Garza ‘mildly’ injured again
The Cubs are out in full force downplaying Garza’s latest ailment, a mild lat strain. Sure it doesn’t sound serious now, but let’s just say Cub pitchers seem to have a way of not staying healthy. Garza claims he wasn’t even giving maximum effort – 80-85% at the most, but he’ll be re-evaluated Monday and hopefully sometime soon the Cubs ace will be back to normal…wait and see.

Jeter’s ‘terrible’ offseason
Try to feel bad for the multi-millionaire who is the defacto mayor and most eligible bachelor of the nation’s biggest city. He had a rough few months recuperating.

Two stories you SHOULD’VE heard about by now…
Races have officially been canceled for the legless man who killed his supermodel girlfriend; can’t imagine the starter’s pistol will sound the same to that guy ever again. Whether you believe the bits and pieces of his story as the eek out, there seems no doubt that she’s dead and he’s to blame.

But fighting for the news on Friday and over the weekend was the Russian meteor that proved all those Cold War movies were a crock…the Russians didn’t have eyes on the bogey that blew out windows all over Chelyabinsk. So Spies Like Us was closer to reality than we thought!

Ryan Braun, the dirty, dirty cheater
Plenty of places around the internet haven’t yet seen fit to condemn the obvious PED user, Ryan Braun. They are fools. Braun’s name continues to show up on lists that ONLY include other users. Just like many other users, Braun has more than a few barely plausible excuses for each new list that contains his name. Even if by some miracle Ryan Braun has the worst luck of any honest individual…never mind, not possible.

Roger Clemens’ Mistress Dies
Just a weird story all the way around.

NBA All-Star Game
Best thing about the game last night (besides the fact that it’s over)…this picture.

Survival
It’s easy to survive the Australian Outback if you have some contact solution and are willing to drink your own pee. No word on if either of those would help you wash down the Bloomin’ Onion at the American Outback.

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