View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003



April 2017



GirlieView (04/20/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2017 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.


  • There isn’t a single guy on the team that I have any problem rooting for (even John Lackey).
  • A wise man once said “off days suck.”
  • I actually designed it that way with the specific purpose of driving you insane.
  • You were incredibly late to THAT party…
  • Javy Baez Way- all the kids at Little Cubs Field in Humboldt Park must swing wildly at any pitch that is 3 feet outside.
  • I wish they kept you busier at work, CAPS….
  • I have never met Tom Ricketts, but I did meet Wilson Pickett. I was buying beer, he was buying a magazine. I said, “How’s it going?” He said, “Any better and there would have to be an investigation.”
  • I met Don Winslow once, and Winslow looks a lot like Wilson at a quick glance. He’s a terrific author who lives in Julian, CA – home of Mom’s Famous Apple Pie.
  • I met Kellen Winslow once. I was again buying beer. He was getting directions from the clerk. I said, “How’s it going?” He said, “What are you, a cop?”
  • I was in Winslow, Arizona once. I was getting gas and I said to the guy at the next pump: “Sure is windy.” He said, “Yup.” He was a real nice guy I think. Had a big dog with long ears in the truck with him. I think he said his name was Rabbit. Eddie Rabbit.
  • Eddie Von Rabbit. Sure didn’t take you long to embrace this inane thread.
  • Can only hold out so long. I’m a sucker for inane conversation.
  • They had no plan and it showed…well, other than swing hard at everything and hope for the best.
  • When I woke up this morning I had it in my mind that today was Thursday. What am I missing?
  • At work today they asked in a survey who is your favorite of the running sausages, the hot dog is in 5th, trailing the other four by a wide margin. Proving once again nobody likes a hot dog.
  • When the Cubs were in Milwaukee Hot Dog was undefeated on the season. Not sure of his record at present.
  • Hey how about Dork and those spreadsheets
  • That was a band Len mentioned once. Seeing Dork & the Spreadsheets at Lucky Chan’s in Woonsocket, RI was a big deal back in the day. Loved their big hit “Stats, who don’t love ’em” and the lesser known “AutoSum want sum”
  • don’t forget Len’s favorite Icelandic singing sensation: Bjdork.
  • I must say, I really like Russell hitting 4th behind Bryant and Rizzo, more so over Zobrist, in fact my perfect lineup my be Schwarber, Zobrist, Bryant, Rizzo, Russell, Contreras, Heyward, Pitcher, Almora/Jay
  • Bryant is not a #2 hitter. (Schwarber is NOT a leadoff hitter, either. And Kyle? Batting first doesn’t make you faster.)
  • I am thinking that Almora is one of the best center fielders that I have ever seen.
  • I’m starting to believe that Heyward & Almora actually *can* cover enough ground to make up for Schwarbs in left.
  • Enough of Montero already. There is a reason that he did not see the field last post season and he is giving reason right now that he still should not see the field.
  • heard JD say this about Baez: (I can’t quote him exactly, so I’ll paraphrase) “highest 3-2 swing percentage in baseball last season…something like 90%. If I’m pitching I wouldn’t throw him a strike” Baez promptly swings at a slurve that was two feet outside…
  • Strop is not OK and needs Iowa or something.
  • In my experience, in all facets of life, the crooked hat just finds a way to be a loser.
  • Now put your hats on straight and go start a winning streak, dammit.
  • I miss Travis Wood
  • I miss winning
  • Relatives of the bullpen should be on the bereavement list…
  • The entire bullpen is headed towards bereavement at this point.
  • The most interesting thing about the game yesterday occurred in the top of the first. A rat ran/walked behind the home plate umpire crossing from the Cubs dugout side to the Pirates dugout side. The TV broadcast caught it. And no one said a word.
  • You mean Len didn’t use it as an opportunity to talk about the band Ratt? I’m shocked!
  • Maybe it was a Carrie Muskrat.
  • Re: LaStella? Once we don’t need him? I’d kick him to the curb for last year’s shenanigans. End of story. Or teach him to play catcher. Can’t be worse than Montero.
  • I guess I am talkative this morning maybe I should have written the recap
  • Dork von Chatty
  • One of the best things about baseball is today offers another game!
  • Dork the Philosopher
  • I think you meant to say Dork Von Philosopher.
  • My Vons don’t get me Lizzie’s.
  • Jerry Wiscons Von
  • you guys are ruining my good von thing.
  • Like all market inefficiencies, the market eventually catches up, and the profit margin will go down. Enjoy the profits you reaped, and congrats on your finding.
  • Anyone know how Pierced Johnson is looking?
  • With no wood you have to have a Johnson on the team.
  • Just noticed the specs on Frankenswanson.
  • And my personal favorite…”If I said you had a nice VFTB, would you hold it against me?”
  • “Is that VFTB in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
  • “That sure is a long VFTB post. That’s what she said!”
  • “I love the smell of VFTB in the morning”
  • “Yipee ki yay, VFTB!”
  • “Got inane banter?” We do:
  • Love it. Fine print – Occasional and sometimes accidental baseball discussion.
  • I was in a band in college called Inane Banter. We rocked.
  • It doesn’t matter how early it is, nobody likes to lose.
  • We don’t even like Lackey – we just tolerate him.
  • My wife would lose her shit if the Cubs traded Schwarber.
  • Are you married to Raker?
  • I don’t think so. But I don’t know if I can confirm that with 100% certainty.
  • Have you ever seen your wife and Raker in the same room together?
  • I can’t say that I have. Hmmmm.
  • Pressure. Imagine the pressure on Kyle Schwarber. I feel bad for the young man. In addition to the VFTB ridiculous expectations, he’s batting first, and supposed to be “the catalyst” for the entire team. He’s played EIGHTY-FOUR games at this level. In his life.
  • We were undefeated that year. And pretty fat.
  • In real life, I’m the whole ratchet set. And perhaps you missed the brilliant piece of prose entitled “I Love Bryan Adams” posted last July. Yeah, pretty sure Joe fired me after that.
  • He did. We BEGGED him to.
  • Yeah that was one of the last top parts I took in.
  • But we did win the World Series after that post. Time for another briliant piece.
  • This was supposed to be the afternoon conversation starter. I don’t know why it was posted this morning.
  • Our AM poster forgot he was on the schedule. Tough to get good help when you pay in Lizzies.
  • Schwarbs bunted against the shift, we need more of that. Why not take the easy hit when it is given to you, it does so much.
    1) You get a hit.
    2) You don’t make an out.
    3) The team gets a base runner.
    4) It reduces the shift for future at bats.
    5) It makes future AB’s easier to get a hit because of #4.
    6) It puts the pitcher into the stretch
    7) It puts the 1st baseman on the bag opening up the 3-4 hole.
  • I have seen over a dozen games at Coors field. However, I don’t drink alcohol and have little use for bars, So functionally I’m still useless.
  • Could you advise Doug on the sandwich scene around Coors?


