View From The Bleachers

February 26, 2010

Great Moments in Work Idiocy

Filed under: Featured,General — Joe Aiello @ 12:01 am

Before we get into some stories from the workplace, we need to take care of some housekeeping elements about the actual subject this blog tries to follow. Here are some notes:

Brett Jackson is a weird dude. Why do I say that? Well, the guy actually likes having the needle stick him to give blood.

”I like it,” said Brett Jackson, the affable center fielder from the University of California. ”I was telling Josh Vitters when they were sucking my blood out [for annual physicals], I kind of liked it. Isn’t that weird? That’s weird. I enjoyed it. I like blood.”

Gotta love him. As long as he can get the job done in center when Marlon Byrd is done there, I could care less about what he does in his free time. (Gordon Wittenmeyer)

Angel Guzman reported soreness in his right shoulder and will be shut down for a few days, the Cubs said Thursday. (Paul Sullivan)

The Cubs are still pursuing other veteran pitchers such as the Toronto Blue Jays’ Jason Frasor and San Diego Padres’ Luke Gregerson to help out their paper-thin bullpen. The Padres will trade closer Heath Bell at some point during the season, but the combination of Bell’s upper echelon salary and the Cubs’ lack of money available make trading for him remote. (Bruce Levine)

Now, on to the feature.


I had put a call out for stories and almost rolled bupkis. Thankfully, one reader answered the call. I’m not sure where he works, but it appears to be a pizza place. Here were a few of his short, but sweet, selections:

  • Customer calls and says oh I had a coupon for free pizza but I don’t have it anymore. Can I still get it? NO!! Do you walk into a 7-11, buy a slurpee and say oh I had a $5 bill, but I don’t have it anymore? NO YOU DON’T!
  • Customer ordered delivery on the internet. Driver went there. No answer. So I called him, no answer. An hour later, customer is like where’s my pizza.
    Me: We went to (your address) and there was no response, and we called and got no response
    Customer: That’s not my address. I put the wrong address in when I ordered
    Me: So why didn’t you call the store when you put in the wrong address?
    Customer: I didn’t know what to do
    Me: You had the intelligence to call the store when you didn’t get your pizza, but you didn’t think it would be a good idea to call when you put the wrong address in?

My story actually happened to my brother, but I worked in the same job at one point. Thankfully, this never happened to me. A guy at our church owned a street sweeping business. Each night a team of 2 people would go to roughly a dozen smaller parking lots, mainly Walgreens and stores of that nature, to clean up the lots. Because you’re cleaning a parking lot, it makes sense that you have to work late at night when no cars are going to be parked there. When you arrive at the lot in the truck, one person would drive around the lot sweeping, while another guy (who made less money no less) would get out and walk around picking up big garbage and putting it in a garbage bag. Always seemed a little unfair that the guy in the car, nice and warm and CLEAN would get more money than the guy covered in filth by night’s end, but I digress.

This particular night in a rather sketchy part of Chicago, sometime after midnight, my brother is out freezing his tail off picking up half empty beer bottles, pizza boxes, etc and simply trying to keep an eye out for rats. It’s late and you really don’t expect to have a conversation with anyone at that time, so when someone calls out it kind scares the daylights out of you. My brother is working and a guy comes up, not drunk from what he says, and says hello. My brother acknowledges him and the guy proceeds to ask him if he knows where the fetish club is. Apparently he was told there was one in the area and this guy is in the mood to get freaky wit it. Rather creeped out, my brother explains that he doesn’t know where the club is and continues to go about his business. Not wanting to take no for an answer, the guy then has the light-bulb come on upstairs (and probably downstairs as well if you know what I mean), and proceeds to offer my brother $20 to simply let him smell his feet. Obviously he’s turned down cold, but he continues to clarify that he doesn’t want to touch my brother or anything like that, just simply wants to take a big whiff of the feet. Definitely one of the weirder stories I’ve ever heard from someone at their workplace.

