View From The Bleachers

March 7, 2011

GirlieView (03/07/2011)

Filed under: Featured,General — Lizzie @ 1:00 pm

Good afternoon! As promised, in preparation for the Lizzie game (which will begin when the real season starts) may I offer six tips toward increasing your LLP (Likely Lizzie Percentage). Really whether you’re playing the game or not, you should know at least some of the criteria … maybe disrobe some of my subjectivity.

  1. Be funny. Humor is your fastest path to the Lizzie list. Saying something which mirrors my opinion works just as well too, but that’s not as easy since you won’t always know where I stand. Heck sometimes I don’t even know where I stand! So that part is a crap shoot. :-)
  2. Don’t insult. You can express your distaste for someone’s level of play (or your fellow commenters’ points of view) without using derogatory names or insults about their ethnicity, sexual orientation, weight, mother, etc. (Once you find yourself on my sh*t list for this, you’ll probably remain there for quite some time.)
  3. Don’t be too foul. Trust me, I swear like a sailor and thoroughly enjoy your off-color comments. But even if I laugh out loud at what you write, I won’t award it if it crosses that invisible line from funny to filth.
  4. Politics will get you nowhere. I encourage all types of discussions and sometimes even take part (when civil). But political commentary will never end up in the Lizzie list. Neither will conversations about religion, private bodily functions, or any combination thereof.
  5. Don’t try too hard. If you’re fishing and I can tell, I won’t bite.
  6. My very favorite type of conversation is when we actually talk to each other. It’s fine for us to bring up a topic and everyone drops by and lists their opinion as if no one else is here. But if you flip back through past Lizzies you’ll see how fond I am of friendly back-and-forth conversation among people who are essentially strangers but can chat and joke with each other just because we happened to come together around our favorite team. Even when our opinions differ!

See, it’s way more scientific than you thought isn’t it? Good luck! Remember, this has nothing to do with what you can and cannot say or do here at VFTB overall. You can talk about anything you want. This is just clarifying how I pick the Lizzies! And, speaking of Lizzies:

Lizzies

  • I’m not sure what is better, that I’m starting the week with a Lizzie and the Lizard…or that I’m getting married on Saturday!
  • Could be a nice little afternoon in the cube…
  • Nothing like that sweet smell of spring, and the hope that this year is finally the year.
  • Way more fun + Way less work = Way Happier Lizzie
  • Broad- not a commentary, just my anti-spam word.
  • Old Man Signings … Grade: Who Cares?
  • I saw Gorz as a backup suit. I only have need for one suit, but I kind of wish I had an extra one, so that I could have something to reject to feel better about the suit I did choose. And if my one suit gets blood all over it (you know, from all the spy stuff I’d do in my suit), I’d still have a suit to wear. We traded him for some serviceable socks. I’ve got plenty of socks. So that’s a “C.”
  • There was no slam-dunk lopsided deal and there was no head-scratchingly bad deal either.
  • The 2011 Cubs should, at worst, be at least slightly better than the 2010 Cubs and this was accomplished without screwing up 2012.
  • With all due respect to Lizzie, my anti-spam word is broad.
  • You can’t be Brian Cashman when you’re flashing Billy Beane’s American Express card.
  • You owe it to yourself to be optimistic at this time of the year.
  • Go with a solid B and be happy about it. It’s hard to envision a scenario that would have been better this off-season. You can’t trade players without a willing partner, so don’t dream up lopsided trades that could have happened.
  • If I squint real hard I can see the Cubs taking the division because the division has no dominant team.
  • To sum up, I give Hendry a smiley face sticker and and extra cookie after dinner.
  • The best thing Hendry did is maintain flexibility for next year.
  • i give hendry a “c” because his direction goes in two different directions .
  • Can two bat crap crazy pitchers be able to get along in the same rotation? Only Felix Unger and Oscar Madison know.
  • He doesn’t beat his wife. He doesn’t have run ins with the law. He never seemed like a young ungrateful superstar punk like so many are today. And most important I have never seen him talk to his ‘digital me’ while mumbling about his beard having magic in it. That all adds up to ‘good guy’ in my book.
  • i’m betting the central race will be the tightest in baseball .
  • I’m willing to bet you that Carlos Pena finishes with a better OPS when all is said and done this year compared with Adam Dunn.
  • The only real surprise is the last name of the Carlos in the fracas.
  • We’ll see pretty quickly if Quade is the guy for this job.
  • My first thought was, “Hopefully Aramis Ramirez didn’t break has hand on Silva’s face.”
  • Poor fundamentals is a hallmark of Cubs baseball, why would the first week of spring training be any different.
  • It’s not realistic to think that a new manager somehow makes veteran baseball players better at defense.
  • I think it will be one of two extremes. [Zambrano] will either completely melt down or he will be great. I see no middle ground.
  • Does the recurring headline “Carlos in Dugout Scuffle With Corner Infielder” mean that Pena will get into a fight with himself?
  • Maybe Marmol and Vitters will knuckle-up today.
  • flayers (faker + player= flayer). Not to be confused with jayer, (jaker + player=jayer)
  • I want to believe that Blake Dewitt can be the guy.
  • it’s nice to see the increase in comments
  • I always wanted to get into a “here’s the pizza, and here’s the peperoni ” situation, but that didn’t happen either. Better luck to you.

