View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003



February 2017



GirlieView (02/16/2017)

Written by , Posted in General

GirlieView Definitions

  • Lizzie = A funny, timely, and/or interesting quote made on the VFTB site by our writers or commenters.
  • Lizard = The best Lizzie.
  • MVL = Most Valuable Lizzie’ers: Those with the most Lizzies in the period under review (usually the past two weeks.)
  • Top 10 of the 2016/2017 Off-Season = The folks with the most aggregate Lizzie points YTD (1 point for every Lizzie, 3 points for every Lizard.)

As you already know, this is all completely subjective and according to my whims.


  • His daughter is also really cute, and he exhibits a plus-plus walk-up music tool (up your game, Tommy LaStella). All of this, of course, rightfully made him an enticing free agent option. And, as we know, he eventually signed a 5-year/$82.5M deal with some team in Missouri or something. Which, whatever.
  • Don’t hit it to left.
  • Winning teams don’t get sentimental about roster moves … And considering what they knew they were letting go in his winning smile and his super cute daughter, I’m guessing they had their reasons.
  • 1. Salt 2. Pepper, oh…seasons! I thought it was seasonings.
  • index: tabasco, middle: mustard, ring: mayo…
  • I love fennel
  • Finally, Thursday has arrived.
  • Good swag due to the fact that THE CUBS ARE WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS.
  • Someone get Butts an intern.
  • It was only a matter of time before Sherm took his rightful spot on top of the Lizzie leader board. I guess I need to cancel that interview with the MLB network
  • Are they looking for a 53 year old Optometrist?
  • With over 40 comments it is clear that we are only here for the Lizzie’s.
  • Here on earth? Yes. The Lizzie’s make our lives worthwhile.
  • I came here looking for musings.
  • I think Sherm’s still working on them.
  • I had some outstanding pastrami yesterday
  • Jhon Jhay is ghone by the All-Star Ghame
  • Swanson will refer to him as “Duane Underbelly” and many readers will chuckle like middle schoolers.
  • What was it you put in your morning coffee?
  • Great article, “Smarja, much loved by Cub fans”- I don’t know about that- much loved by Norte Dame fans, he was a wide receiver you know.
  • Almora getting to second on Bryant’s fly ball completely changed the situation.
  • It was a game for the ages, lots of twists and turns, unexpected moves, a 17 minute rain delay from God and a win for our Chicago Cubs.
  • cue the boner jokes in 3…2…
  • Take boner, for example. It was a nice enough word at one point, but it’s really taken a beating. It’s been completely bent out of shape through the years. People really need to get a grip.
  • there it is…
  • Did you study sarcasm under Sheldon Cooper?
  • I think Theo totally misunderstood when Ricketts said “get me a butler”
  • Eddie von Butler
  • Eddie Butler, Billy Butler, Mr French The Butler, Mr Belvedere, Benson, Batman’s Alfred, Lurch and any other butler you know. Bring them all to spring training with this coaching staff so the Cubs could have an all Butler Cy Young pitching staff.
  • You can never have too much pitching
  • I agree – but I’d say that you can never have too much “good” pitching. Plenty of teams have a stable of jackasses, but that’s not gonna win them the Kentucky Derby.
  • Well sure. I thought that was between the lines.
  • It was, but I can’t pass up a chance to use the jackass/derby reference…
  • You can’t diminish the loss of Donnie Dewees in cheap lines and joke material.
  • I’m fairly sure we can
  • But I had some potential lines – all wasted.
  • Fred Merkle got a rise out of us
  • …destined to become this seasons Johnson I think…
  • Hey Doc, what’s the over under on how many times Len will tell us Lady Gaga is playing Wrigley Field this year?
  • Ever seen Len and Lady Gaga in the same room?
  • Try skipping VFTB for a whole week. When you come back all you’ll read is the bottom part because that’s what we’re here for.
  • Eddie Von Obvious
  • Eddie Von Whisconsin
  • After a quick review, some back of the napkin math, and a look at my lucky eight ball, I’m going with 98 wins
  • Except for 2016 Jason Heyward, who is starring in either “Promises, Promises” or “Jesus Christ, (I thought he was supposed to be a) Superstar!”
  • And the Tony goes to Jason Heyward staring in “Jesus Christ, (I thought he was suppose to be a) Superstar. See you at the after party
  • Listen to Lizzie. She’s always right.
  • If I can be at a post game clubhouse party (after a win) I can assure you that my karaoke skills are exceptional.
  • Even though you probably won’t show much emotion reading this Valentine, I know deep inside you enjoy the words.
  • Eddie Von Loyal.
  • Eddie Von SmarterThanMe
  • Bummer. I’ll miss having Wood.
  • They’ve got medication
  • Eddie Von Rickles
  • Very nice. But where was Shawon Dunston? JK: I effing HATE Shawon Dunston
  • I thought about him – but the only thing I could rhyme with Shawon was ga-won (gone) and so I left it alone.
  • I’d have been OK with “Shawon I’m so glad you’re gawon” but I suppose that’s contrary to the spirit of the song.
  • Sherm Von Woody Guthrie
  • never fear, CARL IS HERE!
  • Eddie von Raker
  • In disturbing news, they now keep track of scoring and assists in 9 year old basketball.
  • He’d have had twice as many assists, but so many of his passes hit his teammates in the face…
  • I noticed we have several VFTB buds with double first names, Peter Adam, Martin Chris, White Von Eddie, Sherm Sherm, Butts Seymour, S Doug, Joe Big Toe, CAPS CAPS, SwanJ, Lyerla Brad, Obvious Capn and Lebowsky Big.
  • Carl’s Von Eddie
  • I’ll be overseas for opening day…which is a bummer – BUT, the only OTHER time that has happened was last year, and that worked out pretty well, so…
  • Go to China. The World Series depends on it.


