

      • Eddie Von White

        Well played, CAPS.

      • Eddie Von White

        Well played, CAPS.

  • Joe Aiello

    To answer Lizzie’s question, I’m actually fine with either rule. I don’t care that the AL uses the DH, frankly it makes keeping score a heck of a lot easier and keeps managers from outthinking themselves and over managing with a god awful amount of double switches and pitchers facing one batter.
    At the same time, it’s fun watching the pitchers hit.
    Summary: I don’t care.

    • Mark_from_Toronto

      I’m not a fan of the DH. I don’t see why pitchers shouldn’t have to hit.

  • Bryan

    I hate the DH for the reason Chuck mentioned. Why stop at the pitcher? Why not expand roster to 36 so we can have 12 guys who can only hit, 12 who can only pitch, and 12 who can only field? Each team would consist solely of designated hitter, designated fielders, and designated pitchers.

    • Chuck

      Shhhhhhhhhhhh! Don’t give those dopes in the AL any ideas.

    • Chuck

      Shhhhhhhhhhhh! Don’t give those dopes in the AL any ideas.

  • Jedi
    • PLCB3

      I can’t wait to hurl insults at him when he comes to Wrigley next year. It’s also good to know that the collector is a Cubs fan. I’m sure he hates Braun more than he already did.

  • Chuck

    I get a topic from one of my comments and I can’t even get a co-Lizard (let’s face it, any comment with Assman2 gets a Lizard). Wow. Tough crowd.

    Baseball has a myriad of subtle things that the manager does throughout the game (defensive alignments, aggressiveness on the bases, how to pitch certain batters, etc…) that most fans do not see. Including the DH eliminates the more important decisions that the manager has to make during a game and, in my opinion, makes the game more boring.

  • Chuck

    I get a topic from one of my comments and I can’t even get a co-Lizard (let’s face it, any comment with Assman2 gets a Lizard). Wow. Tough crowd.

    Baseball has a myriad of subtle things that the manager does throughout the game (defensive alignments, aggressiveness on the bases, how to pitch certain batters, etc…) that most fans do not see. Including the DH eliminates the more important decisions that the manager has to make during a game and, in my opinion, makes the game more boring.

  • Doug S.

    DH Pro – Guys like Travis Wood.
    DH Con – Guys unlike Travis Wood.

    • PLCB3

      Don’t you mean the other way around? Since Travis Wood is a good hitting pitcher, he would be against the DH

  • Doug S.

    DH Pro – Guys like Travis Wood.
    DH Con – Guys unlike Travis Wood.

  • PLCB3

    I said I wouldn’t post for a week, but this is serious, I need your help everyone. Today I bought some stuff from Best Buy for the first time in 2 years. I
    found out that I no longer have 30 days for price match refund, they
    changed it to 15. I also found out that in those 15 days, you only get
    the price match if it’s cheaper at Best Buy. The competitors price match
    is now only day of purchase. So I need your help listing big box
    electronics stores. This is my list so far:

    Apple Store

    Target

    Walmart

    Office Max

    Office Depot

    Staples

    Abt

    Radio Shack

    Does anyone else have any others?