View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003



March 2017



GirlieView (03/30/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2016/2017 Off-Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.


  • why would Jay or Almora be considered “starters” instead of Baez being considered a starter?
  • Maybe they are are afraid that moving Heyward to CF will affect his offensive production. Oh, wait…
  • We run him out to 2B. Next question.
  • No muss, no fuss – Swanson cuts straight to the chase.
  • You mean Hataskew Fontenanson?
  • Good to see your smiling face again Sherm.
  • You mean triangling.
  • I’ve said this many times, but either no one is listening or no believes me. Whatever the case may be: ZOBRIST IS NO RIGHT FIELDER.
  • I believe that the Maddon is worried that every time Javy is given something he starts swinging for the moon, therefore he wants to keep Javy hungry. I believe just keep him at 2nd, and every time he starts to slump sit him for a couple of days to get his head straight.
  • Arrrg! I fell a spot! Did you not get the Bryan Adams references I posted yesterday?
  • Um…yeah, I think she did.
  • Could be worse, Adam. You could be looking at Seymour’s butt.
  • Nothing compared to a few years ago.. I’d often find myself sandwich between two Johnsons.
  • Does George Carlin ask his audience if ‘they got that last joke’?
  • If George Carlin asks anybody anything, I hope somebody gets it on video. That would truly be breaking news.
  • I’m pulling for Matt Szczur to have a great spring and make the active roster.
  • What does that have to do with Lizzies?
  • Sorry, I went off topic by mistake, responding to Lizzie’s question.
  • I can’t wait to learn more about the crappy music Len listened to during the off season.
  • Did you hear that Lady Gaga is performing @ Wrigley this year?
  • Not yet, but soon I expect to hear about it every half inning.
  • I have only accumulated a couple of Lizzie’s in my VFTB career, but I think I have one of the highest Lizzie:comment ratios. Also known as VFTB On Base Percentage
  • Eddie Von Acronym
  • I have been asking for a Lizzie/Comment ratio for years. Lizzie can’t be expected to sift through all these garbage comments AND do math, so I get why we’ll never see it.
  • LCP (Lizzie Comment %) is an inexact science, because, by the RULES, it uses WHIM as a decision making factory.
  • I’m happy for you when you get Lizzie’s. I’m happy for Lizzie, too. I’d be happy for Joe or CAPS if it ever happened to them.
  • Every fan base needs a hug at certain points in Spring Training.
  • I can’t believe they let him hold the sandwich
  • is that what it will come down to? Either La Stella or Szczur? La stella is easier to spell, but it does eliminate the hail Szczur jokes.
  • Eddie Von Blanco
  • Eduardo, por favor
  • Jason Marquis is pitching for Team Israel. Isn’t he 54 years old?
  • I admire your optimism about Heyward.
  • I tip my hat to Heyward as an orator. Thank you, forever, for that. But if the patience does wear off, and his offense tanks as it did last year, are the Cubs willing to hang their hat on his defense and speaking skills rather than inserting another run producer into the lineup?
  • It could also be a vision issue. If only there were someone around here we could ask about that….
  • It could also be a mental issue after getting clocked in the face. If only there were someone around here we could ask about that…
  • If only it were heart problems
  • Maybe that’s why he’s growing that huge pillow on his face. I think he’d be a better hitter if he shaved it down. It makes his face sort of off-balance…and who can hit with an off-balance face?
  • I’m having all kinds of trouble giving a shit about spring training.
  • Hey CAPS, how many inches did you get last night?
  • I see what you did there.
  • I look forward to telling my kids someday about how that World Series felt.
  • how much fun would it have been to play “Twisting the night away” for Felix Pie? Right? Or perhaps “Simple Twist of Fate” is a better choice.
  • This is the thing about talking about spring training. There really is nothing baseball related to talk about.
  • I have met Seymour and although he is fixated on male genitalia he isn’t an a-hole either.
  • Dick JOKES… not dicks.
  • You [can] preorder your version of my new book, The VFTB Way, on Amazon also.
  • I bet that book has great vision.
  • Appendix A – CAPS Never Fail World Series Recipes
  • Chapter 1- Shirtless Batch Cooking by CAPS
  • Chapter 2 Great Mulletts and Triangle Shaped Mouths by JSwanson
  • Chapter 3- Dick Jokes…funny or just hilarious.
  • Chapter 4 – The Knuckleheads of VFTB.
  • Chapter 5 – Why Len Kasper sucks, by Doc Raker
  • Chapter 6- Lizzies. Why they mean so much to so many.
  • Chapter 7- Sabermetrics and why they don’t matter nearly as much as you think.
