Well here we are smack dab in the middle of December. By the time I post the next GirlieView, Christmas will be overwith. Can you believe it? Let’s get right to it because everyone’s busy. :-)

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks)
  • Top 10 of 2012 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s go!

Lizzies

  • this would indicate to me that the Cubs are at least talking to Stewart about bringing him back at a discounted rate. If that’s the case, I’m sure there will be much gnashing of teeth across the internet.
  • Is $500 million enough to buy the Cubs and call the shots?
  • Word has it that Fyu was seen at the local Wrigleyville Subway dinning on turkey and pepper jack cheese triangles.
  • third base is a Mendoza line abyss at Wrigley Field.
  • Not using pseudonyms could lead to a higher ranking, but it’s part of the amusement.
  • So I guess Seymour’s thankful my ‘thankful’ piece didn’t run on a little longer…
  • Exactly what I think
  • Chuck get Lizzies.  Chuck happy now.
  • I predict that the Cubs will sign some very average players to very average contracts.
  • As for the Lizzies, I expect the rest of the year to closely parallel the plot of Rocky 3. I’ve gotten soft in the last several weeks–too comfortable on top and not as focused as I was during the season. I’ve lost my edge; my killer instinct. Jswanson comes out firing like Clubber Lang and completely overwhelms me, seizing the top spot and sending me off in disgrace. That’s when I drop everything and head down to my old foe Raker’s compound to regain the “Eye of the Tiger.” We set aside our rivalry, admit we’ve begrudgingly respected each other all along, and launch into intense training sessions–complete with the tiny gym shorts, wind sprints on the beach, and slow-motion hugs in the surf. Then I come back in the last few days of the year to shock Jswanson with some new moves and regain the throne. Next year a communist (obviously a Cardinals fan) kills Raker, and I have to grow a beard and go to St. Louis to avenge his death.
  • Beard, Holliday jersey, and…you guessed it…jorts.
  • He’s also twenty-five years old, which is equal parts impressive and frustrating.
  • If I can fit 10 balls in my cargo shorts, I’m good for the first few holes.
  • Exactly why cargo shorts should be required on golf courses.  That way those of us who hit the ball into lake michigan on the first hole of the waveland course do not cause people to wait.
  • As one with a fair knowledge of physics, I’m guessing you realize that a corked bat will result in slightly shorter fly balls.
  • If you had any knowledge of hitting you would know that Sosa used the cork in order to get around on the fastball.
  • If you had any knowledge of cork, you would realize it fits nicely in your pie hole
  • As much as I’d like to explain the conservation of momentum to you, I’m not going to.
  • Carlos Marmol might not want to book tee times in Mesa just yet.
  • I guess they missed the part where their former teammate MURDERED THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD!!!
  • I love this time of year and it goes by so very fast; especially if you have children (as I do). I am, however, not excited about the commercial aspect of Christmas and the removal of the actual reason for Christmas (celebration of the Lord’s birth).
  • As so long as he doesn’t rely upon the tactic of walking a guy or two before throwing a strike, I’ll likely be a Fuji fan.
  • here’s hoping he’s not a fan of puns or lengthy digressions about obscure prog-rock bands
  • I think it was the right decision for both the Cubs and Ramirez, even though we knew when the decision was made that 3B in baseball right now is a barren wasteland behind the top tier.
  • there’s no need to be a .450 team instead of a .400 team.
  • I think having a malcontent on a bad team where the reported saving grace is that the clubhouse gets along really well is probably a really bad idea.
  • Just snapped back to reality briefly and realized that Fuji is younger than I am.  I guess if the Cubs gig doesn’t work out, the Bozeman Black Sox could bring a whole bunch of lukewarm beer and as-many-innings-until-you-can-throw-until-your-elbow-is-jacked to the bargaining table.
  • I will buy you a steak dinner at Gibson’s if Soriano is Cubs third baseman in 2013.
  • My best friends sisters boyfriends brothers girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with a girl that saw Svuem, Theo, Jed, and obviously Hendry at the 31 flavors trying to work a deal for Bryce Harper and Mike Trout in exchange for Jurrgens and prospects. Svuem looked like he’d been shot.
  • even Scott Baio or Scott Peterson if we really wanted to think outside the box.
  • Reed Johnson played hard enough to get another deal with the Braves.
  • And long enough…
  • Ian Stewart on the cheap is better than wasting more money/years on some slightly better crap.
  • Tom Brady has been begging for the cuddle rule for years now.
  • Wrigley had better look like the god damn Taj Mahal when this is over or we have been hoodwinked.
  • For the record, giant golden trough urinals are pricey.
  • But they are magnificent.
  • Yes, but still just pissing the team away.
  • Hold on and watch the growth.
  • Rizzo, a cancer survivor and insufferable ingrate reportedly didn’t sign any autographs, donated none of his own money, and openly mocked those ‘too weak to beat cancer.’
  • And if you have to say, “I’m not a thug,” you’re losing the PR battle by a sizable margin.
  • I ordered my Rosetta Stone for jive so maybe I can figure it out later.
  • Wake me midway through Spring Training to worry about the 25-man.
  • One of the great things in baseball, and life in general, is that something can be seen in different ways depending on your perspective.
  • Surely the Cubs can find a less expensive Harry Caray impersonator.
  • Surely we don’t need a Harry Caray impersonator.
  • Work on your knuckleball and you stand a reasonable chance…Garza, Shark, Wood, Homza, Baker.  They’ll call you the poor man’s R.A. Dickey.
  • Poor man’s dickey with a knuckleball. Sounds painful.

Lizard

  • Good read, Jedi, but you forgot the Costa’s half time quote of Jason Whitlock: “One thing we know for sure, if it wasn’t for cars, Jerry Brown would be alive today.”

MVL

  • Congratulations to Jedi Johnson, the Most Valuable Lizzie’er this time around!

Shout Outs

  • A big shout out to Bones for winning his first 2012 Lizzie! Thanks for joining us, we love having you here!

2012 Top Ten YTD

1. jswanson
2. Jeremiah Johnson
3. Doc Raker
4. Seymour Butts
5. Jedi Johnson
6. cap’n Obvious
7. Buddy
8. Joe Aiello
9. Chuck
10. Eddie Von White

Chit Chat

  • Are you done with your Christmas shopping? Have you started your Christmas shopping? Do you do any Christmas shopping?
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Elizabeth Pearson stumbled upon VFTB around 2006, and enjoys encouraging conversation among the wide variety of readers brought together by their love of the Cubs. She’s married, has a Cub-loving pug named Phinneaus, and enjoys biking, hiking, cooking and gardening. She calls Chesterton, Indiana home and hopes to one day retire on Mackinac Island. Connect with Lizzie via email or Instagram.