Thursday, January 24th, 2013
- Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
- Lizard = The best Lizzie.
- MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
- Top 10 of 2013 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)
As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s go!
- In short, this year’s Hall of Fame vote is a joke, and the BBWAA needs to do something to fix it in the future, or the BBWAA’s power in voting for postseason awards and the Hall of Fame needs to be made much more limited.
- The problem is that writers are the voters.
- But the best way is numbers driven, and leave the voting out altogether.
- Some guy named Buss, D got 13 votes. Played in Kansas City back in the 60′s when they wore those heavy wool uniforms, he wouldn’t shower after games no one would room with the guy. He was the first big leaguer to have his own room on the road. Crazy like a fox that Buss, D was.
- The devil bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat.He laid that golden keyboard on the ground at Jswan’s feet.Jswan said: “Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again.”cause I told you once, you son of a gun, I’m the best Lizzie that’s ever been.”
- I try to come in 7th in everything I do.
- Don’t forget about the little guys on your way to 7th
- “I sure miss Koyie Hill.”
- “And Carlos Marmol slams the door in the ninth.”
- “You give me nine Jeff Bakers and I’ll give you the pennant.”
- “Jeff Samardzija’s hair looks fine the way it is.”
- “The fans did a super job with this year’s All Star Game voting.”
- “Man, these guys are fun to watch!”
- “Starlin Castro plays focused, precise defense.”
- “That 1908 was a great year.”
- “Raker was right”
- “Thanks for dinner Seymour, you didn’t have to pick up the check.”
- “Thanks to the Astros, at least we’re not the worst team in the NL Central”
- “Why isn’t Dan Vogelbach starting in LF today?”
- “I’m sure getting my money’s worth with this Old Style”
- “Wow – the beer’s cheap here at Wrigley”
- “Pennant winning Chicago Cubs”
- “Is it Hisanori Takahashi or Kyuji Fujikawa bobble-head day?”
- “Theo seems to be ahead of schedule”
- “Man I’m only doing this for the Lizzies!”
- “The Cubs are currently the most-feared team in the NL Central Division.”
- Lizzie and Katie- their baseball acumen and grasp of my genius makes them very attractive.
- Anything to be awarded a Lizzie.
- we’re now just one month away from pitchers and catchers reporting to camp.
- Kosuke signed on with the Matt Murton Bryan LaHair sitcom, Kosuke will play the knowledgeable local to Murton’s and LaHair’s antics of hilarity. He will deliver zingers much like Murray delivers with Ted Baxter of WMJ News of Minneapolis.
- That episode where Murton fills the Gatorade cooler with green tea is a classic.
- The other guys who do long division by hand all day and I were just talking about that at work.
- Lose your slide rule?
- I left it in my other pocket protector.
- the difference between a Disney worker and a Carney is what?
- Valid point. Carneys may not have health and retirement, but at least they get to choose which bitchin’ tunes blast through the tilt-o-whirl sound system.
- A Carney is art.
- Here you go. When someone references isotopes of carbon, you can nod your head knowingly instead of acting like a toddler and questioning the usefulness of something you don’t understand.
- Former Cubs outfielder headcase Milton Bradley faces up to thirteen years in jail if he’s convicted on domestic abuse charges. “Wow. Never saw that coming.” said absolutely no one.
- Armstrong cheating? You could have knocked me over with a bulldozer.
- If I had a quarter for every time I saw a proposed trade for Justin Upton this offseason that involved the D-Backs receiving a return approximating the other team’s fourth, seventh and twelfth best prospects, well… I’d have a wide array of quarters.
- don’t expect the Cubs to be able to get a pitcher like David Price for Dan Vogelbach, Robert Whitenack and Matt Szczur.
- But if by some miracle the Cubs start out scoring 4-5 runs/game…
- things more likely than the Cubs making the playoffs: 6. Milton Bradley as the next “Bachelor”
- 10) Seymour drops weight by switching to toasted subs
- Good read. I will be happy with 75-80 wins. Anything over that I am going to check Deadspin.com to see if Lance Armstrong is on the team training staff.
- Note to Lizzie (and other gals): A number of guys do carry tape measures around. Though this peters off as we age, having a measuring device to dick around with is common. Our tools are important.
- My first thought was, “stop giving at bats to automatic outs like Barney and Valbuena,” but in all honesty, what other options do they have? Vitters? Stewart? Lillibridge?
- Bring back Reed Johnson to play hard.
- it’s nice to have an owner–one of the first in quite a while–who doesn’t have his hand out begging for money from the local government.
- There aren’t any condos available in Del Boca Vista. They went like hotcakes.
- These wives need to understand that everything they say or write is on the record. Not bad advice for everybody.
Eyes of Laura Mars – Doc becomes smitten with a new patient named Laura who has recently moved from her native planet filled with women only,to a new planet populated by men only.
Mr. Magoo – Seymoor(nicknamed Butts for his creative excuses about his woeful hitting)discovers the real reason for his Mendoza line problem and goes to see his teammate for an exam.
The Curse of Lizzie Borden – Lizzie eats some bad ice cream and becomes obsessed with tracking down and butchering the cow that produced the bad milk.
Jeremiah Johnson – Jeremiah becomes delusional and wanders the wilderness thinking he’s Robert Redford.
The Courtship of Eddie’s Father – Eddie becomes jealous when his father is courted by the Wisconsin cola girl.
The Buddy Holly Story – Buddy’s neighbors become annoyed when at Christmas time Buddy discovers a unique talent for singing Klingon opera.
Napoleon and Josephine – Josephine falls for a short French guy who has a rash on his abdomen.
Star Wars:Episode VI Return of the Jedi – Jedi loses his receipt and has trouble returning his defective 11 inch light saber.
Noah’s Arc – Noah gets sued by an animal rights organization.
The Fast and the Furious – In this romantic comedy, Katie becomes furious when she finds out her fiance is running around with other women.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat – Joe,over root beers with his writers,wrestles with the idea of adding color to his amazing website.He ultimately rejects the idea realizing that many of his posters are already color commentators.
Child’s Play – Chuck believes predicting baseball is child’s play and tries to kill anyone who disagrees with his predictions.
VFTB Upcoming Attractions
DougS – In this new movie from the Science Channel we follow the life of Doug and his clone.
Cheers:The Movie – From the Syfy channel the old gang from Cheers is reunited.Norm becomes trapped in a repeating time loop where he walks into the bar and everyone calls out his name.He finally frees himself using statistical data.
Jswanson – From the animal planet station we follow the life of Jay,the male offspring of a swan family living on lake Michigan.
Cap’n Obvious – From the Discovery Channel we follow the explorations of a ship’s captain who gives orders to a crew who already know what he’s going to say before he says it.In the highly dramatic final scene the captain nearly runs over a family of swans.
In this new psychological thriller from Disney(untitled as the name keeps changing)we keep track of this Disney worker as he polls people in line at Disney with fasinating questions such as:Can you choose your own nickname or is it given to you? Is science useful?
- Congratulations to jswanson the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!
Congratulations to the following folks who contributed their very first 2013 Lizzie! Aaron
Top Ten of 2013 (one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)
2. Seymour Butts
3. Doc Raker
5. Eddie von White
7. Jedi Johnson
7. Joe Aiello
7. Noah Eisner
If you were forced to turn in your Cub-fan membership card and pick another team to follow, which would it be?
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