  • Chapter 8 – Safety Sue and why all parks should be insulated with bubble wrap
  • Chapter 9 – The Best of ‘Ask Joe Anything’
  • Chapter 10 – Condiment Fingers
  • Kyle will then be traded for a young cost controlled frontend rotation arm.
  • Evacuate the core. Raker to melt down from Schwarber trade talk. All non-essential personnel, leave the area immediately.
  • Umm…we’re pretty much all non-essential, so…
  • Evacuate!!
  • So…No Dork, No EVW, No Sherm, No Raker. Non-committal Doug , Swan and Obvious. Predictably obsequious CAPS.
  • I’ll side with Seymour on this matter because he used obsequious in a sentence.
  • Digital Milton Bradley just got arrested for taking a frying pan to his wife’s digital head. If flattened out for a second or two and then popped right back into shape. Fred Flintstone was a witness and he and Wilma may need to go into the digital witness software program.
  • Software George Jetson just sold Astro, Jane, And Judy so he and Elroy could pay Sherm and Seymour for the ridiculous Padre tickets after Memorial Day. RumChatas on CAPS at Petco. He has zero kids to put through school and fewer weddings to pay for.
  • Jane was WAY too hot for George anyway.
  • Which is why he made a tidy profit.
  • Dancing with the stars update: Ross danced to an elevator music version of Go Cubs Go in a bedazzled Cubs uniform.
  • I heard that Jon Lester was invited to be on that show, but he said he would only dance with David Ross, so…
  • When the World Baseball Classic means something to Kershaw, Scherzer, Arrietta, Trout, Rizzo, Bryant, Sale, Donaldson, Harper, Syndergaard, Votto, Bumgarner, and Kluber, it will mean something to me. Right now it means that Posey, Stanton, and Adam Jones wanted to escape the daily grind of spring trainining. Nothing more.
  • When the World Baseball Classic means something to Capn Realist, CAPS, Sherm, EVW, Jerry in Wisconsin, Doug S, Seymour, JSwan, Big Toe Joe, Lizzie, Dork, Peter Adams, Adam Peters , all the new writers here at the VFTB and all the memorex writers here at the VFTB it will mean something to me. Right now it is just a distraction from the daily grind of spring training. Nothing more.
  • truth be told, Javy is a guy that needs spring training a lot more than he needs to be playing in the WBC.
  • I won’t spoil my whole food routine as that might turn into it’s own post later in the season but I’m thinking nachos and a few bottles of Yuengling for opening night.
  • You could see him setting up with all his weight on his left leg, and he was wincing like Lizzie weeding through all of CAPS’ comments.
  • I’m just guessing, but I bet it does not take Lizzie all that much time to make a call on a CAPS comment.
  • What is the rule? If any part of the foot is out of the box than he was out. Can a rules Dork look that up for us?
  • the entire foot has to be entirely out of the box. He had plenty of room to spare.
  • Raker called for a Dork.
  • right. A Dork. Not THE Dork. Dork doesn’t have exclusivity to Dorkiness, any more than I can claim rights to the Obvious or Realism. Eddie Von Semantics.
  • Eddie Von laughing right now.
  • Every team has celebrity fans, from Steve Perry in San Francisco to Arsenio Hall in Cleveland. Every team has its rich fans, its poor fans, and its middle-class fans. Every team has players with less-than-stellar characters. What separate the Cubs from the pack are the tangible aspects of the ball club, in the players’ athletic skill and the front office’s negotiating and scouting abilities, and the intangible aspects, such as the unwavering and loyal fans who watch their team in the greatest ballpark in the world.
    meanwhile, in a battle for worst fucking hitter ever…Miggy Monter0-fer is leading Jason Overpaidward .114 to .140
  • My daughter gets married today!! Happy Day to all my VFTB buds.
  • Eddie Von Father-of-the-Bride
  • Tony Campana’s career went to poop after he missed the boat with Katie.
  • Raker boyfriend sighting
  • Throw your man bra at him for me
  • Len’s in Vegas?
  • I don’t think Len plays an instrument (leave it alone, Seymour) From what I gather, he’s a singer.
  • What a problem to have … too many good players, not enough roster spots.
  • It’s unlikely that the Cubs move Szczur before Opening Day, so not to give him away via waivers, I think he’ll end up on the roster with Tommy La Stella heading to Triple-A Iowa (sorry, not sorry).
  • Cashman Field was great.. think kswanson and I are too old for the rest of Vegas.
  • I lean toward the side that would prefer that Schwarber get comfortable at one position.
  • My take is that if he wasn’t Tim Tebow, he wouldn’t get an opportunity at all and even if he did, there would obviously be no attention his way.
  • Is Tebow still a virgin? Cause I am starting to worry about him.