  • To All the Cubs I’ve Loved Before:To all the Cubs I’ve loved before
    Who traveled out the clubhouse door
    I’m glad they came along, I dedicate this song
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    To all the Cubs who played the fields
    From Maldonado to DeShields
    From Varsho, to Mel Hall,
    We tried to love them all…
    To all the Cubs we’ve loved before…

    To all the Cubs who took the mound,
    Who toed the slab on hallowed ground,
    Lilly, Sut and Beck,
    Schiraldi, Trout and Eck,
    To all the Cubs we’ve loved before…

    To all the Cubs in corner spots,
    Who played the bunts and rocket shots,
    Olt, Vitters, Penguin, and Orie
    The Bull, Ron Santo, and DLee,
    To all the Cubs we’ve loved before…

    I’m glad they came along, I dedicate this song
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before

    We can’t forget the Cubs, of course,
    Always looking for the force,
    The middle’s key, you know,
    We loved that Theriot,
    To all the Cubs we’ve loved before…

    To those who toiled behind the plate,
    Some not-so good, and some were great,
    From Jody, Lake, and Barrett –
    Always ready for the fight,
    To Koyie, Soto, Servais, and, well,
    Even yes, Hank White…
    To all the Cubs we’ve loved before…

    They live within our heart,
    they’ll always be a part
    Of all the Cubs I’ve loved before

    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before
    Who travelled out the clubhouse door
    I’m glad they came along, I dedicate this song
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    To all those men who played those games,
    Too many to use all their names,
    Cotto, Byrd, and Choi
    Prior was our boy,
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    Maddux was the King,
    To Sosa, and Wild Thing,
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    Cherry, Bell, Alou,
    We wanted to be you,
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    To Z, and Reed, and Ryne,
    The pleasure was all mine,
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    I’ll take this time to offer thanks,
    To Billy, Fergie, & Ernie Banks,
    To Harry and Steve Stone,
    Holtzman and Fanzone,
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

    And the unpublished “extra” verse:

    We loved you all so madly,
    Except for Milkit Badly,
    And the times we’d beg…
    Don’t put in Greggin’ Gregg,
    To all the Cubs I’ve loved before…

Shout Outs

  • Big shout outs to Ian Hansen and Tom Birch for their first 2016/2017 Off-Season Lizzies!!!! Thanks for being here!


  • Congratulations to Sherm, and (tied) cap’n obvious, Doc Raker, and Eddie von White, our Most Valuable Lizzie-ers this time around! Thank you all for everything you contribute here!

