View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003



April 2017



GirlieView (04/13/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2017 Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.


  • While sunning my hairy ass on the beaches of Florida, I began to wonder about the latest incarnation of the Cubs and whether this was just a fleeting respite from the past or a true organizational shift to the future.
  • We are so loaded with talent that we sound like wine snobs at a five star restaurant, unable to agree on the perfect middle infield pairing or outfield combo.
  • Well now I know why Raker and Sherm are talking about fancy drinks.
  • Fancy drinks? I thought Green Spot and Red Breast were rare STD’s that early 80’s college ball players caught from slump busters. In the early 90’s we just called it the clap. If the whole team caught it, it was applause.
  • Don’t drag me into Chet’s hairy ass situation.
  • Not even I find that remotely appealing.
  • Poor Chet.
  • If those were the highlights, it is clear Len has no insight. Just about any Cubs fan over the age of seven could tell you what was above, and most would be able to support those statements with some interesting facts that have nothing to do with music.
  • I kept reading thinking something interesting might pop up. This is like listening to him for 9 innings, but I couldn’t mute my eyes.
  • Well, that didn’t go as planned.
  • It was AWESOME. 70 comments or so. That’s a win. Whether or not it’s directly related to your post isn’t relevant. You were the catalyst to conversation which is always the goal.
  • at the wedding reception, after the bride and groom danced, the next song my daughter chose was “Go Cubs Go.”
  • Silver, behind the perennial Lizzie leader the great one Sherm and just in front of Eddie Von Bronze.
  • Knock yourself out. And I mean that literally.
  • I don’t know that you understand the difference between an interviewer and an interviewee
  • BTJ- “Excuse me, I am just finishing my mac and cheese topped off with a fried egg breakfast. What now? 83 jacks for Schwarbs, for sure easy. Schwarbs is going yard every 6.3 plate appearance which would be 95.24 jacks with 600 PA’s, with 700 PA’s it is 111.11 jacks so I cut it down to 83 just to be conservative. With Schwarbs leading off he could possibly get 775 PA’s which would be 4.78 PA’s per game. With the Cubs scoring an average of 9.2 runs per game you got to figure Schwarbs will at least get 5 PA’s every game and maybe up to 6 PA’s a game. Could you imagine 6 plate appearances a game, although you have to go conservative on it because Schwarbs may be replaced in the late innings for defensive replacements which could lower his expected PA’s for the year. So I went conservative with 83 jacks. Now if you will excuse me, some guy named Butts sent over a turkey and cheese or rye, baked with Italian dressing. I llove the way the oregano floats around in the dressing.”
  • If Contreras is going to catch Lester, he is going to have to improve his throws to bases, or Lester is going to have to learn how.
  • yeah not sure why they are trying to sell the pairing of ‘guy who wants to run to the mound every pitch’ with ‘guy who wants to be left the f alone’..
  • If Lester is shitting the bed…do they bring Ross back mid season? When he’s done dancing, of course.
  • And most assuredly, letting Fowler go was the right thing to do. But I can’t lie and say that I don’t still have feelings. Some people you just never quite get over, you know?
  • Schwarber plate appearances feel like can’t-miss viewing.
  • In a weird sort of a way, I kind of enjoyed the Piscotty plunking – mainly because he’s a Cardinal and Matheny couldn’t retaliate.
  • I was all set to write my first regular season game wrap-up for VFTB and the rains came. I’ll admit, it’s my fault because I mowed my grass and washed my car yesterday. Mea culpa. As my punishment, I’ll listen to Milli Vanilli perform the title song.
  • Honestly, after waiting for 5 months for real baseball, a rainout on game 3 is like a kick in the satchel. Now we’re relegated to talking superheroes at the bottom.
  • protip: don’t tube a heater to Schwarbs
  • Wordsmith tip: around here? Don’t use tube, tip and heater in the same sentence
  • Oh god.. and Schwarbs.. Raker’s head probably exploded.
  • Let’s just say that I hope they get a babysitter and that Mrs. Raker is well rested.
  • good news: Cubs on at work. bad news: Cards rolling / Miggy isn’t very good at catching / I’ve once again forgotten about Corey Black
  • “Miggy isn’t very good at catching” – very, very true…but he’s a LOT better at that than he is at HITTING
  • Carl’s Von Jr. again shuts down a potentially messy inning.. awesome.
  • The clear and blatant cheating that Yadi Molina is apparently doing behind the plate was pretty terrible.
  • Len says ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before’ and then segues to the upcoming Lady Gaga show. JD opines ‘there either something on the chest protector or that ball.’ Thanks Captain Obvious. Look for JD in an upcoming Hotels.comcommercial. How about someone have the sack to color commentate on exactly what reasons there would be for something like this to happen.
  • How did Contreras’ homer help the Cubs salvage the series? – just asking.
  • We are spoiled on this blog, because of the ongoing and unequalled genius commentary and wit…but not as Cub fans.
  • I’m starting to think I will spend the season rooting for him to do well above and beyond wanting everyone in a Cub uniform to get a hit every at bat. Lettuce spray.
  • When Miggy Montzero bats, how about a 3 finger strikeout? He just walks to the plate and then turns about and drags the bat back to the dugout? Save us all a few seconds of agony.
  • Lester allowed just four hits but his battery mate Willson Contreras saved a fourth—and a second run—in the sixth inning with a silky smooth defensive play that required him to pounce from his catcher’s position (Lester barely flinched) and sprint 45 feet towards the mound, scoop, spin and fire a laser to retire Scott Van Slyke on a swinging bunt.
  • Willson Contreras was called for catcher’s interference. Just me, or does Contreras rack up more than his fair share of those?
  • heard Len call the play by play a half inning on the radio with Pat and Coomer. Len is better on radio. Sticks to the game.
  • Grimm Reaper!
  • It was a great night indeed. I especially liked the part when Len talked about some crappy band that nobody listens to anymore. Oh wait, that’s every night.
  • Night Ranger is in town


