View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003

Thursday

16

February 2012

69

COMMENTS

GirlieView (02/16/2012)

Written by , Posted in General

It’s nice to be back! I know you all missed me (lest you never find yourself on my Lizzie list again!) but for those who may have been out of touch, I was away for my usual every-other-Thursday GirlieView slot. I’d like to send a special shout out of thanks to Jedi for filling in for me, with a thorough and interesting new coach introduction!

Last time you may remember we made our Super Bowl predictions, as follows:

  • BLPCB: Giants 21, Patriots 17 (!!!!!)
  • Buddy: Patriots 27, Giants 20
  • cap’n obvious: Patriots 24, Giants 13
  • Mark P.: Patriots 35, Giants 31
  • gymjok: Patriots 31, Giants 27
  • flyslinger2: Patriots 31, Giants 17

As you can see, no one had a prayer after BLPCB‘s spot on first guess! Thanks for playing!

I’ll be doing two Thursdays in a row to get us back on schedule. In order to even out the time frame some (and because I needed to write this extra-early this week), these Lizzies cover 01/24/2012 through 02/12/2012. Next week’s column will pick up from there.

Enjoy!

Lizzies

  • Matt Szczur missed 2 months of his junior season in college when he was a bone marrow donor for a total stranger. Nice.
  • Thank you Theo for not pursuing Prince’s long term deal.
  • When 20 pitches from Jeff Samardzija is the most “sure-thing” in your bullpen, that’s a crap bullpen.
  • Why on Earth would a rebuilding team sign old crappy players when you can have young crappy players at a fraction of the cost?
  • I’d opine that an upgrade at catcher should be in the works as well, but if I did that, I’d never get another Lizzie….so viva Geovanni and his .250 on-base percentage…
  • Light-hitting DeWitt can hit lightly elsewhere as far as I’m concerned.
  • Sorry about the season Butts. I’d like a review of the grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches. (on a scale of one to subway)
  • The Nationals, after being rumored to be involved in every big free agent dalliance this off-season, realize  ”Oh $#%^, our fans were expecting something big this year to make up for last year’s Jayson Werth money pit…time to turn up the hype machine on this Gio kid!”
  • Baseball is slow enough- played by a bunch of 50+ crippled men it gets really slow.
  • Lizzie–maybe we’ll have to round up some VFTB Girlies one year and invade. 🙂
  • Saddle Ranch’s wine list was pathetic…but I needed my anti-oxidants, so I had a couple of glasses of zin. Had I known they were to be delivered in a plastic wine glass, I’d have opted for something else. Like Quiznos.
  • Whenever I am in Port Huron, I make sure to swing by my two favorite things in St. Clair County…the Blue Water Bridge and Fort Gratiot Lighthouse.
  • And there you have it jswanson, looking at a bridge is a highlight in tourism marketing here in Port Huron.
  • The city council must be anti-phallus…you would think the lighthouse would get top billing.
  • I, on the other hand, had precious little experience in such activities, other than one or two post-Hawkeyes co-eds in the dorms of UIC some 20 years prior.
  • Out of respect for Mrs Obvious I will bite my tongue about the Cap’n premarital dating habits.
  • Out of respect for the large, fuzzy UIC alumni, I’ll follow suit.
  • Woo-hoo! I’m no longer a Lizzies virgin!
  • I will now be able to rest at night knowing that I have been Lizzied.
  • Puppy Bowl prediction: The Golden runs away with it.
  • Only baseball could force their All-Star Game to matter while involving key participants who have zero incentive to win.
  • It’s easy to root for a consistent winner–to learn to love a team that makes frequent trips to the postseason, and is a perennial contender each spring. It’s much harder to raise Cubs fans.
  • I don’t have the exact stats in front of me to back it up, but kids whose parents root for opposing sports teams are something like 800% more likely to bring guns to school, try meth as a pre-teen, join a gang, and/or wind up working as a drug mule.  It’s science.
  • don’t be one of those fans.  You know the ones I’m talking about
  • I passed my Cubs (and baseball in general) fan-dom up a generation to my dad. Sorry dad.
  • My kids had no chance. They have been infected with the soul-crushing curse of Cub fandom since birth.
  • Play the game of baseball with your kids. Play catch, throw them BP, do bullpens with them, coach their Little League team, take them to spring training.
  • You math whizzes are all alike.
  • Our mom even made us Cubs Halloween costumes–I was Jody Davis and MJ was Ryno.