Top 10 of the 2016/2017 Off-Season

(one point for each Lizzie, three points for the Lizard)

1. Sherm
2. Doc Raker
3. Eddie von White
4. jswanson
5. Adam Peters
6. Doug S
7. cap’n
8. Seymour
9. Brad Lyerla
10. Kyle

Chit Chat

  • So, as you can see from the content of the Lizzies, we continue to be quite bored. Spring Training has begun but we can’t see any games yet, un-meaningful as they may be. So, since the conversation took a natural turn toward television (albeit through Broadway) let’s do the annual VFTB “what are you watching to waste time while you wait for baseball” survey. We’re basically a sitcom rerun family here: The Big Bang Theory, King of Queens, Seinfeld and lately we’ve been watching some older stuff (both Bob Newharts, etc.) On Netflix/Prime we love Veep, Bates Motel, Grace and Frankie, and we just started The Killing. (I have to watch the scary/dark stuff with only half an eye open while concentrating hard on something else at the same time. I don’t do dark well. Speaking of which, my brother has a part in the upcoming season of Bloodline, which my husband watches but I don’t, as an inmate who goes ballistic in his cell. Should be exciting!) So anyway, what are you watching?
  • Joe Aiello

    I really need to start getting back to earning Lizzies. As far as watching, I don’t watch much TV. Since we cancelled cable and went streaming only, I find myself reading more novels. When I do watch, I’m going back through Law & Order SVU on Hulu and getting prepared for opening day by watching the Ken Burns Baseball documentary. A lot of good content in that one and I learn new things every year.

    • Well you did want to take on more of an editing role. Maybe you should edit in some jokes. Heh.

    • Sherm

      You had a Lizzie? Huh.

    • Dork

      I have been watching the Ken Burns thing too, Joe your more of a dork than you might think, i mean that in a good way.

  • Brad Lyerla

    We have been in Naples for a few weeks now. Other than the Super Bowl, the only thing we have watched on TV has been Everyone Loves Raymond re-runs. I need to figure out how to work the TV set up they have here.

  • JTBarrett16

    I watch the NBA to fill the void between football and baseball. We all obviously know I watch the Simpsons. In addition to that, I like to watch Everybody Loves Raymond, King of the Hill, and Malcolm in the Middle. I also watch movies. I saw Here Comes the Boom recently.

  • Doug S.

    Sports and news are the only things watched on live TV. Otherwise we enjoy Hell on Wheels, Bates Motel, The Americans, SVU, Justified, The Outsiders and Everyone Loves CAPS.

    • Jerry in Wisconsin

      I think of the last one as more of a soap opera like As The CAPS Turns.

      • I’d like to see CAPS do a The Mind of a Chef episode. Could cover batch cooking and that whole ‘boil the fat out of ramen’ thing from a few years ago. THE MIND OF A CHEF.

  • Eddie Von White

    First of all – this was the most awesomest Lizzie’s yet. Thursday can’t ever get here quick enough.

    Second, I troll the new sites on the Internet while I’m working and the TV in the evening. When I’m sick of that, since we’re getting personal, I like your basic chick flick. I started watching them with my wife and daughter a few years ago and for some reason they’ve stuck on me. During the Valentine’s Day run up they were everywhere – Netflix, Hallmark Channel, and FX and other places. The story line is always the same, the acting is mostly cheesy, but they always have a happy ending with no surprises. That’s what I like. I usually work about 12 hours a day and watch television about 2 hours or until I fall asleep.

    • I love this. My husband and I do the same thing around Thanksgiving and Christmas with the Hallmark movies. Like you said, they’re all the same, and equally cheesy, but it doesn’t matter we still like them. I think like you we work hard all day, we want something simple and uncomplicated at night. (Except of course for the inevitable but temporary breakup around the 75 minute mark of each movie. Lol.)

      • Eddie Von White

        Yes, but still no surprises and you can always predict what will happen next, and when it happens just like you predicted it would, you feel like a genius.

      • A win-win!!

      • cap’n realist

        Eddie Von Sap

      • Eddie Von White

        I resemble that remark.

      • Eddie Von White

        I’m not as sappy as B -rye Adams.

      • cap’n realist

        I deserved that. I’ve been having too much fun with the Eddie von-isms.

      • Eddie Von White

        It’s hilarious.

    • Sherm

      “Thursday can’t ever get here quick enough.”

      Did you just create TGIT?

      • Eddie Von White

        Yes. Yes I did.

  • Mark_from_Toronto

    Not too many shows I actually make a point of watching at the moment, just the Walking Dead, Dragon’s Den, and Shark Tank. Other than that it’s just other sports (NBA, NHL, and some golf).
    Baseball season can’t start soon enough because at least it means there’s something of interest on everyday.

