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GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’er: The person with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks)
  • Top 10 of 2012 = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims. Let’s go!

Lizzies

  • Nothing much to see here.
  • My goal for this recap is to write it in the same amount of time as the Cubs have scored runs during their eight game losing streak.
  • In an unrelated note, I glanced at the recipe title and honestly thought it said church “panties”.
  • Mrs. Obvious has church panties…they aren’t among my favorites.
  • Blaming Lizzie is like blaming the ump because you lost the game – just saying…
  • That’s a whole bunch of unhatched chickens you’re counting there.
  • Jackson is very selective. He just has issues having the bat meet the ball.
  • I won’t spend much time with the doom and gloom, because despite having to recap another wrong side of a shutout I do believe the future of the organization is a bright one.
  • What is your SSN, ATM pin code, and Mother’s maiden name…
  • Bosco
  • I heard you recently dined with cap’n Obvious…is he as dreamy as I’ve heard
  • He is…he even bought my dinner. I made sure that all he got on the first date was a thank you and a handshake, though.
  • 7 days of penicillin is still a good idea.
  • You have to make subtle changes to your email address so the gravitar does not give away the fact that your are referring to yourself as dreamy.
  • A slap fight between laughingstocks. Hooray!
  • He’s a puffy shirt and a parrot away from appearing in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
  • And a jersey away from appearing in a film as Jeff Sharxx.
  • He be aight.
  • Only 47 more to go
  • that’s only 0-1 for Jeremiah, while it’s a big goose egg on the season for Volstad…
  • and I doubt if Jeremiah is in danger of being jeered and sent back to the minors for his goose egg.
  • What is the minors equivalent for the sports blog world? Would I just be scrawling out angry, anti-Cardinals graffiti in bathroom stalls? ‘Cause I already spend a fair amount of time doing that.
  • You get sent to Randy’s camp to blog about the likes of Seymour and other aging professionals playing a very slow bastardized version of the greatest game of baseball.
  • “Player Profile: the pitching machine”, “Top 5 Raking Doctors (and Optometrists) at Camp”, “Game 3: Who Ordered Subway?”
  • View From The Iowa Cubs Bleachers (VFTICB) could use a guy like JJ.
  • That acronym looks like a disease.
  • he chewed his gum like a hooker in a bad 80′s movie.
  • I bet a cheese steak in February that they would finish under 60 wins, so I’m sticking with 59-103 (even though I’m no longer in Philly to collect my winnings).
  • Barry Bonds was unavailable for comment.
  • Rock Shoulders
  • it doesn’t look like Vogelbach will have broccoli listed as a plus-tool anytime soon.
  • the chimp in the caption looks eerily like Doc Raker when he is deep in thought.
  • I was wondering about that chimp.
  • You should be wondering about Raker..
  • That’s a bunch of hooey since I have never been deep in thought.
  • Can we lose the hyphen and use a guttural pronunciation?  Call him Hram – it’ll give us a discreet way of clearing our throats too.
  • Don’t we want to try to keep the new readers around, instead of criticizing the very first thing they say? You know, just a thought…
  • I’d start to worry none of you liked me if no one explained what an idiot I was in the first week.
  • TE: Look at who we’ve brought in as part of our team, Oneri. We’ve got Jed here. Dale’s doing a hell of a job. We brought Jason in when we got here. Tim just got a big promotion. Not a lot of Oneris on that list are there Jed. JH: No sir, not a lot of Oneris.
  • trade Austin Bibbens-Dirkx, let some other team deal with those ridiculous hyphenated names.
  • What would you say, you DO here?
  • I’m telling you, I’ve got people skills! What is wrong with you people?
  • Geez – Can’t a guy make a hypothetical comment about a  hypothetical write-up without getting the hypothetical crap beat out of him by the hypothetical Johnsons?
  • I think you may have just coined my next fantasy football team name: Hypothetical Johnsons.
  • Sounds like we won’t be trading for Jared Saltalamachia any time soon.
  • I fear that The Shark is not long for the team.  However, his first name is Jeff…  Wellington Castillo had better not buy a house.  Tell him to rent.
  • What was Prior doing for the Red Sox, was he a beer vendor?
  • So far not so good for “the Shark.” Didn’t somebody tell him it’s “Shark Week?”
  • He’s angling to switch his nickname to Bait.
  • Jeff Samardzija is just a guy who has nicknamed himself and happens to be the best starter in a really crappy rotation.
  • game two gave my small sidekick and I some interesting talking points to kick around in the baby bjorn
  • I’m sure even Koyie Hill had 22 good at bats somewhere along the line.
  • even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then
  • I just want an end to Vitters hitting 2nd.  It’s like we start the game with one out in the first.
  • Thanks to you and Mrs. Butts for the recon.  I hope you call her that by the way.
  • Even though the plan failed miserably, you’ve got to think Braun is at least a little jealous his imagination wasn’t as grandiose.
  • Testosterone in urine will not turn positive by passage of time.
  • Don’t fret. TBD has a solid arm with good late movement.

Lizard

  • Can’t Volsta(n)d to Watch Anymore

Shout Outs

Congratulations to the following commenters who received their first 2012 Lizzie this week. Thanks for hanging out with us! We’re happy to have you here!

  • Sean_in_Blue
  • Stephanie Seymour

MVL

We have co-Most Valuable Lizzie’ers this time around! Congratulations to the brothers Johnson: Jedi and Jeremiah, tied for the co-win!

Top 10 of 2012

1. Jeremiah Johnson
2. Doc Raker
3. jswanson
4. Jedi Johnson
5. Seymour Butts
6. cap’n Obvious
7. Buddy
8. Joe Aiello
9. Chuck
10. Eddie von White

Lizzie’s Kitchen

In honor of Dustin’s un-collectable bet: Philly Cheese Steak Wraps

Chit Chat

Last GirlieView I asked your three favorite Cubs. Using stellar mathematical techniques that would make jswanson and Seymour proud, I’ve compiled the results as follows:

With an impressive 25% of the vote, Anthony Rizzo is VFTBs favorite current Cub! Here are the full standings:

1. Anthony Rizzo – 25%
2. Darwin Barney – 17%
2. Starlin Castro – 17%
4. Steve Clevenger – 8%
4. Travis Wood – 8%
6. Wellington Castillo – 4%
6. David DeJesus – 4%
6. Bryan LaHair – 4%
6. Jeff Samardzija – 4%
6. Alfonso Soriano – 4%
6. Josh Vitters – 4%

Nary a vote for anyone else on the team. That kind of tells you something. This week, let’s flip. Who are your three least-favorite Cubs on the current 25-man roster? Special thanks to everyone who takes part in my weekly chit chat!

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Elizabeth Pearson stumbled upon VFTB around 2006, and enjoys encouraging conversation among the wide variety of readers brought together by their love of the Cubs. She’s married, has a Cub-loving pug named Phinneaus, and enjoys biking, hiking, cooking and gardening. She calls Chesterton, Indiana home and hopes to one day retire on Mackinac Island. Connect with Lizzie via email or Instagram.