Cubs News
Cub first baseman and resident bad boy Anthony Rizzo held an event ostensibly to support cancer research on Sunday in his hometown of Parkland, Florida. Rizzo, a cancer survivor and insufferable ingrate reportedly didn’t sign any autographs, donated none of his own money, and openly mocked those ‘too weak to beat cancer.’ (If you’re not picking up on the extreme sarcasm, just know that there was once a scurrilous rumor about Rizzo’s penchant for rudely refusing autograph hounds. Hopefully that article will help dispel those defamatory notions.)

NFL
Again, sadly, we start with death in the NFL. This time, two Dallas Cowboys were driving along in the wee hours of the morning. The driver, Josh Brent was drunk. The passenger, Jerry Brown is dead. As a number of analysts have noted, every NFL team has a security service that provides, among other things, a free ‘stay-out-of-jail’ car service for all their players. All Brent and Brown needed to do was notify the team security service of their location and they’d have made it home safely. Instead, neither will play football again – Brent will likely serve a lengthy jail service for causing the death of his best friend, college teammate, and most recently his roommate. Tragic, foolish, and hopefully a lesson for other NFL idiots that are probably trolling clubs and planning to drive themselves home even later tonight. Oh, and Brent had been nabbed for drunk driving before (should be an automatic license suspension upon the first offense, but don’t get me started).

The games; stick a fork in the Bears. Cutler is hurt, again. They lost a winnable game, again. The Packers come to town next week a game up in the division and with a stranglehold on most of the head-to-head tie-breaker scenarios even if the Bears manage to pull even. So with their win on Sunday night, the Packers are squarely in the driver’s seat for the division, and a home playoff game; meanwhile the Bears find themselves needing to win 2 of 3 just to stay in what’s becoming a crowded NFC playoff race (remember, the Seahawks bested the Bears last week and now also hold the tie-breaker over them).

Let’s Play, Who Gets The Benefit Of the Doubt?
Stephen Jackson, of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs, took it upon himself to call out the OKC Thunder’s Serge Ibaka. You see, Ibaka tangled with The Artest Now Known As Metta World Peace late in Friday’s matchup between the Thunder and the LA Lakers. Jackson jumped to the public defense of his buddy Artest for the second time (you might remember the first, most refer to it as ‘The Malice At The Palace’).

So Jackson tweeted, “Somebody tel serg Abaka. He aint bout dis life. Next time he run up on me im goin in his mouth. That’s a promise. He doin 2 much.”

He, or someone with his username, password, and/or a gun to his head, cleaned up the mess a bit later by posting, “I apologize to Serge Ibaka, the NBA, and to all my fans for the comments I made. It was unprofessional and childish. I’m not a thug just a man who speaks his mind. It was not appropriate. I do apologize. Only a man can admit when he’s wrong.” So Jackson not only learned to spell Serge Ibaka, but to speak in full, grammatically correct sentences. Twitter arguments are hilariously childish to begin with, but if as a player you’ve chased into the stands after fans, you probably are the last person anyone will side with in such an argument. And if you have to say, “I’m not a thug,” you’re losing the PR battle by a sizable margin.

Djokovic Like Him Some Cheese
If you’re not up to date on conversions, that’s roughly $580/pound. For donkey cheese.

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