  • Here. We. Go.

Shout Outs

  • Since this is the start of the 2017 Lizzie Season, that means everyone who had a Lizzie this week had their first 2017 in-season Lizzie! Big shout outs to Adam Peters, Brad Lyerla, Buddy, cap’n realist, Chet West, Chris Martin, Doc Raker, Doug Saye, Eddie von White, Ian Hansen, Jeff Ragauskis, Jerry in Wisconsin, Joe Aiello, jswanson, Nate Head, Nate Schmidt, Seymour, and Sherm for their first 2017 In-Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!


  • Congratulations to Sherm, jswanson, and (tied) Doc Raker and Eddie von White, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Top 10 of the 2017 Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Sherm
2. jswanson
3. Doc Raker
3. Eddie von White
5. cap’n realist
5. Jeff Ragauskis
5. Seymour
8. Chet West
8. Chris Martin
8. Ian Hansen
8. Jerry in Wisconsin
8. Nate Head
9. Adam Peters
9. Brad Lyerla
9. Buddy
9. Doug Saye
9. Joe Aiello
9. Nate Schmidt

Chit Chat

First, welcome to the real live baseball season! We finally made it!

Second, I’ve been working on the VFTB Guide for Newbies that we discussed during the last GirlieView. It will serve as a bit of a reference tool for newcomers who might feel more comfortable joining in our conversations if they felt privy to some of the personalities and long-running inside jokes that seem to pop up quite frequently!

Of course, the quickest way to FORGET all the inside jokes is to try to REMEMBER all the inside jokes. I’ve already included details on the following:

  • Condiment Fingers
  • Two Truths and a Lie (aka Naked Matt Murton)
  • Johnsons
  • The Seymour/Sherm/cap’n/Doc friendship
  • CAPS
  • Safety Sue
  • Adam Dunn

but I need your suggestions on things I’ve missed. I’m sure there are many! Please remind me in the comments below. I can’t promise I’ll use them all, but I really need help remembering things that could be useful for newcomers. Thanks! (P.S. You don’t need to explain the topics, mainly I just need a memory jog. I’ll contact you directly if I can’t remember the details! Thanks again!)