Lizard

  • There is some sort of cryptic message underneath it all…something about an Ikea microwave. I’m not sure how the broad fits into the picture.

Monday Afternoon Discussion Question

The other day Joe mentioned Kerry Wood is his favorite Cub, and Carlos Zambrano is one of his least favorite. That got me to wondering. Who is your favorite? And who’s you’re least favorite? I’ll start:

Favorite: Geovany Soto. Most of you already knew this, and most of you also know why. :-)
Least Favorite: Carlos Zambrano (upstaging Alfonso Soriano who held this spot for me ever since Jason Marquis was traded. I’m counting on Carlos to recognize the benefit of staying in my good graces thereby keeping his antics in check this year.)

Let’s hear your choices!


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Elizabeth Pearson stumbled upon VFTB around 2006, and enjoys encouraging conversation among the wide variety of readers brought together by their love of the Cubs. She’s married, has a Cub-loving pug named Phinneaus, and enjoys biking, hiking, cooking and gardening. She calls Chesterton, Indiana home and hopes to one day retire on Mackinac Island. Connect with Lizzie via email or Instagram.

  • Doug Bagley

    favorite: Geo, that ROY season was amazing to watch and he has stuck as my favorite ever since.

    least favorite: grabow…i’m gonna assume I don’t have to explain why.

  • Aaron

    Favorite: Ryan Dempster. He does his work, goes about his business and is a role model to the other players. He was also a closer for 3+ years after having been a starter for his first five, then went *back* to starting for the last three (in which his production was nothing short of a revelation because of its consistency and the circumstances in which it came). Plus, I like the quirky fluttering glove when he pitches.

    Least favorite: Alfonso Soriano. I’ll admit, I was happy when they signed him, but that contract was absurd, even then. I also have a hard time with streaky players because they do well enough for long enough to make you think that there’s always a chance they’ll heat up again after they’ve gone ice cold. The bunny-hop is also indefensible.

  • walterj

    favorite …woody/ least favorite …(suprise)zambrano, but silva is becoming the sequel to zambrano .

  • Buddy

    I really don’t have favorite players anymore, but I sure have guys I hate to watch. Koyie Hill and John Grabow top that list.

  • Seymour Butts

    I always thought these letters were fake, until this happened to me… Oops, wrong blog, Sorry.
    My favorite Cub is whoever is at bat, or fielding on a given play. If they are in a Cub Uniform, I like ’em.
    Hey we haven’t heard from Kris all week…hope she’s OK.

  • Dr van Nostrand

    My fave is Dempster and whoever might be able to lighten up the clubhouse. Least fave is whoever will start the next fight. I’m afraid Hill might give someone the finger. Literally. Just hand it to someone.

  • Jesse

    Absolutely love Woody. It was terrible when he left,and I’ve been happy to have him back. Least favorite? Well, as much hate as their is for Z in here, how about somebody who is a net-negative impact on the team like Samardzjia? Has he ever done something productive for us?

  • walterj

    i wish i could be more like seymour , but i can’t . i’ll cheer someone on to do well because they have a cub uniform on ,but it doesn’t mean i like them . to like a player i have to believe they are proud to wear a cub uniform , work as hard as they can ,and be a team player . thats why i don’t hate hill or soriano .would i rather they be traded on a different team , yes . thats why my favorites are the likes of sandberg , dawson , sutcliff , and grace . it takes more than wearing a cub uniform to be a favorite . thats why sosa goes down as my least favorite ever .

  • Chuck

    Now that Lee, the human GIDP or called strike 3 machine, has left I have no player on the team I actively dislike. Sure there are some like Diamond or Soriano who makes me cringe when they appear, but none that give me that sense of soul-crushing dispair like Lee did in the clutch.
    My favorites are Wood, Marmol, Geo, Z and Starlin. I have a strange facination with pitchers who have the rare combination of being unhittable and utterly wild. The hitter has no idea where the next pitch will go because neither does the pitcher, catcher, manager or fan.
    “ikea”

  • cap’n obvious

    My favorite Cub is Starlin Castro…it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a young Cub player with this much upside. Let’s hope they don’t let him sign with the Braves and spend his career there for an extra $50 like Maddux did.

    My least favorite Cub is Alf. The reason is that he quite simply produces less with more talent than anyone else.

    On a related note, my least favorite Cub fan is anyone who drones on and on about their exploits and/or statistics playing against accountants and dentists at fantasy camp. These feelings are deepened if said fantasy camper is wearing his (or her)fantasy camp uniform, which assuredly is too tight and has the camper’s last name affixed above some lame number, like 69.