Now it’s your turn. Share a story or two with us about work. Maybe it’s that tool of a boss you’ve got or those customers that drive you insane. Let’s hear it.

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Joe Aiello is the founder of View From the Bleachers and one of the lead writers. Growing up in Chicago, he fondly remembers attending games in the bleachers before that was the popular thing to do. Currently Joe resides in North Carolina with his wife and three kids and helps people protect their assets as an independent insurance agent. Connect with Joe via Twitter / Facebook / E-mail

  • http://twitter.com/davidmbeyer @davidmbeyer

    Self-incriminating stupid stories: I hit a horse with a bus at one job (the horse was okay, but the bus sprung an oil leak). I told a golfer in a tournament after we booked too many golfers and ran out of carts to "walk the course; come on, you can take it." I was demonstrating momentum to my sixth graders with a koosh ball that had a loop (presumably for hanging purposes) by throwing it over the students' heads and knocking some blocks over. The loop caught on my finger, altered the course of the ball, and split a kid's lip.

  • cap’n obvious

    Just wanted to ask Doc Raker to share his story of the college coed with the eye infection…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dat_cubfan_dave dat_cubfan_dave

    Wow, that foot fetish story is pretty disturbing. Then again, an extra $20 is an extra $20…

    I'll try to come up with a good work story. With all the different jobs I've had, you'd think it'd be easy, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dat_cubfan_dave dat_cubfan_dave

    Wow, that foot fetish story is pretty disturbing. Then again, an extra $20 is an extra $20…

    I'll try to come up with a good work story. With all the different jobs I've had, you'd think it'd be easy, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment.

  • Seymour Butts

    In college I managed a Godfathers pizza and routinely had people order a large 500-800 calorie per slice pizza and ask what we had to drink that was diet.
    I one night had a guy pick up a pizza and walk out the door holding the box vertically like a book under his arm. He came back in 2 minutes later asking for his money back as all of the cheese and toppings had slid to the bottom of the box. I told him I had watched him turn the box on end as he walked out the door, and he then threw the box at me. Missed.
    How come my first comment had to be broken itno peices, but Terrelle's much longer comment fit in one box?

  • http://swantron.com jswanson

    I’ll chime in. One of my co-workers is a self proclaimed fashion guru, though she typically shows up in sweatpants, hiking boots, and sweaters. This is okay…our software company is uber-casual…jeans are the norm…dogs are allowed…etc. The girl in question went to college in NY, and cites this as the foundation of her elevated sense of style. Recently, she suggested that another guy in our group starts dressing more fashionably, by wearing turtlenecks and a leather jacket. Honestly. Maybe the Richard Roundtree look is back in. Or never left.

  • http://twitter.com/davidmbeyer @davidmbeyer

    Self-incriminating stupid stories: I hit a horse with a bus at one job (the horse was okay, but the bus sprung an oil leak). I told a golfer in a tournament after we booked too many golfers and ran out of carts to "walk the course; come on, you can take it." I was demonstrating momentum to my sixth graders with a koosh ball that had a loop (presumably for hanging purposes) by throwing it over the students' heads and knocking some blocks over. The loop caught on my finger, altered the course of the ball, and split a kid's lip.

  • http://twitter.com/davidmbeyer @davidmbeyer

    Self-incriminating stupid stories: I hit a horse with a bus at one job (the horse was okay, but the bus sprung an oil leak). I told a golfer in a tournament after we booked too many golfers and ran out of carts to "walk the course; come on, you can take it." I was demonstrating momentum to my sixth graders with a koosh ball that had a loop (presumably for hanging purposes) by throwing it over the students' heads and knocking some blocks over. The loop caught on my finger, altered the course of the ball, and split a kid's lip.

  • Seymour Butts

    I don't remember the exact verbage, but it started something like
    your comment is too lenghty….blah, blah, blah.

