View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003



August 2017



GirlieView (08/03/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2017 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.


  • So apparently it was a hot one in Atlanta today, since Chip and the other guy spent half the game moaning about it. It’s HOT-lanta guys. You never noticed that before?
  • I think all the credit for this second half resurgence goes to Sherm. His rant at the break CLEARLY got their attention. Now they do good baseball things like score more runs than the other guys.
  • I am happy, even though I am tied behind Seymour, I had a weeks vacation and still did not drop out of the top ten.
  • Tied behind butts seems significantly worse than being behind butts.
  • So, the Brewers have now played 4 more games than the Cubs. Which means they have 4 more off days remaining than the Cubs do, barring doubleheaders (I’m a math whiz!). Hope that extra rest for them doesn’t become a problem.
  • Cubs rested the entire 1st half…
  • Joe’s Mom isn’t that far behind Joe. She can do better.
  • Yeah, but beating one’s children is frowned upon.
  • The difference so far since the break is that the team, as a whole, is playing closer to the level of talent they have.
  • I believe this is the first Girlie View with a penis. There is an actual picture of a penis
  • Dear Jerry, That is not an actual picture of a penis. Sorry to disappoint. I can text you some if you want. Anthony
  • I do not find this even remotely amusing.
  • Yeah, well, you spelled your name wrong, REAL Anthony Weiner.
  • Read the top part for some goddamned reason.
  • Was it to find the parabola?
  • Parabola is going around, I understand mosquitos carry the virus.
  • Feeling sorry for the poor guy that recaps this POS.
  • Nice job, Ryan. If I had written today’s post it would have been titled “What the fuck was that?” so we’re all likely better it came from you.
  • I don’t want Darvish. I could not handle listening to the bad Frampton references from Len. (I want Yu to show me the way…)
  • I’m pretty sure Eddie Von Baseball’s daughter has the same insight and love for the game.
  • (apologies to Victor Caratini, whose batting average makes this writer long for Koyie Hill again)
  • I’m more confident that the offense is going to be able to overcome Lackey, which certainly wasn’t the case earlier in the year. Besides, he gets too bad/mouthy, I’m sure he’ll end up back on the DL with a sprained gooch or some similar excuse for ‘bloated ERA’.
  • You can sprain that thing?
  • I paid more for an “anti-sprain” gooch. Well worth the extra dough.
  • I paid less for a pre-sprained gooch, once sprained you avoid the pain and have more cash.
  • So, are gooches one size fits all? Or do we need to make multiple sizes? Where will I find a gooch expert? Michael S. brought it up – he must know something about it. I’ll need specs. CAD drawings. I’m visualizing Gooches R Us stores popping up all over the US.
  • let me know if you need any gooch financing. I can reach out to a few lenders and have them put together some gooch risk matrices.
  • I’m VTFB’s foremost authority on gooch-related matters. But I don’t think you can afford my rate.
  • Another Boras client, great.
  • I prefer players who don’t sprain their gooch.
  • A pulled gooch might be just as bad.
  • Gooch lacerations are the worst.
  • I’ve sewn a few of those up. Tedious work, but man are the patients appreciative.
  • Is that a some sort of package deal.. buy two heart stints, get some complimentary gooch work?
  • Even when Hendricks was as healthy as a horse, mega-efficient, and the World Series on the line, Maddon wouldn’t let him pitch deep into any game. As long Maddon is the manager, I doubt Hendricks will ever see the 7th inning again as a Cub.
  • I bet the Cubs would be willing to eat the money on Lackey’s contract if they got the players they wanted.
  • Even not considering the money, who would give up any decent players for Lackey? Guys who can take the ball every 5th day and give up gopher ball after gopher ball are a dime a dozen. Just ask the Reds.
  • I’m not sure those Reds pitchers even have a gooch to sprain.
  • Maybe Bryant doesn’t swear just like Lizzie doesn’t swear?
  • It’s infuriating that [Baez] can’t adjust to his overwhelming predictability.
  • Then they drooled all over Lester after the cricket bowl, like he fixed something. It was like they were reading a memo from the Cubs front office. “Well, JD, Lester’s never shied away from this mental block….and he’s worked on it, and it paid off” What the Gregging Gregg is that?
  • I had to mute it at that point. I would call it slobber.
  • Nice job not swearing – Lizzie and KB would be proud
  • But just because you went from a turtle to a log then over an alligator to the lily pad yesterday it doesn’t mean you won’t get run over by a truck right out of the gate today.
  • Zach Davies, for whom I think the Brewers got a special waiver from his parents to allow him to play in the major leagues—probably as a reward for graduating high school early this year.
  • I did see in an interview that [Lackey] eluded to being OK with going to the bullpen in the playoffs, but he wasn’t going to do it in the regular season.
  • He should be OK with whatever his manger thinks is best for the team. That’s what Lackey should be OK with.