  • Seymour Butts

    You don’t have to respect a player to root for them. When Sosa was smashing balls into oblivion, it was obvious that he was using PEDs to a higher degree than average. But he was our cheater, and I rooted for him to smash said ball at every at bat. Overwhelming acne and shriveled testes be dammed.

  • Benjamin

    My favorite is actually Marlon Byrd. I thought he did a good job filling in a lot of positions in the lineup last year, and seems like he really works hard to improve in any way he can.
    My least favorite is Milton Bradley… I mean Aaron Heilman… I don’t know. Probably those players picked up that wind up tanking and making the team visibly worse.

  • Car Lots

    The good news is that Carlos Silva did not give up any homers today.
    The bad news is a line that included 9 hits and 8 runs in one inning.
    Did you know Charlie Sheen ‘s real first name is Carlos? Shocking.

  • http://mytimetowaste.com Rich Beckman

    My favorite is Castro, the up and coming talented shortstop.

    A close second is Marmol. The Cubs might very well have the dominant closer of the 20 teens. He is fun to watch.

    Least favorite is Soriano (I assume we are talking current Cubs here). Too much talent going to waste. Streakiness(?) is really a case of mental focus. Soriano just can’t be bothered to focus and I hate that. Mind you, I do not hate Soriano, I just hate that he won’t focus more often.

  • http://van Buddy

    I agree Seymour. I root for every Cub, even the crappy ones. It’s not that I don’t want Koyie Hill to get a hit, I just know it isn’t going to happen.

  • http://swantron.com jswanson

    Grabow is the worst. End of discussion. My favorite is Castro, with Geo closely behind. Then Marshall, Byrd, Marmol, etc…

  • Mr. David M. Beyer

    Favorite: Randy Wells. Unheralded, underdog, barely enough stuff to make the majors. If he is successful it will be because he worked his butt off and out-thunk his opponents. His upside is a right-handed Mariner-era Jamie Moyer. His downside is a right-handed Cub-era Jamie Moyer.

    Least favorite: I’d say Josh Vitters because he’s the exact opposite in every way, but on the roster right now I’d have to say Alfonso Soriano. Rich said it all.

  • Chet

    I have had favorites and they always bite me in the ass. So no more favorites. I do have non-favorites though. Grabow is one of them. Aramis and Zambrano are right up there likewise….something about their “respect” for the game or lack there of.

  • BuckeyeLakerCub

    For all the noobs, I speak from experience that Lizzie is not lying about the sailor talk. I used a little too much of it when I first joined here. Now I use my work mouth when I’m on here.

  • BuckeyeLakerCub

    And how is it possible to talk about politics, religion, and bodily functions in one?

  • http://swantron.com jswanson

    @David…that comparison was Nationals-era Soriano awesome

  • BuckeyeLakerCub

    Favorite – Woody. My first year as a Cubs fan was Woody’s first year on the North Side.

    Least favorite – Soriano. He’s a waste of talent, continues to do that stupid hop which put him on the DL in 2008, has an awful contract, and he’s got a big head which doesn’t seem to be shrinking.

  • Seymour Butts

    @BLC (nee TP2) Here’s how:
    Holy Shit, I hate my Senator.

  • BuckeyeLakerCub

    Bahhahah I never thought of that. I do hate my state senator, his name us Biss, so I say Biss is Piss.

  • Deezer

    Favorite: Tie between Marmol and Wood, with the edge probably going to Marmol since I actually got to see him pitch for the Cubs at Wrigley

    Least Favorite: Soriano. I really, REALLY dislike him. Didn’t like him on the Nats, didn’t like him on the Yanks, don’t like him now. But hey, at least I’m consistent

  • Randy

    Favorite All Time – Mark Grace, played the game right. Had fun, and made sure the Cubs were fun to watch even in their worst years.
    Favorite Now – Kerry Wood, came back when he could have gotten more elsewhere. Plays the game with reckless abandon, like he may not ever get to play again.
    Least Favorite – John Grabow, he’s terrible but somehow manages to keep getting called into games. That and he gave me the evil eye at a game in 2009 when I was sitting near the Bartman seat.

  • Dragon

    Favorite is Woody. Least favorite I would have to say is Ramirez simply because of his apparent laid back attitude. I like a little more fire and passion from a supposed team leader.

  • Joe

    testing the comments

  • Doc Raker

    Favorite: Seymour- his Cubs uniform is to tight and his jersey number is 69.
    Least favorite: I can’t decide between Aram, Sorryano and Big Z. Probably Aram because he can choose not to be lazy. Being bat crap crazy isn’t a choice for Zambrano it is innate as is striking out for Sorryano. Sorryano and Zambrano do their best to manage their innate afflictions, Aram is just plain lazy and they are all way overpaid.

  • Doc Raker

    So I am sitting on the potty listening to Fox News report on our under qualified president when I realize I am late for church………

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