  • There’s a lot more to this story, of course, but suffice to say I was wearing my Lester jersey when Michael Martinez hit that grounder to Kris Bryant and my eleven year old son and I both leapt to our feet in front of the TV, and then jumped up and down together until we fell down on the floor.

Shout Outs

  • Big shout out to Colin Kruse for his first 2016/2017 Off-Season Lizzies!!!! (And actually, his last, LOL. The count rolls over to In Season next time around!) Thanks for being here Colin!


  • Congratulations to Sherm, cap’n realist, and (tied) Doc Raker, Eddie von White, and jswanson, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Final Standings – 2016/2017 Off-Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard) – Next time, we’ll start a blank standings sheet for (yay!) 2017 In-Season!

1. Sherm
2. Doc Raker
3. Eddie von White
4. jswanson
5. cap’n realist
6. Doug S
7. Adam Peters
8. Seymour
9. Brad Lyerla
10. Kyle
11. Dork
12. Jerry in Wisconsin
13. Buddy
14. Joe Aiello
15. Jim Cogdal
16. Chris Martin
16. Doug Saye
18. Noah
19. Caps
19. Junior von White
19. Mark from Toronto
19. Michael Stevens
19. Ryan Huff
19. Sam Kraft
19. Trevor Macek
26. Bruce Fritz
26. Ian Hansen
26. Josh Cornwall
29. Colin Kruse
29. Elijah Knepper
29. Gkarf
29. SouthCarolinaCubFan1991
29. Tom Birch

Chit Chat

  • Well! That was a whole lot! So I’ll leave it at that. Thanks for a GREAT off-season, everyone. It really wasn’t nearly as boring/morose/dead around here as it was during prior off-seasons and that’s completely due to all of you. And a little bit due to the Cubs winning the World Series. (Never, ever gets old.) Here’s to a great 2017 season!


  1. Eddie Von White
  2. Jerry in Wisconsin
  3. Ben
    • Jerry in Wisconsin
      • cap'n realist
  4. Adam Peters
  5. cap'n realist
  6. Dork
    • Bryzzo1744
      • cap'n realist
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Doug S.
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Doc Raker
      • Seymour Butts
      • Dork
    • Eddie Von White
  7. Doc Raker
    • Jerry in Wisconsin
      • Doc Raker
  8. Joe Aiello
    • Doug S.
    • cap'n realist
      • Kyle
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Doug S.
      • Kyle
      • Doc Raker
      • Bryzzo1744
      • cap'n realist
      • Jerry in Wisconsin
      • Eddie Von White
      • Eddie Von White
      • Joe Aiello
  9. Adam Peters
  10. Doc Raker
    • cap'n realist
    • Sherm
  11. Seymour Butts
    • Bryzzo1744
      • Seymour Butts
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Eddie Von White
      • Sherm
      • Bryzzo1744
      • Sherm
    • cap'n realist
      • Eddie Von White
      • cap'n realist
      • Eddie Von White