  • 8-1 since the break, 1 bad inning or we would be 9-0.

Shout Outs

  • Sooooooooooo Anthony Weiner and the Real Anthony Wiener got their first 2017 In-Season Lizzies. I’d say “thanks for being here” but really no thanks.


  • Congratulations to (tied) Michael Stevens and Sherm, Doc Raker, and (tied) Adam Peters and jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Top 10 of the 2017 Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Sherm
2. cap’n realist
3. Doc Raker
4. Eddie von White
4. jswanson
6. Doug S.
7. Adam Peters
8. Michael Stevens
9. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Seymour

Chit Chat

  • I’m enjoying watching baseball again, are you?
  • Michael S.

    I’d enjoy watching baseball more if not for so many weekday day games.

    Oh well, I knew what I signed on for…I could have gotten an overnight job instead to free up my daytime hours.

    • Bryzzo1744

      It’s Tom Tunney’s fault they can’t play more night games. The MLB CBA says day games on Friday are prohibited except for the Cubs at Wrigley Field

      • Brad Lyerla

        Tunney has the votes. Most people who live in that ward seem to want a limit on night games.

      • Bryzzo1744

        He’s doing it because he’s a white sox fan. The people who live there know what they’re getting themselves into. Fenway is in a residential area and they still get their 50+ night games a year and I don’t hear bitching from the residents there or complaining from the city of Boston about the Red Sox.

  • starting out today down 4.. two mooooooonshots

  • yes.

    • I’m re-thinking. Lol.

      • Seymour Butts

        Root for the storm

      • No kidding. Play real slow now.

  • Doug S.

    Yes, it’s more fun when the guys are doing well.
    The live game experience can be wonderful when all works in favor and the game is the focus. When a study of fan behavior takes the stage (this afternoon in Denver) it’s not as much fun.

  • Doc Raker

    Contreras red hot effort is waisted like Jerry Garcia in Jamaica man.

    • Sherm

      Contreras is a very talented idiot who wasted his own last at bat.

      He was mashing the ball all day. Even the second at bat was a rope into right center that was flagged down. So, in a 2 run game, with a runner on first and none out what does he do? Our cleanup hitter tries to bunt TWO down the middle fastballs. Not one. TWO. I’ll quote Bob Brenley on the AZ broadcast: “That’s insane.” I agree.

      Down 0-2, he whiffs on the change. The one guy we WANTED up in that situation. The guy who might have tied the game…has one of the stupidest at bats of the year, and that’s high praise since we’ve seen some really stupid at bats.

      Schwarber will bunt leading off an inning, but will NOT cut down his swing in a situation that a base hit is needed.

      Happ was terribly overmatched yesterday by every pitcher he faced. He’s a good young player, and has a lot of potential, but he looked really bad against everyone. Screw righty/lefty, he needed to be replaced. Russell was on the bench all day. What’s the expression about doing the same thing and getting the same result? (That’s rhetorical, CAPS.)

      Edwards, like most relievers needs to pitch with regularity to maintain his control. Joe, who likes to award extra rest and keep his relievers nice and dull, doesn’t seem to get that. He and Wilson were not good. Davis was worse. And Goldschmidt is a better hitter than anyone on the Cubs, period.

      The fun game of musical infielders is starting to lose it’s magic. Baez is out of sync at shortstop, and part of that is because he rarely plays there. His footwork isn’t sound around the bag – and I think it’s because playing second base at the pro level has a completely different feel and footwork pattern to it. I know it’s cute and all to interchange people a lot, but it’s not helping the defense solidify. Baez’s error was huge…but the feed was terrible, too. On a 20 foot throw, Zobrist needs to get that ball to Baez’s chest – not 3 feet over his head. E6, but Zo gets the assist.