  • Being a Cubs fans is often painful, but I wouldn’t trade it.
  • I think I would try for that last insanity plea and order something like fence post topped with eraser shaving gravy and a side of radiator hosing.
  • the Cubs chance of making the post-season and being swept in the first round just increased.
  • Dear Bud, Allow me to assist you in identifying a significant Cubs player to compensate the Red Sox with. Soriano.
  • No offense, (which inevitably means one is coming)
  • the Giants are apparently fighting the Orioles for former Cubs – they’ve signed Ryan Theriot and in the process reunited the best mulleted pint-sized cajun DP combo
  • Knowing (or at least assuming) that neither has a long future or an inside track for a starting job with the Cubs, I’ll take Scales over Blake DeWitt on the bench.
  • Spam (the pseudo-meat, or the Nigerian Prince’s email scheme)
  • The scouts probably just put too much stock in his AHRBWBI (Almost Home Runs But Wind Blowing In) and ASBBTMB1B (Almost Stolen Base But Too Muddy By First Base.)
  • I like the fact that Matthew Broderick has gone on to a distinguished career as an actor, and is still able to check his ego enough to embrace the role that started it all.
  • I think they have a whole bunch of AAs in the trunk.
  • I think I read somewhere the compensation is 2 Giordano’s deep dishes and a sixer of old style.
  • There will be playoffs following the 2012 Major League Baseball season, this much we know for sure.
  • Nobody wants to see a hockey-style everybody-in-the-pool playoffs in baseball.
  • The always-threatening/promising-to-retire-only-to-later-renege Bud Selig
  • Selig’s commissioner-ship (?) will be remembered for his steadfast commitment to fixing supposed problems with inane half-measures.
  • While I dislike the DH in principal, both leagues should use the same rules.
  • Yeah, I’ve met some famous people…and they have met me.
  • I sat by a hungover Randy Wells on a plane ride to Charlotte
  • Pat Hughes….Good Guy
  • Just like Buddy to bring up politics when he’s answering “Who Am I” questions…no politics Buddy – it’s part of the VFTB 10 commandments…you just can’t ever let it go!
  • One fringe player for another. No big whoop.
  • Maybe the real story is that Bobby Scales’ chances of making the team just got a little better.
  • I was in a band in college called the Cane Toad Explosion.
  • And he wears that stupid cutoff sweatshirt thing.
  • Different mediums require different things.
  • Let’s just call him Dale.
  • No word so far on whether he’s a horse racing enthusiast.
  • Coacaine and heroin are an option to all of us….everyday.  That we don’t get hung-up or strung-out is a small achievement, but the idiots that don’t should not be villified for quitting, they should be chastised for being so shit-all stupid that they got involved in the first place.
  • Jedi, how dare you have facial hair but be bald in your avatar. This is insulting for all those people who are bald and have facial hair. And you call yourself a journalist…hmph.
  • And oh yeah, how dare you call yourself Jedi! This is insulting for all the Star Wars fans out there, have you no shred of decency left? And you call yourself a journalist…hmph.
  • in reality it’s pronounced like “jetty” (use that in a sentence please, “when Ronald Washington was first experimenting with cocaine, he sailed his boat into a jetty and it sank”).
  • Dude (Dudess?) The coke thing was a joke, we do that here. Not always funny, but lightens up the day. But I’m sure the Jedi will forgive you, he’s rarely critical of others attempts at humor.
  • Touche Seymour.  Or should I say Jerry.
  • Anyone else think it is funny that this ass trolled us with two coked-out run-on sentences?
  • There are simply too many other options available to expect me to invest a bunch of time in a game I don’t care about.
  • I am approximately one million miles away from any ballpark, so am likely to once again consume my media in audio form from Pat and Keith
  • MLB and FOX gets an F for this one and Jeremiah gets an A.
  • If I want to draw myself a warm bath and sip a Dad’s rootbeer while listening to Dan Fogelberg it doesn’t make me anyting but me.
  • It seems like nine out of 10 humans look down at other people for the books they read, the cars they drive, the wine they drink, the movies they watch, the clothes they wear, etc. Why is this the case? As Chris from IL likes to say, “Most people are idiots.”
  • I’ve always thought less judgementleness (please don’t judge me for making up a new word) would make this world a better place.