  • When ever we fall short of a victory like today I say to myself, “Self, better today than on Nov 2nd game 7 in Cleveland. Thank you for that game 7 clutch victory Lord, today ain’t so bad”

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Bill Thompson, Dork, and Doug S. for their first 2017 In-Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!


  • Congratulations to Sherm, (tied) Adam Peters and Eddie von White, and Buddy, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Top 10 of the 2017 Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Sherm
2. Eddie von White
2. jswanson
4. Doc Raker
5. Adam Peters
6. Buddy
6. cap’n realist
8. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Dork
9. Seymour

Chit Chat

  • It’s rare that I do a GirlieView two Thursdays in a row, but next week I’ll be in Pittsburgh, and the week after that I’ll be joining 300-or-so pugs and their owners at a number of events in Chicago, so you’re stuck with me today even though I was just here last week too. Wait, what’s that you say? The Cubs will be in Pittsburgh next week as well? #notacoincidence! Should I find myself enjoying an adult beverage with Joe Maddon or Theo Epstein, what advice would you like me to give them?



  1. Jerry in Wisconsin
    • Eddie Von White
      • Jerry in Wisconsin
  2. cap'n realist
  3. Eddie Von White
  4. Bryzzo1744
    • Sherm
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Sherm
      • Doug S.
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Sherm
      • Jerry in Wisconsin
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Seymour Butts
      • Doc Raker
      • Sherm
      • Doc Raker
      • Sherm
      • cap'n realist
      • Jerry in Wisconsin
      • Kyle
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Jerry in Wisconsin
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Sherm
  5. Adam Peters
      • Adam Peters
      • Sherm
  6. Seymour Butts
  7. Doug S.
    • Bryzzo1744
      • Mark_from_Toronto
      • Doug S.
      • Mark_from_Toronto
      • Doug S.
  8. Doc Raker
    • Bryzzo1744
  9. Bryzzo1744
    • Doc Raker
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Sherm
      • Bryzzo1744
  10. Dork
  11. Sherm