Cubs 3 @ Marlins 5
WHAT WENT RIGHT
- Not very much. Darwin Barney drove in three runs, which probably hasn’t happened since Little league. Geo Soto and Ian Stewart each picked up two hits in a losing effort.
- Starlin Castro didn’t make an error!
- The bullpen did a nice job mopping up for the Shark.
- I was stuck in the office today, so I didn’t have to watch this mess.
WHAT WENT WRONG
- Jeff Samardzidja looked more like the pitcher I remember. Five walks and eight hits in 3.2 IP led to an early shower.
- The offense continues to struggle. If you’re playing along at home, the Cubs have scored just 43 runs and hit only five dingers in 13 games.
- Marlon Byrd…What else can I say?
IT SOUNDED BETTER IN MY HEAD
I think most of us agree Miami Marlins’ manager Ozzie Guillen outdid himself with the recent Fidel Castro comments. Instead of rehashing the past, here are a few handy statements he might consider next time around:
1) I eat breakfast 300 yards away from 4,000 Cubans who are trained to kill me.
2) I’m taking my talents to South Beach.
3) (Singing) The rhythm is gonna get you.
4) We’re talking about practice. Not a game, not a game, not a game. Practice.
5) I know it was you, Fredo.
6) I’m going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
7) Coming up after the ballgame, it’s “Red Sonja” on “Dinner and a Movie.”
8) Tim Tebow, Jeremy Lin. Tim Tebow, Jeremy Lin. Tim Tebow, Jeremy Lin.
9) To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit.
10) Did anybody catch “Mad Men” last night? I just love that Don Draper.
11) Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
12) There’s only one other place I’d rather be…French Lick.
13) (Crying) He’s my teammate. Sniff, sniff. He’s my quarterback.
14) Soon I defeat real champion. If he dies, he dies.
You stupid *%$@#*$% writers can just #$@!*&#$*%#!!!! Also, I don’t like dictators. Never have. No sir, not me. USA, USA, USA!