Lizard

  • In a move that is surprising to no one, Detroit Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera confirmed Tuesday that he’ll be moving approximately 127.27 feet across the diamond

(Practical, appropriate and correct usage of the Pythagorean theorem!)

2012 Overall Standings (1 point for each Lizzie, 3 points for the Lizard)

  • jswanson – 20
  • cap’n Obvious – 17
  • Jeremiah Johnson – 16
  • Buddy – 15
  • Doc Raker – 15
  • Jedi Johnson – 15
  • Seymour Butts – 11
  • Chuck – 9
  • Dustin Godsey – 8
  • Kris – 7
  • Doug S. – 5
  • BLPCB – 4
  • gymjok – 4
  • JoeAiello – 4
  • Chet – 3
  • Norm – 3
  • chris in illinois – 2
  • flyslinger2 – 2
  • Katie – 2
  • Noah – 2
  • Tom C – 2
  • Fourteen others have 1 apiece

Shout Outs

Congrats to the following folks who got their first 2012 Lizzie this week!

  • CubbieDude
  • Dragon
  • Eddie Von White
  • Eric Smith
  • Tom C

Lizzie’s Kitchen

Chit Chat

The GirlieView household had this discussion recently and I’d like to hear from others. If you had to get rid of one or the other: your television(s) or your internet access, which would you prefer to do without? (For the purposes of this discussion, pretend you can’t watch movies/TV shows over the internet and you can’t access the internet through your TV.) What say you?

  • Welcome back, Lizzie. This is my 2012 debut and my first check in in almost a year. Now that I’m on twitter @tmilesmarker, I’m hoping to be much more engaged this year.  As for your question, as much as I love my internet, I’d have to keep my tv. I mean, I was watching the Cubs back in the Brickhouse era when WGN telecast 150 games a year. That addiction runs deeper than my internet addiction, I’m afraid.

  • Welcome back, Lizzie. This is my 2012 debut and my first check in in almost a year. Now that I’m on twitter @tmilesmarker, I’m hoping to be much more engaged this year.  As for your question, as much as I love my internet, I’d have to keep my tv. I mean, I was watching the Cubs back in the Brickhouse era when WGN telecast 150 games a year. That addiction runs deeper than my internet addiction, I’m afraid.

  • CubbieDude

    I just spent 3 weeks in a house with 2 TVs and no internet access.  The newer TV pulled in just one station (“French TV”) with a roof antenna, and the older TV didn’t work at all.  Had to go to the library or to McDonalds or to Starbucks for internet access.  I hope to never go through that again. 
    Give me internet or give me death.  Or, I guess, a smartphone with tons of apps.
    I want my VFTB! 

  • CubbieDude

    I just spent 3 weeks in a house with 2 TVs and no internet access.  The newer TV pulled in just one station (“French TV”) with a roof antenna, and the older TV didn’t work at all.  Had to go to the library or to McDonalds or to Starbucks for internet access.  I hope to never go through that again. 
    Give me internet or give me death.  Or, I guess, a smartphone with tons of apps.
    I want my VFTB! 

  • BLPCB

    Can I still pirate tv shows and movies on the Internet if I give up the idiot box?
    Damn it I should placed a bet on the Super Bowl score, I could have won 6 figures. As the Japanese say, SHIMATI BAKA-NI!!!!!!!

    • Gymjok

      Great job on the super bowl pick!
      Some guy won 10,000 betting there would be a safety, and another 50,000 that a safety would be the first score of the game. He says he’s going to donate it to charity.

      • BLPCB

        If I had a quarter million after taxes, I would buy a car and go to grad school

  • AC0000000

    Can I still pirate tv shows and movies on the Internet if I give up the idiot box?
    Damn it I should placed a bet on the Super Bowl score, I could have won 6 figures. As the Japanese say, SHIMATTA BAKA-NI!!!!!!!

    • Gymjok

      Great job on the super bowl pick!
      Some guy won 10,000 betting there would be a safety, and another 50,000 that a safety would be the first score of the game. He says he’s going to donate it to charity.

      • AC0000000

        If I had a quarter million after taxes, I would buy a car and go to grad school

  • Jedi

    Between Raker and Butts – an unenviable position.

  • Jedi

    Between Raker and Butts – an unenviable position.

  • Allan

    Man I gotta do something to get a lizzie!  I’m too old to wait much longer!!!

