Happy end of the week you crazy Cub fans. Life sucks right now for us and so let’s have some fun. Enjoy the big pile of random crap this week.
I found this all over the internet. This kid is ridiculous.
I loved the Dark Knight and toddler VFTB loves Curious George. What a perfect combination:
Speaking of movies, how about a montage of movies from the 2000’s:
CNN had a story on weird baseball contract clauses that I found entertaining. A few of the highlights:
After a spectacular rookie season in 1986, rotund reliever Charlie Kerfeld, who always pitched in his lucky Jetsons T-shirt, needed a new contract. Kerfeld asked for $110,037.37, matching his No. 37 jersey, to pitch in 1987. On top of that, he received 37 boxes of orange Jell-O in the deal. (Read the Full List)
After looking at that list, I found a link inside for weird sports injuries. I thought for sure that Felix Pie’s twisted testicle may make the list. He didn’t, but the list did not disappoint:
Chicago Cubs outfielder Jose Cardenal missed a game in 1974 because his eyelid was “stuck open,” which prevented him from blinking. Although he eventually overcame this ailment, it didn’t help Cardenal’s reputation as a player who liked to use suspicious injuries to get out of games; two seasons earlier he had missed a game because crickets in his hotel room had kept him up all night, leaving him exhausted.
The Deadspin Funbag Q&A of the week (Source)
Q: Suppose you are on an island that is five miles by five miles. Some rocky parts. Some jungle-ish parts. Assume it’s similar terrain to the Lost island. The only other animal of consequence on it is a lion. Who dies first, you or the lion?
I maintain that a single human’s odds of survival in this situation are extremely low, until said human becomes aware of the lion. Once that person knows the lion is on the island with him, his odds of survival grow steadily. My co-workers and I spent a whole lunch hour screaming at each other about our relative abilities to construct a trap with raw materials found on the island and whether or not I could kill a trapped lion with a spear.
A: Well, the lion is used to living out in the open without benefit of Wi-Fi or a working [crapper]. Lions also know how to hunt and do so under cover of darkness. So I fail to see how knowing there’s a bloodthirsty lion stuck with your sorry ass on an island helps you at all. You now know you can’t sleep on the island at night, because that [sucker] will eat you and sport wood while doing it. If anything, it would drive you to madness. It took Tom Hanks four years in Cast Away to turn into Super Awesome Spear Hunter Guy Who Looks Like Brent Hinds. And everyone in the theater where I saw that movie thought that was some serious bull.
I’m sure this already exists, but there very much needs to be some sort of desert island survival test rich people can pay for. They pay a helicopter to drop them onto a barren island. Then, the rich Richard Branson-type asshole tries to see how long he can survive on that island (with no training) until he gives up and pushes the special giant red button that calls the helicopter to come pick him up and bring him back home. I wouldn’t last 12 hours on the island before pressing that button. Not a chance. Especially if it rained. I curl into the fetal position and cry like a bitch when the power goes out for longer than five minutes. I’d also forget all my training from Man vs. Wild. FIRE IS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOUR MORALE.
The desert island test could also have add-ons you could pay for. You could pay to have the lion on the island. You could pay to have the island set up just like Myst (which is basically what Lost is), with all kinds of puzzles and shit to solve. Or you could go the full Lostie package and have a Smoke Monster and evil tribes of other people and hatches and all the other shit they have on that show that I know of vaguely because Entertainment Weekly devotes 75 pages to the damn show every week. Every TV show should have an elaborate fantasy camp. You could go to Sopranos camp and be a mob boss for two weeks. You could go to Letterman camp and host a phony talk show for a week. I’d enjoy that.
Finally, Chet West chimes in with some thoughts on the stupid new idea for a cup to be the “prize” for the Cubs or Sox winning the cross town series:
What do Chicago baseball and the largest corporation in the United Kingdom have in common? Quickly, do you have the answer? Nothing? Well, up until this past month the answer was very little.
One of baseball’s biggest rivalries, the Crosstown Classic between the Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox, is getting a slight facelift. It was announced in recent weeks that the winning team (best record of the six game series) will receive The BP Crosstown Cup. I don’t mind the concept of an award to mark the occasion and its winner, however I am struggling with some of the labeling and the actual physical award itself.
Let’s start with the name, it is being marketed as The Crosstown Cup, so throw the charming “Crosstown Classic” tag out the window. I liked the “Classic” it wreaked of baseball and came naturally which segue’s nicely into my next two thoughts……
I thoroughly enjoy the Stanley Cup, The World Cup, The Ryder Cup, and even the Breeders Cup from time to time. The protective cup was a great invention albeit somewhat uncomfortable. They all work with their respective sport in harmony, and have a place in history. They were all named after somebody or something related to the sport (with the exception of the protective cup of course, but its purpose is obvious). Baseball is not a “cup” sport never has been and never will. We do trophies or better yet pennants….the “cup” has no place near the diamond.
British Petroleum is, as the name states, a British company. They are based in London and while they do operate everywhere in the States, they are not American. I suppose they had the highest bid and won the rights but it makes for yet another strange detail that does not seem to fit in this equation. I suppose a nice American company that understands our nations pastime, apple pie and fireworks was not available or just couldn’t cough up the dough to have their name put on such a prestigious award.
I understand the reality and need for advertising dollars, but this one takes the cake. Think about it this way, would the idea for this cup even come up if the concept of ad revenue was not an option. I get the feeling the powers that be would say, “what’s the point? Total waste of time!” It gives you the feeling that they stay up late at night thinking of different things to slap an ad slogan on….wait a second, I am pretty sure they do. I am waiting for the day when I flush a toilet at Wrigley and a voice booms over a speaker in my stall and says, “This flush brought to you by Old Style!” (well, actually it most likely was, but you know what I mean.)
I guess the “cup” is here to stay for the moment but it will always be the Classic to me. Besides, there is only one trophy that should matter to Cubs fans and it comes when you win the World Series……Which one would you rather have?
Happy Friday. Make sure you vote in the roster approval vote in the right sidebar as well as check back this evening to see who won a Lizzie this week.