      Fernando Rodney. Really?

      Jason Heyward has returned to 2016 form. He’s now 4 for his last 33, and swinging like a blindfolded 7 year old girl trying to bust a pinata. (Is anything more terrifying for kids? Let’s beat Dora with a stick until candy flies out of her ass!)

      Talented but stupid. That’s all I have to say. ANOTHER winnable game lost.

      • Kyle

        Losing the last 2 games of a series after winning the first game 16-4 has kind of the same feeling as getting your girlfriend pregnant the very first time you have sex. “That was amazing!. Wait… You’re what?”

      • Brad Lyerla

        Too much information?

      • Sherm

        Babies* are cute (for a while.) I’d substitute STD and then agree.

        *Now someone is going to have to explain to CAPS where babies REALLY come from.

      • cap’n realist

        He has no use for babies

      • 1) borrow baby
        2) bring baby to Boston country line dance
        3) swoon fellow line dancer
        4) pull a Kyle
        5) got yourself another baby

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Too much Science involved.

      • That was oddly specific.. awesome!

  • Brad Lyerla

    The look on Maddon’s face when Willson tried to bunt TWICE in the bottom of the ninth? Priceless.

    • Jerry in Wisconsin

      Looks like Maddon will need a new sign for a Red light on bunting

      • Sherm

        He doesn’t like signs. They make the players unhappy and he’s a player’s manager.

        So tell me why he (Maddon) didn’t have his third base coach call time and go TALK to the kid? Ummm…because that’s managing? WTF? He did stand there dumbfounded, but I’ve grown accustomed to that as his “game face.”

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        When I was managing little league, there were many times I called time, because of a look on my players face, that told me he was going to do something stupid. So when I talked to the player I told him specifically what I wanted him to do. Maddon needs to realize these kids are still young.

      • In a rare moment of baseball discussion (after the Flinstones reference) Len and JD both admitted Willson made his own call on the bunt yesterday and that it wasn’t what Joe wanted. Of course no mention of why Joe didn’t actually stop it. In fact the only remaining conversation was about Contreras’ wonderful day.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Meaning Len and JD went back into their fantasy world again.

      • Doc Raker

        Of course neither of them said the obvious at the time. How does a knowledgable baseball person like JD, not talking about Len here since we know Len isn’t knowledgeable, not say anything when something so gut wrenching obviously wrong is happening. How does JD suppress that visceral reaction of dumbfoundedness. I wonder if Cub Head Quarters gave them talking points on the issue.

        THED: “Well Mr Rickets, we have an issue we need to address to the fans. Apparently it was obvious Genius Joe was upset with Contreras attempting to bunt yesterday.

        MR RICKETS: “Don’t we like on base percentage? He was trying to get on base, a job well done I would say.”

        THED: Willson is our clean up hitter and he was the tying run at the time late in the game. He already had 2 home runs and an RBI single. He has been crushing the ball since we traded Miggy the finger pointer. We needed him to square one up again, not bunt.

        MR RICKETS: Oh, the Javy Baez swing for the fences method at all times every swing, I see.

        THED: No sir, not at all times but at this time a big hit is what we needed. It could of been The Contreras game, kinda like the June 23 1984 Sandberg game. Contreras leads the Cubs comeback with 3 bombs and 8 RBI’s but he trys to bunt in a crucial situation. The fans know he was going idiot there, they know Genius Joe was befuddled. We need to get some talking points out there to calm the fans. We need to get out ahead of this thing before everyone is talking about…..(looks around and whispers)…. The Low Baseball IQ issue

        MR RICKETS: I see. How about we admit Genius Joe wanted him swinging away and not bunting and leave it at that. Don’t dwell on it, don’t break it down. Just admit the minimum and move on.

        THED: OK sir. Just to be clear you are giving us clearance on admitting a Cub did something wrong.

        MR RICKETS: Yes, go ahead and admit it. Just don’t linger on and on about it, move on to the Flinstones or the new Harry Styles song, Mrs Rickets loves those 1D kids. Her and Donna want to organize a 1D reunion show here at Wrigley on our next road trip. That Donna is a fun girl, her husband not so much.