  • Allan

    Man I gotta do something to get a lizzie!  I’m too old to wait much longer!!!

  • Chuck

    I would have to get rid of the TV because if I had no internet how would I be able to view this wonderful website?
     
    I would have to get rid of TV because my job requires high-speed internet access.  The bonus of having no TV is that my kids would not subject me to the mind-numbing rubbish that is the Disney Channel.

    • BLPCB

      Don’t you ever speak evil about Disney!

      • Have you bumped into those guys from Good Burger yet?  

      • Chuck

        Please don’t bait me into going on a diatribe about the crap that Disney Channel spews forth and calls entertainment.  It is a far cry from the wonderful movies they release.  Go watch Lion King, then go watch Jessie, then weep at the difference.
         
        BTW: I love Phineas and Ferb

      • My brother-in-law keeps pushing the Phineas and Ferb card, but my nephew is three, and big into Caillou.  I hope you dodged that bullet Chuck…it reminds me of the scene from Big Daddy where Adam Sandler watches the Kangaroo Song video. 

      • Kris

        Having a nephew who watches nothing but the Disney Channel when he visits us, I can agree with this statement! It is not the channel I grew up with, and it seems to cater to snobby pre-teen attitudes now.Still love Disney World and Disney movies…just not so crazy about the cable tv version of their produce.

      • Chuck

        Please don’t bait me into going on a diatribe about the crap that Disney Channel spews forth and calls entertainment.  It is a far cry from the wonderful movies they release.  Go watch Lion King, then go watch Jessie, then weep at the difference.
         
        BTW: I love Phineas and Ferb

      • My brother-in-law keeps pushing the Phineas and Ferb card, but my nephew is three, and big into Caillou.  I hope you dodged that bullet Chuck…it reminds me of the scene from Big Daddy where Adam Sandler watches the Kangaroo Song video. 

      • Kris

        Having a nephew who watches nothing but the Disney Channel when he visits us, I can agree with this statement! It is not the channel I grew up with, and it seems to cater to snobby pre-teen attitudes now.Still love Disney World and Disney movies…just not so crazy about the cable tv version of their produce.

      • BLPCB

        Good burger?

      • AC0000000

        Good burger?

  • Chuck

    I would have to get rid of the TV because if I had no internet how would I be able to view this wonderful website?
     
    I would have to get rid of TV because my job requires high-speed internet access.  The bonus of having no TV is that my kids would not subject me to the mind-numbing rubbish that is the Disney Channel.

    • AC0000000

      Don’t you ever speak evil about Disney!

  • Dragon

    I know how one less Lizzie than I do Twitter followers!! Go Me!!

    • Dragon

      To say in readable English, “I NOW HAVE one less Lizzie that I do Twitter followers! Go Me!!”

      • Dragon

        I swear I haven’t been drinking, the internet connection in Peoria is changing my letters. “I now have one less Lizzie than I do Twitter followers! Go Me!”

      • Jeremiah Johnson

        Don’t you hate it when your Internet connection stranges betters on blue?

  • Dragon

    I know how one less Lizzie than I do Twitter followers!! Go Me!!

    • Dragon

      To say in readable English, “I NOW HAVE one less Lizzie that I do Twitter followers! Go Me!!”

      • Dragon

        I swear I haven’t been drinking, the internet connection in Peoria is changing my letters. “I now have one less Lizzie than I do Twitter followers! Go Me!”

      • Jeremiah Johnson

        Don’t you hate it when your Internet connection stranges betters on blue?

  • Seymour Butts

    Terrible proposition Lizzie..TV or internet. Kind of like “which child can we kill?” Assuming both children are boys, you just can’t answer that.

  • Seymour Butts

    Terrible proposition Lizzie..TV or internet. Kind of like “which child can we kill?” Assuming both children are boys, you just can’t answer that.

  • Gymjok

    Tough choice. Since I find that the older I get the less TV I watch, I’ll say I’d give up the TV.

  • Gymjok

    Tough choice. Since I find that the older I get the less TV I watch, I’ll say I’d give up the TV.

  • Buddy

    RIP Gary Carter. I hated your guts as a player, but you died much too young. 

    • Tommy

      How could anyone hate Gary Carter?  Because he produced against the Cubs? Then you might as well hate most of the national league.  Carter was a personification of all that is good and right about baseball. Few players come along like him. Ernie Banks, Tony Gwynn and Carter are/were such great ambassadors for the game.