  • Jerry in Wisconsin

    Ugh, I just remembered why you don’t want to do somewhat well with Lizzie’s in the early season, there are 5 tied of us behind Seymour.

  • Bryzzo1744

    Your crush on Soto

  • cap’n realist

    The doc vs. doc debate. Is an optometrist REALLY a doctor? If a cardiologist can only afford to eat at Subway is he really a doctor? Do JSwan’s freeze in the Montana winter. Shirtless batch cooking. Alec Berg. The fact that there is only 1 chick in this bar….

    • Dork

      I momentarily forgot about shirtless batch cooking – I was so close to forgeting

      • Bryzzo1744

        I’m sure Lizzie already has that as part of the section on me.

    • Sherm

      Wow – some go way back. I had to look up the Gregg post…June 24, 2009. A Gregging lifetime ago, it seems.

  • Sherm

    We have inside jokes? Huh.

    • Ben

      Fire Len Casper!!!!!

  • Dork

    Man is Almora a great outfielder! I would like to see his playing time go up, nothing against John Jay. Although I can’t help but think of him as a cardinal. I don’t seem to have that problem with Heyward or Lackey or even with Fowler.

  • Doug S.

    CAPS – famous, well around here anyway.

    Good list – not sure that I’d add anything.

  • Dork

    not that I am nit picking but…Why not skip any numbers between 8 and 9? Aren’t those people tied at 13? (unlucky?) – Maybe I am just salty for not making the list at all.

    • You’re absolutely right, Dork, I screwed up my own spreadsheet!!! They should all be 13.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        Those poor unlucky souls.

      • Dork

        Hey how about Dork and those spreadsheets

      • Sherm

        That was a band Len mentioned once. Seeing Dork & the Spreadsheets at Lucky Chan’s in Woonsocket, RI was a big deal back in the day. Loved their big hit “Stats, who don’t love ’em” and the lesser known “AutoSum want sum”

      • cap’n realist

        don’t forget Len’s favorite Icelandic singing sensation: Bjdork.

      • Sherm

        Who could forget their hit song “Back seat of my Fjord”?

  • was a pivotal moment for VFTB.. Seymour broke the 4th wall and sent me an email about Reed Johnson playing hard.. poor KVW had to write posts about Edwin Jackson and Randy Wells

    • Sherm

      That must have been during my “hiatus”

      I did have a hiatus, right?

      • Ben

        You were on a hiatus?

      • Sherm

        Yeah – I vaguely remember having stopped coming here, and vaguely remember coming back. I can’t say why I did either one…or how long I was gone, but I think I missed a couple years.

      • Jerry in Wisconsin

        I thought Sean Casey woke up and said it was all a dream.

      • Sherm

        No. I woke up and realized that Sean Casey was just a dream.

    • Bryzzo1744

      I learned we have several Packers fans from that post. And an owner.

  • Doc Raker

    Seymour, Sherm and I met at Randy’s fantasy camp in 2007. Seymour got a little jealous because Jim Hendry talked to me about signing a minor league deal after he saw me rake but the Cubs wouldn’t pony up on a signing bonus so I declined and went back to checking eyes as a faux doctor, Hendry wanted to go for the marketing angle of the 44 year old rookie, Disney was going to make a movie and Seymour was pissed because he went 4 for 5 off the pitching machine and Hendry didn’t give him a look. Then when we went out for a steak and a chewy Cabernet, Seymour got all bent because his steak was 5 times more expensive than his usual dinner at Quizno’s. Seymour loves the combo at Quizno’s and Subway and he usually gets out of therer for under $7.99 with no tipping. A $30 steak plus a side of $12 brussel sprouts plus the 7% tip Seymour usually leaves was a lot of dough for a cardiologist to lay out and Seymour bitched and moaned at every meal that was not a $5 footlong combo.

    • Seymour Butts

      Sounds about right.