Last week, as I sat watching the USC Trojans beat down the Illini in the Rose Bowl, I realized a few things. One, this was the first college football game I’d watched all year. Two, I then noted that I had only watched one and a half Bears’ games. With the exception of the lone Bulls game I attended, I’ve also only watched one of their games on TV. It all came down to one thought. The broadcast teams stink.

I’m no fan of the Illini, or any college football program for that matter. I guess when you attend a school without a football team, you don’t get too jazzed up about it. However, the absolute orgasm-fest that Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit had over USC over the course of the game was enough to make my stomach turn. Multiple times. Now I only took one broadcasting class back in high school, but I’m pretty sure I recall having the following rule beat into my head: Be impartial. Cover both sides equally. Obviously, if you’re employed by a team, like Len and Bob, you’re going to be more like a fan, which is acceptable for home team crews. Hey Brent, you’re on a national broadcast team, cover both sides because, I gotta tell ya, you’re a little fella that obviously loves the Trojans more than any play-by-play man should.

It made me come up with this fantastic list of broadcast teams I loathe, and a couple I love. And yes, I’m into lists this year. I deem 2008, year of the Matt lists.

Yuck, Yuck, Yuck

  • Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit: If there’s a game with these two big program love fiends on, I’m not watching. Their impartial views toward the big programs, and one sided reporting makes me want to spew. Did you know that the number seven team in the nation (USC) only had one flaw? If you could find it that is, and that was their wide receivers. Really? I would think that a team that had only one flaw might be ranked….Oh, I don’t know perhaps 1 or 2. Just a guess. If this was the only game these two botched like this, I’d let it go, but it’s not. They’re all like this. One of Brent’s other fine moments, “Did he get enough for the first down?” Well, Brent seeing that the play is still developing and he’s still running upright, let’s see if he does, before asking such questions.
  • Joe Buck and Tim McCarver: Joe’s going to kill me for this, but I honestly cannot stand Joe Buck, and to pair him with Tim “Master of the Obvious” McCarver makes it worse. Again, if these two guys are on, I’m typically watching something else, or finding the radio broadcast. Tim’s insider’s view is usually not very colorful, and most often a guess or a “back when I played” story. With such horrendously moronic graphics, like that dumb lead of ‘O’ meter thing, he’s constantly contradicting himself. As for Joe, I’m never a fan of a known organizational broadcaster being a national broadcast member. I don’t need to know the inside workings of Albert Pujols, while I’m watching the Indians and Red Sox. It’s inconsequential, drop it.
  • Tom Dore and Johnny “Red” Kerr: I know, I know. We all listened to them during the Championship years. How dare I? Unfortunately, Tom seems to be trying to be a bit to hip lately, and Johnny (and I always liked Johnny) is more like Harry Caray nowadays. The old dude that’s kind of the face of the broadcast, but no one really listens to him anymore. The biggest problem, they’re trying out Stacey “hey, baby” King in what looks to be a replacement role. Ugh. I don’t know who’s worse. I stopped watching last year after Kerr couldn’t pronounce Chris Duhon’s name correctly once during three different games, and Dore kept using the phrase, “Giant killer” to describe a floater in the lane. Give me more!
  • Len Kasper and Bob Brenly Two years ago, I cringed whenever Bob brought up his time with the Diamondbacks. Now, he’s mixing in stories of his playing days, and is adding a good bit of insight and more importantly wit. Len and Bob have great chemistry, and there are games where I’m torn between wanting to listen to them versus Pat and Ron. That’s a good thing, I’d rather choose, then not want to watch or listen at all. More importantly Len does his homework, add gives us info on the opposing team, and never tries to be “the” broadcast. He just gives the game to you. Ah, the way it should be. I still giggle when I recall Bob’s, “argggh” during a visit against the Pirates.
  • Dick Stockton and Brian Baldinger (Troy Aikman) I mostly recall Dick from his days teaming with Hubie Brooks on TNT for the NBA. That broadcast team got me to be a fan of the league, not just the Bulls. I’ve always enjoyed Mr. Stockton’s play-by-play, as he’s always brought a fair assessment to the game for both sides. Pair him with Baldinger or Aikman, whose still a little rough around the edges, and you’ve got a nice combo. When Sotckton’s doing a Bears game, I’m watching. I don’t need Kenny Albert yelling in my ear, thank you very much.I don’t think you can even touch on this subject without bringing up Bill Walton, or John Madden. Good gracious, I’d rather jab blunt objects in my eyes than put up with those two gum flappers. I haven’t watched a NBA game with Bill Walton in over eight years. The minute I see him, I flip channels. Thank goodness John is on Sunday Night Football, as I typically don’t care to watch the Pats, Colts or Ravens every week.I’m through venting. Good old Brent got me all hot and bothered, and I need to let loose. I know some of it’s from my aggravation with the ABC/ESPN monopoly on horrendous broadcasters that seem to be thrust down our throats. Well, guess what? I’ve gagged for the last time. I’ll watch something else.