  • Seymour Butts

    Just remembered a good one, not particularly stupid, but funny.
    As a 3rd year med student on general surgery rotation, I and one of my female classmates scrubbed on a penile implant case. you have to leave them inflated for a few weeks so they heal without contracture from scar tissue. After the case when nobody but me was looking, my classmate gave the penis a squeeze. I asked her what she was doing Her reply was "Don't you want to know how it feels?"
    I quickly told her that I already knew what it felt like.

  • Seymour Butts

    I see some powerful stupid people in my line of work and could likely write for most of the day non stop, but will share a few.
    When I was an intern working in the ER I had a teenage girl come in complaining of abdominal pain. She had an obvious pregnancy, but denied that could be the case. So I got a Doppler stethoscope, found the baby's heart beat, and let her listen. I asked her if she heard the whooshing sound, she said yes, and I told her that was her baby. She said 'It can't be… I can't be… oh Fuck, not again".
    A 65 year old farmer came in complaining of back pain. an x-ray revealed a 10 inch by 2 inch cylinder with batteries lodged in his rectum. It was pulled out and turned out to be the uncapped, charged battery pack off of the cattle prod. His explanation was that he was with a woman who was not his wife, got "liquored up" and she shoved it up there. We kept it in a drawer in the ER for a for years.

  • Seymour Butts

    I see some powerful stupid people in my line of work and could likely write for most of the day non stop, but will share a few.
    When I was an intern working in the ER I had a teenage girl come in complaining of abdominal pain. She had an obvious pregnancy, but denied that could be the case. So I got a Doppler stethoscope, found the baby's heart beat, and let her listen. I asked her if she heard the whooshing sound, she said yes, and I told her that was her baby. She said 'It can't be… I can't be… oh Fuck, not again".
    A 65 year old farmer came in complaining of back pain. an x-ray revealed a 10 inch by 2 inch cylinder with batteries lodged in his rectum. It was pulled out and turned out to be the uncapped, charged battery pack off of the cattle prod. His explanation was that he was with a woman who was not his wife, got "liquored up" and she shoved it up there. We kept it in a drawer in the ER for a for years.

  • Seymour Butts

    A extremely fat man I saw at a VA hospital had non-healing sores on both shins. they were very clean, but it was obvious that he could not reach them so I asked him how he kept them so clean. He said his dog took care of that for him.

    gotta go, more later, or not.

  • Terrelle Pryor 2

    Yes, I work in a pizza place. Those stories are mine. I work at a Domino's pizza. I'll share a few more I sent Joe that didn't make the cut:

    American sounding adult calls, I tell them the total is this with tax, he asks, what is tax? Not the amount of tax, but what tax is.

    Customer has their kid call to place an order, they don't ask for any deal, and get charged full price, then they call back saying you took advantage of a kid, not giving him a coupon. Hey, moron, you tell your kid what to order, did it ever occur to you to TELL YOUR KID THE COUPON(S) TO MENTION?

    Customer comes in to pick up a pizza, I don't see it, I check for a phone #, name, etc., nothing comes up, he calls his wife, finds out she ordered somewhere else. Moron!! When you call your husband to tell him to pick up a pizza, did it ever occur to you that it would be a good idea to tell him WHERE to get it from?

    A stupid, annoying lady calls our store trying to order healthy. Um, this is a pizza place, nothing here is healthy. Then she asks me what crust has the least calories, I tell her thin crust. Then she's like are your crusts whole wheat? No. What other crusts do you have? Hand-tossed and deep dish. Can I order a pizza with no cheese? Yes, you can. After going around in circles with her, and already mad because she didn't know her phone # and address, she asked me, if you were on a diet, what pizza crust would you eat and what would you have on it. I said I'd eat a deep dish meat lover loaded with all the meats and cheeses the store has, she's like that's what I'll try. Ordered a couple pizzas and some other stuff, her total was like $60. A self-imposed idiot tax that was a double hit. I got her wallet and her waistline.