  • Jerry in Wisconsin

    Aside from all of the sitcoms mentioned I watch the quiz shows on the game show network, The Curse of Oak Island and Fox News.

    • JTBarrett16

      I forgot to mention Jeopardy. I like that show

      • Kyle

        “I’ll take Anal Bum Cover for $100, Alex.” Which I’m guessing is Seymour’s favorite category.

      • cap’n realist

        Then Sherm asks right out of the chute: “can I have distorted scrotums for $1000 Alex?”

      • JTBarrett16
  • This was a particularly awesome Lizzie installment.

    • Y’all outdid yourselves this week!!!

  • Seymour Butts

    I still have all of the Playoff wins on my DVR and watch at least one a week. Last Saturday it was Game 7 of WS. I still cried at the last out.
    Netflix is good for time filling at night. If I had just one series to recommend it is “Arrested Development”. Originally on network TV, so no skin or coarse language, but extremely well written comedy.
    Just restarted Breaking Bad as well.
    The news is entertaining as well. Some bumpkin keeps shooting his mouth off and the Media points it out almost every night.

    • Ahhhh remembering the good old days of 24/7 newswatching. That is, before my world came crashing down around me in November. Can’t bring myself to return to it yet. Soon. Meanwhile the old sitcoms keep me from paying too much attention to the darkness. And of course baseball will help!

      • Brad Lyerla

        I need baseball and golf therapy to pull me out of the darkness. TV won’t do it.

      • Maybe you should try some chick flicks. Works for me and EVW!

      • Eddie Von White

        Every time!

      • Brad Lyerla

        Good idea. We saw Lion at the movie theater a few days ago. It was very good.

      • Doc Raker

        The Cubs won the world series in November Lizzie

      • They did!!!! And it was fabulous, and nothing can ever take that away from us!

  • Adam Peters

    I watched the entire series of Breaking Bad. Had never seen it before.

    Also I bought the MLB WS video and the package of all the WS games + NLCS Game 7, and I’ve watched those a bunch too.

    I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised at my Lizzie standings. Though I have to admit “Shawon I’m so glad you’re gawon” was pretty good.

    • JTBarrett16
      • Adam Peters

        Yes. It’s just the games, as broadcast. Unfortunately Joe Buck is on the call.

      • JTBarrett16

        What about the extras? It’s better than having Len

      • Adam Peters

        To tell you the truth I haven’t looked through it all. You’d think I would have by now. Hmmm.

      • JTBarrett16

        Just ordered the World Series DVD Hat Shirt and Polo, as well as a Cubs hoodie

    • Doug S.

      Started watching the spinoff “Better Call Saul”, but couldn’t remain interested. The guy is brilliant in bits on Breaking Bad, but for my tastes, can’t carry a show.

      • Doc Raker

        Better Call Saul isn’t Breaking Bad but it is pretty good

      • Eddie Von White

        I prefer Saul over Bad. My wife and I tried to watch Breaking Bad but only made it through a couple of episodes. Pretty weird. Then it was back to the chick flicks. Not weird.

  • Ben
    • Doug S.

      Yeah, saw it, funny!!

    • cap’n realist

      ‘Chicks dig the long ball’-Greg Maddux

      • Sherm

        Chicks deeg thee tweesteed ball – Felix Pie

      • Yikes!!!

    • JTBarrett16

      That’s awesome! This is my all time favorite prank:

    • Sherm

      Loved the last line…KB says “still want the bat?” Maddux “um…no”

  • Sherm

    I pretty much loathe television. That said, I still watch it anyway. Or listen – as I frequently work or read or write or anything else while it’s on. Upside? The wife and I share space in the same room. I get points for that.

    I liked Sons of Anarchy and Banshee a lot. Both are gone, unfortunately. There’s honestly nothing on – other than the Cubs and a handful of other sporting events – that I’d “hurry home for.” I do miss “The Office.”

    • Doug S.

      Banshee – a good show.

    • cap’n realist

      Eddie von Schrute was my favorite Office character.

  • Kyle

    The only network show I can tolerate these days is Big Bang Theory, and even that has gotten kinda un-watchable this last season. Right now I’m watching “The Man in the High Castle.” It kind of messes with your mind a little bit, but I’m enjoying it. I want to move onto Westworld next. Has anyone seen that yet? I’ve heard it’s amazing.

  • Doc Raker

    Lots of Lizzie’s for an off season fortnight. Anyone watch this show called ICE on Audience. Pretty good.