Happy Almost Weekend! The White Sox vs. Cubs game today at 2:05p.m. (CST) is being offered as a free webcast if you’d like to tune in and don’t subscribe to any of the services. Check out cubs.com for details. Carlos Villanueva is starting. He may quite possibly be my new favorite Cub. Enjoy!

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • The old coxswain isn’t what it used to be.
  • Happy birthday to Jill, whose name I know not because I’m a serial killer stalker, but because I’m friends with Noah on Facebook.
  • Perhaps you can pass on your Ramen noodle cooking tip to Vogelbach. Let’s get the kid a Gold Glove.
  • I’d like to see the whole process scrapped and just see a recording of Harry played every game.
  • I am glad Barney is pushing Castro to pay more attention to defense. That is what good teammates do, make each other better.
  • In March the Cubs haven’t lost any games, they are still contenders, hope is still with the team.
  • Maybe you, Seymour, Randy’s pitching machine, and I can get a tee time.
  • I would like to discuss my lack of Lizzies this time around? It’s not you, it’s me, isn’t it?
  • I’m with you bud. Either we or Homza phoned this one in.
  • We don’t have a lot to work with here. I blame the WBC for sequestering Randy’s camp. Typically we would be teasing Raker for subtle bragging his stat line against a pitching machine. .. he would in turn make a joke about Seymour taking Trey McNutt out for a sandwich. This is difficult for all of us jackasses.
  • I got 68% of votes for fantasy camp hall of fame this past January. I should be in by 2015, maybe 2014 if the voters do their homework. Fantasy Camp Hall Of Fame (FCHOF) is in Reno Nevada kiddie corner to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum for those of you who want to check it out.
  • This is ‘smart post’ and you will note some of your posts will automatically disappear if they don’t reach the VFTB threshold of amusement. Buddy is running at a .018 post acceptance rate (PAR).
  • Hoarders at a ladies nylon factory are the best defensive baseball players. They save the most runs.
  • Even the Cardinals fans were cool (They paid me to say that*). *They didn’t really pay me to say that.
  • As soon as the girls saw the puppy, they flocked to him. What a sly dog, that Eric Byrnes.
  • I’m guessing you have a bunch of nerdy baseball guys with crushes on you (aside from Seymour.)
  • Truth be told it isn’t Raking at an incredible .724/ .812 / 1.289 clip that keeps bringing me back to AZ every off season, it is the camaraderie, the green grass, the sunshine and the fine dining with teammates that keeps me wanting to come back.
  • 49ers uncover Nuggets
  • Wizzards ahead of Lions and Tigers and Bears
  • Saints lead Cardinals
  • To be fair, Hollywood is basically propping up thriving gown-commenting and nip-slip-reporting industries.
  • I’ve seen Matt Murton naked
  • Murton may not be a major leaguer but he has been blessed by becoming a star in the Japanese league and starring in the Japanese TV sitcom with Bryan LaHair.
  • I loved the episode where they dressed up like gals for ladies night at the karaoke bar…coach sure was upset for romancing them with sake bombs before noticing Murton’s cleats sticking out from under his dress.
  • Matt and Brian could use a whacky neighbor
  • Maybe Mike Quade could go to Japan and be a Mr. Furley for Matt and Brian.
  • Until Scott Baker can pitch he will DH for Jeff Baker in what is considered an offensive Baker upgrade.
  • But will he bat clean-up?
  • If Hector Rondon makes it in the Bigs, his nickname will be HeRo. Everyone needs a hero.
  • Chauvinists dig the long ball. My boy Sappelt is gonna make the entire outfield expendable.
  • As he gleefully explains his victory (I think) on the latest race, I ask him what he disliked the most about his time in Chicago. “They gelded me.” (I look it up later, it seems unlikely he means that literally.)
  • You missed a perfect chance to write about the vagaries of line drives in the third to last paragraph.
  • Curiously, ‘Vagaries Of Line Drives’ was one of the greyhounds that ran in an earlier race.
  • Get to the point…did you or did you not see Mike Quade naked?
  • And if so, does alopecia really, uh, make, uh, “things”, uh look bigger?
  • Did today’s morning post get cut in the sequester?
  • Jedi is still writing up the details of his interview with Jim Riggleman at Denny’s.
  • It was more of a confrontation than an interview…I said sunny-side up, he brought me scrambled. Chaos ensued.
  • Mike and Molly gets credit for the character Vince, who is the most authentic Chicago character I’ve ever seen.
  • If you told any Cubs fan 12 months ago that Jeff Samardzija would be your 2013 Opening Day starter, no one other than Jeff’s mother would expect that to be a good sign.
  • I’m shocked that your house in Boston doesn’t have Deportes. I had to stay at this hotel in Tulsa one time and they didn’t get Radio Egypt OR Al-Jazeera and I was like, what kind of establishment is this?
  • Honestly, is anyone at all surprised that Garza is not ready to pitch?
  • If you get a double-play (don’t care how) coach buys the team ice cream.
  • I did have a six year old complete an unassisted triple play once. It was unassisted if you do not count the coach telling him to step on third and then telling him to tag the runner who did not stop running to third base after the fly ball was caught.
  • Chuck – I look out my window and it’s a blizzard outside. I look at your post on View From and you put me on a baseball diamond with an enthusiastic team of brightly-colored uniformed kids shouting Arrrgh! Way to go.
  • Good job Joe but you have to drop some VFTB references in order to drive people to the blog. You mentioned Trey McNutt instead of calling him his VFTB name of Three Nut or at least saying, “Trey McNutt commonly referred to as Three Nut at the View.”
  • I always figured I would be the first to invoke fellatio here, not the Raker.
  • I think a number of us had our money on you.
  • It ain’t Jackson’s swing that is the problem, he has to have an idea where the ball is before the swing matters.
  • Step 1: locate balls?
  • Korey Patterson actually had a great swing. It was his approach and pitch selection that turned him into an Oriole/Red/National/Brewer/Mariner/Oriole/BlueJay/Cardinal/Brewer/Met.
  • Apparently you didn’t have much use for math either.
  • I typically tune in to the 6th quarter of Dateline NBC, and Bing the first five quarters if there is anything I missed.
  • My health hopes that Marmol is more tradeable than Soriano.
  • We just need to find a GM that disregards both sabermetrics and traditional baseball stats, without knowledge of the internet, who hasn’t seen Marmol throw eleven consecutive balls to start off a 9th. He’ll fetch plenty.
  • So what you’re saying is we need Jim Hendry hired as a GM again.

Lizard

  • Ah, spring training. The time when hope abounds around Major League Baseball, and every team but the Astros and Marlins can claim contender status.

Shout Outs

A big shout out to the following readers who submitted their first 2013 Lizzie. We’re so happy to have you here!

  • Hugh Hefner
  • Just Curious

MVL

  • Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. jswanson
2. Doc Raker
3. Seymour Butts
4. Jedi Johnson
5. Eddie von White
6. Gymjok
6. Joe Aiello
8. Buddy
8. cap’n obvious
8. Chuck
8. Katie
8. Noah

Chit Chat

I mentioned above one of my favorite Cubs this year is Carlos Villanueva. Do you have any new favorites? And by “new” I mean among those players who were not Cubs last year.

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Elizabeth Pearson stumbled upon VFTB around 2006, and enjoys encouraging conversation among the wide variety of readers brought together by their love of the Cubs. She’s married, has a Cub-loving pug named Phinneaus, and enjoys biking, hiking, cooking and gardening. She calls Chesterton, Indiana home and hopes to one day retire on Mackinac Island. Connect with Lizzie via email or Instagram.