    Lady called wanting carryout and was like I see this coupon online, I was like you'll have to order online to get it. She's like ok, but wait, then how do I pick up my pizza?
    Me: Uhm, you come to the store, the same way you do when you make an order on the phone
    Lady: I'll just order on the phone, I don't care if I have to pay extra, this internet thing confuses me.
    It was a really hot chick who looked like she was in HS/college

  • Terrelle Pryor 2

    Yes, I work in a pizza place. Those stories are mine. I work at a Domino's pizza. I'll share a few more I sent Joe that didn't make the cut:

    American sounding adult calls, I tell them the total is this with tax, he asks, what is tax? Not the amount of tax, but what tax is.

    Customer has their kid call to place an order, they don't ask for any deal, and get charged full price, then they call back saying you took advantage of a kid, not giving him a coupon. Hey, moron, you tell your kid what to order, did it ever occur to you to TELL YOUR KID THE COUPON(S) TO MENTION?

    Customer comes in to pick up a pizza, I don't see it, I check for a phone #, name, etc., nothing comes up, he calls his wife, finds out she ordered somewhere else. Moron!! When you call your husband to tell him to pick up a pizza, did it ever occur to you that it would be a good idea to tell him WHERE to get it from?

    A stupid, annoying lady calls our store trying to order healthy. Um, this is a pizza place, nothing here is healthy. Then she asks me what crust has the least calories, I tell her thin crust. Then she's like are your crusts whole wheat? No. What other crusts do you have? Hand-tossed and deep dish. Can I order a pizza with no cheese? Yes, you can. After going around in circles with her, and already mad because she didn't know her phone # and address, she asked me, if you were on a diet, what pizza crust would you eat and what would you have on it. I said I'd eat a deep dish meat lover loaded with all the meats and cheeses the store has, she's like that's what I'll try. Ordered a couple pizzas and some other stuff, her total was like $60. A self-imposed idiot tax that was a double hit. I got her wallet and her waistline.

    Lady called wanting carryout and was like I see this coupon online, I was like you'll have to order online to get it. She's like ok, but wait, then how do I pick up my pizza?
    Me: Uhm, you come to the store, the same way you do when you make an order on the phone
    Lady: I'll just order on the phone, I don't care if I have to pay extra, this internet thing confuses me.
    It was a really hot chick who looked like she was in HS/college

  • Seymour Butts

    In college I managed a Godfathers pizza and routinely had people order a large 500-800 calorie per slice pizza and ask what we had to drink that was diet.
    I one night had a guy pick up a pizza and walk out the door holding the box vertically like a book under his arm. He came back in 2 minutes later asking for his money back as all of the cheese and toppings had slid to the bottom of the box. I told him I had watched him turn the box on end as he walked out the door, and he then threw the box at me. Missed.
    How come my first comment had to be broken itno peices, but Terrelle's much longer comment fit in one box?

  • http://mytimetowaste.com Rich Beckman

    I ran a Domino's Pizza in the early eighties serving a large college campus. On a weekend night we sent out hundreds of pizzas. One Friday a delivery guy brings a pizza back "no one home". It gets set on the warming rack.

    A bit later the customer calls "Where's my pizza." "Sorry, we'll send it back out."

    Against all odds, the same driver gets it again. Again he comes back "No one is home".

    I want to say he ended up taking it a third time, but that might not be true.

    We finally made a fresh pizza and sent it out with a different driver who had no trouble delivering it.

    After close I asked the first driver to take me to the house he attempted to deliver the pizza too.

    The house had the proper number on it, but it was on the wrong street, the correct street being one block further from the store.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dat_cubfan_dave dat_cubfan_dave

    Wow. You deserve 50 Lizzie's for those two stories alone.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dat_cubfan_dave dat_cubfan_dave

    Wow. You deserve 50 Lizzie's for those two stories alone.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dat_cubfan_dave dat_cubfan_dave

    Please do go on. Oh, I see you did.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dat_cubfan_dave dat_cubfan_dave

    Hmm, good question about the comment length. Maybe Terrelle slipped Joe a $20.

