View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003

Thursday

20

April 2017

55

COMMENTS

GirlieView (04/20/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2017 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.

Lizzies

  • There isn’t a single guy on the team that I have any problem rooting for (even John Lackey).
  • A wise man once said “off days suck.”
  • I actually designed it that way with the specific purpose of driving you insane.
  • You were incredibly late to THAT party…
  • Javy Baez Way- all the kids at Little Cubs Field in Humboldt Park must swing wildly at any pitch that is 3 feet outside.
  • I wish they kept you busier at work, CAPS….
  • I have never met Tom Ricketts, but I did meet Wilson Pickett. I was buying beer, he was buying a magazine. I said, “How’s it going?” He said, “Any better and there would have to be an investigation.”
  • I met Don Winslow once, and Winslow looks a lot like Wilson at a quick glance. He’s a terrific author who lives in Julian, CA – home of Mom’s Famous Apple Pie.
  • I met Kellen Winslow once. I was again buying beer. He was getting directions from the clerk. I said, “How’s it going?” He said, “What are you, a cop?”
  • I was in Winslow, Arizona once. I was getting gas and I said to the guy at the next pump: “Sure is windy.” He said, “Yup.” He was a real nice guy I think. Had a big dog with long ears in the truck with him. I think he said his name was Rabbit. Eddie Rabbit.
  • Eddie Von Rabbit. Sure didn’t take you long to embrace this inane thread.
  • Can only hold out so long. I’m a sucker for inane conversation.
  • They had no plan and it showed…well, other than swing hard at everything and hope for the best.
  • When I woke up this morning I had it in my mind that today was Thursday. What am I missing?
  • At work today they asked in a survey who is your favorite of the running sausages, the hot dog is in 5th, trailing the other four by a wide margin. Proving once again nobody likes a hot dog.
  • When the Cubs were in Milwaukee Hot Dog was undefeated on the season. Not sure of his record at present.
  • Hey how about Dork and those spreadsheets
  • That was a band Len mentioned once. Seeing Dork & the Spreadsheets at Lucky Chan’s in Woonsocket, RI was a big deal back in the day. Loved their big hit “Stats, who don’t love ’em” and the lesser known “AutoSum want sum”
  • don’t forget Len’s favorite Icelandic singing sensation: Bjdork.
  • I must say, I really like Russell hitting 4th behind Bryant and Rizzo, more so over Zobrist, in fact my perfect lineup my be Schwarber, Zobrist, Bryant, Rizzo, Russell, Contreras, Heyward, Pitcher, Almora/Jay
  • Bryant is not a #2 hitter. (Schwarber is NOT a leadoff hitter, either. And Kyle? Batting first doesn’t make you faster.)
  • I am thinking that Almora is one of the best center fielders that I have ever seen.
  • I’m starting to believe that Heyward & Almora actually *can* cover enough ground to make up for Schwarbs in left.
  • Enough of Montero already. There is a reason that he did not see the field last post season and he is giving reason right now that he still should not see the field.
  • heard JD say this about Baez: (I can’t quote him exactly, so I’ll paraphrase) “highest 3-2 swing percentage in baseball last season…something like 90%. If I’m pitching I wouldn’t throw him a strike” Baez promptly swings at a slurve that was two feet outside…
  • Strop is not OK and needs Iowa or something.
  • In my experience, in all facets of life, the crooked hat just finds a way to be a loser.
  • Now put your hats on straight and go start a winning streak, dammit.
  • I miss Travis Wood
  • I miss winning
  • Relatives of the bullpen should be on the bereavement list…
  • The entire bullpen is headed towards bereavement at this point.
  • The most interesting thing about the game yesterday occurred in the top of the first. A rat ran/walked behind the home plate umpire crossing from the Cubs dugout side to the Pirates dugout side. The TV broadcast caught it. And no one said a word.
  • You mean Len didn’t use it as an opportunity to talk about the band Ratt? I’m shocked!
  • Maybe it was a Carrie Muskrat.
  • Re: LaStella? Once we don’t need him? I’d kick him to the curb for last year’s shenanigans. End of story. Or teach him to play catcher. Can’t be worse than Montero.
  • I guess I am talkative this morning maybe I should have written the recap
  • Dork von Chatty
  • One of the best things about baseball is today offers another game!
  • Dork the Philosopher
  • I think you meant to say Dork Von Philosopher.
  • My Vons don’t get me Lizzie’s.
  • Jerry Wiscons Von
  • you guys are ruining my good von thing.
  • Like all market inefficiencies, the market eventually catches up, and the profit margin will go down. Enjoy the profits you reaped, and congrats on your finding.
  • Anyone know how Pierced Johnson is looking?
  • With no wood you have to have a Johnson on the team.
  • Just noticed the specs on Frankenswanson.
  • And my personal favorite…”If I said you had a nice VFTB, would you hold it against me?”
  • “Is that VFTB in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
  • “That sure is a long VFTB post. That’s what she said!”
  • “I love the smell of VFTB in the morning”
  • “Yipee ki yay, VFTB!”
  • “Got inane banter?” We do: Viewfromthebleachers.com
  • Love it. Fine print – Occasional and sometimes accidental baseball discussion.
  • I was in a band in college called Inane Banter. We rocked.
  • It doesn’t matter how early it is, nobody likes to lose.
  • We don’t even like Lackey – we just tolerate him.
  • My wife would lose her shit if the Cubs traded Schwarber.
  • Are you married to Raker?
  • I don’t think so. But I don’t know if I can confirm that with 100% certainty.
  • Have you ever seen your wife and Raker in the same room together?
  • I can’t say that I have. Hmmmm.
  • Pressure. Imagine the pressure on Kyle Schwarber. I feel bad for the young man. In addition to the VFTB ridiculous expectations, he’s batting first, and supposed to be “the catalyst” for the entire team. He’s played EIGHTY-FOUR games at this level. In his life.
  • We were undefeated that year. And pretty fat.
  • In real life, I’m the whole ratchet set. And perhaps you missed the brilliant piece of prose entitled “I Love Bryan Adams” posted last July. Yeah, pretty sure Joe fired me after that.
  • He did. We BEGGED him to.
  • Yeah that was one of the last top parts I took in.
  • But we did win the World Series after that post. Time for another briliant piece.
  • This was supposed to be the afternoon conversation starter. I don’t know why it was posted this morning.
  • Our AM poster forgot he was on the schedule. Tough to get good help when you pay in Lizzies.
  • Schwarbs bunted against the shift, we need more of that. Why not take the easy hit when it is given to you, it does so much.
    1) You get a hit.
    2) You don’t make an out.
    3) The team gets a base runner.
    4) It reduces the shift for future at bats.
    5) It makes future AB’s easier to get a hit because of #4.
    6) It puts the pitcher into the stretch
    7) It puts the 1st baseman on the bag opening up the 3-4 hole.
  • I have seen over a dozen games at Coors field. However, I don’t drink alcohol and have little use for bars, So functionally I’m still useless.
  • Could you advise Doug on the sandwich scene around Coors?