        THED: Len, JD- we got clearance. Go ahead and admit Genius Joe didn’t want Willson bunting in that situation. But no other admittance and don’t dwell on it, move onto the Harry Styles new release or something else quickly.

        LEN: Willson did what?

        THED: JD, explain it to Len.

        HARRY CAREY: Rolled over in his grave as he mumbles, “I just don’t understand.”

      • Brad Lyerla

        I mean, what the heck was that?

  • Adam Peters


    I think Joe is done begging us to sign up to write the posts every day. If you look at the August calendar it is completely empty save my post yesterday and Lizzie’s GirlyViews.

    I’m going to sign up for a few later in the month, but I am out of town for the next week at a conference and won’t be able to record games, so I probably won’t see any, so it’s up to you all.

    Otherwise I’m wondering if we’re looking at the end of VFTB.

    • Bryzzo1744

      It was part of the IL budget cuts

    • cap’n realist

      I could do some. Joe never asked me.

      • Sherm

        You need to swear in, first. Repeat after me:

        I, cap’n realist, do solemnly swear never to post about Bryan Adams again.

        Since we know you are neither of sound mind or body, that’ll do. Write away, my friend. Quick, sign up while there are still some spots left!

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        What are we holding a fire sale?

      • Sherm

        I have no idea. I simply respond to the stuff that other people write!

    • Brad Lyerla

      I can’t until Sept. Buried at work.

      • Sherm

        Brad. Brad. Brad.

        We’re ALL buried at work.

        This is family. This is community. You CAN do it. Fifteen minutes once a week or so. Doesn’t even have to be good – look at Adam’s stuff (just kidding, Adam. You’re awesome.)

      • Brad Lyerla

        If this qualifies as family, then (apparently) I have many families. This one can wait until September. Plus, I get no kick from writing game summaries. I would rather write goofy stuff about whatever – bean balls, catching foul balls, good baseball books, yips, ancient baseball rules, whatever. That is more off season stuff anyway.

      • Adam Peters

        that’s what the afternoon posts are for, Brad.


    • Sherm

      Last year, when I wrote the recaps 147 days in a row, there were complaints. Stuff like, “sure, this guy is a brilliant and talented writer who is immensely entertaining and who provides spot on commentary, but ought not there be some other voices to share?” It might not have been EXACTLY like that, but you get the drift.

      Anyway, I was ecstatic when we suddenly had a stable full of new writers to add their voices to the site – so where is everybody? C’mon guys and gals!

      • Michael S.

        Still here, going strong-ish. Learning to avoid run-on sentences and whatnot!

    • Eddie Von White

      VFTB is bigger than all of us.

      • Indeed. And this year is no different than any other. All variety of missives at the beginning of the season then everyone burns out once they realize creating content every. single. day. is exhausting. That’s why I encourage brevity. On the other hand “nothing” is a bit too brief. If a few days of “nothing” pass by I’ll open a new post for jibber jabber.

      • Michael S.

        That was the thing that kinda got me, is not realizing quite how much went into it (without being too dry, or just getting repetitive–neither of which, I don’t think, many want to read).

      • Sherm

        What exactly is this “brevity” of which you speak?

      • Yeah I don’t really practice what I preach. But I would if I was writing daily recaps.

      • Sherm

        I totally would, too. Or not.

      • You speak with brevity. Not your fault there’s so much to bitch about. Lol.

      • Doug S.

        I’ve written several software training manuals. Does that make me under qualified to write here?

      • Doug you already provide some of our best content! So of course!!

      • Doug S.

        But for those manuals you must risk boring the quick study and be simple and thorough enough for the not as quick study. I think I just DFA’d myself.

      • I have a soft spot. My husband is a photographer but before he followed that dream he was a technical writer. I’ve proofread many a drab manual in my day. You don’t write like that here!

      • Sherm

        You can be Uncle Brad, since he has chosen his other families over us

      • Eddie Von White

        But not Uncle Drab.

      • Sherm

        Eddie Von Anagram!

  • Doc Raker
  • Doc Raker

    Just when I thought the winning championship mojo was back real baseball teams show up at Wrigley to snap me back to reality.

  • Doc Raker

    We shouldn’t pitch to Daniel Murphy any longer. Murphy rakes at Wrigley, he killed us in the NLCS in 2015 and he just keeps raking every time in Wrigley. Don’t pitch to this guy anymore.