  • Joe

    What does it say when it cuts you off? This is a new system, we're still working the kinks out of

  • Joe

    What does it say when it cuts you off? This is a new system, we're still working the kinks out of

  • Seymour Butts

    I don't remember the exact verbage, but it started something like
    your comment is too lenghty….blah, blah, blah.

  • Seymour Butts

    Love it. The last comment had to be approved by the sites administrator before being posted.
    I can say Fuck, but not Pen–s. Nice

  • Lizzie

    I approved it for ya Sey. I think the comment length thingee likes it when you break up into paragraphs. With two line breaks between them. Just a hunch.

  • http://mytimetowaste.com Rich Beckman

    I ran a Domino's Pizza in the early eighties serving a large college campus. On a weekend night we sent out hundreds of pizzas. One Friday a delivery guy brings a pizza back "no one home". It gets set on the warming rack.

    A bit later the customer calls "Where's my pizza." "Sorry, we'll send it back out."

    Against all odds, the same driver gets it again. Again he comes back "No one is home".

    I want to say he ended up taking it a third time, but that might not be true.

    We finally made a fresh pizza and sent it out with a different driver who had no trouble delivering it.

    After close I asked the first driver to take me to the house he attempted to deliver the pizza too.

    The house had the proper number on it, but it was on the wrong street, the correct street being one block further from the store.

  • Doc Raker

    I had a lady come into the office complaining of double vision. Upon examination it was obvious she was hammered, at 11AM. I say, 'how many drinks have you had today?' She starts crying and admits to drinking to much. I say sober up and your double vision may go away. I took her car keys from her and made her walk home. She returned a few months later with a new life of sobriety. I toasted her sobriety with some red wine that night.

    A coed comes in complaining of a red eye, very concerned, her boyfriend sat sheepishly in the corner. I take a look everything looks fine. She says, 'are you sure, look really close" I look close again and see no problem, a clear eye. She says look real close, "I was giving my boyfriend a hummer and he shot in my eye, can that hurt my eye?" I couldn't help but laugh out loud and reassured her, 'be careful, it can be dangerous down there but that stuff won't hurt your eye." She says, "I am so pissed". I turn to the sureshot boyfriend and told him, "sounds like the honeymoon is over."
    I billed the insurance for conjuctijizist diagnosis code 372.09

  • Doc Raker

    I had a lady come into the office complaining of double vision. Upon examination it was obvious she was hammered, at 11AM. I say, 'how many drinks have you had today?' She starts crying and admits to drinking to much. I say sober up and your double vision may go away. I took her car keys from her and made her walk home. She returned a few months later with a new life of sobriety. I toasted her sobriety with some red wine that night.

    A coed comes in complaining of a red eye, very concerned, her boyfriend sat sheepishly in the corner. I take a look everything looks fine. She says, 'are you sure, look really close" I look close again and see no problem, a clear eye. She says look real close, "I was giving my boyfriend a hummer and he shot in my eye, can that hurt my eye?" I couldn't help but laugh out loud and reassured her, 'be careful, it can be dangerous down there but that stuff won't hurt your eye." She says, "I am so pissed". I turn to the sureshot boyfriend and told him, "sounds like the honeymoon is over."
    I billed the insurance for conjuctijizist diagnosis code 372.09

  • Terrelle Pryor 2

    So are you an eye doctor?

  • Lizzie

    Conjunctijizist. Priceless.

  • Doc Raker

    I play one on TV. Yes.

  • Doc Raker

    I worked at a Shakey's Pizza when I was young, no hot chicks came into Shakey's. What do you expect from a place that serves, Burgundy, Rose and Chablis wine out of taps stuck onto a facade of a gib barrel.

  • Doc Raker

    I worked at a Shakey's Pizza when I was young, no hot chicks came into Shakey's. What do you expect from a place that serves, Burgundy, Rose and Chablis wine out of taps stuck onto a facade of a gib barrel.

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