Dear Mr. Bradley,
I am a hugemungous Cub fan. I was very excited to see you become a Cub, because my Daddy says you can hit the ball very goodly. For some reason he keeps saying many bad words when you are up to bat now. I guess you are not doing very good when you swing. That makes me sad.
I like to see many home runs, and you are supposed to be doing that! You should be hitting a million billion home runs each day, and scoring 17,000 runs. What is wrong with you? Are you hurt? My Dad says you are made of popsicle sticks and bubble gum. Maybe you need some strong tape instead. Or crazy glue!
The other night I saw you break your baseball bat. You seemed very angry. Jedi Master Yoda says that anger leads to the Dark Side. I don’t want you to be like Darth Vader. I bet he could hit a baseball with his lightsaber! Maybe you should get a light saber, and then you can hit lots and lots of home runs!
Thank you for being a Cub Mr. Bradley. I hope you get playing better soon, because my Dad needs some soap for his mouth.
Timmy
like I wasn’t the only guy saying “here we go again” when he reached for his hammy on that double play ball last night. When can we officially call him a bust?
My daughters dad needs the soap, too.
Dang, why didn’t we sign Ibanez?
Don’t worry, Timmy. Nobody expects a scrappy little guy like you to understand things like BABIP (batting average on balls in play). But it’s never too early to learn.
You see, Timmy, it’s all up to the hitter how many homers, walks, and strikeouts he gets, but any other ball he puts the bat on, well, sometimes he’s lucky, and sometimes he’s not. Sometimes the guys on the other team catch real good, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes, the wind blows his way; sometimes it blows the other guy’s way. Sometimes the ball drops in just where he wants. Other times, it goes right at somebody. It’s just luck is all.
See, Timmy, Mr. Milton has been playing baseball a long time, since before you were born even. And during that time, he has hit .319 on balls in play (at bats that aren’t a HR, K, or BB). That’s something you can pretty much count on him for. Well, unless he forgets how to draw walks or starts striking out a bunch.
But this year, Mr. Milton is still drawing walks real good and he’s striking out even less than he did last year, so we know he’s putting the bat on the ball about as much as ever. But gosh darn it, he’s only hitting .229 on balls in play this year. Why is that? \
You guessed it, Timmy: dumb luck.
Now that you know about BABIP, you can ignore all of those silly grownups who like to say Mr. Milton is washed-up. Even if he can sometimes be a grouchy no-goodnik, Mr. Milton’s not bad at baseball. He’s just having some bad luck is all.
But don’t worry, Timmy.
Well, that and the umpires are out to get him.
I watched Milton Bradley wiltin’ badley the other night. Strike out, double play, foul pop out, strike out, pop foul, strike out. All this for only 30 million dollars. And he asks: “Where is the love?”.
I love you Miltie, no ****.
Now it’s your turn to show me something. Offensively.
You know, I think this season might teach us all to forget the “it’s early, don’t worry” cliche. Because I was lukewarm at best on Bradley, went out to Arizona and totally changed my mind. I saw hustle, defense, a solid bat and a nice guy who signed a ton of autographs for happy kids. In the 85 degrees of March he looked like a force for good. Real good. In the cold weather, he got off to a bad start. Sure, it happens. But I really wonder what might have happened for this man and for his team if he had gotten off to that kind of start. We will never know. But we are seeing that he has NOT brought that winning edge to the team. He has brought what we are loaded with: mediocrity. We don’t need more of that, we grow it in our farm system annually.
Come on guys its only June. Oh crap its June already, were screwed at least we get a higher draft pick next year that we will again screw up….