View From The Bleachers

Talking Cubs Baseball Since 2003



December 2015



THE MLB AWAKENS (Star Wars and the Majors)

Written by , Posted in General

***Warning…if you are not a baseball fan who also happens to be a Star Wars nerd, this write-up is not for you! It contains only silliness, and has no relevant rumors, news or information.

I have done this before…it just seems the timing requires I take another go at it.

I was nine years old when I saw Star Wars in the theater, and like most of us in our mid to upper forties…I was smitten. As the original trilogy spanned my 4th grade year until my freshman year of high school…the characters, story, and mythology had a huge impact on my cultural development. The series actually helped shape a part of who I am…and I am not embarrassed to say that. (…okay, maybe a little)

If anyone can relate to the words above…then you were most likely as disappointed as me in the “prequels”. Oh, there were some cool elements…Darth Maul, the Pod Race, Darth Maul, Emperor Palpatine, Ewan McGregor and Darth Maul…but most of it was just a big pile of Bantha crap! (…and don’t even get me started on Hayden Christensen…who makes Dave Coulier look like DeNiro!)

…but alas! A New Hope emerged when word broke that a real sequel was on the way! A new Jar-Jar, Battle Droid and midi chlorian-less version, with promise of Stormtroopers, Han and Chewie, the Falcon, Luke, Leia and the capacity to get it right! The thought of this actually happening had seemed so illogical, so remote that I have been giddy waiting for the film the last few years. I even showed incredible discipline by avoiding all trailers and spoilers…I wanted the film to be a complete surprise…and like most nerds my age-I saw it on the preview night prior to the actual release.

Expecting my thoughts on the film? I doubt you would care…everything I have stated so far is to qualify me as a Star Wars-ologist…not a film critic.

A few years ago, when Atlanta Braves pitcher Jair Jurrjens debuted I habitually identified it as a name straight out of the Star Wars Universe. It was just too perfect…Jair Jurrjens? It still makes me giggle…and since I am always searching for giggles, after Jair…I always look for MLB/Star Wars names.

“The Force Awakens” will soon become the highest grossing film of all time. (Take that Avatar! and by the way James Cameron…are you waiting thirty years to make a sequel to that?) The cultural relevance of Star Wars is at its zenith…therefore I present members of the current Star Wars/MLB team:

TEAM 1– Non-Force Sensitive Pilot Good-guy types – Brandon Belt, Buster Posey, CJ Cron, Kyle Kubitza, Troy Tulowitzki, Vance Worley, Zack Cozart, JA Happ, Boone Logan, Tommy Pham, Xavier Scruggs and Tanner Roark.

TEAM 2– Friend and Foe Non-Force Sensitive Alien Types- Nori Aoki, Didi Gregorius, Arismendy Alacantara, Tuffy Gosewich, Dan Uggla, Coco Crisp, Yan Gomes, Shin-Soo Choo, Rougned Odor, Jurickson Profar, Reid Brignac, Jumbo Diaz, and Ivan Nova.

TEAM 3– Jedi (both alien and human)- Chase Utley, Brock Holt, Kole Calhoun, Ian Kinsler, Aaron Nola, Starlin Castro, Lucas Duda, Koji Uehara and Kolten Wong. (Kris Bryant may seem force sensitive…but sorry…)

TEAM 4– Sith Lords- Yoenis Cespedes, Lorenzo Cain, Xander Bogaerts, Yasiel Puig, Ubaldo Jimenez, Slade Heathcott, Noah Syndergaard, Radhames Liz, Jung Ho Kang, Mike Matheny and any other member of the Cardinals organization not previously mentioned.

If you registered at least one giggle I am satisfied…and if you are a combo MLB/Star Wars nerd like me…I implore you to search the galaxy for future team members.

…and on a final note…my mention of the Cardinals organization was not just a spiteful jab at the Birds…picture the following scene:

Cardinals’ General Manager Admiral Mozeliak addresses his subordinates…beneath the Admiral lay sheets and sheets of information stolen from the Houston Astros’ database…

“…many Bothans died to bring us this information”

  • SouthKakalakiCubsFan#2

    Considering he is retired now, I’d vote that Barry Bonds would be the emperor/Papatine maybe?

    • Sherm

      Jonathan Papatine? The guy who choked Bryce Harper?

  • Doug S.

    You lost me at Wars.

  • Sherm

    To be fair, most of the posting contains only silliness, and has no relevant rumors, news or information. To be completely, though? I’m not reading this one…your “warning label” did the trick for me.

    • Seymour Butts

      You do realize that silliness is our wheel house, don’t you?

      • Sherm

        Said one jester to the other…

  • Bryan

    I’m 31 and have never seen 1 second of any of the Star Wars movies. I’m damn proud of that.

    • CBPtOSU

      Same here. I’m 27 and I haven’t seen any of them either. And I don’t care. I also haven’t seen or read any of the Lord of the Rings books or movies, or Harry Potter. All my teachers were concerned about it because they thought it wasn’t normal that I didn’t like them. My dad tried making me read the books, but I quickly defeated it.

      • Bryan

        Lol…I was going to add that I hadn’t seen PotterLOTR either.

      • How do you feel about math?

      • Bryan

        I feel math is the universal language!

      • Dumbledore would be hurt…. Harry rocked it.

  • cap’n realist

    I saw the first 3 back in the 70’s and 80’s. Broke down today for an 11AM showing for $6.50. Though I could afford the $17.50 they want for evenings, I refuse to pay that. The movie was very good. Worth the $6.50 just to see Harrison Ford steal half a dozen scenes. Great acting is what made the first 3, and by every report, is what ruined the next 3.

    • Sherm

      The moment I laid eyes on JarJar Binks – the entire franchise was dead to me. Then, he resurrected his career as Al Gore, and made it even worse.

  • Doc Raker

    Why does Jedi get a team but not Sherm, CAPS, Jswan, Seymour or any other Lizzie hunter?