I’m writing this from the tent city of a waiting line that wraps around our local Best Buy. In less than a hour, I’ll start strapping on my catcher’s gear and psych myself up for the inevitable stampede once the doors open. If I can avoid any of the compound fractures that plagued me last Black Friday, I ought to be able to make it to Target before sunrise and Walmart before 10am.

None of that is true. I’m not a proponent of Black Friday, or the shopping feeding frenzies it encourages. Don’t get me wrong–I’m all for saving money whenever possible. I just don’t think it should come at the cost of human safety and dignity. I don’t care if K-Mart is selling microwaves for $30 between midnight and 1am–it’s not worth stomping another shopper’s throat to secure you get yours. And the joy of giving my nephew the train set he wants would be severely diminished if I had to punch a few moms and dads in the face to snag it. But since none of you came here for my thoughts on the runaway materialism of Black Friday, I digress…

Bad news, Ham Fighters fans: the Cubs sold Bryan LaHair to the Softbank Hawks of the Japanese Pacific League. Chicago received a whopping $950,000 in the deal, and they still have Anthony Rizzo. LaHair signed a two-year, $4.5M deal. Everybody wins.

If the NFL is your thing in the fall, then Thursday was a good day for you. The “early” game went down to the wire in overtime, with Detroit head coach Jim Schwartz making a key error that opened the door for Houston’s game-winning field goal. Schwartz threw his review flag on Lions’ scoring play–a big no-no in the No Fun League. I didn’t turn this one on until just before the winning field goal, so feel free to include other worthwhile game notes in the comments below. I do know Andre Johnson continued his miraculous return from the grave, which gave my fantasy (or as my brother Jermajesty calls it, “fairytale football”) team an unexpected boost.

Well, there was one other notable thing from the Lions’ game. Ndamukong Suh caused some more trouble with what is at best a very unfortunate accident. As he was falling down at the end of a play, he kicked Texans quarterback Matt Schaub in the nether regions. Now, an accidental groin shot here and there is to be expected. But given Suh’s track record, you can understand why many people suspect this was more than accidental contact. Watch the replay (linked in the article above) and decide for yourself. My take: I think if he really was aiming for the store, then that’s some Matrix-level mobility at work. That said, the flick of his ankle is undeniable and unnatural. So while he might not having been aiming, he was definitely taking a shot.

Thursday’s other two NFL games had some weird similarities to one another. Both started out pretty lopsided, thanks to frequent turnovers and rampant ineptitude. But while the Cowboys managed to claw back and make a game out of it against the Redskins, the Jets never really posed a threat to the Patriots. Love ’em or hate ’em, New England’s 35-point second quarter was one of the more impressive displays of the season.

I think I’ll cut it short there. Enjoy your Black Friday, ICU Saturday, Leftover Sunday, and we’ll see you again on Oh Crap, It’s Monday.

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