      • Eddie Von White

        I’m sad he died. He had a great career and was one of those guys you loved as a teammate but didn’t care for as an opponent. He always seemed a bit arrogant to me, but after reading his eulogy it appears I may have intrepreted his enthusiasm wrongly.

      • Buddy

        Didn’t say I hated Gary Carter the person. I never met the person. I hated the player when I was a young baseball fan, probably for the reasons some of you stated. I also hated Steve Garvey the player and Keith Hernandez the player back in those days. Didn’t actually know them in everyday life either.  If that makes me a rotten human, oh well.

  • Buddy

    RIP Gary Carter. I hated your guts as a player, but you died much too young. 

    • Tommy

      How could anyone hate Gary Carter?  Because he produced against the Cubs? Then you might as well hate most of the national league.  Carter was a personification of all that is good and right about baseball. Few players come along like him. Ernie Banks, Tony Gwynn and Carter are/were such great ambassadors for the game.

      • Eddie Von White

        I’m sad he died. He had a great career and was one of those guys you loved as a teammate but didn’t care for as an opponent. He always seemed a bit arrogant to me, but after reading his eulogy it appears I may have intrepreted his enthusiasm wrongly.

      • Buddy

        Didn’t say I hated Gary Carter the person. I never met the person. I hated the player when I was a young baseball fan, probably for the reasons some of you stated. I also hated Steve Garvey the player and Keith Hernandez the player back in those days. Didn’t actually know them in everyday life either.  If that makes me a rotten human, oh well.

  • cap’n obvious

    I’d have said keep Al Gore’s internets for sure…but I was recently subjected to an offensive sexist online post made by someone who is supposedly well educated.  Now I think I prefer television.

  • cap’n obvious

    I’d have said keep Al Gore’s internets for sure…but I was recently subjected to an offensive sexist online post made by someone who is supposedly well educated.  Now I think I prefer television.

  • Rich Beckman

    Could I keep the TV and just lose the signals?  Then I could use Netflix.  That would work.

    My wife would never believe me, but I would give up the internet.  There are other sources of information in the world and there are other ways to communicate with friends and family.
    But I like watching movies occasionally and a few sitcoms and sports.

    My calculator comes up with 127.279. So I would argue that 127.27 is wrong. The number should be 127.28.

  • RichBeckman

    Could I keep the TV and just lose the signals?  Then I could use Netflix.  That would work.

    My wife would never believe me, but I would give up the internet.  There are other sources of information in the world and there are other ways to communicate with friends and family.
    But I like watching movies occasionally and a few sitcoms and sports.

    My calculator comes up with 127.279. So I would argue that 127.27 is wrong. The number should be 127.28.

  • BLPCB

    Off-topic, but did anyone see the Bulls game? Derrick Who?

    • Chuck

      The Bulls are a tribute to TEAM basketball.  A lot of unselfish players who like playing with each other and don’t care about stats.  (Well except for the new guy James, he will come around or he won’t be around)  This is the basketball I love to watch.  Rose will be important inthe playoffs because he can absolutely shred defenses by himself.  The Bulls are deep and talented.  They can go 10 deep when Rose and Rip are back and they will make a deep run in the playoffs.

      My two favorite sports are baseball and basketball.  Baseball because it is a great sport to listen to while at work and basketball because they are the best athletes in the world.

      • BLPCB

        The injuries to Rose and Hamilton are a golden opportunity to play and develop Jimmy Butler. I really think with the team constructed as is, that he can be that final piece to getting over Miami. We really need to play him more. I don’t want to see what happened to James Johnson happen to him. Johnson was never given a fair shake IMO, and when the Bulls had to play him because people were hurt, he showed what he could do. If they had played him and he panned out, right now Boozer or Deng would be expendable to get Dwight Howard, and possibly even sweeten the trade and take a bad contract off their hands.

  • AC0000000

    Off-topic, but did anyone see the Bulls game? Derrick Who?

    • Chuck

      The Bulls are a tribute to TEAM basketball.  A lot of unselfish players who like playing with each other and don’t care about stats.  (Well except for the new guy James, he will come around or he won’t be around)  This is the basketball I love to watch.  Rose will be important inthe playoffs because he can absolutely shred defenses by himself.  The Bulls are deep and talented.  They can go 10 deep when Rose and Rip are back and they will make a deep run in the playoffs.

