Trade deadline, waiver wire, September call-ups…all will be beaten like a dead horse over the next 30 days. So let’s distract ourselves for a bit with a review of Cubs history in the month of August.

August 3, 1967 – The Braves set a club record with six home runs against the Cubs in a single 10-3 victory. Homers by Hank Aaron, Joe Torre, and Terry Francona’s Father – Tito Francona – were part of the barrage. No truth to the rumor that Chris Volstad’s Grandfather was the one serving up the gopher balls.

August 4, 2000 – Dave Martinez, in his second to last season in the majors, plays his first game with the Toronto Blue Jays. His previous stints that season with the Devil Rays, Cubs, and Rangers make him only the 8th player to appear with four different teams in a single season. Submit your own joke below.

August 4, 2008 – In a tilt at Wrigley Field, the Astros come away with a 2-0, 8-inning victory. Lance Berkman almost single-handedly got the umpires to call the game by nancing off the field at the first crack of thunder. The Wrigleyville area was eventually put under a tornado watch. LaTroy Hawkins earned his only save of the season for the Astros in this game.

August 5, 2000 – Sammy Sosa records a sixth straight 100 RBI season, besting Hack Wilson’s club record of five straight. The Cubs RBI leader in 2012 is Alfonso Soriano with 61. Castro has 52. No one else has more than 31.

August 5, 2007 – Tom Glavine wins his 300th game, an 8-3 victory at Wrigley.

August 8, 1988 – Ryne Sandberg hits the first home run under the lights at Wrigley field. All for naught, Wrigley’s first night game is a rainout with the Cubs leading 3-1 in the 4th inning. The Cubs did beat the Mets the next night, 6-4.

August 8, 2000 – Dodgers boondoggle, Darren Dreifort pitched 6.2 innings and hit two homers while leading LA to a 7-5 win at Wrigley. Yes, I’ve included this just so I could reference Dreifort’s laughable contract (maybe sometime I’ll compile a list of his MLB contemporaries who never made anything close to what he was gifted in one single, horrible deal).

August 8, 2004 – Greg Maddux wins his 300th game, an 8-4 win in San Francisco.

August 10, 2002 – Sammy Sosa hits HRs in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th inning. He then spends the rest of the game swinging wildly for that fourth homer than never comes.

August 11, 1961 – Warren Spahn wins his 300th game, a 2-1 victory against the Cubs in Milwaukee.

August 13, 1979 – Former Cub Lou Brock records his 3000th hit against the team that traded him 15 years earlier. Somewhere, Ernie Broglio spent the rest of the day not answering his phone.

August 14, 1919 – The Cubs and Dodgers split a doubleheader. The two games yield 3 total runs in a combined playing time of 2 hours and 17 minutes. Dodger fans arriving fashionably late managed to catch the last 4 innings of the second game.

August 18, 2010 – Derrek Lee is finally traded to the Braves. (Ryan Dempster asked me to stick this one in for him.)

August 19, 1969 – Ken Holtzman throws a no-hitter against the Braves. The Cubs win 3-0 with Holtzman becoming the first pitcher since 1923 to record a no-hitter WITHOUT recording a strikeout.

August 21, 1975 – Cub pitchers and brothers Rick and Paul Reuschel combine to shutout the Dodgers 6-0. The brothers may or may not have celebrated by eating their way into a food coma.

August 22, 1982 – The Cubs retire Ernie Banks’ iconic No. 14; he is the first Cub to receive the honor.

August 25, 1922 – Jumping out to 25-6 lead, the Cubs manage to hang on against Philadelphia 26-23. Unbelievably, the Cubs scored 24 of their 26 runs in two innings.

August 28, 1990 – Ryno hits his 30th bomb of the year. He is the first second-baseman to do so. In the broadcast booth, the gracious and infallible Joe Morgan regaled listeners with a retelling of the game in which he hit his 30th HR during the 1973 season!

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