Now that baseball season’s over, we have to entertain ourselves with less important matters. Fortunately, just as your world series hangover goes away, there’s a national election to keep yourself busy.
So here are some things to help you make your decision tomorrow:
Our Two Major Political Parties
Presidential Candidate #1
Presidential Candidate #2
Making your Decision
Who’s in charge of making sure your vote is counted?
Who are your fellow voters?
Why should you vote? Because Puff Daddy says so.
I don’t know how this happened, but my wife and I got labeled as impressionable undecided voters, but only by the Republicans. We have gotten ZERO calls by the democratic party or any of the organizations pretending not to be involved. Well, I guess Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Sean Combs called, but he didn’t tell me to vote anybody, he just threatened my very life if I didn’t vote.
Neither of the Bush Twins have called me. John Kerry hasn’t called me. Dick Cheney hasn’t called me from the bunker.
I have gotten a call from President Bush, P Diddy, and I think a couple of other politically involved, conscientious celebrities.
Carrot Top wants me to call, and Sean Connery wants me to return my videos to Hollywood Video. But I don’t feel comfortable making my decision without the input of:
–At least one cast member from Gilligan’s Island.
–The political viewpoint of Ryan Seacrest and Leeza Gibbons.
–Miss Cleo’s prediction.
–Crazy Dan Rather.
–Sammy Sosa (he’d vote for whoever’s 3rd or 4th on the ballot, I guess).
–H. Ross Perot
–Jesse “The Mind” Ventura
–Nathan of Nathan’s Hot Dogs
I can’t wait to find out who the Supreme court elects, and I’m very excited to be a part of the process. Vote on, Americans!
UPDATE: Ex-President William Jefferson Clinton, Quincy Jones, and Arnold Schwarzenegger called me today. Nothing from Leeza Gibbons yet.