      My two favorite sports are baseball and basketball.  Baseball because it is a great sport to listen to while at work and basketball because they are the best athletes in the world.

      • AC0000000

        The injuries to Rose and Hamilton are a golden opportunity to play and develop Jimmy Butler. I really think with the team constructed as is, that he can be that final piece to getting over Miami. We really need to play him more. I don’t want to see what happened to James Johnson happen to him. Johnson was never given a fair shake IMO, and when the Bulls had to play him because people were hurt, he showed what he could do. If they had played him and he panned out, right now Boozer or Deng would be expendable to get Dwight Howard, and possibly even sweeten the trade and take a bad contract off their hands.

  • BLPCB

    My calculations of the square root of 90 squared times 2 comes out to 127.2792206135786
    But since the 1B and 3B play off the bags, don’t we have to account for that, it’s technically not 127.28 feet.

    • Seymour Butts

      the square root of 90, squared is 90. Then times 2 is 180.
      You offend the math gods when you don’t use proper notation.
      And by the way… you went to disney just to work in another pizza gig?

      • BLPCB

        Is this better notation? The square root of (90 squared times 2)
        Disney gave me the job. My top choice was to be a lifeguard. Oh well. Hopefully this internship leads to something else, if not then I will be back home in Chicago, lifeguarding for a month, a year to get myself into shape, try to get one year of leadership experience as the head lifeguard, and then the military.

      • (2(90^2))^.5
        (words just introduce confusion)

  • AC0000000

    My calculations of the square root of 90 squared times 2 comes out to 127.2792206135786
    But since the 1B and 3B play off the bags, don’t we have to account for that, it’s technically not 127.28 feet.

    • Seymour Butts

      the square root of 90, squared is 90. Then times 2 is 180.
      You offend the math gods when you don’t use proper notation.
      And by the way… you went to disney just to work in another pizza gig?

      • AC0000000

        Is this better notation? The square root of (90 squared times 2)
        Disney gave me the job. My top choice was to be a lifeguard. Oh well. Hopefully this internship leads to something else, if not then I will be back home in Chicago, lifeguarding for a month, a year to get myself into shape, try to get one year of leadership experience as the head lifeguard, and then the military.

      • (2(90^2))^.5
        (words just introduce confusion)

  • Doug Bagley

    Good to have you back doing the “lizzies” again! But the number of “lizzies” handed out reminds me of 5 yr old t-ball where everyone gets a trophy 🙂  At least make these guys work a little for it

  • Doug Bagley

    Good to have you back doing the “lizzies” again! But the number of “lizzies” handed out reminds me of 5 yr old t-ball where everyone gets a trophy 🙂  At least make these guys work a little for it

  • BLPCB

    With pitchers and catchers reporting today, I have decided to come up with a new way to gauge the 2012 Cubs. Last year someone used Homer Simpson’s pig for a BBQ that Lisa got rid of as their gauge. I intend to use this all year. I will call it my “Pig Index”.
    This is the quote:
    “It’s just a little dirty, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
    “It’s just a little slimy, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
    “It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
    Bart: “It’s gone, dad.”
    Homer (sadly): I know.
    (Next day, Homer looking through binoculars)
    Bart: Give it up dad, piggy ain’t coming back
    (Homer angerly throws binoculars in the garbage)
    Predictions: April: Lisa is getting on the tractor.
    May: Dirty.
    June: Between dirty and slimy.
    July: Slimy.
    August: Airborne.
    Mid-August: Looking out binoculars.
    September: Binoculars in trash

  • AC0000000

    With pitchers and catchers reporting today, I have decided to come up with a new way to gauge the 2012 Cubs. Last year someone used Homer Simpson’s pig for a BBQ that Lisa got rid of as their gauge. I intend to use this all year. I will call it my “Pig Index”.
    This is the quote:
    “It’s just a little dirty, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
    “It’s just a little slimy, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
    “It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
    Bart: “It’s gone, dad.”
    Homer (sadly): I know.
    (Next day, Homer looking through binoculars)
    Bart: Give it up dad, piggy ain’t coming back
    (Homer angerly throws binoculars in the garbage)
    Predictions: April: Lisa is getting on the tractor.
    May: Dirty.
    June: Between dirty and slimy.
    July: Slimy.
    August: Airborne.
    Mid-August: Looking out binoculars.
    September: Binoculars in trash