Lizard

  • When ever we fall short of a victory like today I say to myself, “Self, better today than on Nov 2nd game 7 in Cleveland. Thank you for that game 7 clutch victory Lord, today ain’t so bad”

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Bill Thompson, Dork, and Doug S. for their first 2017 In-Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!

MVL

  • Congratulations to Sherm, (tied) Adam Peters and Eddie von White, and Buddy, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Top 10 of the 2017 Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Sherm
2. Eddie von White
2. jswanson
4. Doc Raker
5. Adam Peters
6. Buddy
6. cap’n realist
8. Jerry in Wisconsin
9. Dork
9. Seymour

Chit Chat

  • It’s rare that I do a GirlieView two Thursdays in a row, but next week I’ll be in Pittsburgh, and the week after that I’ll be joining 300-or-so pugs and their owners at a number of events in Chicago, so you’re stuck with me today even though I was just here last week too. Wait, what’s that you say? The Cubs will be in Pittsburgh next week as well? #notacoincidence! Should I find myself enjoying an adult beverage with Joe Maddon or Theo Epstein, what advice would you like me to give them?

 

  • Jerry in Wisconsin

    I would start with telling Theo and Joe to read the Blog more.

    • Eddie Von White

      I would start by telling them that getting a Lizzie is completely subjective and according to your whim. Get in good with you and they will go a long way in life (on VFTB).

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        That is good advice, she might get a few free drinks, as advance payment for those Lizzies

  • cap’n realist

    Give them a copy of Raker’s petition. Then do what the cheddarhead said…direct them over here, where we’ve got it all figured out.

  • Eddie Von White

    It may look like I’m in second, but it is really called first place behind Sherm.

    • cap’n realist

      Eddie Von Silver Medal

  • Bryzzo1744

    What I would tell them:
    1. Bring the DH to the NL
    2. Hit Russell Zobrist 2, Bryant, Rizzo, Russell 3-4-5

    • Sherm

      How can Russell hit twice in the first five? I don’t think that’s legal. Plus, if he got on, and so did two other guys? He could be up again. That would be awkward, to say the least.

      • Bryzzo1744

        Typo. It’s been fixed.

      • Sherm

        You can’t fix it after I’ve spent all that time and wit calling you out. Leave it and let us mock you for the appropriate three hours.

      • Doug S.

        This ∆

      • Bryzzo1744

        I unedited the post. Feel free to go nuts.

      • Sherm

        You are super funny when you are NOT trying to be, and not so much when you are. Maybe that’s why we love you.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Maybe he thought the Cubs have a new player named Russell Zobrist.

      • Bryzzo1744

        I just realized we have a Russell and a Willson on our team. If I had typed Russell Willson instead, we would have the Seahawks QB, Bully Wilson.

      • Seymour Butts

        Because you have a magical typewriter?

      • Doc Raker

        Who said we love him?

      • Sherm

        We love everyone here now, don’t we?

        You have to read that “old” one I posted yesterday from 2009. I may re-post it, because I think people don’t go backwards to read here…but you’ll get a big kick out of it. It could have been titled: Raker and Capn vs Dave and Matt about Milton Bradley. It’s a riot. Here’s the link again, if you want to give it a go:

        http://viewfromthebleachers.com/archives/3960

      • Doc Raker

        I believe I won that debate.

