Instead of actually writing something constructive about the Cubs, I’ve decided instead to give our readers this quiz to take.
Each answer has a point value:
A – 0 points
B – 1 points
C – 2 points
D – 3 points
E – 4 points
1. Cubs fans are:
A – extremely loyal
B – extremely drunk
C – getting fed up
D – apathetic
E – part of the problem
2. Jacque Jones is:
A – a steal!
B – a .300 hitter
C – the only option for right field
D – there’s still a chance he can be traded, right?
E – par for the course
3. Matt Murton:
A – should be benched
B – should be platooned
C – has red hair
D – needs at-bats
E – won’t be here next year
4. Neifi Perez is:
A – a number 2 hitter
B – a gold glove defender
C – a decent bench player
D – taking up a valuable roster spot
E – blackmailing Dusty Baker
5. Jim Hendry’s contract extension was:
A – a good move
B – a necessary evil
C – possibly premature
D – a big mistake
E – highway robbery
6. In 2007, the Cubs will be managed by:
A – Dusty Baker
B – Joe Girardi
C – Bob Brenly
D – somebody new
E – the college of coaches
7. Carlos Zambrano:
A – needs to control his emotions
B – needs to let his emotions control him
C – will toss a 163 pitch no-hitter
D – is the only thing worth watching on this team
E – is the 6th best hitter on the team
8. Derrek Lee’s wrist injury:
A – definitely cost us the Pennant
B – probably cost us the Division
C – may have cost us the Wild Card
D – cost us two extra weeks of contending baseball
E – probably hasn’t healed correctly
9. The Phil Nevin trade:
A – was a stroke of genius
B – didn’t cost anything
C – was about 6 weeks too late
D – will cost Matt Murton his job
E – Phil Nevin is still in the league?
10. The 2006 Chicago Cubs need to:
A – look to the 2005 Houston Astros for inspiration
B – get everyone back healthy
C – trade for a superstar player
D – blow up the team – trade everybody
E – blow up the team – collect the insurance money
40 – 31 points: You are the angriest Cub fan possible. You’re angry at everyone from Andy McPhail to the fans that continue to attend games. Heads need to roll, and fans need to stay away.
30 – 21 points: The team stinks, and you know it. If somebody offered you a free ticket, and you had nothing better to do, you’d still go a game and heckle every Cub player or coach that got within earshot.
20 – 11 points: You know the team is bad, but you still love the Cubs too much to go cold turkey. You still find yourself shouting at the TV when Dusty Baker makes another tactical blunder, despite the fact that it means nothing.
10 – 5 points: You are still kidding yourself if you think this team has any hope. Please, seek help.
5 – 0 points: You are one of the following: Andy McPhail, Jim Hendry, Dusty Baker.