      • Sherm

        I thought you and Cap’n kicked their collectives asses, but then again, according to them? I was always wrong anyway, so what do I know?

      • cap’n realist

        I don’t miss MJ, or the former division 3 cross country team member. Chemistry matters in Cross Country. They were so wrong about so many things…and I’m sure they are far happier as 2 of 832 regular commenters in Yellon’s army of losers.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        I ran Cross Country, Chemistry means nothing in Cross Country, unless you can figure out how to get something to spontaneously combust and blind your competition.

      • Kyle

        It’s called having ghost runners. Did you never play 2 on 2 baseball growing up? There was never an argument as to where the ghost runner ended up. Ever.

      • Bryzzo1744

        Me and my brother did as kids. We got it from a Calvin and Hobbes strip. Calvin had ghost runners at 1st and 2nd. Singled. Beat Hobbes to 1B. He goes that means my ghost runners are safe at 2nd and 3rd. Hobbes: Oh yeah well my ghost fielders threw them out. Double play inning over. And then a huge fight.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Ghost runners exists long before Calvin and Hobbes was a comic strip.

      • Bryzzo1744

        You do realize I’m a young grump and my parents don’t care for sports. I taught baseball to myself. But we got the ghost runner idea from the strip. Minus the fight over ghost fielders.

      • Sherm

        I used a ghost runner to run cross country

  • Adam Peters

    WOO HOO! Number Five with a bullet!!!

    • #5 with a mullet was either Theriot or Fontenot.. I honestly can’t remember.

      • Adam Peters

        MacGyver had a sweet mullet.

      • Sherm

        Wasn’t there a horrible song back in 1975 called “Eighteen with a mullet?”

        Oh, now I remember…it was “Eighteen with a Bullet.” Never mind. 18 with a mullet might have been better. Pete Wingfield at his worst.

  • Seymour Butts

    Look who is bringing up the rear.

    • Adam Peters

      Oh my!

      • Dork

        Dork – Lizzie thanks for listing me first

      • Alphabetical. Just don’t change your name to tDork.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        That would be a CAPS move.

      • Bryzzo1744

        You mean tCAPS, tJerry in Wisconsin

  • Doug S.

    Great you’re going to a game in Pitts. Definitely on my list of must see parks.

    Theo I’d thank for staying here. Joe I’d probably ask some very open ended questions just to hear his viewpoint and let him talk.

    • Bryzzo1744

      Pittsburgh is on my to do list. My friends say the best views of the Pittsburgh skyline are at the park.

      • Mark_from_Toronto

        It’s definitely a nice ball park. I’ve seen a few Cubs games there since it’s not that far of a drive from Toronto. Great views of the city skyline over the outfield section of the stadium. Still pondering heading down there this season to catch a Cubs game or two.

      • Doug S.

        Mark – Is the mood in Toronto pretty bad because of the Jays poor start or are people all over the Raptors and Leafs in the playoffs?

      • Mark_from_Toronto

        While there is some angst for Jays fans and in the local
        media, most of the attention around here is focused on the Leafs and Raptors at
        this point. Based on pre-season expectations, I am actually surprised at the
        lack of negativity towards the Jays, their offense and relief pitching
        have been dismal so far. I think Jose Bautista is batting around .100 so far!

      • Doug S.

        Funny about Joey Bats. Both him and Edwin were up for new deals after last year. All Jays fans out here would have preferred they kept Encarnacion.

  • So if you get 300 pugs in a room, approximately how many of them are reverse-sneezing at any given point? That sort of blows my mind..

  • To Joe: explain your thought process behind ‘pajama day’
    To Theo: is this guy for real ^

  • Doc Raker

    Lizzie, please tell Theo to FIRE LEN KASPER!

    Welcome Bill Thompson, nice Lizzie. Sign my petition, Fire Len Kasper.

    • Bryzzo1744

      You should buy that domain, FireLenKasper.com and compile a collection of his crappy calls. Then we can have a plug for the site in San Diego and show our displeasure with Len

  • Bryzzo1744

    Ask Theo and Joe why Javy has returned to his wild swinging ways after showing discipline and control at the end of the 2016 season and the first two rounds of the playoffs.

    • Doc Raker

      It’s the Javy Baez Way and they named a street after him.

      • Bryzzo1744

        Then ask them what they’re doing to get him back to the good Javy. I want that to be the Javy way. If he could harness it and do what he did at the end of 2016 sans the World Series, he could be a superstar and a very good lead-off or 2 hitter.

      • Sherm

        They could name a street “Javy Baez Avenue” instead.

        As in “avenue” ever seen a pitch you didn’t like?

      • Bryzzo1744

        That’s a good one for the Mexican word of the day meme

  • Dork

    To Joe and theo – I guess I’d only say keep up the good work – not advice really but not sure I have that much to offer them

  • Sherm

    To Joe: “Tell me more about Binny’s Beverage Depot”

    To Theo: “Where’s my ring?”

  • Bryzzo1744